Find three jokes

Today, when my daughter-in-law drove to the intersection, she saw that the green light was coming to an end and there was another car ahead. She quickly advised, "be steady and slow. If you can't get through, forget it and wait." Daughter-in-law was silent, stepped on the accelerator and rushed over in two directions, then glanced at me with her eyes and said coldly, "I never bow to fate." 」?

2. I heard that there is a debate topic in the school: "The debate is valuable." As a result, the other debater didn't come at all that day. ?

I heard that college students help migrant workers to grab tickets. Lao Zhou was deeply moved and suggested that we also help to grab tickets. Everyone nodded and began to prepare computers and mobile phones. When he left, Lao Zhou appeared with stockings on his head.

You know, my friend, when you proudly say "I told you so", no one will think you are smart, and only wonder why you have not been hacked to death.

5. break down on the expressway, stop in the emergency lane and call the expressway management office. Several uncles in uniform came, one of whom had a uniform beard and a sad face, told us that they were from the Griffin Team of Hunan High-speed Traffic Police, and the trailer100km 300 yuan. I can't help but respect them There must be some dragonflies and unicorns in other sections. Later, the invoice said rescue team. ?

6. Today, I was walking in the street when an old woman came over. When I passed her, she grabbed my arm and lay down slowly. I was scared. Suddenly ask yourself: How much money is left in the bank card? Is it enough for grandma to correct me once? Twenty seconds later, the grandmother stood up again, patted the dirt on her body and said, "Young man, it's exciting enough. Life is full of surprises! " "Say that finish and left. ?

According to my observation, most of my students who love to sleep late have accomplished nothing, and those who can persist in getting up early are in poor spirits all day. ?

8. Happiness is not far away from us. I have always been with our good-looking, well-off, smart and optimistic friends. ?

9. My girlfriend wants to break up with me because she saw me licking the bottle cap while drinking yogurt. I explained to her that this is thrift, which is our fine tradition. She said angrily, that's not true! You can't lick such a shallow bottle cap! ?

10. I was particularly depressed when I first went to college, because my female classmates despaired of me and I despaired of my roommates. ?

1 1. Tian took a cute photo of his son going to the studio and spent 3000 yuan. I said your SLR is for dogs. He was deeply moved on the spot ... today I saw him studying what kind of dog to keep among his classmates. ?

12. One day, the son asked his father: How did you catch up with your mother? ?

Father: I met a couple in the street that day. The woman is a goddess and the man is a fat man. I was very angry, so I went over to him and said, beauty, be my girlfriend. Your boyfriend is really ugly. ?

Son: I seem to understand something. ?

Father: I know your sister. Later, he was seriously injured by the fat man. He cost me a lot of money. I used that money to go to Vietnam and marry your mother. ?

13. I went to a foreign company for an interview and was asked to read an English manuscript. At least I am a graduate of a key university, and I read every letter easily. The other party kicked me out in shock. I know this is jealousy! ?

14. I helped my friend take care of the children yesterday. . A four-year-old child asked me, Brother, why are you so ugly? I thought about it. Speak in his ear and don't tell anyone. In fact, I am the future you. He cried for about 30 minutes. ?

15. As long as a person keeps doing a boring thing, he will feel sick. For example, I vomited many times today and felt like vomiting. ?

16. Sambo, Meng Ying, Dai Lei and Zhan Gang of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs; Chunying is "I don't know! Never heard of it! " Hong Lei is ". Did you see me do it? Never done it? Qin Gang is concise. Yes, your uncle, your father and I did it. ?

17. I thought of a potential crowdfunding project today. . . ?

1: 1 incandescent light bulb lollipop. . . ?

18. Last night, I went to the toilet in the middle of the night. On a whim, I played with myself in front of the mirror, and every time I tied. After more than an hour, I finally won. So I slept contentedly. Now that I think about it, what seems to be wrong?

19. I have special online interview skills. If the examiner can't answer for a while, my expression will be fast and stiff, and I will twist it every two seconds, making an intermittent "ah, uh, oh" sound, making him think it is a video card. ?

20. The book says that you go shopping with your girlfriend to buy clothes, and her girlfriend says it's too expensive, so you should pay at the cashier without hesitation. I thought it made sense, so I did it. Now I have a wardrobe of high-end men's wear. ?

2 1. At the meeting today, the boss suddenly took a deep breath and said seriously, I am a pineapple. Everyone froze and began to think about what fruit it was. Then, he said, I hope you can be my swift horses ...?

22. My honest buddy said that he would show the goddess the stunt of "breaking walnuts". Good boy, you can't hide this stunt. Dude stood up, took out walnuts and put them on the table. Then I was so angry that I suddenly pressed my hands on my head. . . . . . ?

23. I don't want to generalize, but some Virgo students do have this problem: the papers are neatly written and clean, but the answers are all wrong. ?

24. Put my brother to sleep at night. He doesn't want to sleep anyway. I carried him to bed, and he cried that there was a ghost under the bed. I looked down at an identical brother lying under the bed and told me that there was a ghost in his bed. . . . . . ?

25. Last night, I dreamed that the gangster put a knife rest on my neck and said, "Your time has come!" "My first reaction was:" Ten years of trouble with interest. " ?

26. Q: What is your unique way of losing your family? A: I always thought that the charging treasure was disposable, and I threw away several. ...

26. Walking in the street, an aunt on the roadside asked, "Handsome boy, do you shine shoes?" I wonder if I'm idle, so I'll wipe one and earn at least three yuan. ?

I have learned a lot from my predecessors these days. For example, "199 1 year" can be written as "early 1990s". ?

28. A man opposite the train, we started making instant noodles at the same time. While waiting with the lid on, the goods asked me what flavor I had, and I answered braised beef. He patted his instant noodles and added, I have seafood. That tone, it seems that the living standard is higher than me by more than one grade. My second Olympic Games! ! ?

29. Cao Cao's family invited his minister, but during the dinner, two concubines quarreled because of their rivalry for favor. The two insisted on fighting to the death and clamored for the Prime Minister to make his own decisions. Cao Cao was so angry that he had a headache and shouted at him, "You both die together!" There was a sudden silence around. Suddenly, a military commander rushed out of his seat, knelt on the ground and shouted, "I will thank the Prime Minister for his reward at the end! ?

30. In the face of the forensic report, police officer Wang fell silent and thought for a long time before saying to the forensic doctor, "What word did you write?" ?

Hope to adopt! ! ! Please, please.