Humorous quotes about men who like sex

1. There were a lot of people taking the bus today, but I took it. There was a pretty girl standing in front of her, and a bad boy kept rubbing against her. Suddenly the girl yelled at the bad guy. You are the police! Everyone in the car looked at him, his voice was too loud, and the bad guy said no, he said it very innocently. Then the girl said something and it lit up. "Then why are you pointing your gun at me!"

2. A long time ago, a few friends sang K together. When I was bored, I was playing with my best friend's new mobile phone and found a business card holder with the name "male" written on it. I guessed my friend's name, so I thought about teasing him. I sent a text message: "Husband, I want it tomorrow night." The other party replied: "Okay, I'll cancel tomorrow's date first." A minute later, my phone rang: "Baby, I have a meeting tomorrow. I can’t watch a movie with you.”

3. The bus was overloaded and passengers were still rushing up. Suddenly, someone shouted: “Don’t crowd me, I have explosives here!” The driver was shocked: "What explosives?!" The man raised a bag of things above his head and said angrily: "Eggs! Two of them have been squeezed!"

4. Several girls talked about the future together. What kind of husband should you marry? One of them said very resolutely: "I will not marry unless I am a soldier!" The other girls asked puzzledly: "Why?" "Because he not only learned how to wash and cook in the army, but more importantly, he learned to obey orders. ! ”

5. Two children are chatting. One asked: "Why did your father and mother beat you last night?" The other replied: "Huh, it's all my fault for being careless in my words." "What did you say wrong?" "They asked me who was better, grandpa or grandpa. ? I said, you’ll know if it’s a mule or a horse.”

6. The director sent a text message to the female secretary: I miss you so much, wait at the International Hotel! I accidentally pressed the group send button. Within seconds the replies came pouring in. Female Secretary: De Xing, why are you so anxious! Female section chief: If today is not convenient, let’s change it to another day! Male Deputy Director: Why didn’t you know you were also gay? Female subordinate: Coming soon! Female Deputy Director: Did you just think of me? Female Secretary: Why go so far? Come to my office! Wife: Come back! What a waste of money!

7. Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said: "Once upon a time, there was a person once upon a time." Then after a long silence, the eunuch asked impatiently: "Where is it down there?" Ji Xiaolan replied: "There is no more down there!"

8. 1. A man is chatting up a beautiful woman in a bar. The man asked: "I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in?" The beautiful woman was silent for a while, and then said in a low-key voice: "Big money, big skills." 2. The woman was chatting up a man in the bar. The woman asked: "I wonder what kind of women the handsome guy is more interested in?" The handsome guy was silent for a while and said in a low-key voice: "You have a beautiful face and big breasts!"

9. The host asked the female contestant: "What is the purpose of men using Viagra?" The female contestant blushed and thought for a long time and said, "I can't think of it." The host immediately said, "Congratulations on the correct answer!" There was a discussion in the audience: "That's a very insightful answer! ''

10. Two monkeys were hiding in a tree to watch the boy take a bath. Suddenly one of them laughed so hard that he fell down from the tree.

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11. One day, a lady was bitten by a mosquito while playing golf. She ran away because of the unbearable itching. See the doctor. The doctor asked the lady: Where were you bitten? The lady: Probably between the first hole and the second hole! The doctor said with enlightenment: Well, I think your legs must be very wide apart.

12. There is a brother who is usually very bold, but he is very shy about the girl he likes. Finally, after being forced by some of us brothers, he hesitated for a long time. , the girl got a little impatient and asked: What's wrong with you? Then this brother didn't know what was wrong, and finally said: Please support me!

13. It's a very obscure joke. The average IQ is above 200: A girl has three lovers, one named Gao, one named Li, and one named Chen. A few months later, the girl gave birth to a son, but she didn't know whose son it was, and she was worried about the name of the child. , a professor named the child: Guo Chunhai. When the girl heard about it, she was very happy.

——Do you understand?

14. The nun visited the monk temple and found that many monks had issued a TT. The old monk in charge said: "Winter is coming and it is very cold! Our six roots must be clean. Wearing it can both Keeping warm can also prevent us from doing things that violate the precepts!" After the nun returned, the nunnery began to reform. The old nuns in Dazhong distribute a carrot every three days. The nun said: "As long as the monks can keep warm, we still lack a lot of vitamins!"

15. Me: "Wife, you know you are My god!" Wife: "What am I to you?" Me: "You are my formula!" Me: "This way I can deduce you!" "For God's sake! I am not your formula! **'s formula! The formulas have all been derived by others! You have been deduced by countless people and you still believe in God's horse!" Me: ".Honey, I was wrong."< /p>

16. To tell the truth, in the factory car at work, MM asked me: My computer is not working and it keeps dying. I said: Then go back and check for viruses, and remember to upgrade your anti-virus software. MM: Oh. Early the next morning, I saw MM again in the car, and I casually asked: Have you checked? how? Then. . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I was so angry that after checking for a long time, I was told that there was no syphilis.

17. I always thought that my parents didn’t like me very much. Until my 17th birthday, they gave me a set of keys. I asked in surprise: "Wow! Is it...a car?" "No, you stay and look after the house - we are going on a trip."

18. When the male director was sleeping with his wife at night, he actually said Talking in sleep! He said in his sleep: My dear, I love you so much, I will divorce my wife as soon as possible! At this time, the male director suddenly woke up and found his wife staring at him fiercely. The male director immediately closed his eyes again and continued to pretend to sleep! The male director turned over and said: Okay, just use this tone, very good, start shooting!

19. There was a classmate who was in the third grade. One night, he called his female classmate. Unfortunately, the mother of the female classmate picked up the phone. When the mother, who was worried about her daughter's grades falling, heard that she was a boy, she was very wary and asked displeasedly: "What is your surname?" The boy said: "My surname is Wei." The other party's tone was very rude: "What is Wei?" The boy became even more nervous and stammered: "I don't know why, my father's surname is also Wei..."

20. One day I went to the bank to withdraw money, and I thought there were still dozens of yuan in it. I might as well withdraw the money together, so I said loudly to the girl working at the bank: "Take out all the money!" The girl at the bank swiped the card, then raised her head and looked at the loudspeaker seriously, saying, My classmate said: "There is only one dollar and fifty cents in it, do you want to take it all out?" There were many people queuing behind me at that time... Sorry!

21. On the bus, there was a very cute little boy with him The mother said a riddle: "A tuft of hair on top, a tuft of hair on the bottom, together they become a tuft of hair. What kind of hair is that?" The people in the car snickered~~"Pa" The little boy was beaten by his mother who was ashamed and angry. A slap in the face and asked: "Who did you learn it from?" The little boy covered his face and cried and said: "The teacher taught it, he said it was eyelashes." This time the car laughed~~

22. Friends I was going to another place, and my enlightened father said, if you feel lonely, you can look for chickens, and I will reimburse you when you come back. The invoice will be written as "bird hunting". The next day, my father received an invoice of 2,000 for bird hunting. My father called and asked, "I will look for cheaper birds next time." beat. The next month, my father received another invoice, 100 for bird hunting and 5,000 for repairing the gun!

23. There are eight girls in our dormitory. The fifth girl came back after the Chinese New Year and got married. She always chats with her boyfriend in the dormitory. Before going to bed today, the seventh girl and the fifth girl said, "You go wash your face." , I’ll help your brother and your husband chat for a while, but Lao Wu disagrees. Lao Qi asks, are you afraid that I’ll become a prostitute by chatting with you? Lao Wu said, “It’s not that I’m afraid that I’ll be promiscuous with you, but that I’m afraid that I’ll be promiscuous with you…” Suddenly, we The dormitory was boiling.

24. Son: Dad, what is thermal expansion and contraction? Dad: It means that objects have a property. When they are hot, their volume will increase, and when they are cold, they will shrink! Son: Does that person have it? Dad: There are also. Son: Mom is so fat, why don’t you put her in the refrigerator to lose weight?

25. I was in a hurry while shopping one day, so I went to the public toilet to drain water. Halfway through, a non-mainstream person came in. I don’t know what to do. I just glanced at him, and the guy said, "What a fool!" By chance, his cigarette butt fell on his dick, and he screamed like a slaughtering pig! He was so excited that he felt like he wouldn't like to hold it in his mouth anymore. The cigarette went to the toilet.

26. Not long after a woman came out of the toilet, the male security guard ran over and reminded: "Miss, we monitored that you forgot your mobile phone on the toilet seat." Woman: "Thank you, thank you.

27. A nurse with plump breasts and a beautiful face hurriedly said to the doctor: "Please go and see that patient quickly. I just measured his pulse. It beats one hundred and twenty times a minute, and His eyes were fixed on me without moving. The doctor said calmly: "First cover his eyes with gauze, and then measure it." ”

28. I went to the hospital for a check-up a few days ago and needed a blood test. I lined up outside the blood drawing room. There was a couple in front of me. The wife was scared and kept her head buried in the man’s arms. The man patted her head and said, "Don't be afraid, we haven't gone in yet, relax, it won't hurt. The wife raised her head and said, "You lied to me like this when we were in love!" "Everyone around me was blushing...

29. One day at school, the teacher asked a question during class: "If you were given a cart of cucumbers, what kind of endorsements would you use to increase sales? . A classmate stood up and said, "Buy me a melon to make you forget about him." "The teacher was speechless.

30. One day, a nurse asked a doctor. "Why is your wife so fat?" The doctor asked, "What is the most expensive and supplementary thing in the hospital?" The nurse replied, "In Chinese medicine, it's ginseng, in Western medicine, it's albumin!" The doctor said, "That's it!" My wife eats a tube of red ginseng every night, and also takes some albumin! Still not fat? ”