Collect tattered yellow jokes

1. Before the breakfast stand, a woman led a boy of 15 years old to buy steamed buns. The boy dropped a steamed bread on the ground, and the woman calmly picked it up and put it in the bag. The boy asked for steamed bread again, and the woman patted the boy's hand: "Don't be ignorant, it's dirty, go home and give it to your father." What a painful understanding!

On Sunday, I accompanied my daughter-in-law back to my parents' house. My mother-in-law asked someone to buy us a stewed chicken from the country. Mother-in-law has something to go out, so tell her daughter-in-law to watch the fire and stop stewing. As a result, when I went from the living room to the kitchen to pour water, I found my daughter-in-law with one hand on her waist and one hand holding chopsticks eating the chicken in the pot. I asked her what she was doing. She said to see if the chicken is cooked, but daughter-in-law, what do you mean by eating the whole chicken with only bones?

3. When I was a child, my mother bought a fur coat, and the baby was terrible. I accidentally scratched a small hole and felt very distressed. I took out the magic 502 glue and volunteered to help her stick it on. My mother looked at it and asked cautiously, is that okay? Just dropped a drop, well, it smoked, and the small mouth became a big hole. So far, I don't know what chemical reaction happened, except that my mother had a physiological reaction to me.

On the day when I met her, she had been playing iPad. He felt too far away from her to speak. Later, they entered the same company, and he took care of her, running around for her, watching her smile, but always embarrassed to speak. One day, someone came to make trouble and she was cut by broken glass. He quickly took her to the hospital. She asked him tearfully why he was so kind to her, and he finally spoke without hesitation: he just wanted to borrow the iPad for two days.

I went to the marriage agency to register my marriage yesterday, and my aunt asked me to fill out the marriage application. After thinking for a long time, I raised two points: women and being alive. Aunt took one look and said coldly, you are not young, so you need to be so Gao Qian.

I told my husband how hard it is to be a woman. I want to do housework and have children. The husband said sympathetically, "Yes, it is difficult to be a man, and it is even more difficult to be a woman!" " After a pause, the husband added, "It's harder to be a man with a wife!"

7. My wife is going to use the washing machine to wash the clothes that have been soaked for more than an hour. She turned on the switch, but there was nothing in the washing machine. She turned on the dehydration switch again, but nothing happened. She patted the washing machine hard and said angrily, the chain fell off at the critical moment! At this time, it broke down again. She heard the shouts of collecting rags in the street, so she sold the washing machine for 50 yuan to others, and her heart was much calmer. After about 20 minutes, the power was turned on.

I didn't live at home last week. I called home and said, "Mom, did you miss me?" My mother said, "Don't call all the time. I am too busy playing mahjong to miss you. " I said that my father must miss me, and my mother said, "Well, your father misses you. Every time I eat, I say, it's good that my daughter is not here. I can cook less and wash dishes less. " I ......

9. My nephew has been afraid of me since childhood. He is six years old this year. I will take him out to play when I go home for the New Year. I drove him and sat in the back. The atmosphere is very subtle. About half an hour away from the rearview mirror, he blushed and said to me, "Uncle! You haven't hit me for a long time "... I was shocked at that time!

10, my boyfriend likes smoking very much, and I have told him many times that I can't give it up. Today, I can't bear to say to him: choose between me and cigarettes. My boyfriend stopped, looked at me affectionately and said, honey, stop asking such childish questions, okay? Me: Hum, you are very clever. Boyfriend: cigarettes have been with me for many years, and you have been with me for many years. Let's go