Looking for hilarious jokes

Fish said to water, "Water, do you know why my eyes are always open?" The water replied "I don't know" and the fish said "just to see you again".

Water said, "Do you know why I am always flowing? Just to keep touching your body. "

A pot said impatiently, "Don't be sour, it's almost ripe, and it's still chirping ..."

Classic joke. Don't laugh after listening. 2005-11-21popularity: 1409.

Embarrassed: I want to fart in a crowded elevator.

Lucky: everyone else got off the elevator before the fart came out.

Happy: I am alone in the elevator, and it is easy to fart.

Regret: It stinks, even I can't stand it.

Shame: Someone got on the elevator before the smell dissipated.

Pain: There was only myself and another person in the elevator, and that person farted very smelly.

Depressed: The man who farted pretended that nothing had happened.

Helpless: the farting person gets off the elevator first and farts alone.

Grievance: The fart smell hasn't dissipated yet, and someone got on the elevator.

Yu Fen: The child who got on the elevator with his mother pointed at me and said, Mom, he farted.

Crazy: Mom tells children: There are always unconscious people!

Some jokes about mental patients (punchline version! ) 2005-11-21popularity: 597

1)

A patient came to see a psychiatrist. ....

Doctor ... what should I do? .....

I always thought I was a bird. ........

Doctor: Oh ... that's serious. .......

When did it start? ........

Patient: Because I am a bird. ...

(2)

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient:

What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied:

Then I can't hear you. ...

It's normal for the doctor to listen to ... mm-hmm ... .....

The doctor asked again:

So ... if I cut off your other ear again ... what will happen to you?

The patient replied:

Then I can't see it ....

The doctor is getting nervous ... how can he not see ...

The patient replied:

Because glasses will fall off. ......

(3)

Two psychopaths ... escaped from the hospital. ......

They ran and ran ... and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree. ....

Roll, roll, roll. ..........

Then looked up and said to the man above:

Hello-

Why don't you come down?

The man above answered him:

No-okay-ah-

I'm not familiar with it.

(4)

There is an old lady in a mental hospital. .....

Wearing black clothes every day ... holding a black umbrella. .....

Squatting at the gate of a mental hospital .....

The doctor thought ...

To cure her, you must start by getting to know her. .....

So ... the doctor also wears black clothes ... and holds a black umbrella. .....

Squatting there with her ....

The two spent a month in silence. .....

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-

Are you a mushroom, too

(5)

When a mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, the dean called the patients in the hospital for a meeting. At the meeting, the dean said, "This afternoon, a very important leader is coming to visit, and everyone is going to meet him at the door. When welcoming, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready, we can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, no one will eat steamed buns, remember? " The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the welcoming patient was already standing at the door. At this time, with the dean's cough, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders smiled and applauded with everyone and entered the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and the applause stopped completely, very neatly. Only this leader is still smiling and clapping, and the dean is very satisfied.

Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed bread?" ! ! ! "

(6)

Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and went back to the ward. Ask B, "What do you think of the novel I recently finished?" ?

B looked at it and replied, "Not bad. However, there are just a few more roles. "

Then the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" " "

(7)

The doctor in the mental hospital wants to talk to a mental patient who is about to leave the hospital to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: smash all the windows in your hospital with stones.

When the doctor heard this, he found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue the treatment. How many people passed?

A few months later, the doctor felt that the patient seemed ready to leave the hospital, so he decided to talk to him again.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: Get a job.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Making money.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Save money.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Marry a wife.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: The bridal chamber.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her clothes.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her pants.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her underwear.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take out the rubber band in your underwear, make a slingshot and find some stones to smash all the windows in your hospital.

(8)

Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one will take him to the hospital at once."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no, Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning. He insisted that he was my toilet. " "Quick, send him here quickly!" A gentleman was silent for a moment: "So … I don't have a toilet?"

(9)

In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day. One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see it was an empty fish tank? "

( 10)

There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live. One day, the dean was there, and in order to see the patient's recovery, he thought of a way. I said to these patients, come here, draw a door on the wall and say, "Today, whoever opens this door can go home." As soon as psychopaths heard this, they flocked around the painted door. The dean was very disappointed. At this time, he found a patient still sitting in the original position, feeling ok. He stepped forward and asked, "Why don't you open the door?" He looked at the dean and said a word. The dean laughed and cried after listening. It turned out that the patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here."

( 1 1)

There is a mental hospital where two mental patients can be discharged, but the dean is afraid that they will commit another crime, so he warns them: "Whoever commits another crime, the other one will call the hospital, or you will not be discharged!"

They all agreed.

One day, the hospital suddenly called, "Hello! Hey! Hey! My companion suddenly ran to the table and said he was a desk lamp! "

"Used to be! Then why don't you send him back quickly! "

"But if I send him back, there will be no desk lamp!"

"。 . . . . 。"

( 12)

Patients in psychiatric departments in hospitals usually have a worship complex for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor. ...

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid the deterioration of his condition)

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you. ...

In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. )

Female patient: Dr. Lan, you mean you don't love me anymore?

Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm ... hmm (expressing hesitation, etc.) ...

Female patient: Nothing … I love Dr. Chen …