Night Talk Zhu Guangqian: Talking about Making Friends

Zhu Guangqian said

Making friends is the same as general behavior.

We should always remember.

"Be strict with yourself and be lenient with others"

Calm down and read this article.

Let the beauty of friendship

Sow, sprout and grow in our hearts.

Talking about making friends

Author: Zhu Guangqian

Everyone knows that having real good friends is a great pleasure in life. People are social animals, born with compassion and compassion. Read a good poem and see a good scenery. No one can tell him, "This is great!" " "I feel that there is a fly in the ointment. When you meet a big happy event, no one will accompany you to be happy, and your joy will be reduced by seven or eight points; When you encounter a catastrophe and no one shares your grief, your grief will increase by seven or eight points. A lonely person can't sing, tell jokes, play ball, dance or quarrel. In a word, he can't do anything happy. The coolest punishment in the world is confinement and exile, which forces you to be separated from people you are often close to and makes you feel lonely without relatives and friends. One must be close to others. If you don't believe me, please shut up and live alone for ten and a half months, then go to the crossroads and squeeze into the crowd. You will feel indescribable joy in your heart, as if you had a big addiction, although there are usually no pedestrians on the street to raise your head. Man is a monster. He is a man, but he should look down on others. He wants to be detached from things, admire himself behind closed doors, treat what he thinks is wonderful, and say "Don't be humane with the laity". In fact, he is afraid that others will not pay attention to himself, understand himself or appreciate himself.

The people who are most willing to keep secrets in the world are often those who can't keep them. They say to you, "I will tell you, but don't tell anyone." He can't help telling you, but if he forgets you, he can't help telling others. This so-called "can't" really stems from a great oppression of nature. People need friends, just as people need to reveal secrets, because nature has a oppressive force. It is a kind of spiritual hunger and thirst, and if it is not satisfied, it will threaten the health of life.

As we all know, friends have a great influence on the formation of personality. A person is good or bad, and the power of friends accounts for more than half. When you regard a person as a true friend, he becomes a hero to be worshipped. His words and deeds, smiles, and smiles have consciously or unconsciously become his own role models, and his personality has gradually become his own. At the same time, he became his own judge, and his words and deeds, smiles and smiles should take into account his approval or disapproval. A person can despise everyone's reputation, but he can't help asking for forgiveness from his confidant. Everyone has a "circle" around him, surrounded by people he is often close to. He jumps around and often can't jump out of this circle. Become someone in a certain circle. Sages have ways, thieves have ways. Looking at each other across the circle, Yao is not Jie, and Jie is not Yao. Who is right and who is wrong, the responsibility is often not in the individual but in his circle.

The ancients said: "Making friends with good people is like entering Lan Zhi's room and hearing about it for a long time;" Making friends with the wicked is like going into an abalone room, and not smelling it for a long time. "After listening for a long time, the fragrance can become ordinary, and the smell can also become ordinary. If you hold it well, you won't feel fragrant and smelly. This is why one should choose his friends and his circle carefully. People are good at imitation, and the quality of imitation depends on the quality of the model. Just pixel silk is dyed blue and dyed yellow. " Tell me who your friend is, and I will know what kind of person you are. "This western proverb really comes from experience. On Education There is a saying in the Book of Learning: "Make friends by learning for seven years." Furthermore, he said, "Seeing each other well is called friction. "Since Confucius and Mencius, scholars in China have regarded respecting teachers as the main way to study. This is all deeply seen in the great influence of Friends.

Xu called "comrades are friends" in Shuo Wen Jie Zi. Generally speaking, the principle of making friends is to "respond with the same voice and seek with the same spirit." But absolute identity is impossible in theory and in fact. "People's hearts are different, as it is." This difference also has its role. The fun of friends is easy to see in the same thing; The benefits of friends are often obtained through differences. The ancients tried to use "like cutting, like cutting, like grinding" to describe the interactive influence between friends. This metaphor is really appropriate. Jade has flawed edges and corners. Only by studying with instruments can it be rounded and smooth and "completed". People's character is inevitably flawed and angular, such as selfishness, prejudice, arrogance, irritability, ignorance, stubbornness and so on. It needs to be studied and pondered before it can be washed away and reached the state of perfection.

Friends are sharp tools for learning and thinking. The more different you are from yourself, the more friction you have, and the greater the influence of learning and thinking. This effect is most easily seen in learning and thinking. When a person discusses with a friend who has different opinions, he will gradually discover the imperfections of his own theory and the merits of the other party's theory, forcing him to think further and gradually penetrate into knowledge. Friends learn from each other, on the one hand, "grinding", on the other hand, nourishing. The more aspects a person is "ground", the more he can absorb nutrients from the outside world. Confucius talked about friendship, so he paid special attention to learning more and listening more. A person who can't have friends will always be ignorant and selfish and won't make great achievements in moral knowledge.

Good friends have always been called "bosom friends" or "bosom friends" in Chinese. "bosom friend" is also a common noun. The habit of this language is quite meaningful. From the psychological point of view, seeking knowledge is a social instinct of human beings. With this instinct, people and talents can avoid barriers and become one, and society can be established. It is maintained by social life, just as food color instinct is maintained by individual and racial life, so it is as strong as food color instinct. The ancients tasted death as a friend. After Zhong Ziqi's death, Boya stopped playing drums. This kind of behavior is similar to extremes in general, but it is actually driven by a very strong social instinct. Secondly, from the perspective of ethical philosophy, knowing people is the basis of communication with people, but it is extremely difficult to know people, because deep understanding must be based on deep sympathy. Deep sympathy is only common among sincere friends. Only when you have a deep friendship with a person can you really understand him.

Understanding and sympathy are mutually causal. The more you sympathize with a person, the more you can understand him. The better you know him, the more you sympathize with him. The French have an idiom: "You can say everything you know, and you can say everything." This sentence sounds easy, but it is the highest wisdom in life and needs great mind to do it. Only a few great religious figures in ancient and modern times, such as Sakyamuni and Jesus, have this kind of mind, and only with this kind of mind can we talk about compassion; Without it, no religion has a soul. The shortcut to cultivate this kind of mind is to make more real good friends with others, have more heart-to-heart conversations with others, get to know some people in depth and have deep sympathy for ordinary people. From this point of view, the range of making friends should be wider, all kinds of people have the best, and there is no need to limit themselves to like-minded people. Montaigne put forward a very strange view in his paper that a person can only have one true friend. I have great doubts about this idea.

It is common to make friends. Everyone has friends, but it is not easy to make friends. Few people have real friends. Snobbish friendship is easy to break up, even moral friendship sometimes leads to emotional disputes. Wang Anshi's political and academic aggression against Sima Guang, Su Shi and Cheng Hao is a good example. They are all good people, have a good friendship with each other, and as a result, they have relations with ordinary people. This shows the difficulty of making friends. People used to talk about making friends. For example, "friends have letters", "I've heard a lot" and "a friendship between gentlemen is as light as water". We should regard our friends as ourselves, help them when necessary, and know the shortcomings of protecting our friends, just like when Confucius was stingy. It is necessary to persuade good rules, but "if it can't be stopped, there will be no bring disgrace to oneself." These words are easier said than done. Many people understand these principles, but few people really make friends with others.

I have studied aesthetic appreciation and creation, and got a conclusion that is irrelevant to common sense, that is, appreciation and creation are basically inseparable, and the world that everyone appreciates is the world created by everyone, which is a reflection of their own taste and personality; How much you can "take" in the world depends on how much "harmony" you can put forward in your soul. There is a life exchange between things and me. Deep people see deep in things, while shallow people see shallow in things. Now think about the practical problem of making friends, and feel that it is quite tacit to appreciate the truth of art and nature. What kind of people you are, what kind of friends you will get. The human mind often has sympathetic nerve reflux. If you treat others with sincerity, others will treat you with sincerity. What you "take" depends on what you "get". "People who love others will always love others, and those who respect others will always respect others." If people don't love you and respect you, it will appear that you are flawed. Don't complain, first return to yourself. Not only emotionally, but also in character. Friends must unite. The so-called "heart" means that the soul is at one level. If your spirit is high or low, I will definitely influence you and raise you to the same level; The same is true of your height, otherwise it is difficult to establish friendship. Friends are often the most accurate measure of themselves. You will never get a good friend unless you are a good friend yourself. To be a good friend, you must first be a good person. I really believe Plato's saying that "the wicked can't have friends". When a wicked man can become a good friend, although he is not good in other aspects, he can still think of his good friend, which can prove that he is still human and not an absolute wicked man. To put it bluntly, the old saying, "Respond with one voice and seek for the same goal" is still true. This is the reason and the way to make friends. Making friends is the same as general behavior. What we should always remember is "be strict with ourselves and be lenient with others".

Reader: Beichen, host of China Communications Radio and Television Station.

Today's topic

What do you think of true friendship?

What do you think is the most important thing for friends to get along?