A long joke

1, when I was a child, I visited the bookstore, and the light was quite dark that day. Then I heard a child screaming in front of the counter: Aunt, I want to kill the pig myth. I looked at my aunt in horror. Aunt looked blankly at the bookshelf along the child's finger ... finally, we all saw Greek mythology.

2. In the evening, my daughter called her mother anxiously: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't always think the worst, maybe something has happened!" " "

When my colleague left just now, I took a screenshot of his computer desktop and set it to print as a desktop. Then move all the files on the desktop to a folder on disk, so that the desktop looks the same as usual. When he came back, he clicked the mouse wildly, but there was no response! It's still turning off, turning on, turning off, turning on, turning off, turning on. ...

4. Someone changed an avatar. So he happily posted to show off: "Is my avatar awesome?" Downstairs reply: I like it!

When I was a child, I liked puppies very much. My family has been very annoyed and refused to raise it. Later, someone gave me a two-month-old puppy, which was very cute. After playing for a few days, I found that the puppy had skin disease and acne. I was afraid to tell my family that I couldn't keep it, so I found some Pi Yanping to put on my dog, but it never got better. One day my father saw it and asked me what was going on, so I told him honestly.

6. Friendship is delicious rice, hot pot and burning spirit Erguotou. Hungry again, have a drink on New Year's Day!

7. There is a girl, who is usually strictly controlled by her mother. I was once asked by my boyfriend to go to the movies. When I was about to go out, my mother said to me, "Be smart when you go out. Don't be taken advantage of by men. He touches you and you say no, you sculpt you and you say stop. " The girl said she remembered. When she came back in the evening, her mother asked her if she had been taken advantage of. The girl cried and said, "Yes, he touched me up and down, and I will do as you taught me: don't stop, don't stop."

8. When one of my classmates was in primary school, physical education class took a bag of yogurt and didn't drink it until he went to class. He didn't know what to think, so he put it in his hat. He is not very honest in class. In a rage, the PE teacher slapped him on the head, and yogurt immediately flowed over his head. That scene ... the teacher was very scared, and his hands were shaking. This is absolutely true! !

9. The secretary always prides herself on her sense of humor. He once held a staff meeting. At the meeting, the secretary told a joke and everyone laughed, except old B, which made the secretary feel confused and dissatisfied. So he asked old B, "Why, old B, isn't my joke funny?" Old B glanced at the director and said, "Why should I laugh?" I'm retiring next week! "

10, money is not the problem, the problem is no money. 2. Diamonds last forever, but one goes bankrupt. 3, water can carry a boat, but also can cook porridge. 4, one mountain can not tolerate two tigers, unless one male and one female. Fire can test gold, gold can test women, and women can test men. 6. If you are drunk and don't accept anyone, just hold the wall. 7. What is love in the world? Everything has its vanquisher.

1 1. It is said that a county magistrate with a strong accent in Hunan went to the village to give a report: "Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "Comrades, villagers, pay attention! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" Now, please talk to the township head! The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! ) "No pickles, I'll lick a lump of shit for you. . . "Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . Taoyuan dialect is very strange, with a high ending, such as "bureau", pronounced "pig" Go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee first and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called me to make an appointment and put me on speakerphone. Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau) "The other party:" No, you are mistaken. I am not a person but a pig (Personnel Bureau), and my mother is a pig (Grain Bureau). "I tried to hold back my laughter and my stomach hurt. The next day, I attended the briefing of the county government. Roll call before the meeting. Moderator: "Which units have arrived?" So the participants reported themselves one by one: "I am a male castrated pig (Public Security Bureau)." "My name is Pig (Education Bureau)." "I am a pig (post office)." "I am a typical pig (telecommunications bureau)

12. Very obscure joke, and your IQ is generally above 200: a woman has three lovers. One is Gao, the other is Li and the other is Chen. A few months later, the girl gave birth to a son. Women don't know whose son this is, and they are worried about the name of the child. A professor named the child Guo Chunhai. I was very happy when I heard about it. -Do you understand?

13. Anonymous once took a taxi and left his camera in the driver's car when he got off. The driver found it and shouted, "Miss, your camera, your camera." Anonymous thought, "He pinched it and even said," I look like a chicken. "So I ignored it. The driver was puzzled and drove away. At this moment, the lady shouted, "I am like a chicken, I am like a chicken." "

14. The mid-term exam teacher only tested one composition: What is courage? There are only five words in the paper handed in by a classmate: this is courage! Teacher: "Come here, Little Rabbit. I have two questions for you. After answering the first question, you don't have to answer the second one. " Teacher: "How many hairs do you have?" Classmate: "123,601." Teacher: "How do you know?" Classmate: "There is no need to answer this question."

15. pigs with no money, dogs with money. Those who have no money want to get married, and those who have money want to get divorced. Wives and secretaries without money, secretaries and wives with money. Those who have no money pretend to have money, and those who have money pretend to have no money. People don't tell the truth, saying that stocks are drugs and money is evil. Everyone wants to say that beauty is a disaster, and everyone is climbing when it is too high to be cold. It is said that alcohol and tobacco are harmful to health and that it is best not to go to heaven.

16. Lao Zhang made a report. He said modestly, "Comrades, my level is low and my speech is fragmentary, like a sheep taking a shit." The audience burst into laughter at once, and then he said, "It's not to everyone's taste. Please forgive me. " Hearing this, the audience below were dumbfounded.