Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Does anyone know about Yashan?
Does anyone know about Yashan?
Can't be cheap to others.
My friend once told me a joke, which was true. Someone is holding a big cardboard box at work and sweating all over. Colleagues gathered around and saw a pile of small clay pots, as big as fists and big mouths. It is too big to feed the birds, and the soy sauce is not covered. Asked what he meant, the man flashed his eyes and gestured with his hand: "Cai 18 1 cent, how cheap." Cheap enough. Everyone looked at dozens of cans and asked what they were for. He scratched his scalp and said, "I haven't thought about it." Everyone laughs, no matter how cheap it is, it's useless to buy it for nothing. He said seriously, "No, it's so cheap. I'll buy it if I don't buy it." All-inclusive, not cheap to others! "It seems that selling clay pots first found it useless and cheap. He was so ecstatic about buying cans that he didn't care about the use. The greatest happiness was not that it was cheap, but that others couldn't enjoy it, that is, buying it out. Many people have this kind of psychology. When he enjoys the pleasure of something, he immediately feels depressed at the thought that others are enjoying it. For them, the apple trees all over the world had better bear only one apple for him to eat; Every mother in the world has only one daughter for him to marry. Their dissatisfaction is not that things are not rich, but that people are too rich. It is reported that a Japanese chaebol who died recently was the leader of Mitsui or Sumitomo. I don't remember. Along with his death, there are two famous western paintings that cost tens of millions of dollars to collect. This is the second case of an island country destroying human cultural wealth with money. A few years ago, a Japanese chaebol was also buried with Van Gogh's paintings. The reason why they can't swallow their breath is that he is dead, but many beautiful things still exist and they can't accept it. These chaebols may not be able to draw. Japanese businessmen are just animals that grab money. But everyone agreed that I would buy it so that you would never see it again. I also saw a piece of news in the newspaper. It is said that a farmer in Shaanxi cut off his penis when he found out his wife was having an affair. Some people don't understand and ask: What are you doing? The farmer said it was to punish her. It turned out that he thought he was taking advantage of his wife by looking like this guy. Later, everyone in the village laughed and said that this was not to punish her, but to punish herself. The man was ashamed and hanged himself. The old man took advantage of others, calculated too much and took advantage of others. Buying pots is cheap, selling pots is cheap, and penis removal is cheap, including adulterers. The most hateful thing is the Japanese. If you don't pay enough attention to those ambiguous and shrewd orientals, you will suffer sooner or later.
On absurdity
When the news of Comet Wu Bai came in 1997, I remembered one thing. 19 10 When there was a comet in the United States, people bought a box of pills for one dollar, which was said to prevent the disaster caused by the comet. No one sells this kind of "anti-comet pill" now. People will laugh at this situation and be glad that they have not lived in an ignorant age at last. However, mankind has not made much progress, because the progress of science and technology and the progress of human nature are two different things, and there should be a certain relationship between them, but science and technology can not completely get rid of absurdity. Or take the United States as an example. They are now super-developed countries, but stupid things happen every day. For example, Americans spend $5.4 billion on pets every year, which is more than ten times that of baby food. Printing The New York Times Sunday Edition is equivalent to cutting down more than 300 mu and 60,000 trees. Every American is forced to accept an average of 500 advertisements every day. The annual turnover of American pornographic products is $4 billion. The population of the United States accounts for less than 1/6 of the world population, but it consumes 60% of the world resources. In terms of resource consumption and pollution, one American is equivalent to six Indians. Judging from these figures, we don't find that Americans have made much progress than 19 10. Other countries and nations are not necessarily smarter than Americans. Therefore, people should not think that absurd things happened in the past and others, let alone that it is a kind of humor, otherwise they will never get rid of absurdity. Many strange things have happened in history. For example, in ancient Japan, an open fart contest was held, and the loudest and oldest people could get rich in one fell swoop. The medieval church believed that bathing (exposure. Body) is a crime, so the Middle Ages was called "not taking a bath for thousands of years". /kloc-in the 0/8th century, British women's wigs were 4 feet high and decorated with bird specimens, garden models and fruit bowls. American Mrs. Sanger 19 17 was reeducated through labor for one month for running a family planning clinic. 1909, Australian swimmer Kellerman was arrested and charged with "indecent behavior" for wearing a bathing suit with shoulder-length sleeves and legs two inches above his knees on Boston Beach. After Franklin published a paper on lightning rod in 1753, European women put a lightning rod on their hats and dragged a ground wire. General Martinez, the dictator of El Salvador, ordered all the lights in the country to be covered with red paper to prevent the spread of scarlet fever. This is what happened in the past and is considered absurd by modern people. Our descendants will also record a lot of similar things about us.
There are no diseases in the world.
Among the four words of "birth, old age, illness and death", the word "disease" is the most confusing and has nothing to do with life and death. If we seriously explore what "disease" is, it will make people cry like peeling an onion, but in the end there is nothing. Unlike peaches and plums, onions have a core. But countless people are in all kinds of uneasy situations. What bothers them is that "pain, itching" and so on can be added to all organs of the human body except hair and nails. In addition to physical discomfort, there are neurological problems such as anxiety and depression. Some people say that the spirit of an era can be seen from advertisements. If so, doctors and drugs have occupied a large share in our time, and television is like this every day. It is said that the appearance of these advertisements is restricted, otherwise the advertisements for hemorrhoids at lunch, women and children, sexually transmitted diseases and skin diseases in sports programs will be dizzying. In recent years, in the cities of different provinces that I passed, advertisements for sexually transmitted diseases have been posted on almost every telephone pole, and every radio station is talking about diabetes and femoral head necrosis. Treating intractable diseases is a necessary stunt for every military cadre's family clinic. On the other hand, the physical condition of people in China is obviously better than that of different periods in history. With so many "diseases" and "medicines", I would rather believe that they are companions of social progress, such as the adjustment after people have enough to eat and wear warm clothes, the prominent social contradictions, the expectation of longevity goals, the lack of faith, the explosion of population and the deterioration of the environment, rather than "diseases". Medical positivism can clearly observe germs and diseases, such as Staphylococcus aureus with almost poetic name and an ulcer. This is the cause and consequence of the disease, not the disease itself. There is only one reason why people get sick, such as Staphylococcus aureus virus infection mentioned in the above example. People still have one hundred reasons not to get sick, from running to being calm, all the way to more than one hundred. In the same environment, only some people are infected by germs or viruses, and most people are very weak. From the epidemiological point of view, the disease is the result of mutual infection; From the point of view of human immunology, diseases are the result of low immunity. Therefore, illness is a symptom, not an essence. In mammals, some epidemics, such as colds, whose standardized names are catarrhal rhinitis and cough, only spread in humans, and some common diseases, such as lumbar disc herniation and hypertension, only occur in humans. Judging from the structure of the upper respiratory tract, wolves should also catch a cold, but they are not injured, and animals will not have lumbar disc herniation. It can be seen that this "disease" is obviously caused by the consequences of human behavior. Therefore, the existence of the so-called "disease" is not so much external as a problem with the human guard system. I know a person who starts sneezing within an hour after being scolded by the leader almost every time, and then has a fever. Depression can also lead to colds. Therefore, this disease is depression, not a cold. Dr Thomas Lewis believes that the immune system formed in the process of human evolution is strong enough to resist any disease. Many times, taking medicine is even an unnecessary thing. Without the strength of the immune system, human beings would have died long ago, and even animals would not live today. Under the operation of such a powerful immune system, people are constantly getting sick, which is an evolutionary response. When a person catches a cold, it is not because he has lost his immune system, but because of his personal reasons, the system fails. Depression and anxiety can easily make people catch a cold, which means that this state suppresses the immune system. Here, "illness" is your own mood. For another example, guilt leads to endocrine disorder, long-term drinking leads to arteriosclerosis of digestive tract, and smoking can cause many diseases, including cerebral thrombosis. In short, it is people's emotions and behaviors that lead to some changes in the human body. The essence of this change is an adaptation. For example, fatty liver is to adapt to alcohol and phlegm, smog, increased urine sugar and insufficient insulin secretion. When this adaptation is formed, a "disease" is formed. Many "sick" people like to ask doctors, "How did you get this disease?" You really should ask yourself the other way around. When a person adopts the wrong lifestyle and the accumulated results are unbearable, the hospital becomes his most familiar place. The above statement belongs to an inference of behavioral medicine, and so does neurology with more complicated pathogenesis. Mental illness characterized by neuroticism, no matter from Freud or Jung's theory, belongs to the abnormal state of deviation between desire and personality caused by inner overwork or dissatisfaction, and is a kind of physical and mental imbalance. The point of this "disease" is that it can't solve a word "worry". Most of those who have the ability to calm themselves down and have answers will not be troubled by this disease. Cancer is the most puzzling disease today, and neither heredity nor environment seems to be the exact cause of its onset. At present, researchers at least know that "losing the source of happiness" will lead to cancer, emotional collapse, and the loss of relatives and irreplaceable substances will reduce people's inherent anti-tumor ability. When the ability to identify cancer cells and send suicide instructions to them is lost, when the "electromagnetic gate" that controls the infinite proliferation of epithelial cells fails, and when the physical and chemical indicators of the living environment exceed the detoxification function of human beings, people have to face crises including tumors. The increase in the incidence of cancer shows that even in the computer age, people have not learned to take care of themselves, including the environment. Today, if someone puts forward the idea of "reducing desire and living a simple life", it will be considered as cowardice and lack of enterprise, caring for the environment is considered as melodramatic, and "illness" will be waiting for an opportunity. After being "sick", people fall in love with medicine and the scientific research process of medicine. Where do they know the truth that "there is no medicine for disease, and there is no disease for medicine"? It's up to you to decide whether you are sick or not, but sometimes it's too late. People will get old, of course they will die, but they don't have to get sick. Mother Teresa, who won the Nobel Peace Prize, has been in contact with leprosy and AIDS patients all her life. She is immune to all diseases and proves that people's ability to overcome diseases is much greater than you think. If a person is kind, his heart is in a state of giving; Relatively balanced, the desire is in a submerged state; Quiet and emotionally harmonious; Exercise more, the body is in an activated state; Meditate more, and the brain is in a relaxed state; Eat more fruits and vegetables and keep the gastrointestinal tract clean; Make more concessions and relax; If you play too many games, your brain will be in a child state. Then it can be called: "There is no disease in the world." As for environmental pollution and deforestation, the consequences are not just "disease", but "evil".
Hometown of language
When people use language as a tool, it is just a disorderly thing, and the chaos is endless. If you leave it, you will miss it. I don't know from which day, language, like flesh and blood, merged with the human mind. In other words, it becomes a key. Only through it can we enter childhood, love and hometown. Huang Yongyu, a painter, returned to his hometown of Zhu Jiang in his seventies and built a small building. The old site collapsed and used to be a pigsty for villagers. Huang's new building has many windows, *** 107 windows, in order to let many people enjoy the rural conditions. The great painter is very comfortable to live here, saying, "When a chicken barks and a dog barks, it's all warm, quarreling and swearing, and blending into the local accent." The so-called warmth is the spring of language, which breeds the grass of the soul. And all the arguments, scales or philosophies that do not belong to Xiangxi, no matter how solemn, are abandoned by the local accent. The 70-year-old man enjoys the happiness of his childhood in "the cock crows and the dog barks, quarrels and scolds the mother". After the Spanish poet Ximenes moved to the United States, he fell into a spiritual crisis. He found himself very thirsty.
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