Humorous jokes about hospital surgery

Dr. Wang Xiaoya rushed into the operating room and asked the injured with concern, "Do you know where you are injured?" The patient shook his head hard, and Wang went on to say, "Give you three alternative answers! A) rib fracture b) massive thoracic hemorrhage c) intracranial hemorrhage! " The patient gritted his teeth and said "A". Wang smiled and said, "Are you sure? You can also call for help. " The patient vomited blood crazily and said, "I want to call dad!" " ""Well, your communication time is only thirty seconds. " "Dad, I can't. Change hospitals quickly. . . . . . "

No2。 Li Yong:

Dr. Li Yong rushed into the operating room, looked at his condition and said, "Now the patient needs it. (All nurses shout together) Fortunately, it is the first level. " Then he punched the injured person in the face.

Third. Ni Ping:

Ni Ping rushed into the operating room at the fastest speed, and two lines of liquid flowed out of his eyes at the fastest speed, and said to all the nurses emotionally, "Actually ... he (referring to the patient) has been wandering outside for more than two hours. How homesick he is, how much he misses his mother, and how much he wants to hug the baby who is not yet full moon, but now ... "Ni Ping wiped her tears and said to the patient," Please tell your relatives at home. Express your feelings at the moment! " (All nurses applauded with tears), and the patient struggled to open his mouth: "Shit, I'm hopeless!" " "

Fourth place. Han Qiaosheng:

Han Qiaosheng flew into the operating room and said to all the nurses, "This patient was knocked down by an Audi A6 at lightning speed. The specific injury location seems to be the head ... Oh, sorry, it's the foot ... "A nurse reminded him:" Dr. Han, his chest is bleeding! " Han glared at her and then said, "The patient's height is1.75cm; Weight is about 180 kg; " All nurses fall to the ground. Finally, Han Qiaosheng began to arrange the operation task: "1, you are responsible for observing the patient's electrocardiogram; No.2, you are responsible for giving the patient an electric shock; No.3, responsible for stitching the patient; The patient () is responsible for anesthetizing the patient (the address is unknown and in his mouth); " ! The patient cried and said, "My life is very difficult! You have to do it yourself to play anesthetic. "

Fifth place. Ju Ping:

Ju Ping floated into the operating room and said to the nurses, "Please pay attention to all nurses. This is an injured patient with a round head and a bleeding stomach inside his coat. You may think he is different in peacetime because he was hit by a car. " The nurses nodded vigorously, and one nurse took the initiative to sew up the wound. Ju Ping smiled at her. "Xiaohong, your China is really ligated." The patient spat out the last mouthful of blood and said, "That's my intestines!" "

No.6 Zhao Zhongxiang

Dr. Zhao Zhongxiang calmly walked into the operating room and said to the nurses, "Like most animals, whenever human beings want to prolong their injured lives in an emergency, there will be a person who will be responsible for timely treatment. There are many examples of self-treatment in this fauna, such as cobras living in Africa, which can heal their wounds by themselves ... Look, this man is struggling and trembling, and this is the self-treatment instinct of the human body coming into play. The patient cried out in pain, "My God! Who told you to call me a vet! "