Joke: left foot and right foot

A female friend's birthday, the four of us discussed sending her "Happy Birthday" at 0: 00, each sending a word, and I got the second one. As a result, they didn't send it

The bedroom is on the sixth floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt to get it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open. I will turn it off for you. " …

At night, my girlfriend said I was too girly, so I got angry and quarreled with her. I want to be a man, but I finally can't help crying.

A buddy got up the courage to express his deep affection to MM on QQ, and MM replied in an instant: I'm her mother, and I'm here to steal food.

If you have nothing to do in the morning, just look at the company homepage. Seeing the new recruitment content above, I was bored and found my position impressively listed. ...

A big brother in the dormitory said one day, who is this wma? He sang many songs in my MP3.

The teacher called the roll in class: "Liu Hua!" As a result, the following children shouted back: "Yeah!" The teacher was very angry: "Why didn't you say' here'?" The child said, "That word is pronounced' yeah' ...".

On this day, I suddenly found that I have a big aunt, a second aunt, a four-menstruation and a five-menstruation, but I don't have a three-menstruation. So I went to ask my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: Did Third Aunt die when she was young? My dad said: your third aunt is your mother!

I want to play a joke on my boyfriend, pretend to find a pair of ladies' underwear (actually mine) under his bed, and then question him. At first, he refused to admit it. Unexpectedly, under my pressure, he actually hugged me and began to admit his mistake.

Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When I went down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot, and a big font hit the middle of the road ... I thought at that time: No way, I was so embarrassed that I pretended to faint. As a result, the classmates next to me saw me motionless, quickly helped me up, and then slapped me on the body. ...

A classmate, his computer will automatically turn on every morning (probably because the phone in the dormitory suddenly washed away in the morning). As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. . .

Dad hates foreign singers. But one day, when I was watching Mike Jackson's mtv, I suddenly found my father standing behind watching it with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Dad, do you like this, too?" Dad shook his head: "Mao Amin is really getting ugly."

A brother went to the toilet and ended up in the ladies' room by mistake. When I went in, I found there was no urinal. It doesn't feel right Fortunately, there is no one in the toilet. He walked out casually. When I opened the door, I met a mm who came in. Face to face with him, blushed, lowered his head and turned to drill in the men's room. ...

The hunter saw a bird in the sky and missed three shots, but the bird still fell. It turned out that the bird patted its chest and said, "Scared to death, scared to death!" "

A man passed by the cemetery at night and saw a fire, thinking it was a ghost fire. Then he threw a brick and the fire moved to another grave. The man still threw a brick, I heard you. "Shit! You can't even shit. You will get two bricks when you smoke. "

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and hugging her. The man fell to the ground and cried, "This is the third piece. It is so difficult to take a piece of glass home."

A novice went to collect usury. He took out the IOU and smiled and said, "It's written clearly in black and white. You owe me 1 10,000! Do you want to default? " People really don't have that much money, and he threatened: "Hum! Don't blame me for not reminding you! If you can't pay back the money tomorrow, your house will become like this. " He took out his lighter and burned the loan. ...

Robber: "Tell me the password of the safe quickly, or I will kill you!" " Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! You ruined me, I won't say anything! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. " The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." The pig said, "People who fart will blush." Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig open and said, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing."

Ge You invited a friend to dinner and went to the toilet on the way. His trousers were wet when he came back. Friend: "Why are your pants wet?" Ge You: "It's been like this since I became famous." Friend: "Often?" Ge You: "Yes! It is often the person next to you who urinates and suddenly turns around and shouts, "Yo! This is Ge You! "

A woman urinated in the toilet, and a drunk went by mistake after drinking. Hearing the sound of urinating, he quickly said, "Don't pour, I really don't drink!" " The woman was so frightened that she didn't dare to pee any more. She couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, "I am tall! Who * * * opened another bottle! "

The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise scolded in a hurry, "I'll die if I don't fucking come back!" " "At this moment, the snail's voice came from outside the door:" You fucking said I wouldn't go! " "

An old man walked slowly in the street and saw a child tiptoe to ring the doorbell, but it was almost the same. So the old man went over and said kindly, "Little friend, let me press it for you." As he spoke, the old man rang the doorbell and didn't let go until he was sure that the people inside could hear him. At this time, the child eagerly said to the old man, "Let's run quickly!" " "

The woman is ugly, can't get married, and wants to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. When the kidnapper brought it back, she insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: "Let's go, we don't want the car!" " "

Robber: "robbery, get down!" " "When he saw a lady kneeling, he shouted," Be fucking civilized. I only rob money, not sex! "

The ugly man took ninety-nine roses to his beautiful female colleague, "marry me!" " I love you! "Woman:" Forget it! I have no feelings for you. Man: "Please tell me that's not good, and I'll change it." "Woman:" What do you like about me? I will change ~ ~ "

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So you had to chase and shout, "master, wait for me!" Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to you, "Don't chase Wukong."

A foreigner came directly to Taiwan Province Province to study Chinese. But he never knew the difference between "iron" and "steel". One day, he came home very late. As a result, the door downstairs could not be opened. He had to shout loudly upstairs: "landlady, your steel door won't open ..."

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize one of your wishes." Come on! I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdained to say: "I'm starving and still covet beauty, poor thing!" Then he disappeared. Man: "... cake."

A psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on his pillow. The attending doctor asked, "Just sing, why are you turning over?" The psycho said, "Fool, of course you have to sing B after singing A side."

Mom: "Martin, go to the kitchen and see if the light is off?" Martin went there and came back and said, "Mom, it's dark. There's nothing to see." How do I know? "

Mom: "I thought you were doing your homework, but you were playing video games." Xiao Xin: "It's not my fault." Mom: "Is it my fault?" Xiao Xin: "Yes, who told you to walk so lightly?"

A man went to the toilet. The next door suddenly said, "How have you been recently?" In order not to appear rude, he replied, "Not bad." The next door said, "What are you busy with?" This man: "Business trip." Next door: "I'll hang up first, there's a psycho here." . . "

A woman works the night shift and a man follows her. In fear, the woman passed by the grave and had a brainwave. She said to the grave, "Dad, I'm back. Open the door. " The man was frightened and ran away screaming. The woman was relieved and was about to leave when suddenly a deep voice came from the grave: "Daughter, you forgot your key again!" " "The woman was frightened and ran away. Then a grave robber emerged from the grave and said, "Shit! Delaying my work scared you to death. "

The little boy was beaten by his father and ran to his mother aggrieved: "Mom, what would you do if someone bullied your child?" The mother was furious: "I want to kick his child's ass."

"Mom, how did I grow up?" Lele looked at her childhood photos and asked curiously. When her mother heard that the opportunity for education came, she said, "You were raised by your mother with a handful of shit and urine." Lele cried when she heard this: "How did you give me this?" ! Whoops ~ ~ "

A young girl and a handsome young man are dating in the park. Suddenly, I was a little embarrassed. The girl asked, "What's the matter with you?" Xiao Sheng said shyly, "I want to be convenient." The girl was puzzled, and only when she saw Xiaosheng walking to the public toilet did she know that "convenience" meant going to the toilet. After a while, the girl asked Xiao Sheng, "When will you come to my house to play?" Xiao Sheng replied, "I want to go at your convenience."

"Don't be afraid," said the dentist before pulling the patient's tooth. Come and have a drink to calm down. " When the patient finished drinking, after a while, the doctor asked, "How do you feel now?" The patient said to the doctor with red eyes, "Now, see who dares to pull out my tooth!" " " .

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and said, "What's the matter?" Drunk: "I don't know, just arrived."

A parrot was taught to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

Woman: "I want to remind you that my husband will be back in an hour." Man: "but I didn't do anything rude!" " "Woman:" I know, if you want to do something, there is only less than an hour left. "

In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted, "Attention, classmates! I am going to be deformed! "

In the middle of the night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed with his head distributed. Bush was surprised and said, "How dare you break into the White House at night!" Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard, smiled darkly and said, "It's so confident to be soft!" " "

A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but were knocked down by the earthquake. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted, "strangle him, strangle him, small sample, what a fucking retrogression!" "

A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She didn't meet for a long time, but she asked the police: "Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet? "

In biology class, the teacher asked, "How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus?" A student replied, "Give it a fart to smell. One hand will cover your nose, and the other is your feet. "

Teacher: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now I will test you and use an idiom to describe the teacher's happiness. " Xiao Xin: "Laugh at Jiuquan."

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and still so poor."

Professor: "A fool's question can't be answered by ten smart people." College student: "No wonder I always fail in exams."

In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and you were standing in the field, your clothes were tattered and black, and your eyes were tearful and said, "I can't see it, is it still worth bombing?"