Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Urgent use of the No.6 Flower Monk to pull out the weeping willow leopard's head and summarize it in Baihutang, which can be rewarded with an extra reward! !
Urgent use of the No.6 Flower Monk to pull out the weeping willow leopard's head and summarize it in Baihutang, which can be rewarded with an extra reward! !
These two are the first to meet the future.
On the other hand, Shen Zhi went to the cesspit. Seeing the gang standing motionless by the cellar, he said, "I'm here to celebrate with the monk."
Shen Zhi said, "Since you are neighbors, you should all come and sit on campus."
Zhang Sanhe and Li Si bowed to the ground and refused to get up. If you only expect the monk to help him, you have to do it.
When Shen Zhi saw this, he doubted it for a long time. He said, "Why don't these people disturb the restaurant because they are irresponsible and refuse to go near it?"? ... but that guy is upside down! Let's go up and teach that fellow how to look at the shop! "
Shen Zhi strode up to everyone.
Zhang San and Li Si said, "I have come to pay homage to the master."
Said in his mouth, and then walked forward, one grabbed his left foot and the other grabbed his right foot.
Waiting for him to get up early with his right foot, Teng Xian took Li Si down to the dung cellar.
Zhang Sangang was about to leave when Shen Zhi got up early with his left foot, and two rascals were kicking and making trouble in the cesspit.
Twenty or thirty people who tied their heads were stunned and left.
Shen Zhi shouted, "One goes, the other goes! Two down! "
All the gangsters are afraid to move.
I saw Zhang San and Li Si sticking their heads out in the cesspit.
It turns out that the cesspit is as deep as a bottomless pit.
They stood in the dung cellar, covered in smelly excrement and covered with maggots in their hair, shouting, "Master! Forgive us! " Shen Zhi shouted, "You villains, get this bird up quickly, and I will spare you all!" "
They rescued him and helped him to the edge of the gourd rack. Stay away from him.
Smiled and said, "Wu, that idiot! Go and wash in the vegetable garden pool and talk to everyone. "
Two rascals washed once, and everyone took off their clothes and put them on.
Shen Zhi shouted, "Come to the campus and have a chat."
Shen Zhixian sat in the middle and pointed to the crowd and said, "Don't hide it from the restaurant! What kind of people are you waiting for here to tease the restaurant? "
Zhang San, Li Si and all the fire companions knelt down and said, "My ancestors lived here and only gambled for a living. This vegetable garden is our livelihood. We can't help but earn several times as much money in Dasuoguo Temple. Where did the master come from? Good for you! I have never seen a master in Suoguo Temple. I am willing to wait for you today. Shen Zhi said, "The restaurant is run by the steward of the old Yan 'an mansion in Kansai on the premise of" xianggong account ". Just to kill many people, so I am willing to become a monk. Wutai Mountain came here. Restaurants often have a surname of Lu, and their dharma names are profound. Don't say these thirty or twenty people are straight! Even in the midst of hordes, I dare to go in and out! All the gangsters mumbled their thanks to each other. Shen Zhi came to his room in Yuyu to tidy up and rest. The next day, the rascals discussed, pooled some money, bought ten bottles of wine and took a pig to invite Shen Zhi. Everyone was arranged in Yuyu and invited to sit in the middle. Sit on both sides, calm down and drink those thirty or twenty rascals. Shen Zhi said, "What bad money are you?"
They said, "Blessed are we. Today, Master is here to make decisions with us and others. "
Wisdom is profound and happiness is great.
Eat until half asleep and half awake.
Some people sing, some people talk, some people applaud and some people laugh.
It was noisy, except for crows croaking outside.
Everyone else gnashed their teeth and said in unison, "Heaven with bare mouth and hell with white tongue."
Shen Zhi said, "What are you doing?"
The crowd said, "The old crow barks for fear of having a tongue."
Shen Zhi said, "Where did you get this?"
The local people smiled and said, "There is a new crow's nest on the poplar tree near the corner. It doesn't sleep all day."
They said, "Go up the ladder and tear down the nest."
There are several ways: "We will go."
Shen Zhi is also in a state of drunkenness. When they all went out to see it, there was an old crow's nest on the green tree.
They said, "Take down the ladder and your ears will be clean."
Li Si said, "I'll go up with you. I don't want a ladder."
Shen Zhi took a deep look, walked to the tree, took off his straight leg, put his right hand down, and stood upside down; However, he pulled his left hand to the upper section, bent over and uprooted the poplar tree.
When the bandits saw this, they all fell to the ground and shouted, "Master is not a mortal, but a real arhat! The body doesn't have a few thousand pounds of strength, how can it bear it! "
Shen Zhi said, "It's tight. Look at the martial arts equipment in the restaurant tomorrow. "
The gangsters broke up that night.
Starting from tomorrow, Shen Zhi's plaque will be seen in these twenty or thirty dilapidated houses. They will invite Shen Zhi with wine and meat every day to watch him perform martial arts and punch.
After a few days, Shen Zhi thought, "I eat too much food and wine every day. Today, the restaurant will arrange some seats to come back."
I sent a Taoist into town to buy some fruits, sold two or three loads of wine and killed a pig and a sheep.
It was the end of March and it was very hot.
Shen Zhi said, "It's so hot!"
Tell the Taoist priest to lay a reed mat under the green locust tree and ask the rascals to sit down.
Pour the wine into a big bowl, cut the meat into large pieces, let everyone eat, and then take the fruit to eat wine.
While enjoying themselves, the ruffians said, "I have seen Master perform boxing these days, but I have never seen Master use equipment; Master taught us to look at it and it would be fine. "
Shen Zhi said, "Yes."
I went to my room and took out my muddy iron staff. The head and tail are five feet long and weigh sixty-two kilograms.
Everyone was surprised when they saw it. They all said, "How can you move your arm without the power of buffalo?"
Shen Zhi took it with a whoosh; There is nothing staggered up and down.
Everyone saw it and cheered together.
Wisdom and depth are enriching life, but an official outside the wall saw it and cheered: "The ending makes it beautiful!" " "
Hearing this, Shen Zhi stopped looking and saw an official standing by the missing wall, wearing a blue gauze scarf. Two white jade rings with beads on the back of the head; Wearing a green Luo Tuan flower shirt; The waist is tied with double otter Y-shaped back silver belt; Put on a pair of soap boots with your paws facing the sample; Holding a strange fan with folded paper in his hand; Born with a leopard head and eyes, a tiger beard, eight feet long and short, thirty-four or five years old; He said: "This master is extraordinary, and his equipment is good!"
The ruffians said, "The teacher's applause is definitely good."
Shen Zhi asked, "Who is that officer?"
They said, "This official is Lin Wushi, the coach of the 800,000 Royal Gun Club. His name is Lin Chong. "
Shen Zhi said, "Why don't you just invite me to meet you?"
Coach Lin jumped into the wall.
The two met under the locust tree and sat together.
Lin asked, "Where is your brother from? What does the law require? "
Shen Zhi said, "This restaurant belongs to Shandong Kansai. I'd rather be a monk just to kill many people. When I was young, I also went to Tokyo and met your father Lin. " Lin Chong was overjoyed. He should be sworn brothers.
Shen Zhi said, "Why did the coach come here today?"
Lin Chong said, "It's just that I took my humble Jing to the Yue Temple in the wall to pay my respects. Lin Chong listened so well that his eyes could see it. He took Brocade and Jingfu to the temple to burn incense. Lin Chong is just an equal here and doesn't want to meet his brother. "
Shen Zhi said: "Shen Zhigang just arrived here and just met him, so these big brothers accompany him every day; It's good to be brothers again. "
He asked the Taoist priest to add more wine to treat him.
Just after drinking two cups, I saw Brocade, the maid, blushing in a panic and shouting at the wall, "Officer! Do not sit down! Madame shut up with people in the temple! "
Lin Chong quickly asked, "Where is it?"
Jin Luo said, "I was coming down from the Five Mountains when I met a liar. He couldn't see me and stopped my wife and refused to let her go!"
Lin said hurriedly, "but I came to see my brother again. Don't be awkward. "
Lin Chong bid farewell to Zhi En, jumped over the wall and came to Yue Temple with brocade. When I grabbed the Wuyue Building to see it, I saw several people standing by the railing with slingshots, blowpipes and sticks. A young man stood alone on the lake embankment, blocking Lin Chong's wife and saying, "Go upstairs and talk to you." Mrs. Lin Chong blushed and said, "It's clear and white, what's the point of flirting with a lover!"
Lin Chong rushed to the front, pulled the young man's shoulder blade over, and shouted, "What's the crime of molesting a lover's wife!" Just as I was about to punch, I recognized Gao Yanei, the head of Gao Taiwei.
It turned out that Gao Qiu, who had made a new fortune, had no relatives, so he borrowed a helper and went to bed with the uncle's son, Saburo.
Be a son in the room.
He is an uncle's brother, but he is his adopted son, so Gao Taiwei cherishes him very much.
That guy is a powerful man in Tokyo. He is loyal to his wife and daughter.
Shi Jingren is afraid of his power. Who dares to argue with him? Call him "Hua Hua Tai Sui."
At this time, Lin Chong pulled the general over, but he recognized that it was Gao Yanei. Whatever, he softened first.
Gao Yanei said, "Lin Chong, you should mind your own business in everything you do!"
It turned out that Gao Yanei didn't know that he was Lin Chong's wife. If you still know, there is no such thing.
Seeing that Lin Chong didn't start work, he said this sentence.
When many idle men saw the fight, they leaned over and advised, "Coach, don't be awkward. The official's son does not recognize it, and there are many collisions. "
Lin's anger has not disappeared. He stared at Gao Yanei with his eyes open.
All the idle people advised Lin Chong to lead Gao Yanei out of the temple and mount his horse.
Lin Chong led his wife, children and daughter Brocade out of the corridor, only to see Shen Zhi carrying an iron mord, leading twenty or thirty broken houses and striding into the temple.
Lin Chong saw it and called, "Brother, where are you going?"
Shen Zhi said, "I'll help you!"
Lin Chong said, "It turned out to be the official's son of Gao Taiwei. I don't know Jingfu, so the time is impolite. Lin Chongben wanted to give that fellow a good beating, but Qiu had to look pale. Since ancient times, there has been a saying that "if you are not afraid of officials, you are afraid of management." "
Lin Chong doesn't like his invitation, so let him eat it this time. "
Shen Zhi said, "But you're afraid of him, and restaurants are afraid of him! If I meet that bird, I will teach him to eat 300 mord sticks in the restaurant! "
Seeing that Shen Zhi was drunk, Lin Chong said, "Brother is right. Lin Chong was persuaded by the public for a while, and I can spare him. "
Shen Zhi said, "But if something happens, I will call the restaurant and go with you!"
Seeing that Zhi was as drunk as a fiddler, the gangsters helped him and said, "Master, let's talk to him tomorrow."
Shen Zhi took a mord and said, "Sister-in-law, don't be awkward. Don't joke. Brother, we will meet again tomorrow. "
Wisdom and depth are different. I went to ruffian.
Lin Chong led his wife and Brocade home, but she was just unhappy.
Let's talk about this. Gao Yanei led a group of idle Han Chinese to see Mrs. Lin Chong, but they broke up in discord. He was fascinated by his beautiful life and soon became unhappy. He went back to the mansion and thought.
After two or two days, many idle days came to wait; "See official's son not liao not disorderly, they dispersed.
There was a helper named Fuan, a "dried bird's head". He ignored Gao Yanei's meaning and went to the mansion alone to see the official's son sitting in the study.
Fu An approached him and said, "Chong's face has faded recently, and he is not very happy. There must be something unpleasant. "
Gao Yanei said, "How can you save it?"
Fu An said, "Boy, it's easy to guess."
The official's son said, "Guess what bothers me?"
Fu An said, "the official's son thinking of Shuang Mu. Guess what? "
The official's son said, "You guessed right. This means nothing to him. "
Fu An said, "What's the trouble? This official's son is afraid that Lin is a hero and dare not bully him. This is harmless; When he saw that he was always available, he was warmly invited. How dare he offend Tai Wei? He stabbed him lightly, but the worst case was to kill him. Xiaoxian thought there was a plan to make the official's son beg him. "
When Gao Yanei heard this, he said, "I have met many good women, but I don't know why I only love her. I am fascinated and unhappy. If you have any insight, I will reward you when you can get him. "
Fu An said, "Lu Yu knows his heart and is best with Lin Chong. Ming Japanese official's son hid in the deep pavilion above Liu's building, put down some wine, but asked Lin Chong to come out for wine-taught him to go straight to the deep pavilion above Fan's building for wine. When Xiaoxian arrived at his home, he said to Mrs. Lin Chong, "Your husband's coach and Lu Qian are drinking, and they are very drunk. They fainted upstairs. Tell Mrs. Lin Chong to go and have a look! "Earn him upstairs, the woman's house is watery, see the official's son so romantic figure, and then try to say some sweet words to reconcile him, but he refused. Xiaoxian, how about this plan? " Gao Yanei cheered: "Good plan! I'll send someone to ask Liu to pay the bill tonight. "
It turns out that Liu's home is only in the alley next to Gao Taiwei's home.
The next day, I discussed the plan, but I was afraid to listen for a while and could do nothing for a while. As long as the official's son is happy, he can ignore the friendship of friends.
Let's talk about Lin Chong's boredom and laziness in going to the streets for a few days.
When playing cards, someone at the door said, "Is the coach at home?"
When Lin chong went out to look, it was. He quickly asked, "Where is Brother Lu?"
Lu Qian said, "I'm here to visit. Why haven't I seen you in the street for several days? "
Lin Chong said, "I am bored and never go out."
Lu Qian said, "My brother and I will have three cups to entertain ourselves."
Lin Chong said, "Don't sit down and worship tea."
They ate tea and got up.
Lu said, "Sister-in-law, I'm going to have three drinks with my brother."
Mrs. Lin Chong rushed under the curtain and called, "Brother, drink less and go home early."
Lin Chong and Lu Qian went out and took a walk in the street.
"Brother," Lu said, "I'm not going. I'll just have two drinks."
At that time, they went to Fan Lou, occupied a cabinet, asked the bartender to share the bill, and ordered two bottles of colored wine.
Have a wonderful fruit with wine and a few words of gossip.
Lin Chong sighed.
"Brother, why are you sighing?" Lu Yu asked.
Lin Chong said, "Brother Lu doesn't know! A man is full of skills, but he can't meet a wise Lord of SHEN WOO who obeys the villain, so he is so jealous! "
Lu said, "Although there are several instructors in the imperial army today, who can match my brother's skill? Qiu saw that he was doing well. Who was angry with him? "
Lin told Liu about it the day before yesterday.
Hou Yu said, "Qiu will never know his sister-in-law. Don't be angry, brother, just drink. "
After drinking eight or nine glasses of wine, Lin Chong got up and said, "I'm going to wash my hands."
Lin hurried downstairs, went out of the hotel door, threw herself into the east alley to wipe her hands, and turned out of the alley, only to see Brocade, the maid, calling, "Officer, you are hurting me! But it's here! "
Lin Chong hurriedly asked, "What's the use?"
Brocade said, "Less than half an hour after the official and Liu Yu came out, a man hurried home and said to his wife," I am Liu Yu's neighbor. Your tutor was drinking with Lu Qian, and he knocked him down without coming in! "Call mom and come and see her. Hearing this, the lady Wang Po, who was in the middle of the partition, hurried to look after the house and went with my man. It was not until a family in the alley in front of Qiu's house went upstairs and saw some dining tables on the table, but no official was there. Just as I was about to go downstairs, I saw the young man who was clamoring for his wife in Yuemiao the day before yesterday came out and said, "Madam, don't sit down, your husband is coming. Brocade hurried downstairs and heard the lady upstairs shouting, "Kill! "So, I was looking for an official in the field, and I ran into Mr. Zhang, who sold medicine, and said," I passed by and saw the coach and a man go in for a drink. " So Kurt ran here. Officer, go! "Lin Chongjian said, startled, regardless of the maid brocade, three steps to do one step, ran to Liu Yuhou home; Grab the ladder, but close the stair door.
I heard the lady crying. "Clear the field, how can I leave my beloved here!" " "
Then Gao Yanei said, "Lady, have pity on me! Even a stone man can turn around! "
Standing on the ladder, she let out a cry, "sister-in-law! Open the door! "
When a woman hears her husband's voice, she comes to open the door.
Gao Yanei was taken aback. He opened the window and jumped off the wall.
Lin rushed upstairs, but couldn't find it. He asked his wife, "Aren't you defiled by this guy?"
The lady said, "No."
Lin Chong smashed Liu's house and sent his wife downstairs. When I went out to watch the door, my neighbor closed both doors. Brocade, the servant girl, followed, and the three of them went home together.
Lin Chong took a sharp knife to untie his wrist and ran to find Liu, but he was gone. But he went back to his door and waited all night. He didn't go home, so Lin Chong went home.
The lady advised, "I have never been cheated by him. You must stop fooling around! "
Lin Chong said, "Why don't you call me' Brother' and' Brother', because this Lu Qian bastard is trying to call me-you're lying to me! I'm afraid I can't hit Gao Yanei. I'll take care of his head! "
The lady tried to persuade him not to let him go out.
Liu can only hide at home and dare not go home.
Lin chong waited for three days in a row and didn't meet him.
Seeing that Lin Chong was pale, the rulers' predecessors dared to ask him.
On the fourth day of dinner, Lu went to Lin Chong's house and asked, "Why hasn't the coach met for several days?" Lin Chong replied: "I'm a little redundant, and I haven't found my senior brother yet;" Since I was in my humble home, I should have three cups of grass, but I couldn't prepare it for a while, so I went out for a walk with my brother. How about selling two cups in the market? "
Shen Zhi said, "The best." They went to the streets together, drank all day and made an appointment to meet tomorrow.
After that, I drank with Shen Zhi every day, which slowed it down.
Peter said that the Liu family was taken aback upstairs that day, jumped off the wall, dared not tell Qiu, and pretended to be sick in the house.
Liu and Fu 'an came to visit the official's son, and saw that his attitude was bad and his description was haggard.
Lu Qian asked, "Why is the official's son so depressed?"
Official's son, "to tell you the truth. I failed to hide him for the Lins twice, and he startled me. The disease is getting worse. I watched it for six months and three months, and my life is at stake! "
"This official's son is relieved," they said. "This is just for the two little people. At least, we should be with that person. Except that he hanged himself. "
Just then, the old manager at home also came to see the official's son's illness.
Seeing that the old man was in charge of asking for medical treatment, Liu and Fu 'an discussed, "Except for the good ..." When the old man was in charge of seeing a doctor, both of them asked the old man to take care of the secluded place, and said, "The official's son is sick. Only by teaching Qiu that Lin Chong's life has been harmed can we get his wife and official's son to be United and get well. If not,
Lao Du Pipeline: "This is easy. The old man will report to Qiu tonight. "
"We have a plan," they said. "We are just waiting for your reply."
The old man came to see Qiu at night and said, "The official's son didn't give the certificate again, which hurt Lin Chong's wife."
Gao Qiu asked, "When did Lin Chong's wife meet him?" They said, "I met you at Yue Temple on the 28th of the previous month. There is a surplus this year 1 month. "
Liu Yu's waiting plan was expounded again.
Gao Qiu said, "Then, why did you hurt him? Because he is a dirty family. ... I think that if I rush to a person for mercy, I have to give my child a life, but how can I live well? "
Du Guan: "Lu has a dispute with Fuan. "
Gao Qiu said, "In that case, call two people to discuss it."
Old Du Guan immediately called Lu Qian and Fu An to sing in the hall.
Gao Qiu asked, "What do you two care about my little official's son? When my child is cured, I will flatter you both. "
Lu stepped forward and said, "That's why you are so kind."
Gao Qiu said, "In that case, you can come with me tomorrow."
Not to mention.
Besides, Lin Chong drinks with Shen Zhi every day and forgets about it.
On that day, two colleagues walked to the corner of Yuewu Square and saw a big man, wearing a horn scarf and an old shirt, standing in the street, holding a treasure knife and a draft, and saying to himself, "Stranger, I lost my treasure knife!"
Lin Chong ignored it, just talking to Shen Zhi.
Han followed him and said, "What a nice mouth! Unfortunately, I don't know anyone! "
Lin Chong only walked with Shen Zhi and said that he had entered Hong Kong.
Nahan said behind his back, "Nobody knows military equipment in such a big Tokyo!"
Hearing this, Lin Chong turned around.
Han whoosh out of the knife switch, dazzling.
Lin Chonghe had something to do, but Monk said, "We'll see later."
Miscellaneous trade unions come here.
Lin Chong took it in his hand and read it deeply. He was taken aback and said, "Good Dao! How much do you want to sell? "
Nahan said, "The asking price is 3,000, but the actual price is 2,000."
Lin Chong said, "It's worth two thousand yuan, but no one knows the Lord. If you spend 1000 dollars, I will buy yours. "
Nahan said, "I need some money urgently;" If you are in a hurry, I will give you a spare 500, but you really need 1500. " Lin Chong said, "I'll buy it for only 1000 yuan."
Han sighed and said, "Gold is sold as pig iron! Come on, come on, don't lose a penny. "
Lin Chong said, "Come home with me and give you your money back."
But he said to Shen Zhi, "Brother, stay in the teahouse for a while, and I will come."
Shen Zhi said, "Go back to the restaurant and see you tomorrow."
Lin Chong said goodbye and took Han, the knife seller, home to exchange the silver for an accurate price. After talking with him, he asked Han, "Where did you get this knife?"
"My ancestor stayed," said the Han people. "Because it was eliminated at home, there was nothing I could do. I will sell it. "
Lin Chong said, "Who is your ancestor?"
Han said, "To say it is to humiliate people and kill people!"
Lin Chong never asked again.
Then Han took the money and left.
Lin Chong turned the knife over and over again. "What a good knife!" He said loudly. Gao Taiwei has a treasure knife at home and refuses to show it to anyone casually. I borrowed it several times, but I refused to take it out. Today, I bought this good knife, too, and slowly competed with him. "Lin watched all night, hanging on the wall at night, and didn't wait for the morning to see the knife again.
When playing cards the next day, I heard two undertakers shouting at the door: Lin, Qiu Jun told you to buy a good knife and have a competition. Qiu is waiting in the mansion. "
Lin Chong listened and said, "What a big news!"
Two undertakers urged Lin Chong to get dressed and followed them with knives.
Along the way, Lin Chong said, "I don't know you in the government."
The two men said, "That scoundrel joined us recently."
But I went to your house early.
Before entering the hall, Lin Chong stood still.
They said, "Autumn is sitting on the floor in the back hall." .
After turning to the screen, I went to the backyard, but I didn't see Qiu again. Lin chong stopped again.
The two added, "Qiu is waiting for you straight inside. Call the coach in. "
After two or three doors, I came to a place surrounded by green fences.
The two men led Lin to the front of the hall and said, "Master, stay here until I go in to announce the autumn."
Lin Chong stood in front of the eaves with a knife.
Two people went in; A cup of tea didn't come out.
Lin chong became suspicious. He looked into the curtain and saw four green words on his forehead, which read: "White Tiger Festival Hall." Lin said to him, "This hall is a place to discuss military affairs. How dare you go in for no reason! ... "Waiting to turn around, I heard the sound of boots and shoes, footsteps, and a person came in from the outside.
Lin Chong saw that it was none other than Gao Taiwei, the director of this department. Lin Chong saw it and shouted with a knife.
Qiu shouted, "Lin Chong! If you don't scream, you dare to join the White Tiger Festival Hall! Do you know the law? You have a knife in your hand, why don't you assassinate Xiaguan! Someone told me that if you held a knife in front of your house two or three days ago, you would have bad intentions! " Lin Chong bowed down and said, "Thank you. Just now, there were two bureaus called Lin Chong Bi Jian."
Qiu shouted, Where is it?
Lin Chong said, "Eun-heung, they have jumped off the building."
Qiu said, "Nonsense! Cheng Ju, how dare you come into my house? -About! Take this guy with me! " Before the words were finished, more than 30 people came out of the next wing and dragged Lin Chong down.
Gao Taiwei was furious and said, "Since you are the head coach of the imperial army, you still don't know the statutes! Why is he holding a sharp blade? So he went into the festival hall to kill this official. "
Tell the left and right sides to tear down the forest.
I don't know what my life is like.
Don't divide teaching because of this; Make a scene in the central plains, criss-crossing the world; Internal direct teaching; The farmer carries the number Tian Xin on his back, and the fisherman puts a flag on the boat.
After all, look at Lin Chong's life, and listen to the next decomposition.
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