Classical Chinese version of funny jokes

1. What humorous jokes are there in classical Chinese? 1. "Praise money" 1. Original: A person gets lost, meets the mute, and doesn't answer questions. Only when he makes money by hand means that he will get money, will he be willing to guide him. This man means counting money with him. The dumb man opened his mouth and pointed out the way. The man asked, "Why? Dumb: "In today's world, talk if you have money! "2. A lost man met a mute who didn't answer. "Dumb" will only give money by hand and show the way. The lost man understood the meaning and immediately took out some money to the "dumb". "Dumb" opened his mouth and pointed to the road. The lost man asked, "Why do you pretend to be deaf?" "Dumb" said: "In today's world, you can talk if you have money. "

3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods, a collection of signature games in the Qing Dynasty, mostly jokes in the Ming and Qing Dynasties. Second, "righteousness" 1, the original text: the most greedy official.

One day, two people were arrested (tried) for dysprosium, and the plaintiff gave fifty gold. When the defendant heard about it, he paid double the bribe. The trial, regardless of the reason, draws lots to beat the plaintiff.

The plaintiff will make a gesture of counting to five and say, "Small is reasonable." The official also replied with his hand: "Slave, you are right."

He shook his hand and said, "He is more reasonable than you." 2. An official is very greedy. One day, he arrested the plaintiff and defendant for trial. The plaintiff gave the official 520 gold, and the defendant doubled the bribe as soon as he heard it.

When the court opened, officials drew lots indiscriminately and beat the plaintiff. The plaintiff pointed his finger and said, "I'm right."

The official also held out five fingers and said, "Slave, although you are right", and then turned his hand and said, "He is more right than you!" 3, source: rational, pinyin yǒu lǐ, from A Dream of Red Mansions. 3. "Confusion" 1, the original text: A young blind man was involved in the lawsuit and complained of blindness.

The official said, "How can you cheat when you have a pair of white eyes?" Answer: "The master thinks that the villain is innocent, and the villain thinks that the master is confused." 2. A green-blind man was involved in a lawsuit. He argued that he was blind.

The official said, "Your eyes are blue and white. What are you pretending to be blind? " The man replied, "You look at me innocently, but I think you are confused!" " "3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods. Fourth, "Du Zi helps out" 1, the original text: A military attache goes out and loses.

Suddenly there is a magic weapon to help, and the victory is great. The military attache knocked on God's name, and God said, "I am the god of stacks."

The military attache asked, "What is the virtue of that young man, who dares to work hard to save the immortal?" God said, "I only feel that you have never hurt me with an arrow in the teaching field." 2. Once upon a time, a military commander went to war and was about to fail.

Suddenly, with the help of the magic warrior, defeat turned into victory. The military commander kowtowed and asked the name of God, and the immortal said, "I am a stack god."

The military commander said, "What kind of kindness and ability do I have to ask the stack god to save me?" The god replied, "I only thank you for never hurting me with an arrow when you practice archery on the school playground." 3. Source: Selected from Pu Songling's Strange Tales from a Lonely Studio in Qing Dynasty.

Five, "Tian Jian Swallow Chicken" 1, the original text: A rich man has more than one acre, and rents it to Zhang San, and each acre gets a chicken. Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the owner of the field chanted, "This field is different from Zhang San." Zhang San quickly offered the chicken, and the owner shouted, "Who would Zhang San be without it?" Zhang San said, "I didn't hear about it at first, but I heard about it later. Why? " Master Tian said: "At first, the chicken didn't say anything. Later, I did it when I saw it."

2. A rich man, who has extra fields at home, wants to rent three kinds of land to Zhang, (on condition) giving a chicken per acre. Zhang San put the chicken behind his back, and the farmer (the rich man) sang, "This field will not be cultivated by Zhang San." Zhang San quickly took out the chicken for him. Tian Zhu sang "Who won't give it back to Zhang San?" Zhang San said: "I just heard you say that you didn't give me (seeds), and then you gave me seeds." Why? " The owner said: "I didn't talk about chicken (recording) at first, but I did it as soon as I saw the chicken (machine)." 3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods.

2. What are the funny self-created paragraphs in classical Chinese? 1: There was a fish named Kunda in the north of Ming Dynasty.

One pot can't be stewed.

Turn it into a bird, called Pumbaa-sized bird.

We need two barbecue grills.

A polysaccharide and a slightly spicy.

Have a bottle of snowflakes.

Let's face the world bravely.

2. An official sitting in court occasionally farts and says "refreshing". Officials don't know, and they mistakenly think that they are rewarding officials, hoping to win their favor. They knelt down and said, thank you for your reward!

3: The monkey died, saw Hades and asked for a replacement. Wang said, "If you want to be a man, you must pull out all your hair." He's the one who told the hag to do it and pulled out one. The monkey is in great pain. Wang smiled and said, "Bastard, how can you be a man without money?"

4. Isn't it a pleasure to have friends come from afar and whip them dozens of times to drive them away from the hospital?

5. Confucius said: It's not appropriate to hit with bricks. It depends on your face. You can't shout any more. Your right hand is almost finished with your left hand, and the brick is almost broken with your shoes. You are dying, but you are not dead. How can you be alone with your friends? It's an honor.

Classical Chinese is a processed written language based on ancient Chinese. The earliest written language based on spoken language may have been processed. Classical Chinese is an article composed of written language in ancient China, mainly including written language based on spoken language in pre-Qin period. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, no articles were invented to record characters, but bamboo slips, silks and other things were used to record characters, and silks were expensive, bamboo slips were huge and the number of words recorded was limited. In order to record more things on a roll of bamboo slips, unimportant words were deleted. Later, when "paper" was used on a large scale, the habit of using "official documents" among the ruling classes had been finalized, and the ability to use "classical Chinese" had evolved into a symbol of reading and literacy. Classical Chinese comes from vernacular Chinese, characterized by writing based on words, paying attention to the use of allusions, parallel prose, and neat melody, including strategies, poems, words, songs, stereotyped writing, parallel prose and other styles. The classical Chinese in modern books are generally marked with punctuation marks in order to facilitate reading and understanding.

3. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What plane does she fly? Boeing 747.

I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I was ill. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang was not heard at the end of the year.

3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.

I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.

I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.

Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.

7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.

8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.

9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.

10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.

4. A good joke of about 50 words is rewarded with 5 points. One night, I was walking on the platform, but I saw a woman with long hair floating in the air. I couldn't help but take a look.

After a while, the woman suddenly stopped and stared at me. Yu:' am I not handsome?' But I saw Yi's eyes wide open and her mouth twitched.

I sighed:' Am I too ugly?' I only see that Yi's eyes are getting bigger and bigger, and her mouth is getting bigger and bigger. I'm scared.

I am a gentleman. I have never offended her, let alone met her. I almost wanted to turn and run away when I heard Iraq shout ... ah ... "choo!" " Yi rubbed his nose and drifted away. I'm already sweating. I am cloth, I started with words, and I missed three years; After practicing martial arts, the tinker made arrows, drummed hundreds of officials, and kicked out with disorderly sticks; He studied medicine, entered the department of clinical medicine, studied hard for five years and made some achievements. He wrote a good prescription, ate it and died.

When I arrived in the underworld, I waited for Emperor Yan to ascend to the DPRK for a long time. I can't stand it. I asked him, and the ghost soldier said: Wang read the document with his feet and laughed wildly. He was startled in the backyard and didn't wake up ... Che Yin Bao Ying, a famous scholar, studied it, and Sun Kang Xue Ying studied it. One day, Kang went to visit Yin. Without seeing him, he asked where to go. The doorman said, "He went out to catch fireflies."

When I answered Bai Kang, I saw Kang standing idle in the court and asked, "Why don't you study?" Kang said, "I don't think it will snow today." -(Ming) Master Fu Bai's series "Laughing Forest" was sold with a dumb voice. People asked them the reason and said, "I'm hungry."

He asked, "If you are hungry, why don't you eat cake?" Said, "It sucks." (Two people whisper)-(Ming) Master Fu Bai's series "Laughing Forest" rice can talk. The wife of Li Ji, a native of Yan, is coquettish and dissolute, and often has an affair with a teenager next door.

When Li Ji heard about it, he came up with a way to catch him. One morning, Li Ji pretended not to be in town, but he looked carefully in the yard. I saw the neighbor's boy quickly enter the back room of Li Ji's house and plug in the door.

Ricky immediately jumped out of the car and knocked at the door. The wife was very scared in the house and asked the boy, "My husband is here. What should I do? " The teenager was anxious and asked, "Is there a window?" The wife said, "There are no windows."

The boy asked again, "Is there a cave?" The wife said, "There is no cave either." The teenager said helplessly, "How can I get out?" At this time, the wife saw a cloth bag by the wall and said happily, "Great."

The boy hurriedly got into the bag, let her put it on the floor in front of the bed, and told her, "If your husband asks, just say it's rice." After packing, the wife quickly turned and opened the door to let Ricky in.

Li Ji looked indoors again and found no adulterer. He came to the bed slowly and saw that the bag was full, and it felt particularly heavy to lift it. He asked his wife, "What is this?" The wife was so flustered that she forgot the instructions of the teenager and hesitated for a long time without telling her the reason. When Ricky saw that his wife looked suspicious, he continued to ask more sharply.

The boy in the bag was afraid of the exposure and could not help but answer, "I am Michaelis." When Li Ji heard this, he caught the adulterer and the adulterer on the spot and killed them. Friendly reminder: cheaters quit! ]-Ming Luzhuo's "Sad Son Hou Yu" One year, when he was drunk, he passed the door of Lu's participation in politics and threw up all over the floor.

The janitor of Lujia came over and scolded, "How dare you get drunk and spit at my door!" " Yugong raised a pair of drunken eyes, squinted contemptuously at the doorman and said, "It was your door that didn't cover the right place and actually pointed at my mouth!" " The doorman thought the drunken man's speech was very interesting, so he retorted with a smile, "My door has been built for a long time. Was it built in front of your mouth today? " Yu Gong pointed to his mouth and said, "Lao Zi's mouth has existed for several years! -Ming Fu Baizhai's "Ya Dou" owner fools eat wine. There was a man whose family was poor, and he couldn't afford to drink, and his capacity for alcohol was not good. However, he loves to pretend to love face. Every time he goes out, he eats two distiller's grains cakes, feeling a little drunk, as if he had just drunk wine.

One day, he met an old friend on the road. Seeing that he was a little drunk, his friend asked, "Did you just drink wine this morning?" He answered truthfully, "No, I only ate two bad cakes." He went home and told his wife about it.

His wife gave him advice and said, "If someone asks again in the future, you can say that you have drunk, or you can pretend to be." He nodded in agreement.

I met that friend the next day, and he said he had drunk. The friend suspected that he had lied and asked, "Is it hot or cold?" He replied, "It's baked." Hearing this, my friend smiled and said, "You still ate the cake."

When he got home, he told his wife about it, and she scolded him and said, "How can I say anything about baking wine?" ? Said it was a hot drink in the future. "He said remember.

The third time I met that friend, before his friend could speak, he boasted, "My wine is so hot today." The friend asked, "How much did you eat?" He held out two fingers and said, "Two."

-Ming Fu Bai Zhai master "Laughing Forest" cheated rice well. A man was so hungry on the road that he came to a family to steal food. He said to his master, "I can mend the needle nose, but I have to eat something to work."

The master was very happy, so he gave him a meal and found out all the broken needles and noses. When the man finished eating, the master asked him to mend them. The man said, "Bring the broken needle nose, too."

-Pan Ming Youlong "Laughing Zen Record" A person is on the road outside. It's getting late, and he wants to spend the night in a nearby temple, but he's worried that the monks in the temple won't agree. He went up to the doorman and said, "I have an inexhaustible thing that I want to give to Bao Si." Hearing this, the monk not only readily agreed to let him in, but also showed special respect to him.

The next morning, the monk came to say hello and asked, "What is the inexhaustible object that the benefactor said?" The man pointed to a bundle of broken bamboo curtains he put in front of the Buddha statue and said, "If you use it as a lantern stick, will it be inexhaustible?" -Pan Ming Youlong's "Laughing Zen Record" was filmed into a net. There is a fisherman and his wife. Their family is very poor. Even in the cold winter, there is no quilt, so they have to use fishing nets to keep out the cold. In the middle of the night, they put their fingers out of the net and felt extremely cold.

The couple secretly rejoiced and said, "How can those who don't have quilts live on such a cold winter night?" -Feng Ming magnum "Laughing Room" There are three people sleeping in the same bed in a trance. In the middle of the night, one person feels itchy on his leg, and in a trance, he is on the second person's leg.

5. Is there a small paragraph in classical Chinese? A scholar will be seventy years old and suddenly have a son.

Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.

The next year, another son was born. He smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a baby at such a big age."

Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."

There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".

In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".

The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.

The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my relatives." So many times, colleagues are tired.

Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."

There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.

The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."

Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.

The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."

Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.

The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."

The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."

A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."

Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, and hurriedly called the servant to add rice to him.

Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.

Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.

My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."

The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.

My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.

He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"

There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."

Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "

One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.

His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I hide this big lie? "

The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.

The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "

The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."

The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" What is even more unexpected is that this learning platform is good at diuresis and urination. "Afraid of the examinee's original text, the scholar is afraid of the New Year's exam. As soon as he heard that he got off the platform, he went to the platform in a flurry. Goodbye.

6. The funny classical Chinese butcher started less than half of his business, but he couldn't damage the chief father's hill.

Today, we have a huge soup. Fiona Fang is seven miles away. This sincerity can be a tree with an inch diameter, a piece of jade, a beautiful island and a rock. However, the guards' ministers were filthy, loyal ministers were frozen thousands of miles away, and snow drifted in Wan Li. The cover chased the butchers all day to see the beautiful scenery of the field, and the more they looked, the more they entered.

Sincerely, it is advisable to cut bamboo and take the road and go to the countryside to feel homesick. Don't hold a holy meeting and stab me in the face to block the way of loyalty. The palace is full of smelly oil and rotten sauce, and there are rows of fines.

If there are criminals, honest and kind, they should show their tails and bare their breasts to show their unkindness. Assistant ministers Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, Zhang, etc. Are they all animals? Do they jump big? , is a butcher like a tourist, Jane.

Fools think that if they learn to read, they can "click" and read the drums all around and scatter tirelessly. Donkeys and generals in Guizhou love to make noises during sex. He tried in the past. The butcher called it "two wars, and he wanted to go first" because he regarded Zhong Yong as a satrap.

Fools think that knowing the dispute will make their flag weak, and their chaos will be invincible. Feet confused, eyes blurred. This is why the Han Dynasty was so prosperous; I was confused by my own eyes, I was confused by my own feet. Since then, the Han Dynasty has been so depressed.

When the butcher is around, every time I look at his minister with a knife, I sigh that I am not a good marksman. Taihang, the palace, the son of the neighbor, the snake god, I know that I am a minister who died of chastity. I hope your majesty believes that then the Han Dynasty will be overthrown and nothing can be done.

I don't know who Chun Han is, but he is as tall as two millet. He devoted his whole life to the hidden place in the north, risking his life for the people of Wen Da in Chu. The butcher does not regard his ministers as fierce and chivalrous, but cares about him from left to right. Thanks to the three ministers in the Broken Mountain Temple, the butcher was allowed to live a quiet life with his territory and could not stay long.

When the post-value is overturned, when it is appointed at the end of the road, it ranks between two stocks, and it is useless for you to come. The butcher knew that my minister had thrown my food bar and cup aside, and I couldn't eat or drink, so he knocked my minister to the ground.

Since he was appointed, he has always supported yellow on the left and blue on the right. He only knew how to shoot an eagle with a bow, and he was afraid that the entrustment would not work, so he hurt the young madman of the first emperor. So he brushed Zhang Suiyang with his sleeve and didn't dare to play. Today, the South China Sea has decided that the military revolution is not unyielding, and there is not much rice and millet. When the three armed forces were awarded prizes, they ordered the barbecue for 800 miles, but they were mixed with the former dynasty.

Therefore, the minister reported that the butcher's duty was to go home by the wind. As for the losers who sing on the road and the walkers who rest in the trees, Yu Shinan, Suiyang and Fang Ping will be appointed.

May your majesty languish for Iraq. If not, shoot it and sue the butcher knife.

If there are no novelists, blame the south, which has no good opinion of Yang and is slow to respond. Your majesty will also entertain guests and cut his throat.

I am very grateful to you. I am far away now. I'm fighting two wars, and I want to go first.