Cold joke~~

1. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; an egg ran to swim in the Songhua River, and it turned into a pine egg; an egg ran to Shandong, and it turned into a pine egg. It became a Lu (stewed) egg; an egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; an egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground and turned into a missile; an egg ran into someone's yard An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; An egg got sick and turned into a bad guy; An egg got married and turned into a bastard; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb; An egg swam in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb; an egg ran into flowers and turned into a Hua Dan; an egg rode a horse and held a knife, and turned out to be Dao Ma Dan; an egg was a female and turned into a Hua Dan; He was very ugly, so he turned into a dinosaur egg; one egg was male, and his wife committed adultery with other eggs outside, and he turned into a bastard;

2. One day, two people The ice cream sticks competed in swimming, and they swam and swam. In the end, both ice cream sticks melted.

3. Four people were playing mahjong in the house. Pol.ice came and took away five people. Why?

——Because the person they play is called "Mahjong".

5. When Xiao Ming came home, the dog next door suddenly ran out and bit him. In anger, he picked up the bamboo and wanted to beat it. The owner of the dog was unhappy when he saw Xiao Ming beating his dog and said: Beat it. Dogs also need to look after their owners, haven’t you heard? At this time Xiao Ming said: OK! I will spank your dog while watching you.

6. Xiao Ming stepped in poop, why didn’t his shoes get dirty? Because he didn't wear shoes~

7. Six-year-old Xiaofang is very cute and is often proposed to by boys in the class.

One day, Xiaofang came home and said to her mother: "MAMA! Today Xiaoqiang proposed to me and asked me to marry him..."

MAMA said casually: "He has a fixed "

Xiaofang thought for a while and said: "He is the person in charge of wiping the blackboard in our class.

8. Xiao Ming has just entered elementary school and has finished his first monthly exam. Mom is very nervous about his grades...

Mom: "Xiao Ming, how did you do in this exam? ”

Xiao Ming: “Alas! These are all levels of deceiving children! "

My mother was secretly happy after hearing this. She must have done well in the exam to say that, so she continued to ask...

Mother: "Then you did well in the exam? ”

Xiao Ming: “Because I am still a child, so I have been deceived~”

9. A long time ago, there was a stray puppy who lived on the street in order to stay alive. He walked around in search of food. He crossed countless cities and walked alleys. Finally, he came to a desert. He wanted to cross the desert, so he walked and walked and walked... Tired and dry, he finally lay down. He then said something: "Why am I as tired as a dog? ”

10. Chongchong: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I didn’t use it.

Chongchong: You really Useless?

Xiaohua: I am so useless!

Chongchong: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless

11. Xiao Zhu was invited to Xiao Wen's house. . .

At Xiao Wen's house, Xiao Wen always called his wife "dear".

When Xiao Zhu saw this, he was very moved and said: "It's really not easy for you! We have been married for almost 10 years, and you still call your wife so sweetly..."

"Actually," Xiaowen whispered, "I have forgotten her name for a long time..."

12. Patient: "Doctor, I have a bad cough."

Doctor: "How old are you?"

Patient: "Seventy-five years old."

Doctor: "Does a twenty-year-old cough?"

Patient: "No cough.

"

Doctor: "Do you cough when you are forty?"

Patient: "No cough either."

Doctor: "Then if you don't cough now, you When do you have to wait until you cough? ”

13. A group of patients in a certain mental hospital were bothered to be discharged, so the director relaxed the rules. All patients who want to be discharged must pass the following test: Dean: Where are the eyes?

Patient: The eyes are here (pointing to the eyes)

Dean: Where is the nose?

Patient: The nose is here (point to the nose)

Dean: Where are the ears?

Patient: The ear is here (point to the ear)

As long as the location is correctly pointed out, the patient can be discharged.

One day, Patient A applied for discharge and passed the above-mentioned tests, so he happily returned to the ward to pack his luggage and prepare to be discharged. Patient B, who was in the same room, shouted in surprise: "No way, no way. Your condition is more serious than mine, and I can’t even pass it. How can you pass it?” Patient A said, “Shh~ don’t tell others, I did it on my back!

14. One day, Wang Mr. Wang noticed that his 5-year-old son, Xiao Ming, was behaving strangely.

As evening approached, he stood by himself outside the window and waved, and seemed to be mumbling something.

Mr. Wang said quietly. When he walked behind Xiao Ming, he heard Xiao Ming say: "Goodbye, father-in-law, goodbye, father-in-law..."

Mr. Wang looked out the window and saw no one. It had been like this for several days. , Xiao Ming stood at the window, repeating the words that made Mr. Wang’s hair stand on end.

Finally, Mr. Wang couldn’t help it anymore, and called his son over, “Xiao Ming, who are you talking to at this time every day. Say goodbye? ”

“Father-in-law. "Xiao Ming looked innocent. Mr. Wang's scalp exploded when he heard this, "Which...which father-in-law? ”

“Father Sun~”

15. The neighbor went to a booth near the market where snapshots were taken to take a half-length photo. She entered the booth, took a photo, and waited for the photo to be developed automatically. , the photo was developed, she picked it up and looked at it, and exclaimed: "Oh my God, my photo looks like a monkey!" A woman behind said coldly: "I'm sorry, that's mine, yours." It will take another five minutes."

16. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" His father said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?"

17. A father tells a story to his son: Once upon a time, there was a frog...

Son: Is there any science fiction story?

Father: Once upon a time there was a frog in space...

Son: Are there any restricted ones?

Father: Shhh, keep your voice down, don’t let your mother hear you. Once upon a time there was a naked frog...