Children joke

A joke is something that makes people laugh. Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following are the children's jokes I compiled for your reference, hoping to help friends in need.

Children's joke 1 1, in kindergarten, a child pooped one day and pulled it into his pants! The teacher asked him sternly: Why didn't you tell the teacher that you had to pee? And shit it in your pants?

The child said with tears in his eyes: the fart collapsed!

2. Go home on Sunday! Seeing my nephew doing his homework at home, I asked him, "Why don't you hurry to do your homework when the sun rises in the west?"

My nephew looked at me and said, "The teacher said that whoever gets high in the next exam will be given Q coins."

After dinner, I said to my son, "Stop playing today and do some homework."

He said to me, "I remember you said you couldn't do strenuous exercise after dinner."

4. The elder brother asked the younger brother, "How many words are there in Xinhua Dictionary?"

The younger brother fingers one by one: "Isn't it just four words:' new',' China',' word' and' code'?"

Children's joke 2 1, QQ signature of eight-year-old children: I want to be a tooth in my next life, and if I am unhappy, someone will hurt.

2. Baby: "There is a girl in the class, which is particularly annoying!"

Mom: "Really?"

Baby: "Yes! Borrow an elephant skin from me immediately, borrow my homework immediately, and treat me to ice cream immediately. "

Mom: "Get to the point!"

Baby: "Ugly!"

3. A twin was chatting, and his brother said, "I was born by my mother."

The younger brother quickly asked, "Brother, where did I come from?"

My brother replied, "The doctor who delivered the baby said that my mother won the lottery. You have another one. "

In order to control the weight, I bought an electronic scale at home and weighed it every day.

The electronic scale has been used for more than a year, and the battery is dead. When I weighed myself last night, the electronic scale didn't show it.

When I was depressed, my four-year-old son ran over, looked at it and said to me, "Mom, you are too heavy, and you killed the electronic scale!" " "

5. Two Xiong Haizi quarreled endlessly when they went out to play billiards;

A: Your dad doesn't fart!

B: With your father helping me clean, my father certainly doesn't have to clean himself.

6, two children fight, one loses at first sight, shouting: change!

As a result, the other one ran away, cursing while running: Mahler Gobi, don't change!

The third child joke is not too late.

Teacher: Why are you late again?

Tommy: Didn't you say that? It's never too late to study.

No more points

The father looked at his son's report card and asked angrily, "Why did you get only one point in arithmetic?"

The son replied, "The teacher probably didn't get any points."

I want to change, too.

One day in the park, a white mother and a black mother came.

They all sat nearby and were breast-fed.

Suddenly, the white child looked up and said to the white mother, "Mom, I want to drink chocolate, too ..."

Where's the straw

One day, Xiaoming bought three bottles of juice to go home. On the way, I met A Shuang's mother and A Shuang, so Xiao Ming took a bottle of juice to A Shuang.

Mom said, "Brother Xiaoming gave you juice. What do you want to say? "

A Shuang looked at the juice and then said, "Where's the straw?"

It is not difficult to draw with a camera.

I took adzuki bean to play by the wall. Xiaodou suddenly saw the children sketching. He looked at them for a long time and then asked me, Uncle, they must be very poor, right? How difficult it is for them to draw like this. Why not buy a camera? How convenient it would be!

Milk dog

Dad took his son to the cattle farm to see the cows. Dad pointed to the ox and told his son that it was an ox. He pointed to the cow with black background and white flowers and told his son that it was a cow. My son remembers.

One day, dad took his son to the kennel to see the dog. The son pointed to a pregnant spotted bitch and said to his father, I know what kind of dog this is. It's a nursing dog!

Dad suddenly ...

You are so loyal at such a young age.

On my way home from work, I met three pupils. I saw three pupils standing in a row. One of them said, "Second and third brothers, today you and I are brothers with different surnames. We share the spicy food and stand and be punished. We don't want three good students in the same year, we should call our parents on the same day of the same year. After drinking this bottle of coke, I can't love it back in my next life! "

Childhood fun

When I was a child, I ate watermelon and didn't vomit. After eating, I went to the wild to shit. Ten days later, it sprouted. Then I went to see it once a day and watered it. Then I planted a big watermelon weighing four pounds, and then I ate it again.

The child needs a good education.

On the bus, a little boy of about four or five years old has been holding on to the decorative chain on his mother's clothes. After a while, he will say, "Mom, I like this. Can I have this after you die? " His mother looks black. "I can give it to you if I am not dead."

Children are too gullible.

There is a baked wheat cake downstairs, which is so delicious that I can't help but buy it at six o'clock. The pupil in front of me bought one, and I said, hey hey, I'm too weak to eat three! The pupil shouted: I can eat five! I said, hey hey, I can eat eight! The pupil blushed and shouted, I can eat ten! Finally, he took a big bag. Ha, ha, ha, the child is so gullible that it will support you to death! It's my turn. The boss said that one * * * left ten, and they were all sold out.

It was that needle that tried to hit me.

A young mother took her little son with a cold to the hospital for an injection. When her son came to the hospital for the first time, she naively asked, "Mom, what are we doing here?" Mom said, "Give me an injection!" Son: Why do we need an injection? Did the needle do something wrong? Is he a bad boy? Five minutes later, I heard my son scream in the hospital: it's not our injection, it's the needle that wants to hit me.

That thing at that time

I was naughty when I was in the second grade. My mother lied to me and said, "If you don't listen, I will sell you!" " "When I was a child, I was very simple. I didn't know she was joking. I've been flustered all day. The next day, my monitor borrowed a pen from me I panicked and said to him, "Monitor, I'm so scared. My mother said she would sell me. "My monitor heard these words, a sense of justice exploded. After school that day, he called 56 students from my class to my home. My mother was playing mahjong with others in the yard, and suddenly she was surprised to see so many children. This is not the climax. The climax was that after recognizing who my mother was, the whole class knelt in front of her and shouted, "Auntie, don't sell * * *! "Can you imagine my mother's cracked face?

Because of you, the teacher failed.

Son: "Dad, I failed. Don't be sad! " "Father:" Why? Son: "Our teacher failed, too." She came to this class again today to give us a lesson. "

You'll ruin mom if you keep watching.

My son holds a mobile phone all day long, not afraid of damaging his eyes. I can't help shouting: son, sweep the floor! Watching it any longer will ruin the child. My son glanced at me sitting on the sofa watching my mobile phone and said calmly, Oh, my God! Go and cook! If you look ahead, you will ruin your mother.

Has been discovered.

I made an appointment with my friends to go shopping together. I don't want to take care of the children, so I said to the children, "Mom is going to work overtime, so you can play with dad at home, okay?" Who knows the child disdainfully said, "You don't want to take me out to play. Will overtime be so happy? "

He got a candy as a reward.

Everyone is voicing the domestic' anti-Japanese drama'. In fact, anti-Japanese dramas are also good. Because yesterday my son, who was less than three years old, stood at the door with a toy gun and shouted at the Japanese. I killed you, with a gun and a Grenade. I was shocked, walked silently, touched his head appreciatively and gave him a candy.

What is tolerance?

Xiaoming went home to show his father after the exam. Dad: "Math 0" Xiaoming was frightened. Dad: "Chinese 1" Xiao Ming nodded and trembled. The air is condensed and the atmosphere is extremely horrible. Xiao Ming feels that a blood rain is coming to him. He struggled inside and waited anxiously for the end of the world. Dad: Take a deep breath of cigarettes and say, "Ming! You are a little enlightened! "

Let's eat meat.

Labor Day is coming, and the father wants to give his son some labor ideological education: weeding is at noon, sweating and dripping rice. Who knows that every grain of Chinese food is hard? Son! This ancient poem tells us to cherish every grain. Farmers work hard in farming! The son thought carefully for a while, looked at his father and said solemnly, in order not to make the farmer's uncle so hard, let's eat meat

Children's joke 4 rabbits

Child: Dad, who are you?

Dad: It's a rabbit.

Child: Are you a male rabbit or a female rabbit?

twin brothers

There is a pair of twin brothers, who are alike in appearance, appearance and dress.

One day, a neighbor came to visit and saw two brothers together, unable to tell who was older and who was younger. He asked, little fellow, who is your brother and who is your brother?

The younger brother didn't want people to know that he was young, so he quickly said, Brother, don't tell this uncle!

Think about mom.

Little Barbara gently walked up to the math teacher and begged him to say, although I didn't do well in the exam this time, please make a good score when grading your grades.

Why? This is not good.

Little Barbara's voice was softer: Teacher, my mother has a heart attack, and a lower score will make her excited.

Expired water

One day, I wanted to drive my three-year-old nephew out to play, and his eager eyes rested on a bottle of mineral water that had not been thrown away.

I quickly said, "This water is not drinkable, it has expired." He looked at me puzzled.

I explained: "this expired water means that if it is left too long, there will be bugs in it." Drinking this water will give you a stomachache. "

He cocked his head and thought, "What about the water after six o'clock?"

Where are the newly born red dates?

Mom made black-bone chicken and wolfberry soup.

The daughter pointed to the wolfberry in the soup and asked, "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "This is Lycium barbarum."

The daughter said doubtfully, "I thought it was a newly born jujube."

What should I do to get swollen?

My four-year-old daughter asked me, Dad, are you so fat because you only eat and don't pull? ......

Show your true colors quickly.

Nuo Nuo came home at noon, and suddenly a child about 7.8 years old came running.

Holding a big mirror at the bottom of the flowerpot, taking photos in Nuo Nuo,

When the sunlight reflected, Nuo Nuo couldn't open his eyes, when the child suddenly let out a cry:

"ah! Demons, show your true colors! "

In an instant, all passers-by stared at me and laughed!

A naked frog

Tom always listens to his father's story before going to bed. ......

Dad: "Once upon a time, there was a frog ..."

Tom: "Dad, I don't want to listen to fairy tales today. Can I tell science fiction stories? "

Dad: "Well, in space, there is a frog ..."

Tom: "Forget it, Dad. To celebrate my eighth birthday, can we talk about restricted classes? "

Dad: "All right! Don't let your mother know. There is a frog with no clothes on ... "

Which tram should I take home?

On Sunday, Little Ma Yina and his father went to the zoo to see lions. They came to the lion house.

Ma Yina Jr. kept asking questions happily,

After watching it for a while, she suddenly became uneasy.

Come on, dad asked her what happened.

"Dad, I'm a little scared," said Ma Yina.

The trembling voice replied, "If this lion breaks free,

If I eat you, then I should

Which tram should I take home? "

Here comes the old woman.

Zhuang Zhuang went to kindergarten at the age of 5.

His grandmother just shaved her head, and the bag was twice as bright.

At school today, the teacher came to meet me at the kindergarten gate.

Zhuang Zhuang called the teacher: "Teacher, the old woman has arrived!" "

The teacher was speechless at that time.

Children's jokes 5 1. Speak loosely.

Dad said when saying the idiom "snipe and clam fight": "After the clam clamped its strong mouth, the clam said I wouldn't let go today or tomorrow. The sun will kill you! "

When the 6-year-old heard this, he asked his father. "Don't mussels talk with their mouths?"

"Can you talk without your mouth?"

"Does it not let go?"

Step 2 don't eat candy

Mom: "The chimneys in this factory are really annoying. Black smoke billowed all day. This makes me breathless. "

Xiaohong: "Never mind, I'll get you Dad's smoking cessation candy."

What can be done today is done today.

Father: "What can be done today must never be put off until tomorrow."

Son: "It's so easy. Bring the biscuit box! "

4. Goldfish dyeing

When the father saw his son pour blue ink into the goldfish bowl, he asked him why. children

The son said, "goldfish will become blue goldfish when they eat blue ink."

make progress

Brother: "How do you call progress?"

Elder sister: "I did more things today than yesterday."

Brother: "Dad has made progress. Yesterday, he smoked and burned a hole in his clothes. Today, he burned three. "

6. Progress is really fast.

Son: "Mom, I got the fifth place in this exam. Boil an egg for me quickly. "

Mom: "Good boy, progress is really fast. Mom cooks two eggs for you today. "

Son: "Thank you, Mom!"

Mom: "How many people took part in this exam?"

Son: "Five people."

7. Pears in the mirror

Mother: "Why do you eat pears in front of the mirror?"

Daughter: "Can't you eat two pears like this?"

8. Infer from one example to another

"Dad, how do you write the word" cake "for moon cakes?"

"It's the word" cake "for sugar cake."

"How do you write the word" cake "for sugar cakes?"

"It's the word" pancake "for pancakes!"

"How do you spell pancakes?"

"You idiot, I can't teach you by analogy!"

9. Crying is better than laughing

After watching the movie "Laughing is better than crying", Pingping said to his mother, "Mom, crying should be better than laughing."

"Why?"

"Because when I cry, I can get anything."

10. Abuse of words

Hello, my dearest father! Have you been as strong as an ox recently? Is the work thriving? Now I am studying hard at my own risk. The teacher praised my great achievements, which made me feel smug. You criticize me for abusing words, and I will definitely give up all my efforts and make a comeback. May dad live forever! Your youngest son, baby.

1 1. The price of wolf meat has not increased.

In front of the stationery counter, a child took out a dime from his pocket and said to the salesman, "Aunt, buy a wool brush."

Salesman: "Kid, the L wool of a wool is 5 cents."

Children: "Wasn't it L Mao last week?"

Salesman: "the price of mutton has gone up, so has the price of wool!" " "

Child: "Let's have a wolf hair. Aunt, the price of wolf meat has not increased, has it? "

12. The teeth of the elderly

Chen Er asked his mother, "Our family has good food every day. My little brother is also my mother's favorite baby. Why not give him a little milk to drink and nothing to eat? "

His mother said, "Because my little brother has no teeth and can't chew, he must eat milk."

Chen Erqi said strangely, "I don't think the old man next door has teeth in his mouth either. Why didn't the old woman give him milk to drink? "

13. Sister

Mr. Zhou Lao shaved and went home. The girl next door saw it and said, "Uncle Zhou! Look at your face, you don't look like an old man. "

Lao Zhou is very happy. "Do I look like a young man to you?"

Girl: "no, I said your face looks like an old girl!" " "

14. From the teacher.

Child: "Mom, we have finished the exam."

Mom: "Look how thin you are. Mom will boil some eggs for you. "

Child: "No, the teacher gave it."

to tell the truth

"Uncle! Thank you for the balloon you gave me yesterday. "

"What are you thankful for this kind of cheating on children?"

"I think so too. But my mother takes care of me, and no matter what I take, I have to thank her. "

16.

Dad: "You have studied world geography. Do you know which countries have the largest population in the world? "

Daughter: "Yes, it's the United Nations."

17. Sign your face

Child: "Dad, that uncle just now must be your leader."

Father: "There is no sign on his face. How do you know? "

Son: "You have a sign on your face!" " "

18. Good doctor

"Aunt Cai, you are really a good doctor."

"I know nothing about medicine!"

"Where, as long as you are mentioned, the child will stop crying immediately!"

19. Repeat

Son: "Dad, I failed. Don't be sad! " "

Father: "Why?"

Son: "Our teacher failed, too. She came to this class again today to give us a lesson. "

20, don't pick up on the road.

The father took his son to the park and saw a lot of scraps of paper thrown underground. He said to his son, "A man should pay attention to public morality. If you see confetti on the ground, you should pick it up and throw it in the dustbin. "

Son: "but the teacher taught us not to pick up the body!" " "

2 1. Mom lays eggs, too

At the dinner table, the children ate eggs with relish. "Is it delicious? Hey! " Mom asked happily.

"delicious."

"You only know how to eat and what to lay eggs?" Dad wants to test his son.

"Chickens lay eggs, ducks lay eggs and geese lay eggs."

"What are the raw eggs?" "What else? What else? " Dad has been asking.

"..." The son was stumped. After a while, I replied, "Mom lays eggs, too!"

Mom was dumbfounded, and dad slapped his son. The son was unconvinced and shouted; "You often call me an idiot. I wasn't born to my mother? "

22. Highway zipper

Xiaoming follows his father across a newly built road to kindergarten every day. In the first week, a ditch was dug on the road. Dad told Xiaoming, "This is the water company installing water pipes."

The next week, the road was filled in, but it was dug up again. Dad told Xiaoming, "This is the underground satin installed by the power supply bureau."

In the third week, the road was filled, but it was dug again. Dad told Xiaoming. "This is the gas company installing the gas pipeline."

The fourth week, the road was leveled and dug again. This time, I didn't see anyone present. Father estimated, "This is probably because the Urban Construction Bureau has to install sewers."

Xiao Ming asked his father strangely, "Why did they dig a hole to fill the road?" Why don't they cooperate? "

Dad explained: "Because all projects do not belong to a system management."

Xiao Ming asked, "Then why not put a zipper on the road? Don't they bother to dig and fill like this? "

23. The cat didn't wear wooden slippers.

"When the cat walks, there is no footsteps. What is the reason? "

"This is because it doesn't wear wooden slippers."

24. Never seen it

Mom: "Look at your hands, how dirty they are! When have you ever seen my hands as dirty as yours? "

Daughter: "No, Mom. I have never seen you as old as me. "

25. Go to hell

There is a pupil who often writes "umbrella" as "fate". One day when it rained, he didn't bring an umbrella, so he wrote a note for his classmates to take home and his mother to take an umbrella to school. The note said, "Mom, I'm going home. Please come quickly."

26. it's no use

The 4-year-old told his father, "My uncle gave me candy."

"Did you say' thank you'?"

"I forgot."

"Then say it quickly."

"How, did you say it?" After the son came back, the father asked quickly.

"Yes, but it's no use."

"Why is it useless?"

"My uncle said' you're welcome'."

27. Not so flat

A car ran over a chicken when it passed a small village. The driver picked up the unfortunate chicken and said to a little boy who saw it, "Is this chicken yours?"

"No, sir, my chicken is the same color and appearance as it, but not as flat as it."

28. Beauty is unlucky

Sun: "Grandma! You must not have been a beauty when you were young. "

Grandma: "Nonsense! When I was young, I was really a beauty. "

Sun: "Beauty is unlucky. How can you live to be 80 years old? "

29. Don't delay

Mother said, "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today."

The son said, "So, did you eat all the sugar just now?"

30. Mom doesn't love Dad.

Jiang Er asked his mother, "Why do you always hit me?"

Mother said, "I love you when I hit you." I hope you make progress! " "

Ginger thought for half a ring; "Then you don't love dad? Why didn't I see you hit dad? "

3 1. Where is the scenery?

The father took his youngest son panting and climbed to the top of the mountain. Dad said, "Look, how beautiful the plain under our feet is!" " "

"Since the scenery below is good, why should we spend three hours climbing it? Dad. "

32. which is heavier

Mingming: "Qingqing, do you know whether the sun is heavier in the morning or at night?"

Qingqing, "I don't know, do you know?"

Mingming: "Of course it's heavy at night."

Qing Qing: "Why?"

Ming Ming: "The sun is so light in the morning that even the sea can beat the sky, and the sun is so heavy at night that even the mountains can't stand it."

33. Can cows smoke?

Two farm children were chatting, and one suddenly asked, "Does your cow smoke?"

"Are you crazy? How can cows smoke? "

"Oh, then, maybe your cowshed is on fire."

34. The ass is on fire

Beibei: "Brother, what movie did you see yesterday?"

Brother: "Fly to the moon", the fire slides fast and high. "

Beibei: "Then why does Firebamboo fly so fast?"

Brother: "Didn't you see that Jane had a fire on her ass when she flew?" Don't run away from anyone whose ass is on fire! "

inspiration

"Mom, are people really monkeys?"

"yes."

"Oh, no wonder there are fewer and fewer monkeys."

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