“I’m not happy”, 3 ways to stop being unhappy and keep laughing every day

Text/Ms. Zemu

A man went to see a doctor. He said to the doctor: "I feel very sad every day. I can't feel a trace of happiness. I don't want to live anymore." "

The doctor said: "It's simple. There is a skilled clown in the circus outside the city. His performance will make you laugh and cheer up. "

After listening. At the doctor's words, the man suddenly burst into tears and said painfully: "Doctor, I am that clown."

Although this is a joke, it can't help but make people feel distressed, even the clown who brings happiness to people Everyone will feel unhappy, let alone us ordinary people.

If you ask anyone, do you think you are happy? 90% of people will answer: "I am not happy."

Buddha said: "There are 7 kinds of suffering in life, birth, old age, illness and death, resentment and hatred, love and separation, and failure to seek."

We are trapped by all kinds of troubles, overwhelmed by negative emotions, unsatisfied, unable to feel happy, and at a loss.

But we have to admit that it is not anyone or anything that determines whether we are happy, but ourselves.

Andrea Irving, author of "How to Stop Being Unhappy," said: "The answer to happiness lies in connecting the past to your present behavior and exposing the things that make you miserable. It’s about facing obstacles and dealing with them under the sun, and loving yourself in the process.” Simply put, the key to happiness lies in your own hands.

Andrea Owen is a beautiful writer. She founded the online community "Your Life is Amazing" and authored the best-selling book "52 Ways to Live an Amazing Life". She travels all over the world Speeches have helped many people get out of trouble and find happiness.

In "How to Stop Being Unhappy", Andrea Owen pointedly pointed out 14 of the most common self-destructive behavior patterns that people are not aware of, namely inner self-criticism, isolation, Numbing mechanisms, comparing yourself to others, self-destruction, impostor syndrome, people-pleasing, perfectionism, trying to be strong, over-controlling others, catastrophizing, blaming others, pretending not to care, over-achieving, etc., and based on each Behavior provides direct and specific suggestions and solutions to help readers practice a new lifestyle, achieve self-improvement, accept themselves, and live out their true selves. This book has been translated into 18 languages, sold well all over the world, and has become a highly recommended book by Amazon readers in the United Kingdom and the United States.

Today let us find out the reasons for being unhappy and how to make ourselves happy and happy.

Some people are sad because of their work, some are sad because of their mortgage and car payments, and some are sad because their children are rebellious. Everyone has their own troubles, which are different, but there is only one result, which is to make themselves unhappy.

If you look into the root cause, you will find that all unhappiness actually comes from people’s inner shame. Being upset at work is because they are afraid of being fired by their boss, and being sad because of lack of money is because they are afraid of losing their place. , we are worried about being rebellious because we are afraid of being laughed at by others, because we believe that we are incomplete and imperfect.

This kind of shame is an innate instinct of human beings. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they opened a Pandora's box of human shame, allowing people to experience painful torture.

Everyone has an untouchable scar deep in their heart. We are most afraid of having this scar made public. In order to hide the scar, we begin to protect ourselves and do our best to avoid shame. Shame can become a force that causes us to unknowingly form 14 common and unknowing self-destructive behaviors such as self-criticism, shirking responsibility, pleasing others, and controlling others, thus making ourselves deep in sorrow and pain. In it, I can't extricate myself.

So how do we get rid of our inner shame and become a happy person?

A famous person once said: "Faced with our own imperfections, the only thing we can do is to truly identify with ourselves, accept ourselves, and appreciate ourselves. Only in this way can we truly embrace happiness."

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There is a 10-year-old boy whose dream is to become a judo champion, but unfortunately, he lost his left arm in a car accident, which made him very painful.

Later, he became a disciple of a Japanese judo master and learned judo for a long time. The master only taught him one move and soon took him to participate in a judo competition. Unexpectedly, the little boy actually defeated his opponent and entered the competition. The final.

Facing the tall and strong finalists, the little boy was scared and planned to give up the game, but the master asked him to continue, so he could only use his right arm to compete with his opponent. In the end, he He used his best move to knock the opponent to the ground, win the game, and win the championship.

He cried with joy. At this time, the master told him not to feel pain for his own disability, you have to admit it. It's accepting it and turning it to your advantage. It turns out that the little boy won the championship because he not only mastered the hardest move in judo, but because the opponent couldn't grab his left arm, he had to win. Competition.

Everyone is imperfect. We should not be ashamed of our shortcomings, or even escape reality, or always think that we are worse than others, thus making our lives miserable. Happiness.

In the book, the author tells us to admit shortcomings and shortcomings as much as possible, do our best, and take actions to change them, rather than destroy ourselves with perfectionism.

The author also provides a method to help us find deficiencies in various aspects of life. Now please take out a pen and list your deficiencies in the following aspects.

Check the list and ask yourself what things make you feel. Unhappiness tortures your heart. Only when we find the reason for our unhappiness, admit our shortcomings and accept it, can we truly see our own heart, establish new goals, and welcome a new life.

After identifying the reasons for your unhappiness through the above list, what should you do next to ensure that you no longer fall into the cycle of unhappiness?

The author believes that understanding and practicing your own value cognition is the solution to unhappiness? The only way, she said: “When you understand your own value perception, you will understand how important your lifestyle is, and we should think of your value perception as a north star, compass and road map. "So what exactly is value cognition?

Value cognition refers to what is most important to us and what we should do first.

Because if If you don't know who you are, what you are pursuing, and what your value perceptions are in life, then all your work will be meaningless, so we have to find something valuable in life.

The author digs deep into life. Things of value such as courage, freedom, balance, integrity, authenticity, intuition, creativity, good health, fun, adventure, faith, security, trust, personal growth and helping others.

When we list 2 to 3 value perceptions that belong to us, we can regard these value perceptions as our life's creed and practice them.

For example, when we regard courage as our own value recognition. When you know it, you can explore it through the following questions:

1. Set the boundaries of what you are afraid of

2. Ask for help when you need it

3. Trust with you Share your story with others

4. Persevere even if you are afraid

Therefore, we must know our own value and practice it unswervingly. , only by practicing can we see the results we want and gain happiness and happiness.

The author believes that practicing value recognition does not mean winning all the time and acting great. Some efforts are for us. Feel good and be proud of your actions

Although these mantras may seem a bit silly, if we do them regularly, we will understand their great power and we will become better and better. Be confident and become more and more proud until we live a richer and more fulfilling life.

In short, when we feel painful, sad, and extremely unhappy, we must know the reasons for our unhappiness, find our own value cognition, and practice it repeatedly, thus starting a path to our own happiness. road.

When a person decides to change himself, what he pursues will be unstoppable, and happiness is not far ahead.

Now, let me roll up my sleeves and use these methods to find my own path to happiness.

I hope each of us will never forget our original intention and become a pure, happy and graceful young man.