What is humor between husband and wife?

1. Husband and wife don't have to respect each other.

People always play a professional role in the unit: either a dignified leader, a well-behaved employee, an obedient teacher, or a warm and respectful waiter ... At the end of the day, they are tired enough. When they go home to face their wives, they must treat themselves as guests and entertain a guest-their wives in a polite way. That man has no time to relax at all.

People who know humor are absolutely relaxed and free to go home. He changed into casual clothes and slippers, walked around and sat down at will, joking with his lover and children.

A couple are chatting.

Wife: "Women need men in life, and men can't live without women."

Husband: "Why do men need women?"

Wife: "If there are no women in the world, who will button your pants?"

Husband: "If there are no women in this world, which man needs to wear pants?"

A couple are teasing.

The husband asked, "Dear, God made you so beautiful and so stupid. Why? "

The wife replied, "This question is too simple. Let me be beautiful and let you love me; Make me stupid and I will fall in love with you. "

A couple is very emotional.

Husband: "Honey, the temperature I love you is 120 degrees".

Wife: "Oh, then I'm going to divorce you."

Husband: "Why?"

Wife: "To avoid explosion!" "

A wife is singing loudly, and her husband is hiding on the balcony.

Wife: "Why do you always stay on the balcony?" Don't you like listening to me sing? "

Husband: "honey, not at all." I don't want my neighbors to misunderstand that I am beating my wife! " "

There are indeed many humorous topics between husband and wife, and there are also many places that need humor, such as the kitchen table, dining table, chatting, quarreling, busy time and walking.

2. Humor in honeymoon

From the wedding day, the bride and groom began the extremely precious honeymoon stage in their lives.

"Honeymoon" is naturally sweet. Coupled with a little humor, honeymoon life will be icing on the cake, and there is another kind of happy and interesting taste besides sweetness, which is sweet but not greasy.

On the wedding day, the bride and groom were busy entertaining guests and were pushed around for a ceremony. Often exhausted at the end of the day. Until late at night, the bride and groom can be alone and really start their marriage life in a bridal chamber full of festive atmosphere.

At this time, a groom complained that the bride said, "You were not generous enough at the wedding. Why are you so embarrassed? "

The bride was no longer embarrassed at this moment, and said generously, "This is because she is a bride for the first time, and she won't do it again."

The groom smiled and said, "You will always be my bride."

The bride is certainly happy to hear such sweet words. It's late at night, and the groom is going to undress and sleep. However, the bride was not fully prepared for the future, so she moved a chair, sat by the window and looked at the mysterious night sky outside.

The groom couldn't bear it anymore and urged her, "Why don't you go to bed?"

The bride didn't want to be nervous, and said frankly, "No ... My mother said it was the best night of my life, and I couldn't miss a minute."

The couple began to be humorous on their wedding night, which made a relaxed and harmonious start for their married life.

The next morning, the bride got up and said excitedly to the groom, "Let's stop saying' mine' and say' ours'".

"All right!" The groom happily agreed and went to wash his hair.

When the bride saw that the groom had stayed in the bathroom for a long time and still didn't come out, she asked, "What are you doing in there?"

The groom shouted, "honey, I'm shaving our beard."

Honeymoon life will also be unsatisfactory. Everyone has his own personality and habits. Two people have just arrived together, and it is inevitable that there are some places that are not easy to adapt. If it is not handled well at this time, it is easy to quarrel and destroy the sweet mood in the honeymoon.

A young scholar once studied late into the night when the groom was single, and the bride tossed and turned in bed, making it difficult to sleep. One day, she suppressed her resentment and said softly, "I wish I could become a book."

The groom asked puzzled, "Why?"

"Then you will hold me in your hand all day and all night." Said the bride.

The groom immediately understood his wife's intention and jokingly said, "That's not good. You know, I have to change every book after reading it ... "

The bride quickly said, "Then I will become a big dictionary on your desk!" " "

3. Who will do the housework

"Kissing can't last forever, but you should eat rice every day." This is a famous saying of meredith, a famous British writer in the19th century. Indeed, after entering the life of husband and wife, the love stage will inevitably be replaced by oil, salt, sauce and vinegar.

A husband came home from work and saw that his wife had not come back yet, so he turned on the TV and waited for her to come back to cook.

My wife also sat down to watch TV after entering the door and wanted to have a rest before cooking. After a while, the husband's stomach began to growl, and he urged his wife to say, "Go and cook, I'm so hungry!" "

The wife said, "Then help me do it together."

The husband threatened with a straight face: "If you don't do it, I will go to the restaurant for dinner!" " "

The wife said, "Well, please wait 10 minutes."

The husband won a great victory and said happily, "you are really getting more and more capable." /kloc-can you cook in 0/0 minutes? "

The wife said, "No, I can dress up and accompany you to the restaurant in ten minutes."

The husband smiled helplessly and had to help his wife cook.

Some men are picky about their food, but they are indifferent to their wives who cook for them.

On a hot summer day, a wife was cooking in the kitchen, sweating profusely. The husband sat at the table and said slowly, "when it comes to eating, I have the most research." For example, eating pig's brain can replenish the brain, and eating pig's trotters can replenish the hamstring ... "

At this time, my wife served a plate of fried pork liver and a plate of fried pork heart. The husband immediately picked up a piece and put it in his mouth. While chewing, he asked his wife, "Do you know what this pig liver and pig heart is for?"

The wife replied, "For a heartless person like you."

Although some men enjoy it, they are sweet-mouthed, never picky about their wives' cooking, and can please their wives. For example, when a plate of vegetarian food was served, he said, "Vegetarianism is my life. Nothing is more delicious than its taste. "

After a while, the wife served the fish, and the husband ate the fish desperately and ignored the vegetarian dishes.

The wife asked, "Didn't you say that vegetarianism is your life?" Why not eat? "

The husband said, "I don't want to die when I see fish."

However, some men think that it is natural for their wives to cook. Not only can they not cook, but they are also very picky about food. They don't eat this or that. You can't just give in to such a husband.

The husband comes home from work and the wife cooks in the kitchen. As soon as I entered the door, I shouted to my wife, "What delicious food did you make for me today?"

As soon as his wife saw him, she talked about eating and simply said, "You can choose the dishes tonight."

"Are you? What dishes do you have? "

"Fried cabbage."

"What else?"

"Not anymore."

"Then how do I choose?"

"Eat or not."

4. Humor: the neutralizer of jealousy

"Vinegar" originally refers to a sour seasoning liquid, and later it evolved into the meaning of "sour heart due to jealousy". "Jealousy" and "jealousy" have become common words to express jealousy in the relationship between men and women.

A couple went to visit an art exhibition together. They came to a nude portrait of a woman, only a few leaves covered her shame, and the rest were not covered. The husband stared at the painting with rapt attention and couldn't bear to walk away after reading it for a long time. The wife jokingly said, "Hey, do you want to stand in autumn until the leaves fall?"

Not only should vinegar be eaten humorously, but also the jealousy of the lover can be diluted and dissolved with humor.

A couple were walking in the street when a beautiful girl dressed as a man came face to face. The husband couldn't help but look at it a few more times, and the wife's face immediately clouded: "Why are you looking at others with such bedroom eyes?" The husband replied, "honey, you misunderstood." I'm not looking at people. I'm looking at the clothes they wear so that I can buy you a suit according to that style. " Although the wife is dubious, she has a smile on her face.

A young woman scolded her husband and said, "You are outrageous. Every time I see a beautiful woman, I simply forget that I have been married! " The husband replied, "You are completely wrong. On the contrary, every time I see a beautiful woman, the most unforgettable thing in my heart is that I am married. "

Men are broad-minded and will not easily show jealousy, but sometimes they like to ask their wives about their love history before marriage and eat "old vinegar".

On the wedding night, the groom asked the bride, "I ask you, you must tell me the truth." Before you marry me, who will touch your head, lick your hair and pinch your ears ... "

The bride said, "Oh, that's too much. There was one before I married you yesterday. "

The groom glared: "Who?"

The bride said, "Barber."

5. Humorous complaints and humorous handling of complaints

Husband and wife get along for a long time, and it is inevitable that they will have dissatisfaction with each other. If you don't complain and blame each other in some way, but complain to your lover, it is often easy to cause each other's anger and trigger a "war" between husband and wife. And express their dissatisfaction in humorous language, and the other party will understand you and accept your opinion after smiling.

A woman strictly controls the financial power of the family, and her husband is miserable. Once on the bus, the wife said to her husband, "Hey, go and buy a ticket. Do you have any change? " The husband smiled and said, "You are so forgetful. I have never had a whole dollar in my pocket since I met you.

However, the humor when complaining can't be without discretion.

A young couple got married without a house and rented two new houses. Shortly after the wedding, the man left home to work in other places. Before leaving, he promised to send money home two weeks later. But my wife Magpie has been gone for almost a month and has not received any money. She telegraphed her husband and said, "Please send the money quickly, and the landlord will force the rent."

The husband called back because he was short of money and said, "Not recently. I will definitely send money after a while. " Honey, give you a thousand kisses. "

The wife was so angry that she called back and said, "honey, there is no hurry now." I gave the landlord the 1000 kiss you gave me, and he said I don't have to pay the rent. "

I think my husband must be scared when he receives this telegram, and he will go home at once.

Let's see how the husband responds humorously to his wife's reproach.

Wives generally hope that their husbands can always pay attention to themselves, pamper themselves and be more affectionate to themselves. The average husband is always careless and can't meet his wife's psychological needs.

A young woman said to her husband, "honey, the man who lives opposite us always kisses his wife when he goes out in the morning and kisses her when he comes home at night." Won't you do that? "

The husband said foolishly, "Of course. However, I am not familiar with her. "

A wife complained to her husband, "Today is my birthday. Why don't you buy me something? "

The husband realized his carelessness, but immediately offered a beautiful sentence: "I don't want to remind me that you are one year older."

6. Use humor to quell the war between husband and wife

As the saying goes, "You can't touch the edge of the pot without a spoon".

Humorous treatment and coping with differences can make you not angry, quickly calm each other's anger, and make both husband and wife friends, so that small waves in family life will not develop into violent waves.

Let's see how humorous we are when we quarrel.

Anger is the prelude to a quarrel. When the other person is angry, make the other person smile with humor, and you can roll with the punches and roll with the punches. A wife is angry with her husband and doesn't eat when she eats. The husband was busy giving his wife a bowl of rice and joked easily, "You will have the strength to argue with me after eating this bowl of rice!" " "The wife was going to lose her temper with her husband, but she was a little embarrassed to hear him say this. She said, "I ate this bowl of rice, and we can't quarrel!" " "Husband strike while the iron is hot, comfort a few words, his wife's anger will disappear, and a war at home will disappear invisibly.

Sometimes I get angry in the opposite direction. If you don't want to quarrel, you can put out the other person's anger with humorous language.

A wife left home in a hurry when she went out, and the stove was already out when she came back. The husband got home earlier than her, and when he saw the cold pot and stove at home, he suddenly flew into a rage. Seeing his wife enter the door, he swept his face and became angry: "You are like a living dead man at home, and you can't even watch the fire." If his wife argues with him, a war is inevitable. But the wife just smiled indifferently and said, "What are you angry about? No matter how big the fire is, you can't light the stove. " The muscles on the husband's face began to relax, but he still said angrily, "You, without me, I'm afraid you can't even eat." "That's why I asked you to be my husband!" The husband finally "sloped" and smiled.

The woman cleverly changed her mind, confusing "getting angry" with "igniting", so that no matter how angry her husband is, she can't attack such a wife.

Quarrel is indeed an art. Couples who don't quarrel are either sad or noisy every day. A noisy person can turn anger into a smiling face, and noisy is also full of interest.

A husband always feels depressed at home and often goes out to play cards and chat with friends. One day, the husband came home late, and his wife quarreled with him. The wife said, "When you first got married, didn't you say that your family was very happy? Seeing me is like seeing the whole world? " The husband argued, "I said so, but I was not familiar with the world at that time!" " "

When the wife did something wrong, the husband said angrily, "What did I say? You won't listen! Please remember in the future that men are always thinking correctly and judging accurately, while women are just the opposite! "

The wife said, "Yes, it is absolutely right for you to choose me as your wife, but it is a big mistake for me to choose you as my husband!" " "

After another couple had a fierce quarrel, the husband was still unconvinced, so he posted a note behind the door: "It is unlucky to die for three years." When my wife came in, she saw it, picked up a pen and changed a punctuation mark: "If you don't die for three years, your wife will be unlucky." When the husband saw it, he couldn't help laughing. The anger between the two sides subsided and they made up again.

In the TV series "Ancient Ship, Woman and the Net", Tongsuo and his wife were afraid to go home after quarreling. Later, his sister dared him to go home.

After entering the room, Tongsuo saw his wife sitting on a stool with her son in her arms. His wife ignored him with a straight face. He opened the pot. It was empty, but he was still hungry.

The bronze lock approached his wife, who pretended not to see him.

He touched his son's head and said, "Where's your mother?"

"Isn't it?"

"No, your mother's face is not that long."

The wife smiled and the husband and wife made up again.

7. Respond to the wife's desire to buy with humor

The savings at home are limited, but the wife's desire to buy is unlimited.

This is indeed an embarrassing question for men, and it is also difficult for a husband with a sense of humor.

The wife wanted to buy a hat, so she said to her husband, "Dear, Xiao Wang's lover bought a hat. It's beautiful! " "

The husband replied, "Really? If she were as beautiful as you, she wouldn't have to buy a hat. "

A woman who loves to dress up said to her husband, "I had a dream last night that you promised me 200 yuan to buy clothes." Dear, will you realize my dream? "

The husband said, "Of course. Coincidentally, I dreamed of giving you 200 yuan last night. "

There is a family whose economy is not affluent, but her husband still loves smoking. His wife always complains: "Others have added televisions, tape recorders, washing machines and cameras. We have been married for 10 years, and there is no' machine' at home."

"Who said there was no' machine'?" The husband said, "don't I have a lighter here?"

On Sunday, the couple went shopping. Wives are always reluctant to part with beautiful and expensive clothes, which makes husbands always nervous.

Finally, the wife took her husband's left arm and said, "Can you buy me a woolen coat from 200 yuan?"

The husband said, "What did you say? My left ear is not very good. "

The wife went to her husband's right and whispered, "Can you buy me a leather coat from 400 yuan?"

The husband said at once, "You'd better go to the left!"

8. Fear of wives and "henpecked husbands"

A man was walking at night and met a robber. The robber held a knife and forced him to hand over all the money. He pleaded, "You took all my money. How can I tell my wife when I go back? " ? My wife won't believe I met a robber. "The robber also said with a wry smile," nonsense, do you think my wife will believe that I didn't rob anything? "

American President Lincoln is such a person. He has a nagging and angry wife. So Lincoln often stayed in bars for a long time before he became president. Every weekend night comes, everyone wants to go home with his wife, but Lincoln is the last one to go home. He would rather play jokes on people in the bar.

One day, a young newsboy sent a newspaper to Lincoln's house. Mrs Lincoln gave him a good scolding for being a little late. Scared the newsboy to flee to the boss and cry. Later, the newspaper owner met Lincoln and talked about it. Lincoln replied, "Please tell the little guy not to mind. He only watches it for one minute every day, but I have endured it for twenty years. "

The taste of "henpecked" is really unpleasant. However, as the saying goes, it is also a humorous attitude for the prime minister to make some appropriate concessions to his wife. Not only did he lose the dignity of a man, but he made himself appear humorous.

One day, the wife was mobilizing her husband to give up smoking. The husband said discontentedly, "You've been talking for a long time, and I don't know how good it is to quit smoking."

The wife said, "Don't smoke for three years and buy mules. Smoking can save a lot of money. "

The husband asked, "What else?"

"Smoking contains nicotine, which makes smoking more short-lived."

"All right, all right, I'll quit."

"When does it start?"

"From now on, in two steps. The first step is to reduce it from 5 times a month to 3 times. "

"What is the second step?"

By the second stage, smoking is limited to two times.

"Which two times?"

When it rains and when it doesn't.

Look at the story of another couple.

The wife locked the wine cabinet and only allowed her husband to drink when the guests came. One day, the husband was addicted to alcohol and asked his wife for the key. The wife refused to give him the key and said, "There are seven things to open the door: firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea. Where can I have wine? "

The husband replied: "wine is used before opening the door, so it should be bought overnight, so it is not included in the seven things to open the door."

The wife had no choice but to bring him wine.

The wife looked at her husband's glass after glass and was very worried. She was cruel and spent money on a beauty cup. When this cup is full of wine, there will be a beauty at the bottom of the cup. She thinks that her husband doesn't want to drink this wine because he wants to appreciate the beauty. But the husband still drank a glass of wine in one gulp. The wife said, "Don't drink dry, you can't see the beauty at the bottom of the cup."

The husband said, "I can't bear to let a beautiful woman soak in wine!" " "