Humorous jokes that make people laugh and cry.

Humorous jokes that make people laugh and cry.

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1. In the waiting room of the hospital, my son asked me: Which county is Qianlie County? Is it far? I don't know what to say: I don't know. Why do you ask? The son whispered:? Don't tell anyone. Just now, I heard from the person in front of the doctor that Qianlie County sends salt, and we want to get some. ?

2. At night, on the last bus, a woman in white sat in the last row. The driver looked in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone, shocked! Suddenly braking, people sitting there. Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror. The woman is gone. Brake back. The woman is now. Keep driving, look in the rearview mirror, and no more women! Suddenly, the woman came slowly, with messy hair and blood all over her face. Fuck you, fairy. Do I have a grudge against you? Brake hard as soon as you tie your shoelaces ~ ~

A drunk woke up in the morning and said to his wife. There are ghosts in our house. I came back last night and went to the bathroom. As soon as I opened the door, the light turned on by myself, and a chill forced me! ? I saw my wife slap me: Damn it, did you pee in the refrigerator again?

In order to make my son not afraid of thunder, I told him that God took pictures of him. So every time after lightning, my son is called eggplant. The most unbearable thing is that my mother also puts all kinds of Poss~~~

5. Male students in a university in Shanghai go online to find female students B:? Shanghai tap water comes from the sea. ? Reading backwards is exactly the same, which is extremely difficult! Girl b is right:? Shandong peanuts fall to Dongshan? ; Boy a absolutely:? Mermaid Miho? Girl b is right? Go to the playground tomorrow and play until dawn! ? Boys lost?

6. The doctor came to a restaurant to eat and was about to order. He found that the waiter always touched his ass subconsciously, so he asked with concern, "Do you have hemorrhoids? The waiter pointed to the menu and said, "Would you please order the dishes on the menu? 」?

7. I went to buy steamed buns in the morning and saw a girl running in a hurry. She spoke quickly: "The boss gave me five steamed buns, three beef, a leek egg, a chicken soup and a cup of purple rice porridge. Remember to give me a straw today. I didn't give it yesterday. Forget it. Change the beef to three fresh ones. Oh, I don't want a bus. " Before the boss could react, the girl was gone.

8. A MM got out of the taxi, and the driver suddenly put his head out of the window and shouted at MM:? Miss, you look like a chicken! ? MM blushed and turned to scold:? You're like a fucking duck! ? Then the taxi left? Then mm chased the car and shouted, master, my camera ~ ~ I look like a chicken ~ ~?

9, classmates birthday, the four of us to discuss zero to send one? Happy birthday? Everyone gives her a word, and I get a second one. As a result, they didn't send it Damn it, are you killing me?

10, what is a brother? Brother is 50 years later, when you are old and lying in bed, I ask you if you want to drink water. You said no, eat fruit? You don't eat either! Ask again: Find you a girl? You open your eyes with tears: Brother, help me up and try!

1 1, the husband and wife divorced for their children, and the wife confidently said: The baby came out of my stomach, of course it's mine! ? Husband said:? Joke! This is complete nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? It's not just who inserted the card.

12, just came out from a friend's house. I saw that his pants were not zipped, so I reminded him that your door was open. He glanced back at the bathroom door and casually said, nothing, my brother is inside.

13, once a female colleague came to me and said, I want to upload it! (My computer is the company responsible for updating and uploading web pages) I said, I don't care if you sleep! She said angrily: I just want to upload, I want, I want, if you don't let me upload today, I will ignore you, hum! Seeing her angry, I had to say: OK! Do you do it yourself or shall I help you? She replied:? You help me!

14, a woman bought socks at a roadside stall, and sanitary napkins fell out of her skirt. That's embarrassing. The woman quickly picked it up and put it in the creaking nest for the stall owner to see. The stall owner said angrily, you stole my socks, take them out quickly. The woman said she didn't take it and argued for a long time. Vendor: Take it out happily. The woman is angry. She pulled up the sanitary napkin and threw it on the stall owner's head. Fuck you. Here you go. The stall owner touched his head: I am a grass mud horse, and you have beaten my head to blood.

15, a pair of lovers reunited 50 years later, remembering the past, filled with emotion, and then wanted to make out. Half an hour later, the old man sighed: one river is dry in spring, and two mountains are flat. The past scenery is gone, only two raisins are left. The old lady sighed: I rummaged everywhere in the haystack, but I never saw the gun and eggs. Time waits for no one, just a dried radish.

16, rural people are so real, I am laughing to death! The leader visited a village and arranged dinner at a herdsman's home. The leader politely let the herdsmen enter the door first, and the herdsmen were flattered and said, it is better to lead the way ahead. We are used to herding sheep and walking behind animals. ?

The township head ordered the herdsmen to serve a plate of sheep bones that the leaders liked best. The leader chewed and said:? It tastes good. Just keep it simple, don't make it so complicated! ? Herdsmen quickly said:? Everywhere, worthless things are generally eaten by dogs. ?

The township head called the herdsmen to sit down, eat more and talk less. The herder said:? The leader uses it first, I'm not busy. I'm used to feeding donkeys before eating at this time of day. ?

The township head was short of breath and reprimanded:? Can you speak human words? Herdsmen are sad: I am a shepherd, and I only talk to animals all my life? Laugh hard.

17. A Japanese family is celebrating the New Year in China. His wife knows a little Chinese. She went out to buy couplets, so she recognized one. Six? Without saying anything, I thought of six people at home and bought it.

After the Chinese New Year, in a happy family, a pair of eye-catching couplets was posted in the middle of the door? Six kinds of animals thrive? .

18, a Japanese who just became a father asked the doctor with a puzzled face. Why is my child's hair red? I can't believe that he is my child. ?

The doctor replied:? That's weird. You and your wife do have black hair, but do you both have red hair?

? No, absolutely not. I have never heard of that. ?

? Then I also want to ask, how often do you have sex with your wife?

The Japanese said with shame, I am very busy at work and don't often go home. Even if I go back, I will fall asleep. So maybe once a month. ?

The doctor nodded and said, I see. That's why. The child's red hair is due to rust. ?

19, a Japanese, has just transferred to work in the United States. His new employer is one of the powerful new enterprises, and is also famous for its long working hours and high intensity.

The new boss said, starting from tomorrow, I will work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, ok?

Hearing this, the Japanese replied in surprise:? Please wait a moment. I'm Japanese. You want me to work part-time?

20. A China student said to a Japanese student: I had a dream yesterday, which was very wonderful. ?

Japanese students are busy asking:? What kind of dream? Tell me about it. ?

China student:? In the dream, you are a hero! ?

Japanese students were overjoyed: Really? Am I a handsome prince charming?

China student:? Don't! I dreamed that you were panting after a pig with a kitchen knife in your hand. ?

Japanese students wonder:? I'm chasing a pig?

China student:? Yes! You ran so sweaty that the pig ran into a dead alley. ?

Japanese students wonder:? and then

China student:? You approached it happily, and the pig suddenly knelt down and begged for mercy. We are born from the same root, so why should we speculate with each other? ?

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