Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - For folk songs, Liu Bei invited Zhuge Liang, thank you!

For folk songs, Liu Bei invited Zhuge Liang, thank you!

Liu Bei: "I met Mr Si Mahui the day before yesterday. I have already talked about him as a genius of the world. When Yuan Zhi left, he told Liu Bei that Mr. Yuan had a gift for children's teeth and ovaries, so I don't think they would ever lie to me. Why should you be polite, sir? "

Zhuge Liang said, "Old Mr. Si Mahui and the Yuan Zhi brothers are excellent talents. It's a pity that Uncle Huang abandoned the phoenix for crows and magpies and threw beautiful jade for hard stones! "

When his uncle heard Kong Ming's remarks, he remembered a passage that he met Cui when he first invited Zhuge. It seems that Kong Ming has no desire to promote Han. Is it because he is impolite? Liu Bei thought, if I want to prosper in Korea, I must invite you out of the mountain! I suffered a lot to invite you, Kong Ming. Seeing your face today, I must ask you to come out to help. His uncle thinks he is young, but he has such talent. If his name is Long Fu again, how can he have a name but no real talent? I, Liu Bei, can see that you, Kong Ming, are like a duck to water and regard you as the only life. Liu Bei burst into tears when he thought of this, and said to Kong Ming, "Now the world is in chaos, the people are inviting trouble and fighting endlessly, and the imperial industry is about to collapse." Liu Bei was ordered to put out thieves, and he was repeatedly disturbed for more than ten years. If Liu Bei doesn't help me, when will the Han Dynasty flourish? What does Liu Canbei think of the world? "Say that finish, liu bei exchanged tears.

He shed such sad tears that it was difficult for Kong Ming to speak for a moment. He thought that Liu Bei would say this when he first met me. Therefore, after Kong Ming came out of the mountain, he often ordered Liu Bei to make this statement when necessary. So some people say that Liu Bei's tears are his magic weapon. This is just a joke! In fact, Kong Ming had already helped Liu Bei develop the Han Dynasty! I have an obligation to hear my uncle's sincerity about the revival of the Han Dynasty. These are big things, otherwise it's no use crying again. At this time, Kong Ming said to Liu Bei, "Uncle Liang already knows benevolence and righteousness. Thanks to your kindness, I should come out to help! "

Liu Bei heard that Zhuge Liang was willing to come out of the mountain and stop his grief. He said to Kong Ming, "Sir, it is a blessing for all people to help me."

He said and smiled. "ha ...! "Seeing Liu Bei crying and laughing, Kong Ming also smiled. Seeing this, his uncle moved his seat to Kong Ming's side and approached him and asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you have any plans to deal with the chaos!" "

Zhuge Liang stood up and went in. Soon, he took out something and hung it in the middle of the thatched cottage. When Liu Bei looked at it, he saw that it read "Full map of fifty-four states of surprisingly". It is said that Liu Bei mainly saw three paintings in his life. Today, I saw the map of giving up that Kong Ming showed him in Wollongong. Later, Zhang Song went out of Sichuan and gave another map of Xichuan to his uncle. In the future, Liu Bei avenged Guan Yunchang and established the company territory. The first two pictures are good for his uncle, and the last one is bad for him. After Kong Ming sat down, he said to Liu Bei, "Listen, uncle. Now, since Cao Cao destroyed Yuan Shao, there are millions of soldiers and thousands of war generals. He relied on the emperor to dominate the Central Plains. For the time being, he can only avoid his spirit and wait for another battle. Sun Quan, III of Jiangdong, occupied six counties in the south, and there was a natural barrier in the Yangtze River, so he could only make peace without fighting. Because Cao Cao pacified the north, he wanted to pacify the world and annex Soochow. This uncle should be associated with Sun Quan in the east and Cao Cao in the north. This is the outline of Xing Han, and you must not violate it! Jingxiang is located in the suburb of Qi. It was attacked from all sides. Now Liu Biao is in town, but he will grow up soon. " After saying this, Kong Ming turned and pointed to the picture in the middle and said to Liu Bei, "Look, uncle, this is the whole picture of fifty-four states in central Sichuan." Kong Ming then said to Liu Bei, "Uncle, the land in West Shu is dangerous and powerful, with outstanding talents and fertile land. The things he produces are all over the world, which can be cut in and retreated. Today is dominated by Liu Zhang. This man has no ambition, and the end will be blamed on his uncle. According to Liang, we should first take Jingxiang as the foundation, then drive west Shu, settle west Sichuan, occupy Dongchuan, and settle the world in three minutes. "

This is Kong Ming's "Longzhong's theory of trisection". He not only formulated the program of rejuvenating the post-Han Dynasty, but also expounded the level of taking three points in the world. It can be said that the strength of Liu Bei and Cao Cao in this period was so great that the whole Han Dynasty was replaced by Cao Cao. In this very dangerous situation, with the help of Kong Ming, I can promote Han Xing and Liu as the third leg in the future. This is indeed a rare thing in history. This is not because Kong Ming only needs to help Liu Bei make three points in the world, but because he has gone through all the hardships to get these three points. Otherwise, Liu Bei himself would be hard to save. This is the spirit of "Man can conquer nature" advocated by Zhuge Liang.

After listening to Kong Ming, Liu Bei asked him, "Sir, that's a great idea! Liu Bei was enlightened by your great theory. What about me, Liu Bei? "

Zhuge Liang: "Uncle, don't worry! As the saying goes: the weather is not as good as the geographical position, and the geographical position is not as good as people. The virtue of the uncle is all over the world, which can be a big deal! "

In modern language, time and place are objective conditions, and harmony between people is subjective. Therefore, Kong Ming's Tripartite Theory of Longzhong Dui is a very scientific analysis.

Liu Bei asked Zhuge Liang, "When are you going to Xinye?"

Zhuge Liang: "Today will do!"