"Mom, you are so annoying!" Don't reason with a child who procrastinates and dawdles.

I had the same experience as you, even every day, and I was confused at that time. I remember when Duoduo was 5 years old, she was a little girl who especially loved watching TV and eating sweets. Every time I watch TV, blossoming is absorbed and staring straight at the screen; I don't know much about moderation every time I eat snacks.

My father and I reasoned with her many times and said tirelessly, "Duoduo, watching TV for too long is not good for your eyes. You have to wear heavy glasses." Eating too much candy can easily lead to tooth decay, so go to see a doctor quickly! "

At this time, blossoming, like most children, either pretended not to hear, or looked at us innocently, rolled their eyes and continued to watch TV, or picked up their favorite snacks without blinking. I admit, sometimes I'm really impatient, just turn off the TV or confiscate snacks, and then I'll open Lin Daiyu and cry. Cycle after cycle, cycle after cycle, there is no way, vicious circle.

I don't understand why I just use "violence" instead of reasoning with her. Later, I specially invited a child psychological consultant around me to talk about the topic that children can't listen to reason. She smiled and said, "In fact, this is normal. It is basically useless to reason with such a child. "

At that time, I didn't agree with my friend's statement, but I still handled it in my own way. After many times of reasoning, I finally completely "surrendered" and sought the advice and scientific guidance of children's psychological counseling experts again.

Science finally prevailed over experience. After several times of communication under the guidance of science, I found that it is really more effective than reasoning, and there is no rejection or disgust. Since then, the relationship between blossoming and us has returned to the right track, but it has become closer.

Piaget, a famous psychologist in modern times, once said: Children can only see the world from their own perspective. In the face of children making mistakes, most parents will choose to reason with their children. Generally speaking, children under the age of 12 may not be able to deeply understand what their parents Kan Kan said. They don't have systematic thinking and logic trained by adults. For example, when adults see a rose, they will think of love, lover, marriage and romance; In the eyes of children, it is just a beautiful red flower with thorns, which is difficult to hold.

And we are telling the truth, just like we want to put the meaning behind this rose into the child's mind. Children can't share the same frequency with their parents, and the effect of persuasion is greatly reduced. For example, when we educate our children by reasoning, we often quote the classic sentence: "We must persevere in doing one thing, and we can't fish for three days and dry the net for two days."

I thought children would be more convincing. In fact, children seem to understand everything, and there will be more questions in their hearts: what is shit? What is fishing and drying the net? This is why many parents report that their children will continue to make the same mistakes after telling the truth. Because the younger the child, the less he can understand what his parents say.

Before the age of 7, the human brain has not yet developed, and it is normal for children to have long-term memory. Just like the ancient poems that blossoming likes every day, she has to read them many times before she can recite them. This is still her hobby. Children can't remember what adults have said for a long time. Usually at home, we often say to our children, "Baby, watching less TV is not good for your eyes. After watching for more than 20 minutes, you have to rest ... "But the children still watched TV.

Some of the children's minor faults and bad habits have not changed after our education. Therefore, even if parents give their children reasonable education many times, it is of little significance to play a positive educational role, and finally they are exhausted.

Parents have been reasoning for a long time, and in the eyes of children, they become parents chanting and grinding their ears. Just like the Tang Priest in A Chinese Odyssey, he kept reading the Monkey King's books, and finally he was extremely disgusted and mad.

If we put ourselves in the other's shoes, I believe we will reject this truth ourselves. We always thought that children would listen if we told them more truth, but we never thought that this was the beginning of children's aversion to you, and reasoning became an invalid communication between parents and children. After puberty, children will even contradict their parents and become more rebellious.

Therefore, being too reasonable to growing children is a kind of harm to them. We just touched ourselves, but unconsciously hurt the children.

Having said that, I believe many parents think the same as I did at first: children have so many bad habits, many bad habits, and they can't fight, scold or be too reasonable. So how do we educate our children? In fact, different age groups adopt different education methods for children's education. If there are children aged 3-7 at home, parents must talk less and take their children to experience more. You can try the following educational methods:

Children's world is very small, and they are often unhappy because they don't want to eat bread or drink milk. Therefore, many parents think that this is because the child is disobedient and then take action to reason with the child. For such a similar parenting problem, in fact, we can easily solve it as long as we distinguish the reasons for the child's disobedience. For example, my daughter wants to wear a blue skirt at school and is angry. As a parent, she might as well recognize her children's ideas and support her.

Respect children's opinions, let children make their own decisions, and label children as "disobedient" less. Her idea is not necessarily wrong. Children don't have to grow up in the way set by their parents, but they can also grow up in their own unique way.

It is said that a smart mother will take the initiative to take her child to solve the problem after the child makes a mistake, instead of just reasoning with him.

"Who let you hit people? It is wrong to hit people. " "Are you bullying other children?" "......"

Parents come up with a lecture and blame, and the child will not only listen, but also make him more afraid. It doesn't matter if you make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. After the child makes a mistake, parents should take the child to find a solution at the first time.

For example, if a child really hits a classmate, he should first take the child to apologize to the classmate, make amends, and get the forgiveness of the other party. After the child makes a mistake, parents should work with him to find a way to fight side by side. After the problem is solved, not only the parent-child relationship will rise linearly, but also the child's ability to solve problems can be cultivated.

Parents are the first teachers of the children. In the face of problems, if reasoning doesn't work, it is better to let children experience it themselves, and the effect may be better than beating, scolding and nagging. Ran Ran's mother shared a case with me: At that time, 4-year-old Ran Ran didn't love school, and she cried on her way to school every day. Once, Ran Ran's mother told him it was useless for countless times, but she still rolled on the ground and refused to go to school.

"Don't go to school how line? All the other children are at school. " "... "

But later, my mother said that she could do without going to school, and she could pick up bottles and sell them, but she had to stand on her own feet without going to school. At first, I heard that I didn't have to go to school, and promised to look for waste bottles in the nearby trash can. Before I picked up a few, I felt too tired to walk.

However, at this time, my mother suggested: If you don't want to pick up bottles, go to school, where you can not only have a rest, but also have food to play with your children. But after thinking for a while, I felt that the two became acceptable compared with going to school, so I finally went to kindergarten and never cried at school. Therefore, from the child's point of view, it is far more useful for him to experience and feel personally than our reasonable education.

The process of children's growth is also a process full of problems: procrastination, procrastination, disobedience, mistakes, psychology and other problems are always testing parents. There is a classic line in the movie "See you later": We have heard countless truths, but we still can't live a good life.

So are children. Facing the truth of parents, children's attitude is often disgust and rejection. We reason with our children every day, reason with the children next door, and talk about the consequences of not studying hard. This will not only have no educational significance, but will arouse their rebellious psychology.

It is far better to respect the law of children's growth and let them gain cognition in their own way than to say those cold truths.