A joke about my ex coming home.

Classic joke: 1 1=? One day, the teacher asked Xiao Min, "What is 1 1?" He said, "I don't know." "Ask your family." The teacher said. Xiao Min came home and asked his mother, "How much is 1?" Mother said impatiently, "Get out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "Mandy went to ask dad again. Dad was watching the ball game and just scored a goal. "Cool! ! ! ! "He went to ask his brother who was in love and said to his girlfriend in the room," I'll wait for you downstairs. " The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Min, "What is 1?" He said, "Get out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "The teacher slapped him. He said, "Cool! ! ! ! ! ! "The teacher said," Get out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "Xiao Min said," I'll wait for you downstairs! ! ! "Classic joke: the girls in our college turn three times, the girls in our college turn one time, the secretary and dean jump off a building, the girls in our college turn two times, and the water in the Yangtze River will flow back to the girls in our college for three times, so don't worry about saving it! Classic joke: Birthday gift When my wife has a birthday, her husband bought her a pair of jewelry. The wife was ecstatic when she saw this priceless jewel. The wife looked at it and said, "Honey, isn't it more affordable for you to give me a Mercedes?" "Yes," the husband blurted out, "it's a pity that Mercedes-Benz is not fake!" Classic joke: A lovestruck family is making a new scene. Everyone wants the bride and groom to talk about how they met and got married. The bride said shyly, "We are in love." The groom quickly added, "Yes, it's love. I gave your mother all my savings for more than ten years before you got it. " Classic joke: One day, a handsome boy and a beautiful girl in northern Jiangsu met on the train. After a classic "deaf boy, leek fried green onion", the handsome boy took out a deck of playing cards and played with the pretty girl: handsome boy: K? (Tell me about it) Pretty girl:? (Talking about what) Handsome guy: (Falling in love) Pretty girl: 8! ! (Not talking) $% ...! When the train arrived at the station, the handsome boy refused to give up, so he took out his playing cards: handsome boy: 3K? (Say it again) Pretty girl: ! (Forget it) Handsome guy:-%RMB ...) Classic joke: The confession of a middle school student is in my heart, and the teacher is the fiercest. Dad is the fiercest when he comes home from class until seven or eight o'clock every day. My father is black and blue every day, my mother is the fiercest, and my homework never relaxes me. After my mother left, my father was the fiercest. I've searched everything, and I'll have a drink if I want. Classic joke: Have you ever thought of being loved by ghosts? I remember that morning, I got on the bus and accidentally saw a female classmate from Zuo Ying High School in our school. I took one look at her and was immediately attracted by her, with medium hair and big bright eyes. When I was staring at her, she accidentally found me, so we both bowed our heads in embarrassment. So when I go to school every day, I will definitely catch the time when she gets on the bus, in order to get a look at her. Almost a week later, something strange happened. I didn't see her every day. Two weeks later, I saw her again, but this time she was really blind and pale. Besides, she didn't even get off at Zuo Ying North Railway Station (usually here), nor did she for the next few days. One day, I finished my math and had a big meal. It's past eight, so I'm going to wait for the bus. After a while, the bus came and I got on it. As soon as I got on the bus, I saw the girl again and sat in the back with a straight face. I was so tired that I sat down and fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up from my sleep, feeling breathless, and my eyes could only be opened slightly, but I couldn't call it out. I was scared, so I closed my eyes. Strangely, when I closed my eyes, the discomfort disappeared. I had a vague feeling that I was getting off the bus, so I got up the courage and tried to open my eyes. Everything is fine, but one thing caught me off guard again. I saw a man, grabbed the female classmate, and suddenly she was struggling to scream. The driver didn't look back, which was ridiculous. I ran to the driver and told him that there was a fight behind him. We both looked back at the same time, and suddenly my hair stood on end. I saw that female classmate. Looking at me with a strange look, and that person, long gone, I was suddenly confused. I immediately called the driver to stop, and I rushed out of the car and ran desperately to my house. Suddenly, I saw another person in front of me, pale. Oh, no, it's her again She was standing right in front of me. My legs are weak. I kneel on the ground and close my eyes to see what you want. I'm not wronged. Why bother? Strangely, as soon as I finished reading, my fear disappeared. I broke my eye again and she disappeared. I went home in fear and trembling. The next Sunday, I had a whim. I wanted to see it, so I asked some friends, and I had already painted her face. A friend asked, remembering that she was strangled by a man on the bus a few weeks ago. When I heard that, I accidentally broke out in a cold sweat. At night again, I hid at home and dared not go out. Suddenly, I heard someone go upstairs, in a cold sweat. Strangely, I seem to see her, but I don't seem to see her. At that time, I couldn't stand it. I felt that she came to me in tears and said something seemingly insignificant, but I got it. The general idea is as follows: "I'm sorry! It's a big blow to your spirit! At that time, when I was still alive, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, and now it's ... "In the middle, I suddenly woke up, and from then on, no matter day, night, road or bus. I have never seen this girl again ... I wrote this, and I was in a cold sweat and DC. I will never forget this adventure. Classic joke: secretly greedy for money, putting money first, and playing the role of a fairy at ease is really wonderful. There are ten layers of armor inside, and there are fences and traps outside. I can't move with my back against the mountain, and I have an iron umbrella on my head. It is difficult to expose greed, but it is difficult to punish it. Thieves can penetrate the armor, thieves can drill through the fence, it is difficult to report theft, and bribery is exposed. Fight poison with poison to see a good play, how wonderful! I hope the thief will turn over a new leaf and form a thief anti-corruption team. Classic joke: the concept of "friendship" is that lovers are too tired, ladies are too expensive, and friendship is the most affordable. There is nothing wrong with having a "reunion". Breaking up a pair counts as a pair of classic jokes: "Ten Love Legends on a Chinese Odyssey" has all kinds of love, which is really colorful and poisonous ... I divide it into five times. Some plop plop, emotional sublimation at the edge of the cliff, making eternal promises to each other, and finally being separated by cattle. In big words, this love is: "On a dark and horrible night in a month, I am the supreme treasure, and you are Bai Jingjing. Wonderful love begins with this fire on the bridge. As soon as I turned around, you suddenly pointed at me and my whole hand caught fire. You have to fight for me, fight for it, fight for it, fight for it, fight for it, fight for it, fight for it, fight for it, do you see? I can describe the future development by "turning Gankun around", because A Niu Wang Mo suddenly appeared. At that time, after you had a fight with Niu Wangmo with a keel in your hand, you took me back to Pansi Cave. The so-called time flies, which is really good, because it's only a blink of an eye, and we get to the point. The top of the broken rock is the time when feelings erupt. At that time, I tried my best to touch you, and you tried your best to touch me, making a vow of never parting. Unfortunately, happiness is always short-lived, and what you get is endless pain and sigh. Why did you die? I only used moonlight to turn back time to find out, and finally I found out that you committed suicide! I can finally save your life at the last minute! But the last time I went back in time, the moonlight box was broken, and I coughed and went back to 500 years ago ... that's it. "This love is fruitless because the Supreme Treasure has changed his mind, so the Supreme Treasure is really a lover. The love between the Supreme Treasure and Xia Zixian-there is no separation of fate and type. This is also the most touching love story in "Big Talk", a love story with a tragic ending. Five hundred years ago, the Supreme Treasure was ordered by Xia Zi to have three hemorrhoids and pulled out his purple sword. This fate seems to be arranged by God, but God also doomed them not to be together forever. That tear heralded the tragic end. The Supreme Treasure told Xia Zi the most beautiful lie, but it was not his truth, only when he saw it. Tears in his heart made him realize that this was a moment that should last forever, and it had come and gone before I knew it. The second husband married the third sister Zi Chunfeng. Although the second husband has long said that "he still cares so much about me and loves you for ten thousand years at such a critical time", Third Sister Chun is still called the second husband's "xianggong" (also called him a wet nurse, hehe) after giving birth to Tang Priest. Supreme treasure and Xiang Xiang-Niu, who was forced to get married, gained the upper hand and married her sister to Supreme treasure. In fact, this is also a misunderstanding, because the Supreme Treasure was not the Monkey King at that time, but it also made Xiang Xiang drool. The Monkey King and Princess Iron Fan-The extramarital affair type tells the truth, I think the original the Monkey King is really playboy, even Princess Iron Fan likes it. Isn't it bad taste? Maybe it's different, and the Monkey King is good at talking. For example, she is called Princess Britney Spears of Tieyuan, hehe! The relationship between Niu and Princess Niu broke down and she married Xia Zi. Princess Tiefan likes the Monkey King, a small white face, but the demon king is still a little afraid of his wife in the afternoon, but with hands on, the cow certainly has the strength to do it. The Monkey King and Bai Jingjing-500 years ago, the Monkey King was really a playboy who cheated Jingjing's feelings. If it weren't for the Supreme Treasure, I'm afraid Jingjing would still be loyal to the Monkey King. The Monkey King's feelings for him are very similar to those of Xia Xueyi, the golden snake husband. Friar Sand and Xiang Xiang-a pair of ostentatious and retired old people, reminiscent of Wei Xiaobao and Princess Channing in Duke of Lushan. When Xiang Xiang and Friar Sand exchanged bodies, Xiang Xiang said, "Brother! (Being punched by Friar Sand) What a manly man! (Another punch) I like it! "What do you mean this is not a performance? Supreme treasure and blind man-the gay type is really a little abnormal, and the blind man is wishful thinking about Supreme treasure. The blind man said, "(as intimacy) people are infatuated with you! "Ha ha, really disgusting. When the Supreme Treasure took a fancy to Bai Jingjing, the one who cried the most was, of course, the blind man who was infatuated with him. Chengtou men and women-the happiest couple in the eternal "big talk", have a best ending, which can also be said to be the afterlife of Supreme Treasure and Xia Zi. They are the supreme treasure of investors and Xia Zixian, but they can't be together when they become immortals, but they can last forever when they are entrusted to the world. The love between Supreme Treasure and Xia Zi has traveled for 500 years, which is earth-shattering and immortal. The love story of "Big Talk" is over forever. To be exact, we have to meet again through time and space. Fate and ending are not separated. For a long time in the world, I only worshipped Yuanyang, not immortals. Classic joke: The man in the closet is very sad-he comes home from work and finds a man in the closet. I was fooled-my wife said he came to see the wardrobe and believed it. Stupid-treat a man warmly, accompany him to have tea and chat, and ask him to come and play often after he leaves. Wake up-after he left, it suddenly occurred to him that this man had been to the closet five times this month. Angry-when he left, he borrowed a dollar from me Fortunately, this man is a big shot. If he had just started, he would have run away. It's okay! Comfort-first curse why he didn't suffocate in the closet, and then kick and vent his anger in the air. Bad luck-I fainted when I "beat" him. Lucky-I found a sock left by that man in the closet, which is my favorite color. Unfortunately-the other one can't be found anywhere. Revenge-sprayed a lot in the closet. Mistake-accidentally inhaled, was in a coma for two days, and deducted the bonus. Harvest-I came home from work and found the door locked. I knocked for a long time and no one answered. Prey-after entering the door, I went straight to the closet and found something. Accident-there is still a man lying in the cupboard, which is our manager. Dialogue-Why is the manager in our house? The manager came to our house to inspect your life! Did he say anything? There is nothing wrong with what he said, except that the wardrobe is too small and stuffy, so we can consider allocating funds to repair it. He was disappointed-after the manager left, he searched in the closet for a long time to make sure that old boys had left nothing, such a ghost! ! ! Opportunity-the manager will have a meeting that day, and the manager's wife invited me to her house. Miscalculation-the manager came back early, and it suddenly occurred to him that the manager's "meeting" could not be held today, and his wife went back to her family. Helpless-it seems that the manager's wardrobe is also going to have a look. I happened to meet two colleagues in the closet of the manager's house. Consensus-We all agree that the wardrobe in the manager's house is really good, big and spacious, with good air, so it's no problem to hide more people. The manager opened the closet and saw us. He just said airily, "Why, there are only three people today. "Understand-finally know why the somebody else is the manager, we are just clerks. Look at their indicators. Classic joke: Portrait of wife A wife wanted to draw a portrait, and her husband found the best painter for her. When she sat down to draw a picture, she made a request to draw her necklaces, earrings, headdresses and other things, but in fact she didn't wear these gold and silver jewelry. The painter agreed, but asked, "Why? The wife replied, "just in case, you know, I might die before my husband." "At that time, he will remarry soon, and let his new wife find these treasures!" Classic joke: Dogs and husbands complain, "Dear, you named our puppy after me, so I often make mistakes." "No, my voice is very kind when I call the dog." Classic joke: Not suitable for children. Tom always listens to his father's story before going to bed ... Dad: "Once upon a time, there was a frog ..." Tom: "Dad, I don't want to listen to fairy tales today, but can I tell science fiction stories?" Dad: "Well, there is a frog in space …" Tom: "Forget it, Dad, can we talk about restricted classes to celebrate my eighth birthday?" Dad: "All right! Don't let your mother know. There is a frog with no clothes on ... "Classic joke: embarrassing thing at a friend's house: embarrassing thing when you want to defecate at a friend's house: very embarrassing thing when you find that there is no toilet paper at a friend's house after defecation: the most embarrassing thing at a friend's house: the stool can't be flushed out and the water overflows the urinal. Classic joke: Imagine how many men a man meets when he is pregnant without shaking hands, saluting, greeting or smoking. When is the expected delivery date? "If one day, men can really have offspring in their own bodies. What will our society be like? At that time, even in ordinary families, couples could exchange roles with each other. There are four people in the family. The eldest is born by the mother and the second is born by the father in October. Couples can even get pregnant at the same time if they want. Now that my mother is pregnant, doesn't she often complain that her husband doesn't understand and care? At this time, there is absolutely no need to worry. Any husband can't take care of his wife when he is pregnant, so let him have one himself! The couple will attend the prenatal training class for pregnant women together, check the fetal position together, give prenatal education to the children together, and finally give birth together in the labor process. At that time, there will no longer be "obstetrics and gynecology", but "gynecology", "obstetrics" and "obstetrics" will be divided into men and women like toilets. When the doctor put on gloves, prepared the instruments and everything was ready for delivery, the nurse opened the clothes of the pregnant woman and was shocked-it turned out to be a "pregnant husband". After the child is born, the couple will have confinement together, have maternity leave together, and feed the child together. This last point is still difficult for men, but I believe that at that time, various drugs such as breast milk in the emulsion will emerge at the historic moment and will certainly sell well. When children grow up, they should go to school and be taught. When filling in the application form for admission, it is slightly different. In addition to the columns of father and mother, another producer is needed to show the difference. But when children go to school, they are in trouble at the beginning of the first class. The first new words taught in school are "dad" and "mom". Although it is only two words, no matter how the teacher explains it, the child just doesn't understand. Because for them, there is really no difference between "father" and "mother" at home except their looks. This lesson can only be made up when they grow up and have some understanding of the physiological differences between men and women. Some friends may think I'm full of crap, daydreaming. But please don't forget that society is developing. If a primitive man finds a pair of fashionable streamlined air-cushion sneakers, he may use them to hold food or give them to his lover as a symbol of love, but he may not wear them on his feet. Perhaps at that time, in the street or in our daily life at home, we often met this scene: two men met, did not shake hands, did not salute, did not say hello, did not smoke, just patted each other's belly and asked, "How many months?" "When is the due date?" Or in the early morning, when the couple get up, one says to the other, "Hurry up, we'll be late! We have an appointment to give you a prenatal examination at nine o'clock. " But "that" said unhurriedly to the mirror, "Then wait for me to shave! Classic joke: You are Song Wu Lao Wang and Lao Zheng are good friends. One day, Lao Wang was scolded by his wife, and he dared not refute it; Lao Zheng laughed at him after knowing it: "Hey, you are a man and you are afraid of your wife; "People call me a cat, and my wife sees me like a tiger!" When Lao Zheng's wife heard this in the house, she ran out angrily, grabbed Lao Zheng's ear with one hand and shouted, "You are a tiger. What am I? " Lao Zheng suddenly collapsed and mumbled, "You ... you are Song Wu!" Classic joke: Vomiting eldest brother, the second child flies, the second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up." Classic joke: the small wine that leads the drinking revolution is drunk every day, which destroys the party style and the stomach; Drunk girl and wife back to back; My wife went to the Commission for Discipline Inspection, and the Commission for Discipline Inspection said: It's not right to drink or not. We get drunk every day. Classic joke: The most cruel scolding was that day in the car, a beautiful girl suddenly shouted at a gentle white boy: "Rogue!" " The young man seems dishonest. The young man was very wronged and immediately refuted. The two sides began to quarrel. Later, I heard the girl scold: "You are a big hooligan, and you have been a hooligan since you were a child. Your mother just gave birth to you, so don't forget to look back. " After listening to it, the passengers were silent for a while, and then burst into laughter. Colleagues shook their heads and said that swearing can be so ugly for the first time. This is really a curse, and no one can beat him. After the boy was scolded, his mouth was open and he couldn't say a word. After listening to this, we all lamented that this curse is really an eternal curse, probably unprecedented, and it is said that there is really no malicious swearing to fight back. At this moment, I suddenly heard the man say loudly, "You are the big rascal! You are still in your mother's belly, just visit your father three times a day! " Hearing this, everyone fainted.