Urgent.. The Chinese New Year is coming soon. The department is organizing an event on the 8th. I can’t sing or dance. I can only tell some jokes.

The hilarious script of the three-person sketch: The Unparalleled Beggar

Time: Unknown

Place: On a busy street

Characters: Hong Qigong (H), Qiao Feng (Q), one person playing a small role (P)

General incident: the story that happened some time after two beggars met by chance on the street.

(Appearing, holding a rice bowl in hand)

H: The spring breeze of reform is blowing everywhere, it is not easy to be a beggar, you have to be humiliated, and even the urban management comes to attack! Hey, these days , it’s harder to be a beggar than it is for a college student to find a job. Isn’t that right? Did the urban management gang just come to attack again? They said that we people have no other effect except affecting the appearance of the city. If we are all gone in this small land, , haven’t all your urban management officers been laid off? Besides, it would be fine if the people at Chengguan really took us away. Once inside, we would be sheltered from the wind and rain, and we could stay for free, and we would have food and drink. A group of people can still chat together, which is simply the fairy-like life we ??long for. Not only did they want to confiscate my food rations, but they also took away my rice bowl, my hard-earned money, and even drove me out of my territory! If I hadn't run away and risked my life, I would have definitely lost my wife. Another enemy! Finally out of their search range, let’s rest here for a while, hey, I’ll just be waiting for money here!

(appear, holding a rice vat in hand)

Q: Those who come from south to north, those who run east and west, my brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, kindhearted people, please take pity on me. My family is poor and ugly. I have nothing. I wear clothes without sleeves, I lean on for warmth, and I keep taking medicine all day long. I have never eaten pork in my life. People are thinner than chopsticks, and their lives are not as good as those of dogs. Have mercy on me! (Kicked H's rice bowl)

H: Hey, what's wrong with you? Look, you kicked the paint off my exquisite rice bowl. I'll compensate you!

Q: Do you think your broken rice bowl is a BMW or a Mercedes-Benz? If a piece of paint falls off, you will have to pay for it. Go to the insurance company and ask for compensation!

H: Seeing that you are a poor beggar, I won’t make it difficult for you. Just give me your rice bowl and the money in it!

Q: It depends on what you said. Look. With your virtues, we seem to be traveling together! I have been hanging out on this street for several years, but I have never seen you? Are you new here?

(H turns around and talks to himself)

H: Is he the boss of this street? I have to test him (turns around) delicacies from mountains and seas, radish and cabbage!

Q: The leader is a wealthy student beggar!

H: Oops, floods have washed away the Dragon King Temple, and one family cannot recognize the other.

Sorry, here it is, this is my film (take out your business card)

Q: Anyone who doesn’t know is not guilty, I have one too (exchange business cards)

H: A feasting and feasting area Deputy chief rudder of the 67th branch of the Street Beggar Gang - Qiao Feng, oh my, I have admired you for a long time!

Q: Deputy chief rudder of the 38th branch of the Beggar Gang, Yuexia Street, Huaqian District - Hong Qigong, thank you!

H: Come on, come on, sit down

Q: Brother, why did you come to me when you weren’t staying at your place?

H: Aren’t you guys from the urban management team? They came here for another surprise inspection. I had to come here as a last resort. How was your income this morning?

Q: Hey, don’t mention it. , it has only reached this point in the morning. It is difficult to be a beggar these days! It is difficult to be a leader of beggars. 1

H: It is difficult to be a leader of beggars running around the streets.

Hamp; Q: Hey--------

(P comes on, holding Mengniu in his hand, and throws the package into the rice bowl, exits)

H: Ha, he used your rice bowl as a trash can!

(Q took the package and added a mouthful)

H: Hey, leave a mouthful for me!

Q: It’s delicious! I haven’t eaten meat for a few days! It’s so cool!

H: You ate it all in one bite, how does it taste?

Q: Sweet and sour is me!

H: Look at this packaging, how beautiful it is, look at this handsome man and beautiful woman, how handsome this man is!

Q: You said you Why are you so ignorant? These are two girls, don’t you recognize them? They are the most popular super girls last year - He Jie and Li Yuchun!

H: Who cares about super boys and super girls? I kept this package. There is a prize. Maybe you win 5 million or something, and you don’t have to be a beggar in this life.

Q: OK, when you win the prize and win two cows, you Just drink milk every day, and use milk when you take a bath!

(P comes on, holding a flyer, and throws a handful of flyers into the rice bowl, ending)

H: This This guy is very affordable. He is really lazy. It saves him trouble. Are these MLM people so cunning?!

Q: You are so uneducated. That is called handing out leaflets. What is MLM!

H: Ah, selling flyers, called MLM for short!

Q: Let me see what they are selling

H: Do you know the words? Take these Wrong!

Q: Why can’t I read? I have passed Level 6 in elementary school!

H: Just you?

Q: Pinyin Level 6 Well! I’m not bragging to you, I went to primary school for eight years

H: Oh, you’re recommended to graduate school?

Q: Look, Nike and Adidas have greatly reduced their prices, and shorts are only for sale Two hundred and eighty! Only selling for 280, one pair of pants is enough for me to eat for three months!

H: You see, your consumption concept is not good. They are famous brands, especially those nowadays. College students, no matter how miserable their lives are, they must wear famous brands!

Q: xx shoe store has a crazy promotion, buy one, get two free!

H: Yes, buy a pair Shoes will give you two shoelaces!

Q: Go to a famous tutoring agency center to provide you with tutoring in various subjects and ensure that your child is admitted to a famous university!

H: You also Don’t you know the current tutors? They are all college students. They don’t teach anything in class, they just chat with you. They don’t pay a penny, but the children’s grades have not improved.

Q: I don’t read it anymore. It's all false advertising

H: Hey, what do you think if we also distribute flyers, we can make a lot of money in a day

Q: You can pull it off, just because of your image. , it’s too late for people to hide when they see you, how dare they accept your flyers?

H: I don’t know how to package myself. People say I look like Chow Yun-fat, but actually I look like Andy Lau.

Besides, if it doesn’t work, let’s send the flyers to our brothers

Q: Don’t dream there. It’s during the day and you may not earn as much as you do now, just like those on the flyers. Those who make false advertisements may go out of business that day, and they may become our little brother by then

(P comes on, throws a coin in the rice bowl, ends)

H: thank you you very much!

Q: Oh, why did you say the bird's song?

H: Didn't you see that person just now? He has yellow hair. He must be a foreigner. Maybe What I threw in were euros! I can’t embarrass our Chinese beggars, I have to express my gratitude!

Q: That’s not necessarily the case. Nowadays, it’s normal for young people to follow the fashion and dye their hair. At that time, I While squatting at the entrance of xx University, he saw a woman with red hair today, yellow hair tomorrow, and purple hair the day after tomorrow. From Monday to Sunday, he dyed it red, orange, yellow, green, clear blue, and purple, and finally got that Her hair looks like a mop

H: No matter, let me see what a euro-yuan card looks like

(H took out the coin from the rice bowl, took a look at it, and threw it away)

Q: What’s wrong? Why did you throw away the euro? How do you let others pick it up?

H: That guy is not kind, he just used a ten cent coin to fool me. , is that for people begging for food?! How can you get a dime now? You have to pay 5 cents anyway

(P comes on the stage, takes a five-dollar note, and throws it into the rice jar, Take out four coins)

P: Hey, brother, I’m sorry, I don’t have any change on the bus, please change some! (End)

H: Can he bring counterfeit coins? Are you deceiving us? (Pick up the money and shine it into the lamp)

Q: Then let’s curse him. If he deceives us with counterfeit money, let him have a car accident

H : Yes, he can’t take care of himself

(P comes on stage with a newspaper in hand)

P: Legal Newspaper, Story Newspaper, the newly published Sports Newspaper, let’s take a look at a twenty-year-old Why did the three-year-old take the college entrance examination six times in a row? Why did the newly admitted college students jump off the building? Fake rat poison appeared in the food in the university cafeteria. Why did the graduate students in the prestigious university cruelly tortured twenty-eight kittens? Take a look and know everything! Read the newspaper and read the newspaper , why is smoking in the university study room repeatedly banned? The cause of a murder was just a ruler. If you want to learn more about the eight honors and eight shames, come and buy my newspaper

Q: Give me a copy (take it Newspaper)

H: Do you still read newspapers?

Q: That’s right, you have to see the current social situation clearly and care about national affairs (take out a pair of glasses)

H: The equipment is quite complete

Q: That’s right. I bought these glasses on clearance that day at the Blind Cat Eyeglasses store. They cost five yuan. The boss said at the time that they were only five yuan. I won't sell any more or less. I took out ten yuan and the boss said, "Give me change. I don't have any change for you." I said, "Just ten yuan. Why don't you take it all?" The boss became anxious at that time and said , what do I want from you if I charge you five yuan more? If word spreads about this, and it is said that I charged a beggar five yuan more, how will I behave in the future?

H: What happened next?

Q: Later I gave him fifty dime coins

H: You two are very good, come on, give me one to look at, I want the one from the cultural and sports section (H took out A magnifying glass)

Q: Don’t look at the sun, it will burn! Look at the headlines. All over the country are studying the Eight Honors and Eight Disgraces and establishing a socialist concept of honor and disgrace. Hey, it’s time for us to learn a lesson. It’s become one of the Eight Shames for us to idle around all day long and rely on others’ charity for food!

H: I think Chinese football should learn a lesson. Look, , Zhao Benshan was disheartened and said he did not want to wade into this troubled waters again.

You see, each of them makes more money than us, but their feet are much smellier than ours

Q: Isn’t that right? Hey, why is it raining now?

H: Great, I haven’t showered in months!

(Q’s cell phone rings)

Q: Hello? Hello! Hello! Hello? Ah, what, bigger Sound, oh, the city management people are coming? Ah? Hello? Hello? Hello!---- PHS, the signal is not good, the brother below said, the city management people are coming, let’s hide for a while

H: OK, pack up and leave quickly (H’s cell phone rings) Hello? I knew earlier that the city management was coming, right? What do you think? The news is so slow, you won’t have anything to eat tonight! Let’s leave quickly - ----