All the lines of Mr. Liu Baorui's "Opening Sing"

Opening Singing

B The broken halberd sinks in the sand and the iron is not sold. I will recognize the former dynasty after grinding and grinding. The east wind does not agree with Zhou Lang, and the bronze bird spring locks Erqiao deeply. Oh, come on, say these two lines, and then wow, I will say this stand-up comedy. Today I’m talking about this stand-up comedy. It’s a long one, with eight sections in one chapter. Where do I start talking about it? Let’s start from the beginning. Isn't it not lively to say it at the beginning? Alas, this story is so hilarious from beginning to end. The birth of Ma Shou during this period is our matter in Beijing. Duozan? Well, in the 41st year of Kangxi's reign, in Beijing, there was an Imperial College in Andingmen. There is a family living in the Imperial Palace. This person is a Tatar official who is a bodyguard. This person's surname is Ma, and his name is Ma Kun. He has a nickname called Mingdeng Ma Kun...

A, C, and D (singing Shibu) Xian): "Blessings come rushing from heaven, a jade vase descends from the front of Mount Fuyuan. Blessings are like the flowing water of the East China Sea. I hate that blessings come late and are wearing bright red."

B Hey, hey, three, three Bit, don't sing here. If you sing like this, what else can I say?

A, C, and D fight, fight, fight, fight, choke!

B Yo! And he came with a guy. I said three, why did you come to sing here? You three, you must listen to me, do you understand? If you can't sing, if you sing, won't you mess with my business? Don't disturb it, listen to me. Hey, that's enough, I won't sing anymore, I will continue to talk about this part. Ma Kun, I am forty-eight years old this year...

A, C, and D (singing) "Three yuan in a row on the Luxing Trail, the deer holding Ganoderma lucidum in its mouth, passing under the pine forest in the high mountain, the six countries were granted the title of prime minister Senior officials, "fight, fight, fight, fight!"

B It’s quite the same, these three were lined up in the same temple. I said, you three are not right, do you understand? When I say this stand-up joke and you sing it like this, gentlemen, do you listen to you or do you listen to me? I said, don't sing, especially you, who are young, don't learn from them, listen to me, don't sing, don't sing. In this year when Ma Kun is forty-eight years old...

A, C, and Ding (singing) "The birthday star Ding lives forever, the longevity peach wine is placed in the center, the longevity is ten thousand feet higher than Nanshan, Master Peng May you live a long life of eight hundred years and be well."

A, B, C, D, fight, fight, fight, fight, choke!

B Why am I also infected? ! What's going on? You three, are you trying to tease me? (Xiang Ding) You are so old, how can you learn from them? Right? Stop singing! You say this thing is so annoying, but if I don’t say it, he won’t sing either. Probably together, these three people have realized that they are afraid of disturbing me. Don't bother? Listen to me, I, talk about this Ma Kun...

A, C, Ding (singing) "Pinch the happy flowers and wear them all over your head, pour the wedding wine and vomit a few times, the happy birds fall down Placed on the eaves, good news that Sanyuan came out on top. "Do fight, don't fight, don't fight!"

B I can do this too, do you understand? Don't sing! This is what I mean -

A (singing very busy) "Pay close attention as soon as you get on stage..."

C and D (learn the sound of gongs) Choking!

B Why is this guy standing up?

A (singing) "One side is the God of Wealth and the other is the God of Joy"

A (Singing) "This God of Wealth is holding a money tree..."

C and D choke!

A (singing) "There is a golden pony in the cornucopia..."

C, D. Choking!

A (singing) "This golden colt is also carrying a silver man on its back."

C and D, choking!

A (singing) "This silver man is holding eight words in his hand, where are you..."

C, Ding...

B I You said you can't resist it? What are you shouting about?

A (singing) "You want to attract wealth and treasure, and every day you make more gold..."

C, D, fight, fight, don't fight, don't fight!

B Why is this guy standing up again? ah? What's going on?

A It’s my birthday today.

C and D, yes!

A, we are just having a formality!

How about C and D?

A I have had three happy events, remember them at noon. After the opening ceremony, let’s sing the auspicious song again.

C, D. Hey.

A speaks some auspicious words.

C and D are right.

B What? A mess.

A. We don’t have any ideas about which verse to sing. Let’s ask my uncle what he likes to listen to?

C Today is a good day.

A There is such a saying.

C, D. Ah.

A Articles with titles are easy to write.

C It’s easy to do useful errands.

A Yes! Hey, my uncle.

C How is it?

A Where is uncle here, you?

B Where is the uncle? Are you here for the church meeting?

A Today is a great day for you.

B Who is having a good day?

A Aren’t you an uncle?

B No, no, I am not an uncle.

A Oh, uncle is not here.

C This is——

A, my uncle is here.

Uncle B?

Uncle C, please give me a question.

B Look at how good my job is. I am an uncle again.

A Which part are you listening to?

B I don’t listen to anything.

A Oh, "Ten Mile Pavilion".

C, D Okay.

A My uncle ordered Duan'er's "Ten Mile Pavilion".

C Ten Mile Pavilion.

Ding, let’s sing this time!

A "The little harp boy is crossing the bridge..."

C, D. Choking!

A "Walk into the room with a lantern in hand..."

C and D, choking!

A "Your Excellency, please rest in peace, where are you..."

C, Ding "I know it is better to set off early in the morning."

C, Ding Dou, Fight, fight, fight, choke!

A, B, and Ding (singing the song "Taiping Nian") "It's a good journey, it's a good journey. Qin (come), children are not smart enough to speak, and their fame is like duckweed water. Taiping Nian , the beautiful wife was cremated into ice. (Hey, Nian Taiping) ”

I said you guys are here.

A, C, and D (singing) "Xiaosheng studies in Pujiu Temple, and we should not meet in the garden. This is also arranged by previous lives. In the Taiping year, on the day of the speech, the Qiao Tower rises Update. Hey, Nian Taiping. "Do fight, fight, fight!"

A (singing) "The first watch..."

A, B, and D (singing in unison) "At the first watch, the moon is rising in the east, Zhang Junrui and I are stamping my feet in the room I beat my chest again, ah... In my heart, I hate Madam for her old fate..."

B is not finished yet, so I said stop talking.

A, C, and Ding (singing) "We have changed our future, and we are called brother and sister." Hey, hey... Qi Dong, Qi Dong Qi Dong...

Why is B again? Twisted?

C, D, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it!

B Let’s go! None of this happened, but the three of them came here to hold a meeting! The uncle is not here, so I am your uncle again.

A (pouring) Where did you come from? Is this your place? Are you done singing here? What is this thing called? Crying for La Yun'er.

B Oh, I understand...

A (pouring) Listen to their voices. Some are high and some are low, some are wide and some are narrow.

B That’s right.

A (pouring) You guys take care of everything with your voice, you have it all.

B That’s outrageous.

A (pouring) This is a storyteller.

B Yes, this is a storyteller. This one gets it. Knowing that this is a bookstore, it's easier to handle.

A Are you going to say no to this book once you interfere with it?

B: If you disturb me, are you still talking about my book?

A What is this?

B You understand, you are wise.

A Come on, let’s start reading now. Say a few words before opening the book.

B Of course, I want to say a few words about the book.

A (pouring) This thing must have literature.

B Yes.

A (pouring) said that there are many stars in the sky and the moon is unknown. This is the opening book.

B Who opens the book?

A (pouring) There are many stars in the sky and the moon is unknown...

B Hey, let's make this clear.

A (pouring) There are many underground rivers——, no, what do you say in the second sentence?

B Who said books?

A (pouring) It is... there are many stars in the sky and the moon is unknown.

B Seeing this, he wants to write a book.

A (pouring) There are many mountains in the river——

B There are many mountains in the river?

A (pouring) There are many fish in the mountains——

B Are there fish in the mountains?

A (pouring) No, there are many people in the fish——

B Hey! This is not fatal!

A (pouring) Come on, just read the four lines.

B What did you say, you? You haven't said it yet, just read it?

A (pouring) Everyone, sit still and speak, and listen to me slowly...

B Recite from memory.

A (pouring) suffers——

B suffers! You look like someone who is suffering.

A (Singing Qie Danzi Shu) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B What is this?

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom.

B Oh, this is called Xianzi.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom.

B Hey, I came with a string.

A (pouring) I’m going to give a lecture.

B Then let me listen to it first. I can't say anymore.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom. Come on, come on, come on, I'm going to give a lecture.

B is teaching.

A (pouring) I want to discuss books.

B Let’s talk about books.

A (pouring) I want to talk about books.

B Let’s talk about books.

A (pouring) I want to tell stories.

B is storytelling.

A (poor) I lost everything.

B all lost?

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B This string is very convenient, you can take it with you wherever you go.

A (singing) Hey - ah! Haha——!

B What? What is this? This is, huh?

A (pouring) This is a cliché.

B Is this a tune?

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B I don’t understand, maybe this is the meaning of Ga Diao in Beijing Opera.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B played again.

A (pouring) I said it once.

B Have you said it once?

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B This string is quite diligent.

A (pouring) I told it again.

B Good guy, twice.

A (pouring) discussed it again.

B Hey, three times?

A (pour) made another confession.

B Yes, four times.

A (pouring) When did I say that?

B I haven’t made up my mind yet, this one!

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B Just don’t play this string!

A (singing) Hey - ah! Haha——!

B It’s really not easy to learn this kind of tune that picks the tendons from the back of the head.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B Yeah.

A (singing in Shandong accent) said there is an eldest sister——

B How about it?

A (singing) She’s the one who has grown up——

B Why does it sound like a monkey trick to me?

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B I have never heard of this kind of thing.

A (singing) There is also an eldest sister, she was born with a standard.

B There is a eldest sister who was born with a standard. This time I understand it.

A (singing) She has a long-lasting mark.

B She has a natural mark.

A (singing) Why is she so cool?

B Then who knows?

A (singing) She looks so beautiful, so beautiful.

B This is not nonsense.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B plays the string very diligently.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B Forgot, forgot to play the string.

A (singing) This eldest sister... Come on, boom, boom, boom, boom...

B You can also play the string in half a sentence.

A (singing) After breakfast, he stood at the door.

B This aunt sells orders.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! This eldest sister is standing in front of the door.

B Look how nice this posture is.

A (singing) From over there——

B From over there.

A (singing) hits over there, (says pouring out) ah——, no, (singing) from this side——

B is in the wrong direction, from here Bian'er.

A (singing) From over there——

B From over there, yes.

A (singing) Don’t care which way it is——

B This co-author may not score it.

A (singing) Walking past a beard, a bumpkin.

B Xuzi, bumpkin, oh, these are bad people.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B Don’t play, you can continue singing.

A (singing) Hey - ah! Haha——!

B This kind of accent can be used everywhere, whether you sing or not, you can add it.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom! Brother, I called a grasshopper. Oh, look at the screaming grasshopper.

B It’s my brother, take a look. You also have to bring a translator.

A (singing) Look, you, you, you fight and fight.

B Hoo!

A (singing) Look how handsome this eldest sister is.

B is handsome.

A (singing) The second one said again, forget it, blow it, pull it down, just stop talking.

B What? Where are these four "bars"?

A (singing) Let her two big feet get damaged.

B Oh, look at this girl’s big feet.

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B Just stop playing this poor string, you can sing it.

A (singing) The two of them were talking about what they said but it was a coincidence or not -

How about B?

A (singing) Let this eldest sister hear it.

B It’s time for something to happen.

A (singing) This eldest sister will curse loudly.

B It’s urgent.

A (singing) scolding beards and bumpkins.

B is very popular.

A (singing) Say you go your own way in the street.

B Yes.

A (singing) You can’t control whether my feet are big or small.

B Originally.

A (singing) Who showed you?

B Who told you to see it?

A (singing) You won’t miss it.

B Yes.

A (singing) Your eyes will not be closed -

B.

A (singing) Keep both eyes closed, be careful if you fall into the ditch, no one will come to catch you.

B Yes.

A (singing) A good man finally came over and he stretched out his hand...

B Did you pull him up?

A (singing) covered the ditch.

B Ouch! How did you meet such a person? !

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B played again.

A (singing) I just scolded him until he was a bitch and a dirtbag and walked away.

B is gone.

A (singing) Let me learn from this big sister again.

How about B?

A (singing) She entered this street just as she was about to turn around.

B Oh.

A (singing) After closing the street door, he went upstairs to scratch.

B Listen, this word is so elegant, "scratching" means to go.

A (singing) She sat on the edge of the Kang.

B Sitting on the edge of the Kang.

A (singing) Take off the flower shoes.

B took off his fancy shoes.

A (singing) took off his socks.

B took off his socks.

A (singing) is not wearing socks.

B Yeah.

A (singing) Ke shook off the foot binding.

B Cough!

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B Okay! Just don't play.

A (Singing) Point your fingers and shout loudly. Listen to the shout.

B, are you listening to the scream?

A (singing) What about my feet?

B What about my feet?

A (singing) My feet are like——

B (Learning to sing) My feet are like——

A. My hot noodle dumplings Hey——

B I don’t eat that thing, hot noodles and dumplings?

A (singing) People’s feet are just like feet.

B Yeah.

A (singing) But why is it that the more you wrap yourself up, the thinner and slimmer you become? It’s better than chili peppers.

B Oh, little.

A (singing) How beautiful. My foot is also a foot, with no bran or ingredients added. Why is it getting fatter and fatter the more it is wrapped? If you take a quick look at it, you will see that it is better than bread.

B How do you compare with this?

A (singing) Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

B, why don’t you play again! It’s just a word like this, why bother playing it!

A (singing) She said she was really annoyed, but she was really angry. She picked up a steel knife for cutting vegetables——

B Oh, Something is going to happen!

A (singing) said that the steel knife was still there when I raised it, but when my steel knife fell, you were not stable anymore——, chop it down fiercely, and listened fiercely: click, click, click, click, click. , Ouch, my grandma——

Chopped off the second foot?

A (singing) Not chopped.

B didn’t chop it!

Please adopt,,