Solve the problem and pick up the light.

On the last afternoon of autumn, I came to the railway station in Qingcheng. The station was crowded with idlers and hooligans, so as usual, I was cheated once and lost my only fifty yuan. Always like this. I always get cheated, but this time it's worse. There is no money to buy a pack of cigarettes. The young man from Hebei with a pure northeast accent didn't even leave me a cigarette, but fortunately he met an acquaintance there.

It was getting dark, so I wrapped my clothes tightly. I feel happy at the thought that I will never experience the last winter in my life again, even if the schoolbag hanging on my shoulder makes people feel uncomfortable. I'm happy for my own happiness. I can't control this damn schoolbag. Maybe people like me shouldn't have any extra burden. Like this black schoolbag, it hasn't been cleaned since I bought it. It's really dirty

The hands of the poor are always cold, and only blood can warm them. This is what Xie Zi told me. He can't lie, and neither can he. Lying is probably the most boring thing for a dead person, especially solving problems.

The mountains of Qingcheng Mountain are like wandering blue ghosts, densely arranged in the night sky, pressing heavily on the junction of the anchor horizon, as if to seal the distant road. I closed my eyes and forced myself not to look around. Shadows whisper in my ear. It's no use reading them. I'm just a dreamer. It is enough to bring everything in Qingcheng, as well as streets, rivers and the most important temples to the streets, and the rest is his business. We are all in a hurry in our own predicament. I think he will understand, after all, I have something urgent.

2

The road on snowy days is the hardest. He knows how dangerous it is. Twenty taels of silver is of course a joke. A man with a head of 20 taels was taken hundreds of miles away and had to bring his head back. Twenty taels is a joke. Only bitches and idiots take over this kind of work. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of such people around him.

When Hai entered the room, Xiao Guihua was nursing the baby on the kang, with one foot hanging on the edge of the kang and the other hand holding the child's black head. Breast milk is full of veins stood out, and the breasts are shaken, as if the body has revealed this unique maternal pleasure, and the calves are slightly swaying through cotton trousers. This kind of family picture seems to constitute a kind of harmony, which can make people forget the cold winter forever. But the sea won't forget it. As usual, he entered the door, bringing the cold of snow. He thinks it is always strange for a man to see his beloved woman breast-feeding another man's child. He seems to be shy rather than resentful.

Gone, he said, looking at the sea that just entered the door. He swayed, shaking the falling snow particles. Let's leave now. The snow is getting heavier and heavier. We can't leave if we don't start. The sea turned its mouth blocked by the beard to one side and patrolled the house for a week. And after a pause, Fang seemed to have just found out, saying, Sister-in-law put her feet outside, so as not to hurt herself in winter, and we can't afford to get sick. He smiled, walked over and put the woman's exposed feet in. People with children are not sure whether they are cold or hot, which makes Hai Brothers laugh. Words haven't say that finish, I saw the woman eyes looked at him straight, as if hurt, embarrassed don't head to one side. He felt a sharp pain in his heart, turned around awkwardly and said that the quilt made the child wet and cold, so it was better to put it outside. When he saw the sea, he smiled apologetically, just as he used to feel sorry for his beating. Now, it is for another woman. Always like this. The sea is always like this. This job is profitable. Come back and wait for them to pay the rest of the money, buy some better cotton and make some thicker bedding. He knew the face of the sea for more than 20 years and smiled like a little boy. How obsessed he is with this simple and beautiful face. There is not a dime left, and this bitch can only stay in a wet and cold quilt forever. She will end up alone and have a child to raise, so she can bear it. She will lose two important men in her life at a time, maybe she is not included, so just one. It's bad enough to lose one, he thought, and smiled silently.

three

The sunshine in Qingcheng is miserable and weak, which is just suitable for finding dreams and solving children's dreams. I opened my black backpack to see what I could eat, but I found nothing. I knew there was nothing in the bag, but I searched and searched and found nothing, so I swore a dirty word. I found myself procrastinating. Time is running out, but I'm still stalling. This is the first time in my career, which is why I don't care. I am not interested in my heart. Let it happen as it should. I walked slowly along the ancient moat, like a person measuring the ruins of the ancient city. There are several people scattered in the street. A man is guarding a tricycle, a thin woman is looking at the river, and children in twos and threes are standing at the foot of the wall, saying something with a straight face. All this in itself is like an illusory dream. I find it funny that a dreamer goes looking for a dream, but accidentally enters a boring dream. This is a good story.

I have to buy a lantern, which is not a problem, but what has always embarrassed me is that I haven't decided whether to buy it or not. This was unimaginable before. It's really strange that I have to be in a dilemma because of a dispensable lantern. When the wind blows, I feel a chill. I think I can make a lantern with yellow fallen leaves, a small and exquisite lantern. When the wind blows, it will be scattered all over the floor and disappear. But I did carry a lantern, just like the dream described by Xie Zi. I used to have it, but I don't have it. I was surprised to realize that I was using the topic, and I was whimsical. It's incredible to think that leaves are falling in the wind. I can't put it off any longer. I told myself that if this goes on, Xie Zi will resent you and you can't do anything.

Xie Zimeng is probably the simplest dream I have ever seen, and it didn't take much effort to do it. Looking at those monotonous and ordinary dreams, I have no heart. Xiezi is such a person. He took great pains to find me, just for these things. I don't know why, but I feel sorry for Xiezi.

four

The prisoner has a scar on his face, which is a new injury. He looked at his face, smiled at the sea and told him it was no big deal. The sea looked around doubtfully, as if to confirm the potential meaning of this sentence. When he was on his way to the Chenghuang Temple, he went in to visit the master as usual. The old man sat in the temple with his back to him, and the light from the burning candle in front of the Buddha statue could not penetrate the shadows scattered around him.

As for the sea, when he heard the familiar voice, he suddenly felt strange, as if entangled with the dust in the air, stagnant and chaotic, like an ancient sigh. I watched the prisoner outside. I'll go and buy some candles. He felt his voice trembling feebly. You know who's betting, right? The snow outside the window makes the room look bright and unreal. He carefully looked at all familiar things, such as Buddha statues, confessions, candles, cushions on the ground and incense burners in front of the old man. Yes, he heard his own voice, spreading like smoke. You brought the sea here, and you took it away. He knelt down and called out to master, and then quietly left. Walking out of the house, he heard the wind flowing around the bamboo forest, and the stone lion resisted the cold wind majestically, with his tongue on his upper jaw and motionless. The Ssangyong pattern on the base is covered with a thin layer of snow.

Has the master rested? The sea examined his face as if looking for something. No, he is waiting for us. He may know that we will come tonight. The sea glanced at the prisoner, rubbed his hands, pulled the bag on his shoulder, and looked puzzled. Come on, there's still a long way to go. Let's stop in the Woods ahead. He took one look at the prisoner and left. The snow stopped, and the wind blew the snow on the road, making a rustling sound. There is a thin layer of light on the snow, and lanterns jump up and down rhythmically to dye the snow red. The branches are empty, and there is a faint fog, which looks lonely and empty. Their clothes rustled as they walked, and their shoes crunched on the ground. The shackles on the prisoner's hands and feet occasionally rattled, which made him feel relaxed. He seems to be examining his past life. On such a night, he is quietly performing. He lets his thoughts flow freely, just like the endless silence and ups and downs they bring to snowy days. He saw the prisoner in chains, walking at a calm pace, breathing evenly and gently, enjoying the tranquility of a beautiful snowy night, like a calm old general. He felt a little sad for the sea. After such a long time, he escorted thousands of criminals, but he was still so muddled, ignoring death and approaching him step by step, struggling to balance his body in the soft and hard snow. He thought that if the sea knew that it would die tonight, it might not be so difficult to walk. The sea is always simpler than it looks. At the moment, he stumbled in the snow, just like that helpless child, and the years were still in his childish pace. At this moment, he saw the past, and his heart was full of longing for those dreamy days. Tonight, they will die by the sword, hand in hand. He suddenly felt that the fragility of the sea shocked him, and this rickety walking posture softened his heart, thus creating a deep fear.

Stop here. Hearing his voice, the prisoner gave him a surprised look, and the sea was frightened. His voice trembled and asked, what's the matter, big brother? Realizing that he had lost his mind because of the fragility of the sea, he shouted and said, nothing, it's time to rest. The sea breathed a sigh of relief, found some firewood and made a fire. He saw the prisoner's strange eyes suddenly disappear, and slowly stopped and squatted on the ground. He took a sip of wine, and a warm feeling slowly spread out in his heart, making his body lighter. Dude, have a drink, warm up and stay here tonight. He heard his voice with a hint of majesty, and a firmness occupied his heart. The fire crackled from time to time and the sea took a sip of wine. Looking at him, I found that his eyes were facing me and turned away at once. When this errand is finished, it's time to give the child a full moon. Please invite the neighbors. I'm afraid the host won't come. The sea was talking and lit a fire. Put out the lantern, no need, the sea got up with an embarrassed smile, pulled out the lantern inserted in the snow, raised it and blew it out. The yellow light of candlelight slowly disappeared, and the pole head was stained with a little red light, jumping at the pole head and suddenly disappearing. The tip of the pole is obliquely inserted into the ground, half of it stands in the shadow, and the rest is smudged with a thin layer of red light, reflecting bright snow. The sea stopped talking, sat quietly on the parcel, staring at the blazing flame in a daze, and threw some firewood into it from time to time, as if to drive away the silence that besieged them. He doesn't care about his unusually cold silence, tries to ignore everything, resents the silence tonight, and even the birds on a snowy night seem to have abandoned them. At this point, he even counted the sorrow of the prisoner. It would be better if there were some wind, and the sound of birds and animals walking at night would be better, so that he could fantasize that he would cut off everything in the past on an ordinary day, leave endless memories, leave the sea, and leave hypocritical women and naive children aside. He looked at the prisoner's bloodless face, motionless, as if remembering the liquor that had just been poured into his throat. He isolated himself and declared his strength, leaving him and the sea to struggle in the trap he set, waiting for the end of everything. He doesn't like this feeling, being played by others and doing nothing. He doesn't like prisoners carefully playing with other people's vicious fears. He thinks that even the major events related to his life and death are controlled by others, and his heart is full of anger. Suddenly, a cool and moving wind slowly passed through the empty snowy night, stirring the stagnant silence, turning it over and breaking it into pieces of jade, mixed with the faint and sweet cries of orioles.

five

I decided to bring a lantern, a red lantern made of fallen leaves. At first, I was scared by my own thoughts and thought I was crazy, but so what if I was crazy. So I decided to take a fallen leaf lantern to see my son.

I tried to hide my eyes and ears and let everything happen quietly. I have collected enough leaves, and those fresh and fiery leaves have some life. The process of finding leaves is not difficult, at least it is simpler than I thought. People in Qingcheng don't care about others. Even if you are collecting some fallen leaves, you bend over like a thief and look at others from time to time. Those people seem to have discovered my furtiveness and walked away. I was relieved. I almost got in regardless of other people's eyes. It's really too late. I'm still fooling around, making lanterns out of fallen leaves. Haha, I realized that in my last life, I longed to be a child or have fun with my children. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I should be willful. I am hungry now. I'm going to see my son. Xiezi said that the hand to solve the problem is cold, and only blood can keep him warm. I can be willful.

It took me some time to pick up the collected fallen leaves. They were all good, with strong veins and stiff bones and muscles. The leaves are also full and shiny, just like they have just been picked from the tree. The weather in Qingcheng is always warm and humid, but it is not dull. Perhaps what can bring Xiezi the most is this fine weather, not the dream about vegetation, rivers and broken city god temples. Dreams are the most illusory things, complicated and trivial, and only after waking up will people feel lost. Xiezi doesn't understand. I haven't had time to tell him that the deal has been reached.

After choosing the leaves, I began to work. I am holding a leaf of different colors in my hand, scanning it carefully and quickly, and my heart is full of creative satisfaction. My brain soon figured out how to piece together the beautiful picture that flashed in my heart for the first time. I took a fancy to an old tree half bent by my own thick and bloated, so I decided to make the shape of a lantern like him. Yes, lanterns like trees. Great. This tree has been afraid for hundreds of years. Perhaps in Xie Zi's most missed childhood, it stood here quietly. If this can evoke Xie Zi's beautiful homesickness and nostalgia for the past, then I can ask him to end me simply and neatly.

The drooping head of the old tree secretly reflected the ground, and a terrible chill passed through my whole body. I broke a few branches at random and ran away quickly. According to the calculated scheme, I connected the leaves with the tips of branches and let them bite tightly together. Finally, I checked them carefully to make sure that they were suitable and firm, at least they would not be blown away by the wind until the sub-connectors were reconciled. This process took me two quarters of an hour, and others may not be able to finish it in two days, but I still think it is too slow. Somehow, at the last moment, my temperament changed greatly and I became more and more strict with myself. A professional vigilance made me understand that this is not a good thing. I walked quickly to the Woods, where I had an appointment with my son. Fireflies can only be caught on the road, so it shouldn't be difficult. As long as I concentrate enough, it is not a problem to find some fireflies. These bugs are flying around in my special lantern. It must be a beautiful picture. At that time, as long as there is the right wind, everything will be fragmented in an instant. Even if Xie Ziyuan sees my face, it will only be a slowly broken face. In this way, I won't let Xiezi see me, so I can be quiet. I don't want anyone to know that I have arrived there, which will only make my choice ridiculous.

In the middle of the night, it was dark all around, and a bought dreamer appeared in the wilderness. He adjusted his pace, slowed down and glanced at the surrounding scenery. He didn't see anything, just staring at a dreamlike chaos. His lantern is so funny, it flashes and gives off a faint light, and the surrounding environment changes with his steps. Lanterns are flat and big, and their bones are too thick. The outline of the lantern looks crooked in the dark, as if a gust of wind could blow it away. He was young and energetic, took a deep breath in the clear air and looked for the way forward. Snowflakes swirl in the air, as if he had just found them, frowning tightly, with frightening cold light shining in his eyes. What a gloomy boy. He paused and muttered something, walking along the gentle slope overgrown with weeds. He seems to be full of hatred for snowflakes, waving his hands in the air and chopping them, but unfortunately he can't kill them all. In a short time, a thin layer of snow accumulated on the ground, and several poplar trees were scattered in the Woods, all of which looked tall and handsome against the snow and stood upright to welcome the arrival of winter. There are some small shrubs and fungi around the roots. He walked slowly, being careful not to trip, as if he were struggling. Finally, he stopped, just stopped moving.

The wind started, and he felt that the blowing wind with snow powder was a little dry, and the lantern in his hand shook violently. He turned around and tried to cover the rickety lantern with his body. I don't know where the wind is blowing. He felt that the earth was white and strangely quiet. Snowflakes flying in the air seem to have sounds, but the wind is hidden. A crisp sound like a metal fracture came together, and the leaves left on the branches rang in the wind. He felt the wind gushing from his heart. A few shiny insects flew into the air, and the lanterns broke into pieces of dead leaves. As the snowflakes rolled and danced in the air, they formed a net, which covered the sun and surrounded him up and down like a hairspring, and could not be dispersed.

"Why don't you bring a lantern? You will get lost and delay things. "

A man of medium height dressed in black stood in the distance.

"Xie Zi, you broke my gift, and the lantern I brought is also a gift for you."

"I don't want any gifts, thank you. Did you bring it? "

"Yes, I'm serious. Xie Zi, you lied to me. You said you would meet at this place and set a time. Be sure to bring a lantern. Which lantern did you choose, or did you bring it and I, a layman, can't see it, so I won't do it. "

"I'm afraid you get lost and can't find a place. In fact, it doesn't matter whether there are lanterns or not. Let me see the dream you brought. It snowed today, and it snowed on the day I left. "

"Afraid I get lost, more afraid you get lost and delay my business. The world has changed, and your streets, rivers and city god temples are gone. I brought a lantern, just like that old tree in your city. I thought you would like it, but I was fascinated by your evil wind. I'll try my best to give you something concrete. Do you know that dreams are unreliable? I am a dreamer. I thought I wouldn't see the last winter of my life, but these deadly snows won't make me lonely until I die. I am afraid of the cold. I have always been afraid of the cold. Xie Zi, you won't miss. "

"No, I am XieZi, never miss. I know what you mean, but you just gave me my dream. "

"XieZi, I can not help worrying, did you miss it? You may not be the most suitable person. The sea is one of them. But it's too late to say this now. "

"I didn't let the sea go, this is life. I didn't expect the sea to always be lucky, unlike me. "

"The life of the sea is not given by you. You even brought him a lantern and went back to find Xiao Guihua and your son. You are really a good man. You could have survived. The sea is like your son. You turned him from an orphan into a man and gave him everything he wanted before he died. That prisoner didn't need to kill anyone at all. You think he's gonna kill you both. He's not what you think. You must choose to die alone. You can't live to face everything. I understand that we are all lonely people. Small osmanthus is not yours, the child is not yours, and the sea is not yours. You can only choose death. We are the same. "

"The sea is not mine, you're right. But you are wrong. Small osmanthus and children have nothing to do with me. I won't die because of them. "

"I know you want to be free, you are too wronged, the sea is your good friend, but you can only be yourself. It's no use denying it. Don't be embarrassed. I understand all the pain you went through. I have experienced it. That's why we met. Let me get rid of it and do as we agreed. "

"That's enough, you child. Don't be so conceited. Do you blame you for wanting to die, right? I'll let you die. Xiezi's hand can only be warmed by blood. You are a coward, you are lazy and pathetic. No one has ever loved you, and no one has ever loved you. You are just a selfish child, thinking only of yourself, and you are simply naive and ridiculous. "

"I ..."

"Since you saw my dream, you should know that I don't have a lantern at all. I gave it to the sea. You just said that. You don't want me to see you, and I don't want you to see me. What did you bring, lanterns made of leaves and fireflies? I don't know where you got these things this season. Look how naive you are. Talk to me about death. You don't know what death means. Loneliness, only when you really fall in love with someone you can never get, will you know what loneliness is. You even know I won't do it, and I won't miss it You just wanted to see me. Why? You pity me. You want to see the devil with your own eyes and go to hell. You can't fool yourself, you silly child. "

"XieZi, you want to default, we agreed, even if I know this, I can't stand it, you don't know how mean it is to live. The world has changed. You don't know what happened in these years. Life is so disappointing. You are the most selfish, selfish and cruel. Why can you die and I can't? Death may be the only equal thing in the world. Everyone has the right to die. Do it, or you won't realize your dream. Even if you are a ghost, you can't take your dream away from a dreamer. "

"I don't want to let you down, and I don't want you to regret it. It is difficult to live after death, so people are not easy to die. What do you want? Do you want death, or what death can bring you? You've thought it over. I don't want to waste time. You can't take my dream away, if you bring it, you know. "

"I just don't want to live, in addition to death is there any better way? I just want to go to a place where no one knows me and I can be happy and sad freely. Xie Zi, I thought you were a friend. Think about your dreams. Who else has seen them? Even you have to go through me to see them, but I know everything. You don't want me to live in your dream. Besides, we have no confidentiality agreement. Think about everything when you die and then do it. I may be your only friend. Do it, Jay. "

"Yes, I have never regretted dying. It seems that you are right. Think of a place where no one knows you. Let me help you. Qingcheng Mountain is your best place to go. You pursued so many dreams, but you didn't believe them, poor dreamer. I let you live in my dream all the time, friend. "

Xiezi took away his dream, and the dreamer stood stupefied, surrounded by nothing, and the earth trembled silently. He saw a vast expanse of whiteness in front of him. A thick layer of snow has accumulated on the ground, glowing with light, and a bright moon falls from the branches in the air. He turned around and snow was covering his steps.

1

On the last afternoon of autumn, I came to Qingcheng Railway Station. ...

16 years 1 1 month 1 day, Beijing.