A dishonest joke that destroys the three views.

1, Gao Fushuai: "How is your girlfriend?" * * * Diaosi: "It's okay, but it leaks occasionally." Q: What does * * silk mean? His girlfriend always farts. His girlfriend is always angry. C the quality of Taobao goods is really unreliable.

2. The child shouted "Hello" to the valley? There were bursts of "hello" from all directions. The child was surprised: Who are you? Valley: Who are you? Child: Tell me! Valley: Tell me! Children: Authentic Good Herbal Tea Authentic Good Voice Welcome to watch Jiaduobao Herbal Tea named after you by the leading brand of herbal tea Jiaduobao. China's good voice. Drink Qilitian Power Wahaha Qili Mental Health Care Products to cheer for China's good voice! Valley. . Nimabi

Xiao Ming has 3 apples, Xiao Hong has 2 apples and Xiao Li has 1 apple. Now Xiaoming gives Xiaoli two apples, Xiaoli gives Xiaohong 1 apple and Xiaohong gives Xiaoming two apples. Excuse me: How many kidneys do three people have?

Today, I played cactus on the balcony. I accidentally dropped it, so I quickly grabbed it back with my hand ... Hehe, hehe, hehe. ...

I just took a shower and was blowing my hair. My cell phone rang. Let my mother answer for me first. I saw my mother pick up the phone and look at the screen. She shouted with a silvery smile, "Dad." Then I froze for 3 seconds and quickly threw my phone to me. I was stunned at that time, picked up the phone and said, "Hello, Grandpa." Then I heard my dad's lonely voice on the other end of the phone: "Who are you?"

6. There is a long queue in the supermarket. When it was a man's turn, he told the clerk to buy 50 condoms. As a result, two MM behind a man sipped their mouths and laughed wildly. So a man turned around and gave them a gloomy look! Then he said to the clerk, "Wait, change it to 52." So the whole scene was successfully grasped!

7. My girlfriend and I quarreled on QQ. She claimed that she had a cold war with me for a week and said that she would fire me. . .

When I was helpless, my girlfriend's trumpet sent me "SB! Just hurry! "

8. Pick up the bride, be stopped, ask the groom to kneel down and learn to bark. The groom relented and knelt down and cried. The woman continues to make trouble and has to pay 88888 to get in! Begging for a long time, Yemen will not open. The groom had no choice but to bite his teeth and say, "Go home, don't pick it up!" " "So I really left! The woman was dumbfounded and quickly called the groom. The groom's father replied and told the woman directly: "Let the two children go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a divorce certificate tomorrow! "The bride is very painful. .

9.20 13 Math Finale of College Entrance Examination Question: Can Yao Ming, Huang Xiaoming and Jing M. Guo form a triangle lying on the ground? Solve. .

My friend is ill and goes to the hospital to hang salt water. It was given by an intern nurse, but he didn't stick it in for long. Helpless to call the head nurse. Good technique, head nurse. One needle in place! This is not gc. . Then I immediately pulled it out and handed it to the little nurse and said, see? You try again!

10, a hunter released a fox, and every day when he came home, he would see the cooked food on the table. The hunter thought he was grateful. It happened that a Taoist priest passed by, took a sip and shook his head. "The fox made it." The hunter came home early the next day and found a fox facing the pot in front of the stove.

It is another sunny morning, and only the exhaust fan of the main engine is still turning in the silent room. He had fallen asleep and was suddenly awakened by a quick knock at the door. He opened the door and stood outside with two uncles armed with live ammunition: "Hello, China and Japan are at war. We have come to pick up those comrades who said they would give their lives for the battlefield." He reached into his crotch and grabbed it: "There should be hundreds of millions of lives here. Keep the change. Thank you. " .

4. I received a short message: I have your son,100000 redemption!

H: Don't you think it's sticky?

5. "Your girlfriend is so short, I really don't know where you saw her."

"What do you know? She doesn't have to kneel. "

6. Wonderful broken picture couplets, where to break the festival,,,

Part I: 2+0+1+3+1+4 =11(bachelor)

Downline: 2-0- 1-3- 1-4=-7 (husband and wife)

7. The new findings of several male colleagues watching the football match. Xiaoli, a colleague and employee, fell asleep at her desk at noon. A few male colleagues are watching the football league on their mobile phones. Everyone shouted "shoot, shoot". Xiaoli woke up from her sleep and cried. . . "Don't shoot inside."

.....

8. I have always found Jolin Tsai's song "You are only a few tenths of a millimeter away from me" very puzzling. How can you keep such a small distance? Then today, I suddenly feel that this is a TT thickness! The whole song suddenly became so evil. ....

9. Lin Chi-ling told reporters that my breasts are real. If I lie, I will read my name backwards in the future. ...

10. I took the bus that day and heard a hilarious conversation in a crowded and noisy environment. A young woman: "Look at you, you don't fart when you step on my foot."

A man said calmly and slowly, "I'm sorry for stepping on your foot." If I fart to you again, am I still human? "

Suddenly, laughter came from the carriage.

1 1. My mother asked me: What is gay friends?

Me: friends who eat KFC together. ....

Mom: What's that?

Me: ... friends who eat instant noodles together ...

Mom: What's their relationship?

Me: The former pays attention to communication, while the latter pays attention to efficiency.

Mom: What flower is Takizawa Rola? Why do people seek seeds online?

12. Huang Rong was poisoned and itchy badly. Although Hong Qigong could not detoxify, he still used internal force to relieve itching and delay the attack, so that Guo Jing had enough time to ask for help. Seeing that Huang Rong was in a stable situation, Qi Gong pulled Guo Jing aside and whispered to him, "Although I was only itching, but ..." Guo Jing hesitated to take it and sang, "Green ... green grass smells better because of you?"

13. Liu Bei was resting when suddenly there was a killing sound outside the account. Guan Yu rushed into the tent and said, "We are surrounded, big brother, let's go!" " Liu Bei was frightened: "Yun Chang, you have to help me break the back road." "No problem!" Guan Yu raised his sword and cut Liu Chan, who was playing by the bed, in half. Liu Bei was furious: "Nima! That's not what I said! " Hearing this, Guan Yu turned and took a knife to chop Liu Feng, who was shivering, to death. "fuck! Not this! " The knife flashed and Liu Bei's legs turned red. ...

14. The kindergarten teacher taught literacy, wrote a "bed" on the blackboard and asked Xiao Ming, "Do you know this word, little friend?" Xiaoming shook his head and said he didn't know. The teacher began to enlighten: "What was under your father when he slept last night?" "It's mom." The teacher quickly changed her mouth: "I mean, when mom is not at home, what's under dad?" "It's uncle." "Son, this word is more difficult. Learn later. "

15. She cut her finger, and he bought her a band-aid, but he was dumb. After gesturing for a while, the salesman didn't know what he really wanted to buy. Then he simply cut his finger, and the salesman suddenly realized that he needed a band-aid. Then the salesman smiled and bought a band-aid. As for hurting your finger. She looked behind him with tears in her eyes. The next day, she had her period.

16. In autumn, she crept up behind him, put her cold hand in his neck, and then laughed loudly. He didn't respond. She thought he was angry and was going to withdraw her hand guiltily. He grabbed her hand and said, "don't move, fool, why are your hands so cold?" I'll warm you up. " And then put it in your pants. . .

17. Her eyes were suddenly blindfolded when she worked overtime. She: manager, stop playing, those hands are not loose, she thinks the manager's hands are not so rough; He kissed her neck, and her plump breasts heaved in her breath. Stop it, Mr. Wang. But the hands are still not loose; He kissed her hair and let go. In the dim light, I saw a figure far away, leaving a familiar thermos bottle on the table, which was full of soup ... She chased it out: Chen Dong! Please listen to me, Chen Dong!

18. I just saw a lovely father and daughter in the park. My father is about fifty years old and my daughter is about twenty years old. The daughter is very clever. She peeled a tea egg for her father and said something to make him laugh. What a sweet picture! This is real family life, but ...

Then why did they start French kissing? ...

19. Friar Sand: "Second brother, do you still miss Lan Xiu in Gaolaozhuang?" Bajie looked at the back of the man who carried the golden hoop and shook his head. Wukong: "Master, come back to Huaguoshan with me after you learn the scriptures." Tang Priest: "Wukong, do you think we are just going to learn from the scriptures? If you are a teacher, you must talk about Buddha with the Tathagata all night. " Said blushing. But I don't know when, the one opposite the white one was in tears. It turns out that the four of them are also men with stories.

20. In the early morning after the snow, the girl was still in the dormitory and received a phone call from the boy: "Open the window quickly!" The girl opened the window and saw the boy standing in the snow downstairs, with three big characters written next to him: I love you! The girl was very moved and said, did you write it? Boy: "Yes! I wanted to write more, but I didn't have enough urine. The girl said it's okay, I'll help you, and then the girl unzipped her pants. ...

2 1. BMW is her ex-boyfriend. Don't you regret it when your ex-boyfriend lowered the window and asked her? She said, I don't regret it. Your father gave you your BMW, and we will have one in ten years. This is the purest and most inspiring love story I have ever heard. Ten years later, her bicycle was replaced by an electric car and his BMW was replaced by Lamborghini. ...

22. In the first year, he sent her roses, but she didn't want them. The next year, he gave her a diamond ring, but she didn't want it. In the third year, he gave her a car and she didn't want it. In the fourth year, he went bankrupt. He said, "I can't give you anything now." She said, "Fool, don't you know that a gift costs only nine yuan?" He suddenly realized that his eyes were soaked with tears ... It turned out that all she wanted was a discount on Durex's three small suits, and the current price was only 9 yuan.

23. If a man can go to fun run to sing for you downstairs, meet any unreasonable demands in public, play the clown to make you happy when you are unhappy, take out his mobile phone from time to time to see if he is worried about missing your message or phone call, scrimp and save on instant noodles for a week in order to invite you to a big meal, and be on call 24 hours a day, then he must be a * * *!

24. An ambitious rich second generation told Auricularia that no matter how rich my father was, he would not be mine, and he would give up his inheritance right after signing the agreement. Auricularia auricula did not leave the rich second generation. . This is not a love story. . Auricularia became the stepmother of the rich second generation, and the next son inherited all the property the next year. The rich second generation sells * * for a living, and it is difficult to support their mothers. This is not enough dog blood. After his father died, the rich second generation was raised by black fungus and lived a happy life.

25. The old woman wiped the oil lamp found in the attic, and her cat was lying next to her. A monster jumped out of the lamp and gave her three wishes. Old woman: "Money and youth turn cats into handsome princes." After the smoke, she became young and beautiful, surrounded by treasures. The cat disappeared and a prince hugged her. She disappeared happily in the prince's arms. The prince whispered in her ear, "You castrated me. Do you regret it now? "

26. He likes her very much. He is ordinary, but she has good conditions, beauty and temperament. So she is very demanding of the person she likes, so she turned him down many times. Finally, one day, she promised him to go to the wildlife park. Because he couldn't get off the bus, he was in a hurry and couldn't help telling her. She gave him a mineral water bottle to solve in the car. After a while, he asked if there were any bottles for the nutrition express. So they got married soon.

27. Huang Xiaoming wanted to send something to his mother across the river, but he didn't know the depth of the river, so he asked Yao Ming. Yao Ming said, the river just passed my feet. Xiao Ming asked Guo Jing again. Jing M.Guo said, no, it's too dangerous. I was almost swept away by the river last time. Xiao Ming thought it over carefully and made up his mind to say, I'd better go back and put on my shoes. -Excerpted from the primary school Chinese "Xiaoming Crossing the River"

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