Classic humor joke king

Classic Humorous Jokes

Laughing more is good for your physical and mental health. For everyone’s health, here is the classic humorous jokes I compiled for you. I hope you like it.

1. When the goddess passed by, I quickly pinched my bad friend’s butt and said, “Speak a few words in my hometown dialect.” ?

After communicating fluently with my friend, I proudly showed off to the goddess who looked at me in surprise: "Foreign friends are lost, is it right to help others!"

The goddess smiled: ?You are also from Fuyang, Anhui. ?

I cried. . .

2. In the mall, my girlfriend pinched me hard and asked: Idiot, what do you think of this necklace?

I ouched and shouted: It hurts!

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3. Xiaoqing asked angrily: Fahai, where is my brother-in-law?

Fahai said: Amitabha, committed suicide.

Ah! Xiaoqing looked sad and angry: What about my sister?

Fahai sighed: She was killed by your brother-in-law.

Huh, I don’t believe it? Xiaoqing pulled out his sword: Are you lying to me?

Monks don’t lie. Fahai said: Your brother-in-law committed suicide by biting a snake!

4. The little crow was constantly putting stones into the bottle.

The elephant passed by and asked: Little Crow, what are you doing?

The Little Crow took a long breath and said: This bottle of Kola is half drunk and out of reach.

Poof! The elephant was happy, raised his nose and said: Damn! Do you think you always bring your own straw like me?

5. Liu Bei, Zhuge Liang, Zhang Fei, three People sit at the table.

At this time, the pawn came to report: Lord, something serious is going wrong. Guan Erye was defeated in Gambling City and was killed by Sun Quan.

Ah! What should we do? Liu Bei said: From now on, it will no longer be possible to get together at a table.

Zhang Fei stood up suddenly and said: Brother, let me kill Sun Quan, the black-hearted loan shark.

Liu Bei hurriedly put down the cards in his hand and stopped him: Third brother, no, if you have any shortcomings, the military advisor and I will not even be able to play Landlord.

6. Monkey Sun repeatedly violates the rules. The master couldn't help it and recited the tightening curse.

The pain made the monkey furious. As soon as the master stopped,

he shouted: "What a good Tang Sanzang!"

He raised his stick and started beating him.

Unexpectedly, just after I raised it above my head, my head started to hurt again.

What a bastard! Tang Monk took out a treasure from his pocket and said: Fortunately, I bought a repeater yesterday, otherwise you would have committed another murder when I was out of breath!

7. Are all students like this? They just have a holiday and feel that they need to play hard. After half the holiday, they think, there is still so much time anyway, so they can play hard again. The day before school starts, they think, anyway School is about to start. If you don’t play today, you won’t have to play in the future.

8. Yincai Poets

1. In "The Theory of Love of Lotus", Zhou Dunyi said: "I only love chrysanthemums". The poet believes that the word "love" is missing after A "explosion" word.

2. Chirping again and again, Mulan is weaving in the household. Poeticians believe that this opening title belongs to a musical composition, and the chirping again is not the sound of weaving, but most likely the shaking of the bed.

3. Poets agree that it is precisely the spring night that is worth a thousand pieces of gold, which gave the poet the famous ancient poem "spring sleep without realizing the dawn".

9. Some of my desires

1. It would be nice if I could feel as sleepy as when I wake up in the morning.

2. If only the boss paid wages as quickly as deducting wages.

3. If money were falling from the sky, no one would pick it up but me.

4. It would be great if all my girlfriends were as beautiful as Liu Yifei but not as coquettish as Zhang Baizhi.

5. It would be great if all boyfriends were as handsome as Huang Xiaoming but not as perverted as Chen Changxi.

10. Beauty: I saved a person yesterday.

Best friend: So powerful, who is he?

Beauty: An old man.

Best friend: What happened to him?

Beauty: His pacemaker suddenly broke and he almost died before the ambulance arrived.

Best friend: You also know about first aid, I haven’t heard you say that.

Beauty: How could I understand? I just lifted up my vest and let him look at my breasts.

Girlfriend:?

11. It’s noon again. After traveling all morning, Tang Seng and his disciples found a place to rest in the mountains.

Wukong: Master, I’m going to find something to eat. ?

Tang Seng, who had just sat down, stood up when he heard this: "Come back and let Bajie or Sha Seng go!"

Wukong was puzzled: "Master, what's the matter? Yes, I'm fast, wasn't I the one who went there before!?

Tang Monk gritted his teeth and stared at Wukong with red eyes: "I've been eating for five years. If you dare to pick peaches again, why?" The teacher is fighting with you!?

12. The president of the Royal Academy of Sciences of the Tang Dynasty reported to Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty: "Your Majesty, it's bad, the satellite flying to the moon has lost connection!"

Tang Taizong thought for a while and sent a text message to Tang Monk.

After seeing the text message, Tang Monk said to Bajie: "Wuneng, you are familiar with the Moon Palace. Go and find out why the satellite lost signal." ?

After a long time, Bajie rushed back from the Moon Palace, holding a form in his hand: ?Master, Sister Chang'e said, next time I sing according to this list, who dares to repeat the single "Dongfanghong" again? , she fought with him!?

13. Bao Bao and Ce Ce walked in the night.

Bao Bao sighed: Although the stars are dim, they still work hard to illuminate the entire starry sky.

Cece: What’s the use? There’s still a moon on your forehead, and it doesn’t illuminate the adult’s face.

14. Bao Bao: Gongsun Ce, I’m getting married.

Cece: Really, great, oh yeah.

Bao Bao: Why are you so excited when I get married?

CeCe: If you look like you can find a wife, why should I be anxious?

Bao Bao:?

15. Bao Bao: Ce Ce, you are single because you are useless, don’t keep complaining about my low salary.

CeCe: What should I do? You don’t pay much in the first place.

Baobao: If you chase more girls, you will always succeed.

Cece: Yes, I have chased many girls. When I heard that I was working under you, I admired you greatly.

Bao Bao: Isn’t this a good thing? Then why are you still single?

Cece: As soon as I heard about your salary, I ran away.

Bao Bao: Cece, if you don’t like the lack of money, you can raise some small animals and do some side business.

CeCe: It’s very hard for me to support my mother, and I also raise small animals. My mother has raised a lot of small animals.

Baobao: Isn’t this good?

Cece: My mother’s hands trembled when she ate the bread, and the crumbs she dropped fed a lot of ants.

Bao Bao:?

16. Bao Bao: Cece, let’s go eat mutton skewers together.

Cece: Okay.

Bao Bao: Think about it, I don’t take money with me when I go out.

Cece: It’s okay, I can run faster than you.

17. Cece: Mr. Bao, I would like to take a day off.

Baobao: What are you going to do on leave?

Cece: Go on a blind date.

Baobao: Did your mother force you to go on a blind date?

CeCe: Your mother B.

18. Baobao: What are your girlfriends’ zodiac signs?

Zhang Long: My girlfriend is an Aquarius.

Zhao Hu: My girlfriend is a Capricorn.

Dynasty: My girlfriend is a Pisces.

Ma Han: My girlfriend is a Sagittarius.

Bao Bao: Gongsun Ce, where is yours?

Ce Ce: My girlfriend is made of rubber?

19. Bao Bao goes on tour, the road When encountering a robber, Baobao picked up Cece and ran away.

Cece: Thank you for your consideration, but Gongsun Ce can run by himself, so I won’t trouble you.

Baobao: Lie down and don’t look at the many archers behind you.

20. He Shen: Liu Quan, do you think I am handsome?

Liu Quan: Of course I am handsome. I am a naturally handsome man.

He Shen: Just because I’m handsome, a man chatted with me today and I was so angry.

Liu Quan: Master, this is just your luck.

21. Qianlong: Liu Aiqing, and Aiqing, you see, this is the ginseng paid tribute by foreign countries.

Liu Yong: This is ginseng in the ground, much worse than the ginseng in the water.

He Shen: Mr. Liu, are you kidding me? Can ginseng grow in water?

Liu Yong: Ginseng in water is really powerful. There is a place for it. If not a blade of grass grows within a thousand miles, the people will not be able to survive.

Qianlong: What is the name of this ginseng?

Liu Yong: River ginseng.

He Shen:?

22. He Shen: Liu Quan, hurry up and pour me some tea. I’m so angry that Liu Yong defeated me in front of the emperor again.

Liu Quan: Don’t be angry, sir. You are the popular one in front of the emperor. He is jealous of you.

He Shen: Go and allocate a batch of high-quality rice to provide disaster relief. This time, we must do things beautifully.

Liu Quan: Then our losses are not small.

Heshen: Stupid, if this thing is done, how can the emperor’s reward be less? Besides, I will personally escort him there, and all the officials on the road will have to give me benefits. This business is very profitable.

23. Sun Wukong and Zhu Bajie came to a clothing store. Zhu Bajie put on a piece of clothing to try on. The store owner asked Bajie to look in the mirror. Sun Wukong said: Bajie, don’t take the photo, you are not human inside or out anyway.

Inoyasuke said: Try on some clothes and look in the mirror.

Sun Wukong said: Stop taking the photo, I know you want to say that I am a beast in disguise. ;