Ask for a few classic jokes (the most funny ones)

The son said, "Mom, why are only you women washing clothes?"

I said, "Tradition!"

Son: "You work too hard, I want to change this tradition!" " Let mom's hands be liberated! "

Me: "What are you going to do?"

Son: I want to invent a tool that can wash clothes with my feet! "

2. Q: Have you ever worn leather shoes?

A: No.

Q: Have you ever eaten leather shoes?

I often eat.

One day, my son is playing with his father.

Dad said, "honey, dad goes to the bathroom." Will you play with your mother first? "

The son said, "No, let mom go to the toilet for you, and then you can play with me!" " "

4. My dad called and asked: Are you all right? I said, okay, what's wrong? He said: I received a text message saying that my son had been kidnapped. I must collect 0.2 million/200 thousand dozen in three days, or I will kill the ticket. I comforted my father and said, Dad, there is too much information about these liars. You should ignore them in the future. When did you receive it? My dad: Last month.

One day, a nurse in a mental hospital received a phone call. The man asked, "Miss, go and see if the patient in Room 4 13 is still there?" The nurse said, "Please wait a moment." After a while, the nurse said, "Oh, he's gone! ! ! "The person on the phone said," That's good! It seems that this time I really ran out ... "

6. A taxi driver saw a man riding a motorcycle crazily in front of him while driving. The child in the back seat is about to be thrown out. The driver caught up with a man and said, buddy, your child is going to fall. The man turned around and asked in surprise, son, where is your mother?

There is a little girl who walks to school every day. One day, it rained heavily soon after going out. Lightning cuts the sky like a sword. The little girl's mother drove quickly and looked for her daughter on her way to school. When she saw her daughter walking alone in the street, she found that she stopped every lightning and looked up and smiled. After watching it for a long time, the mother finally stopped the child and asked, What are you doing? She said: God just took my picture, so I want to laugh!

8. Pig Bajie went to Korea for beauty and became a handsome guy, so he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful woman. After the break, Bajie asked the beautiful woman, Do you know how ugly I used to be? I'm Pig Bajie! The beauty is frightened: second brother, I am Lao Sha!

9. Today, my girlfriend was on a business trip and told me that she bought a sexy pajamas. I said, "I miss you so much. Send me a photo. " My girlfriend asked me whether to wear photos or take them off. I was overjoyed and replied, "I took off my photo." I just received a photo of sexy pajamas hanging on a hanger at night. ...

10. Two frogs fell in love for many days and got married. After marriage, they gave birth to a baby. The male frog happily picked up the baby and turned out to be a toad! The male frog was furious and grabbed his wife's neck tightly. "Tell me, what's going on?" ! With tears in her eyes, the female frog managed to suppress a sentence: "I had plastic surgery before I met you! " "

1 1. My sister took a bag of crispy rice and ate it with relish in the yard.

My brother watched eagerly, but he wanted to eat and was embarrassed to say!

The younger brother couldn't help asking his sister, "Let me taste the crisp!" "

Sister took a piece and put it in her mouth and said, "Listen."

12. Xiao Lin is waiting for the bus at the station.

A girl kept staring at him and laughing.

Kobayashi knows that he is handsome.

Attracted the girl's attention,

So I walked around a few times,

In this way, the girl opposite smiled more and more brightly.

Kobayashi saw it and began to pace more vigorously in the same place.

An aunt on the side said to Xiaolin, "Young man, will you stop stepping on shit?" .

13. Company recruitment, overcrowding. I'm Peking University, I'm Jiaotong University, I'm Zhejiang University, I'm Nanda ... Suddenly, a female voice shocked all directions: "I have big waves!" "The boss on striking table:" it's you! "... say that finish, the boss took the woman to his office and closed the curtain:" You take it out and have a look? " The woman took out her diploma-from Ningbo University.

14. Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three gold medals in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water, so you are named Miao, and some people are short of wood, so you are named Sen.

Xiao Xin: Dad, what do you think is missing from Sister Guo Jingjing's life?

15. The couple are discussing how to cook fish.

The husband said, "Fried and burned." The wife said, "Steamed is delicious."

At this time, the son shouted: "You are too cruel! Fish will die without water. Let's make soup! "

16 The dying grandmother called her granddaughter to her side: "I ... I want to leave you my farm ... where are tractors, villas, harvesters and other equipment ... and 4,596,650 pounds and 96 pence in cash ..."

My granddaughter, who will become a millionaire overnight, was moved to tears: "Grandma, you are so kind to me. ..........., I didn't know you had a farm! Where is it? "

Grandma whispered with her last breath, "Xin Kai ..."

17 my wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and turned into a beautiful woman to go home in a few days!

When he came in, he said to his puzzled husband, "What's the matter? Don't know me? "

The husband paused, then said in surprise, "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home."

18 ... A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.

Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "

Man: "I want a wife ..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving and I'm greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.

Man: "... cake."

19. As soon as Xiao Ming got home, his father asked, "Didn't your teacher punish you for coming back so late today?" Xiao Ming didn't speak and nodded. Dad asked, "Why?" Xiaoming: "The teacher asked me what 2+3 was, and I said it was 5". Dad: "Right?" Xiaoming: "Later, the teacher asked, what is 3+2?" Dad: "Isn't this fucking the same?" Xiao Ming said, "Dad, that's what I said ..."

20. The man shouted: Waiter, come here! Attendant: Hello, what can I do for you? The man asked angrily: I have a bowl of beef noodles for 20 yuan, how can I ask for a piece of beef? Attendant: How many pieces do you want, sir? The man thought for a moment and said, how can I get five or six pieces of beef? The waiter shouted to the kitchen, come out and help the customer cut this beef!