Looking for it urgently! There is a short story I have read before. It seems to be called The Map of Loneliness. Can you help me find the original text?

Lin Jianwei sat in the dimly lit corridor, flipping through the pages of the textbook spread out between her legs. The wall of the light bulb has turned yellow over time and is dirty with oil smoke. The energetic summer insects are rushing one after another, making a slight popping sound. The weak light of thirty watts could only open a small wound in the darkness, and Lin Jianwei read the entire semester of human history in this weak light and the attack of mosquitoes.

Because she had not paid the electricity bill for three consecutive months, the electricity at home had long been cut off. Lin Jianwei had no choice but to do her homework under the lights in the attic after nine o'clock every day, and go home to wash up around 11:30. sleep.

Before going to bed every day, she could meet Gu Sinian once.

Gu Sinian, who lives on the fourth floor, is now a sophomore at a nearby private high school. He studies at school until ten o'clock every day. At ten fifteen, Lin Jianwei would hear the sound of the bicycle and lock it.

After a short period of silence, the sound of the boy's footsteps going upstairs was transmitted from the ground through the body to Lin Jianwei's ears.

Finally, there was the sound of slight breathing as we passed by.

The first time we met in the corridor, it was awkward.

She moved cautiously to the side of the wall, shrinking herself a little smaller; he was stunned for a moment, then turned sideways and walked quietly past her.

She can’t see his expression clearly, but only remembers the shadow that his shadow cast on her heart after being expanded several times by the dim light; she can’t remember what he wears every day, but only remembers his seven pairs. Brand and style of sneakers.

His name was Gu Sinian, she knew.

He didn’t know that he had lived in her heart for seven years.

Maybe it is not such an important position, or maybe it is just a speck of dust like the existence of the mother-in-law - but it cannot be denied that he has always existed.

If Lin Jianwei’s current life is a black corridor with no exit and no light, then let’s try to walk a little further, and walk a little further, and return to the place where the sun was still bright. a paragraph.

It must have been the summer of 1992, a summer when her father had not yet gotten into gambling, her mother had not yet left, and Lin Jianwei’s smile was as pure and white as that of other children.

When 9-year-old Lin Jianwei came home from school, she saw a dirty little boy standing at the top of the stairs, holding on to the rusty railing with his fingers, looking forward without saying a word.

His eyes were like lake water, and his eyelashes were very long. Lin Jianwei always felt that when he blinked, there would be a flash of water, and then a gentle wind would blow over him.

She smiled at him, which was the friendliness of a child. Gu Sinian stared at her seriously at first, then handed her his left hand from behind - "Do you want to eat cucumber?"

Gu Sinian was 10 years old that year. Because I was punished by my mother for not washing my hands before eating after going to the toilet, I was not allowed to watch TV. After rolling on the floor and making trouble to no avail, I stole a cucumber from the kitchen to make a living and ran away from home downstairs.

He was waiting for his mother to come down to him, hold him, call him his nickname and smile at him.

But his mother never came down, only she smiled at him.

Her name was Lin Jianwei. When they became strangers seven years later, he still remembered that smile at that time.

A smile that smells like flowers.

Lin Jianwei and Gu Sinian went to the same elementary school, but in different grades. Gu Sinian's classroom is above Lin Jianwei.

Sometimes Lin Jianwei would suddenly think that Gu Sinian was above her, stepping on her head through the ceiling and the air. Then she would think of her stepping on his head at home, and suddenly she would feel balanced and at ease.

Occasionally we just go out together, and we discuss last night’s cartoon all the way to school. But as soon as they entered the school, they seemed to be complete strangers. The two of them seemed to have made an appointment, and they returned to the position of strangers.

Once, when Lin Jianwei was lying on the balcony and stretched out her head to look down, something hit her on the back of her head, and then she saw a paper ball falling downstairs.

It was someone upstairs who hit her with a ball of paper.

He quickly raised his head to look up, but he couldn't hide as quickly as the other party. He only heard the laughter of the laughing boys. Lin Jianwei ran upstairs unwillingly and saw Gu Sinian who was about to enter the classroom.

Wearing a white shirt, he stood sideways in the corridor. He had already entered the classroom with one foot, but stopped when he saw Lin Jianwei. The early summer wind blew through the bustling corridor, but it became gentle and quiet when passing by Gu Si and Lin Jianwei.

The air between the two of them rippled slightly.

He suddenly blushed for some reason, like a tomato-headed boy, but his eyes were very bright, shining like stars. Lin Jianwei also blushed inexplicably, and turned around and ran downstairs without pursuing the person who threw the paper ball at her.

It was the early summer of 1996, the eve of Gu Sinian’s primary school graduation.

Gu Sinian was admitted to a very good junior high school nearby. Because junior high school started earlier than elementary school, Lin Jianwei could often see Gu Sinian running out of the building in a hurry while listening to the radio and brushing her teeth on the balcony. One time, he forgot to unzip his schoolbag. After running for a few steps, his schoolbag opened wide like a crocodile's mouth, and his textbooks and homework fell messily on the floor. When he turned around to pick it up, he seemed to glance upstairs accidentally. Lin Jianwei subconsciously hid back.

She didn’t know why she was hiding, but she just didn’t want him to know that she was looking at him.

Occasionally when I go downstairs to take out the trash or help my mother buy green onions, I will meet him in the corridor. At that time, Lin Jianwei was wearing loose house clothes, dragging her bear slippers, and holding a smelly baby in her hand. A garbage bag or a handful of spring onions always look a little funny.

That’s why Gu Sinian wanted to smile every time he saw Lin Jianwei, that subtle smile that he wanted to suppress but couldn’t help but surface.

At that time, they could still talk, of course it was just a few words when they rubbed shoulders, and the content could not escape the two things of onion and garbage.

When Gu Sinian said to Lin Jianwei for the seventh time, "You went to buy onions again," Lin Jianwei proudly held up the plant with green leaves in her hand and replied, "You are wrong. Today I I bought garlic.”

Then the girl ran upstairs.

I don’t know what I’m so proud of, but I feel so proud for no reason.

You are so here, you can’t tell the difference between onions and garlic. How stupid.

A year later, Lin Jianwei was admitted to Gu Sinian's junior high school with excellent results.

It started to return to the mornings when we often met at the corridor. When we met, we went to school together and talked about trivial things. For example, "That star in the NBA only knows how to play tricks, but his skills are not good at all", "Turn left 100 meters out of the school gate and opened a new ramen shop, the taste is unparalleled", or how about the class star of Class 3 and the class star of Class 4? Something that sounds like it will make the atmosphere lively.

The conversation was lively, but it always felt like there was a layer of glass between them, and they could never move forward any further. The relationship was always just a stranger, or at most a "special stranger".

That year, all the plane trees in the city were removed from one street and replaced with camphor trees that were said to be the newly selected "city trees".

While it was still midsummer, the camphor trees on the street in front of Lin Jianwei’s house began to shed leaves in large numbers.

She pointed at the fallen leaves and said, "Gu Sinian, don't you think those leaves look like green tears?"

That was the first time she said this to him Words with unclear meaning are accompanied by personal emotions. Gu Sinian, who just now was talking about Iraq and the geography test tomorrow, suddenly stopped, looked at Lin Jianwei for a long time, and suddenly smiled softly and said: "You girls are just sentimental."

Then he played briskly Whistle, he strode forward, leaving Lin Jianwei behind.

In a mock test in the third grade of junior high school, Gu Sinian’s results were canceled because the teacher suspected that he had cheated on the test. Because of his tough attitude, he not only refused to admit his mistake but also called the invigilator "blind." Asked by the head teacher to invite parents. When he came back, he had a big fight with his parents and then walked out slamming the door.

When Gu Sinian walked out angrily, Lin Jianwei just returned from helping her mother make soy sauce. She didn't know what happened, but followed him intuitively.

At first, Gu Sinian walked very fast, and Lin Jianwei had a hard time chasing him; then he slowed down, put his hands in his pockets, slumped his shoulders, and left a big mark on Lin Jianwei's retina. Depressed back view.

The sky is getting darker and darker, and the temperature has dropped. When the wind blows on the exposed skin, it starts to feel chilly. When Gu Sinian hesitated and wanted to walk back, he saw Lin Jianwei who had been following behind, carrying a bottle of soy sauce.

She smiled at him as she had when she saw him run away from home for the first time when he was ten years old.

14-year-old Gu Sinian suddenly felt aggrieved. His tears reached their highest level and would fall down at the slightest touch.

He said: "I really didn't cheat."

Lin Jianwei's lips turned white from the cold, but she still smiled as beautiful as a sunflower. She said "I know"

"Why do you believe me? They all said I cheated."

"I don't know, anyway, I believe you, you said you don't have me I believe you didn't."

Gu Sinian looked at Lin Jianwei blankly, and ran over to Xin to hug her falling body and the soy sauce bottle before she fell.

You fool, you followed him through half the city wearing sandals and short-sleeves. Although it is already the season of spring, the temperature after dark is still very low.

"Hey, I want to go home...but you are so heavy..."

In the summer of that year, Gu Si passed the high school entrance examination I used my intuition and scored enough to get into S, the best high school in the city. But S Middle School was on the other side of the city, and it was inconvenient to get back and forth. However, a private aristocratic high school near his home extended an olive branch to him - the same teaching level, a slightly lower admission rate, but free tuition for three years.

In the summer of that year, Lin Jianwei’s father was taught to gamble by his friends. From a small fight at the beginning to a loss in the end. There began to be quarrels at home, and they became more and more frequent.

Lin Jianwei, who came back from extra classes, often stood at the door of her house, listening to the scoldings and the sound of things being thrown from the other side of the door. Her hand holding the key felt like it was filled with lead and she couldn't lift it up.

She often sat on the steps in a daze, waiting for the quarrels to subside before opening the door.

On one occasion, during the loudest quarrel, Lin Jianwei’s father threw the TV set to the ground, making a huge cracking sound. Gu Sinian, who was downstairs, came up to see what happened and saw Lin Jianwei sitting at the door silently crying.

My heart suddenly felt soft and slightly sour.

"Can I accompany you for a walk down there?" He leaned down and asked her, his voice and eyes were unusually gentle.

I didn’t nod or shake my head, but my tears fell even more fiercely.

Gu Sinian reached out and took Lin Jianwei's hand, pulling her downstairs. She let him hold her like a lifeless doll.

In a small park near their home, they sat side by side on a low swing. At that time, the sunset was setting behind them little by little, and the sky was filled with burning clouds.

Gu Sinian said, "Let me tell you a cold joke. One day, some numbers met on the road.

9 said to 0: 'Brother, why was the leg amputated? ’ 2 said to 5: ‘It’s time for you to tuck your belly in. ’5 said: ‘What? Breast augmentation would be amazing! ’ Everyone was noisy, and only 7 and 2 looked at each other in silence. Later, 7 finally spoke and said, "Kneeling down is useless, I won't marry you!" ’

Lin Jianwei finally stopped crying. She said, Gu Sinian, your jokes are so bad...

As she said this, she recalled the joke he told, and then she couldn't help but burst into laughter. Voice.

What kind of summer was that? Even after many years, Lin Jianwei was unwilling to look back and carefully recall everything that happened this summer except Gu Sinian.

That summer was the critical point of daytime and default in her life. At the end of that summer, she fell completely into darkness and began her journey of walking alone in the black passage.

First, Lin Jianwei's father stayed away all night, lost all the family's savings, and even pawned his marriage to Lin Jianwei's mother; then Lin Jianwei's mother stopped her at home and failed to find any money, so she planned to move out and sell Lin Jianwei's things. Dad was slapped so hard that he ran out of the house crying and never came back.

The so-called home suddenly turned into a cold cave. The world of 13-year-old Lin Jianwei collapsed in half.

In the third year of junior high school, Lin Jianwei lived in chaos, and her family was in a dilemma.

Fortunately there is no Gu Sinian. He seems to be able to receive her hunger signals and always appears when she needs it most, bringing her warmth and comfort.

Lin Jianwei got a very average score in the high school entrance examination, which was only enough for her to attend a high school. It was the hottest summer day when she got her high school entrance examination transcript. Lin Jianwei grabbed the thin transcript and walked alone on the street at noon. The scorching sunlight fell on her body without any obstruction, and she heard the crackling and shattering sound, coming from a very deep place in her heart.

When I passed the corner of the street, I saw a familiar figure, leaning sideways and chatting with a strange girl, with a smile like water waves on his face.

When the sprinkler truck for road maintenance drove by, he protected the girl's body to prevent water from getting on her beautiful white skirt.

"Gu Sinian, if you keep doing this, there's no way I won't like you." The girl smiled openly and brightly, her eyes as clear as spring water.

"Okay, then you like me." Gu Sinian smiled sideways, and then saw Lin Jianwei three steps away.

That was the first time he had seen her show such an expression in the year he had known her - no, there was no expression. Passing by him with blank eyes.

Fourteen-year-old Lin Jianwei is so skinny that she is wearing an old skirt from a year ago. There is a yellow stain on the upper left shoulder that cannot be washed away.

Like a plant with thin branches but a tenacious edge, she will fend for herself from now on.

Lin Jianwei and Gu Sinian have become strangers since then.

It wasn’t that she was angry or unhappy or anything else, but she suddenly realized that her future life would be different from other ordinary children. She had to rely on herself for everything, and she had to handle it well. Otherwise she will never get out of the corridor.

The only person who can change her current life is Lin Jianwei herself. She didn't have any time or extra thought for those small and shallow thoughts.

She wants to live a good life alone, go to a good university, and find a stable job.

The glass wall that was finally removed was stubbornly erected again, and it was stronger and thicker than before.

Gu Sinian was shocked by that indifferent look and hesitated not knowing how to approach.

He was just a 15-year-old boy, and he also had weakness, doubt and instability in his heart. When he was pushed to the other side of the river by the rejected eyes, he just felt at a loss.

The night before the final exam, Lin Jianwei was reading in the corridor as usual. Gu Sinian went home ten minutes earlier than usual.

After a series of familiar sounds of opening, closing and locking, the sound of his footsteps going upstairs passed through his body from the ground and reached Lin Jianwei's ears.

I am already familiar with the frequency of his footsteps, and I can tell it by hearing it.

When walking through the 24th staircase, Gu Sinian appeared in Lin Jianwei's sight again. Still passing by in silence, there was a slight sound of breathing. At this time, the illumination lights that had been in disrepair suddenly flickered, and then dimmed suddenly.

Lin Jianwei could not adapt to the completely dark corridor for a while. She sat in the darkness for a few minutes and then got up to go home.

The body suddenly froze there, gentle breath blew on her face, and her skin felt slightly itchy. The eyes that gradually adapted to the darkness slowly focused on the face of the boy who was close at hand.

Full forehead, skewed nose bridge, slightly upturned lips at the corners of the mouth. All the fine undulations of the lines left clear indentations on the retina, forming a familiar yet unfamiliar face of Gu Sinian's.

Lin Jianwei was so frightened that she sat back down in her original position and did not dare to move.

"Did it scare you?" There was a slight smile in the voice.

Lin Jianwei glared at Qian Yan angrily, but suddenly thought that she had been sitting in the corner of the shadow, and he should have seen her expression clearly.

"Why don't you go home? Are you trying to scare me? I won't be scared."

"Lin Jianwei, you haven't talked to me for a long time." Her tone sounded like she was hurt. The aggrieved little daughter-in-law made Lin Jianwei dumbfounded.

Gu Sinian must have encountered something. He wouldn't have been like this before.

Lin Jian didn't ask, and Gu Sinian didn't say a word. They just sat side by side in silence.

Lin Jianwei suddenly let out a surprised "Yeah" - a small firefly flew in from the window clumsily, like an elf carrying a lantern, between Gu Sinian and her Flying back and forth.

Gu Sinian reached out and grabbed it casually, and the small bright spot disappeared. Then when he slowly opened his palm again, the silly little insect happily lit up the lantern and flew out.

Lin Jianwei's eyes have been following the fireflies, while her body has subconsciously leaned forward, and she didn't even know she was exposed to the dark corners.

Gu Sinian looked at the smile on his face and said word by word, "Lin Jianwei, I want to be something that shines. At that time, will you look at fireflies the way you do now?" Me?"

Lin Jianwei stared at him, and then couldn't help but laugh: "Gu Sinian, are you seventeen this year?"

Just so big-eyed and small-eyed. They stared at each other, no one willing to be outdone. In the end, it was the girl who looked away first: "I want to go home."

"Lin Jianwei, I am very sad today." He said to her back.

She went upstairs without stopping and closed the door gently.

Your sadness or my sadness are such a luxury for Lin Jianwei. Those secret thoughts that lingered like moonlight, those little joys that had just sprouted, she had already buried them all in the summer when she was 14 years old.

When Lin Jianwei was in her second year of high school, she met Gu Sinian again. He had a big argument with his parents and squatted under a camphor tree near his home to smoke. When he saw Lin Jianwei passing by, he looked at her for a long time but finally said nothing.

The midterm exam is coming soon, and she hasn’t read the internal review papers she borrowed from key high schools. Lin Jianwei lowered her head and hurried past.

When she thought of Gu Sinian again, it was when she happened to see the girl who once said to Gu Sinian, "If you keep doing this, I will never be able to dislike you" while shopping. She permed her hair in wavy hair, put on rich makeup, and wore a waist-cinching shirt with a very low neckline. She was more voluptuous and charming than she was before this year, but she no longer had the same crystal smile as before.

Suddenly she remembered the bright smile he gave her under the tree that year, and suddenly she remembered the boy named Gu Sinian.

Lin Jianwei really hadn’t seen Gu Sinian for a long time.

The ensuing research life made Lin Jianwei very confused.

Fortunately, after everyone's persuasion, the father finally remembered what he had owed his daughter for so many years and began to repent. I found a job driving a taxi, vowed not to gamble anymore, and started to live a down-to-earth life again.

In addition to owning an apartment, the family was already destitute. But when Lin Jianwei came home one day, she cried like a little child when she saw the back of her father in an apron making sweet and sour carp for her.

Preparing wholeheartedly for the college entrance examination, Lin Jianwei did not want to and could not lose again.

In July, when he got the admission notice from that key university as expected, Lin Jianwei’s father handed out candies in the corridor to every neighbor who passed by. Gu Sinian's mother held Lin Jianwei's hand. She said to her father: "You have a good daughter. I'm so envious."

"Where is Aunt Gu Sinian? Where is he studying in university now?" Lin Jianwei asked casually.

Gu Sinian’s mother stopped smiling. Later, she patted Lin Jianwei's hand and said, "It would be great if Auntie had a daughter like you." Then she turned around and went upstairs sadly.

Lin Jianwei only learned about some things about Gu Sinian from other people's mouths. When he was in his senior year of high school, he insisted on getting into the Film and Television School. Naturally, his father and mother Gu disagreed. With his grades at that time, there was no problem at all in getting into an ordinary bachelor's degree. No matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to go to a prestigious university. Distant stars.

But he insisted on having his own way.

One day before the start of the second semester of his senior year of high school, Gu Sinian ran away from home for the third time. This time he didn't run away downstairs, nor wander around in the city where he had lived for more than ten years. Instead, he really got on the train heading north and embarked on the journey of his own dreams. I came back a month later and missed tutoring and the start of school.

Gu Sinian actually passed the three tests! Naturally, he doesn't have to worry about his grades in cultural classes. In the summer of 2002, under the disappointed eyes of his father and mother, Gu Sinian left the familiar city and began his four years of college life.

Lin Jianwei gradually forgot about Gu Sinian. It’s not that I really forgot, it’s just that his figure became more and more prominent in my heart, gradually turning into a shadow in the water.

Maybe it was because she was too precocious. Lin Jianwei felt that Gu Sinian was so childish by disobeying his parents and worrying adults again and again. She doesn't like such boys. If it were anyone else, she would use "disgust"

In her junior year, Lin Jianwei accepted her classmate from Year C who had been pursuing her hard, and put her hand into his steady hand. She couldn't say whether she liked him or not, but she knew that he was suitable for her and could bring her a small amount of love and unbreakable stability.

While her boyfriend was busy looking for a job, Lin Jianwei sat alone in the study room, reading quietly, preparing for the graduate entrance exam.

She was a senior at that time and Gu Sinian had already graduated. Occasionally, she would hear him singing at the corner video store. Standing in front of his poster at the door and looking at it carefully for a long time, looking at the lines of his profile and the faint light in his eyes, and then turning around, Lin Jianwei suddenly remembered the look in his eyes in the darkness without lights a few years ago. Looking at her persistently and brightly, he said: "Lin Jianwei, I want to be something that shines. At that time, will you look at me the way you look at fireflies now?"

In the next seven years, Gu Si Nian has been floating in the entertainment industry half-promotingly but not darkly, but he has never been able to find a place that belongs to him and allows him to shine. In the past seven years, Lin Jianwei was admitted to graduate school and then to doctoral level. Then she witnessed the cruelty of the love she once thought was unbreakable collapse in front of her.

When she was twenty-eight years old, Lin Jian met her current husband through a blind date, and got married and had children step by step. He wears black-rimmed eyes and likes to wear cotton and linen clothes and jeans. There are already thin lines at the corners of his eyes. Although he doesn't smile often, he is still very innocent when he smiles. During recess, when Lin Jianwei looked at the energetic students under the podium and the boys with beautiful features and bright smiles, Lin Jianwei would suddenly think of Gu Sinian, who had disappeared from her life for a long time. I remember his faint smile and weak eyes that year.

That year, Fu Si-nian's career seemed to have improved. He made a small-scale film, but it won a grand prize at an international film festival. He didn't win the Best Actor award in the end, but his outstanding acting skills shone brightly like a diamond that was finally wiped away from the dust, and he has been getting film appointments ever since.

Five years later, the 34-year-old Gu Sinian competed at the International Film Festival again and finally won the Best Actor trophy.

This year, 33-year-old Lin Jianwei got divorced and started a new life with a four-year-old girl.

On the day she left home with a lot of luggage, she saw a replay of the film awards ceremony being played on the big screen as she passed the city center square. Gu Sinian, who is already thirty-four years old in a suit and tie, appears in the camera. The youthful and frivolous Gu Sinian who appeared in the camera has completely faded away, and has become a little more calm and restrained. His eyebrows became more modest and handsome, and his whole person exuded an indescribable temperament. He was silent for three minutes on the international podium, holding the trophy. Later, he said to the camera: "Are you looking at me? Are you looking at me with the same look you used to look at Fireflies? I did it."

"My goal has always been to be a star. , big star. Because in that case, you will always have me in your world, and your eyes will always follow me."

Fool.

Lin Jianwei turned around with a smile, and a warm tear fell on the back of her hand, forming a rainbow-like arc.

"Mom, do you know that uncle? Otherwise, why are you crying?" the four-year-old daughter asked innocently, looking up at her childish face.

"He looks very much like an old friend of my mother's. I suddenly remembered something just now. Thinking of the New Year, we went home."

A young and beautiful boy wearing headphones on the street Sing Gao Xiaosong's old song softly: This city has spread out her lonely map,

How can I find the place where you are waiting for me...

Those who belong to The boy's song, blown by the wind, gently dissipated over the summer city, never to be seen again.