Are there any funny jokes?

I am a traditional man (and then a traditional boy). I had never left the countryside before I went to college. Even when I went to college, I was still like a country boy in the first semester, and I didn't know any city customs! I remember that most of my classmates were not surprised that someone started living together less than two weeks after school started, but it surprised me for a long time, because gf and I didn't hold hands in filming for half a year.

Let's get down to business. Of course, I never heard of sanitary napkins before I went to college, because no one used them in our high school. Besides, I don't know if it is useful, but few people used it at that time. When I went to college, I heard more about this word, but I didn't understand its real purpose, so I didn't care much. In my mind, sanitary napkins are high-grade toilet paper, which is used by rich people. I have no money, of course I won't buy it, but to be honest, I was looking forward to using sanitary napkins one day.

This yearning lasted for about a semester, and finally waited for the opportunity. In the winter vacation of freshman year, gf, who studied in Guangzhou, stayed at school to make money. At that time, she dated for a short time and didn't see each other often. Of course she misses it, so I decided to go to Guangzhou to "visit relatives". I borrowed my student ID card and bought a ticket. I was so excited that I suddenly remembered one thing: sanitary napkins; At that time, I thought to myself: How high is the consumption level in Guangzhou? Everyone there should use sanitary napkins. If I bring a roll of toilet paper, it will be too self-respecting. Besides, I will also post the image of our hometown. No, no matter how expensive it is, I must buy a roll (I thought sanitary napkins were rolled up at that time) to show to the boys in Guangzhou, where sanitary napkins are used.

After making up my mind, I immediately went to the school cafeteria. At that time, there were only four or five girls who bought snacks and chattered there. I'm a little disappointed. It's the first time to buy such high-end daily necessities. Of course, I want to appreciate the envious eyes of others, but forget it. Anyway, it was mainly for those people in Guangzhou, so I pointed to the most gorgeous sanitary napkin and said to the salesgirl, Bring me a roll of that sanitary napkin (pretend to be cool, I didn't ask the price this time), and the chattering girl immediately calmed down and turned her head to me. The salesgirl did the same thing. I was so proud of myself that I thought: it's that simple to be cool! In order to be cool, I deliberately looked up at them, just staring at the packaging of sanitary napkins; About 5 seconds later, the young lady finally came to her senses and said with a little blush: 13 yuan 6. I was shocked: this toilet paper is really advanced enough, and it is so expensive. I regret it a little, but for one word: Shuang, I took out my money with cruelty and then proudly walked out with this big step; I'm more proud that people look askance at me on the road. At the end of the dormitory, I hid the baby for fear that my brothers in the dormitory would give it to me.

On the train, I sat with three Guangzhou students studying in my city, two men and one woman, including a couple; Everyone had a good time on the road; I didn't intend to use that precious sanitary towel at first, but the heating in the carriage was too strong, and my face felt a little sticky and uncomfortable. At this time, several people sitting together took out paper towels. I think, anyway, that bag says 12. It's okay to use one piece, but it really hurts to think of one more piece. But I didn't care so much at that time, so I pretended to take out the package of sanitary napkins as if nothing had happened. Immediately, the two men and a woman stared at me, and I thought to myself: you are so stupid, the paper I used is higher than yours; Then, I began to tear my mouth gracefully, but I was embarrassed-I couldn't tear it open, which of course didn't bother me. I took out my nail clippers, cut out a small opening, and then tore it hard along the small opening, and it was finished! So I took one out and couldn't help admiring myself: it's so thick and soft, no wonder it's so expensive; Because I haven't used this thing before, but I can't study it carefully (that proves that I used this advanced thing for the first time, in fact, it was very strange why there was double-sided tape on one side), so I wiped my face and mouth with the side without tape; Then I thought, the side with tape is convenient for users to store. I am very proud of my cleverness, so I generously put it on the car wall and thought, it's right by the window, cool.

I came to Guangzhou for the first time in their surprised and envious eyes. I have always been independent, and this time is no exception. I didn't bring gf to the door of her dormitory, but boys are not allowed in this dormitory. Fortunately, the eldest sister in the dormitory belongs to my hometown. She kindly called me gf down, and then gf called many good friends down to share the specialties of my hometown. Then, I began to pack my bags in the elder sister's small room in the dormitory. I said, use it. Everyone laughed.

2

1)

A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird. ...

(2)

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient, What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm, it's normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor is getting nervous. How could he not see it?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

They ran and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey, why don't you come down?

The man above answered him: No-OK-Ah-I'm not familiar with it. ...

(4)

There is an old lady in a mental hospital. She wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella every day, squatting at the gate of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

They were silent for a month, and the old lady finally said to the doctor, are you fragrant, too?

Mushrooms?

(5)

When a mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, the dean called the patients together for a meeting. At the meeting, the dean preached:

"This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone will go to the door to meet them. At the time of welcome

There are patients standing on both sides of the hospital gate, so stand neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together. The warmer the better.

Good; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready, we can give it tonight.

Everyone eats meat buns. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat, remember? "

The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time.

When he stepped into the gate, the patient who welcomed him was already standing at the door.

At this time, as the dean coughed, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm.

Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders smiled and applauded with everyone and entered the hospital.

Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and the applause stopped completely, very neatly.

Only this leader is still smiling and clapping, and the dean is very satisfied.

Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader and gave him a round.

Meet him.

A slap in the face shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed bread?"

three

Beijingers, French and Americans are walking in the desert together. They are dying of thirst. Suddenly, three people found a magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can grant each of you three wishes." The Americans said first, "I want a box of dollars", "There are two more", "Well, another box of dollars", "The last one" and "Well, the last one is to send me back to America". Whew, the Americans disappeared and the French were anxious. I want a beautiful woman, well, I want another beautiful woman, another one, give me a bottle of Erguotou, make two more wishes, another bottle of Erguotou and another one. Beijingers saw that it was boring for a person to drink two bottles of wine, so they said, "bring them back and drink with me." Hoo, the Americans and the French are back.

So the three of them walked on, but fortunately they found the magic lamp and pulled out a magic lamp. "Ha ha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now, and the magic is not that high. I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you. " The French and Americans thought about it this time, but it was useless to say anything. If they let him get it back, they will die. Let him speak first, so they pushed Beijing to the front. Beijingers say, "First." Beijing touched his head with wine and thought for a while, but didn't speak for a long time. The French and Americans were anxious and urged him to say, "Speak quickly." So the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I have nothing else to do. Go home." Whew, the ghost went back.

four

A woman works the night shift and a man follows her. This woman is scared. She passed by the cemetery and had a brainwave. She said to the grave, Dad, I'm back. Open the door. The man was frightened and ran away screaming. The woman was relieved and was about to leave when suddenly a gloomy voice came from the grave: Daughter, you forgot your key again. The woman was frightened and ran away. At this moment, a grave robber emerged from the grave and said, Shit, I delayed my work and scared you to death! As soon as the voice of grave robbery fell, I found an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel. I was curious, so I asked him. The old man said angrily: NND, they carved my name wrong ... The great fear of robbing the tomb screamed and ran away. The old man sneered, "Shit, you dare to steal my business, it's still tender ..." Just then, the chisel accidentally fell to the ground and the old man was about to pick it up. When he bent down, he found a chisel in his hand in the grass. The old man was shocked, and suddenly a voice came: "You want to die! Change my house number! ! "。 Old man, stop fooling me and get down the hill! Then a scavenger climbed out of the grass. "Shit, it takes such a great god to get a piece of iron!"