Funny class reunion speech

There are generally two ways to attend class reunion, one is AA system, and the other is that someone treats you. The following is the speech I collected for the funny classmate party. Welcome to read them for reference. I hope you like it!

Speech at the Funny Homecoming 1: Ladies and gentlemen, students,

When we meet again after twenty years, the excitement is like ebb and flow. I don't know what words to use. I am now working in a provincial key middle school, as big as the university when we were studying. Although the headmaster is not an official, he is well-known in the local area. No matter how my job is done, I am proud to be engaged in teaching. This is what the gentlemen taught me. I was surprised to see the earth-shaking brand-new alma mater, which inspired us to forge ahead in life and career; I am glad to see that the gentlemen are still in good health as in those years, which makes us students who have never been confused more confident and rejuvenated. I sincerely wish all gentlemen good luck and all the best. I am glad to see that the students have developed, made a fortune, gained weight, become ruddy and have momentum, and they are giving up who they are; I admire some male students, especially our old monitor, Mr. Li Dongyang. He is richly cultivated, and his posture and manner are like Maitreya, especially his capacity for drinking is like the sea, and the wind of wine is mighty, which surprises me. I am surprised that some male students who are more shy than me have become natural and graceful now, with a bad smile, talking glibly with female students and a playful smile. I really don't know what you have done over the years; I am particularly excited to see that the female students in our class are still young and beautiful, and the years seem to have stopped flowing on your face. It can be said that amazing time and gentle years make us boys who come from all directions with malicious intentions feel glad that you have come and regretted it for life (I didn't start, I will regret it for the rest of my life) ... In short, in this golden season, we are gathered in Hongcheng, our alma mater, and * * v. feelings of separation. I will learn from you with an open mind, in order to learn a trick and a half, and then make some stories and wonderful things for the rest of my life.

About my personal experience of 20 years, I can only sum it up in two sentences: I was confused in the first ten years and worked hard in the last ten years. It's just that ordinary people's lives are unremarkable, unlike students, full of wonderful dramas and orgasms. There is no chance to turn over a new leaf, and the only gain is to learn self-balance, self-comfort, self-liberation, know yourself, be considerate of others, accept fate and go with the flow at any time, and enjoy people's lives. Now I work in a middle school and stay with thousands of young people (every year after the college entrance examination, I strongly recommend my alma mater to graduates, and 33 students who graduated from Fengxin No.1 Middle School came here this year). After I was not confused, I began to feel the feeling of always being young, always in act young, never knowing what is good and what is bad, and always crying. I really owe this feeling to my alma mater and to the care of fate.

Life is short, but 20 years is long. I sincerely wish the students to live an active and happy life and create a happy and comfortable life in the next time. I wish gentlemen good health and all the best. I wish my alma mater a bright future!

My speech is over, thank you!

Speech 2 at the funny classmate party: distinguished guests, friends, ladies who are pulling dogs and pigs, ugly female students who want to cry, and male students in Baosaisai: I hope we are all well! Nothing is too good to be bad!

Time is like a shuttle board and time is like a rocket.

In a blink of an eye, it seems that we have left school for 14 years and 3 days 15 hours 166 seconds. /kloc-for 0/4 years, I always remember the annoying gurgling teachings of teachers and the care of the leaders of the League branch and the class Committee who are more verbose than my mother. I dare not forget all my classmates who threw cold water on me and told on me for a minute; In the past fourteen years, I have resolutely implemented the important idea of "three watches" (when I get up, I am afraid to cook for children in primary school, when I go to work, I am afraid that my boss will deduct money when I am late for work, and when I am late for work, I am afraid that my wife will punish me for kneeling on the washboard), and I have made some achievements in wandering life and muddling along, some of which have reached the advanced level in the world. Now I summarize the report as follows.

1. Persist in keeping pace with the times, with a steady increase in age, and the growth rate has reached the world advanced level. Since I left school, I dare not slack off, always keep up with the historical trend and ensure that my physiological age grows steadily at the rate of one year old every year. Up to this year, I have more than doubled my age when I graduated, with an increase of 200%, and the growth rate is basically consistent with and synchronized with the advanced countries in the world.

Second, adhere to economic construction as the center, and the material living standards have improved significantly. /kloc-for 0/4 years, I have always kept in mind the teacher's nonsense teaching that the economic base determines the superstructure, adhered to economic construction as the center, and strived to improve the material living standard. Compared with school, the living standard has improved obviously: the frequency of eating instant noodles once a week has increased from the original one to eating whenever you want, basically putting an end to the poor life of eating biscuits, pickles and tap water, obviously improving the nutritional status and increasing the weight from 106 kg at graduation. It has increased to the present 190 Jin, with an increase rate of over 60%. The growth rate is faster than that of people from abroad, people from the United States and Britain, and dogs call doctors, which greatly increases the ambition of China people and destroys the prestige of foreigners. At the same time, it also adds luster to our great socialist country.

Third, under the premise of bringing down other people's families, I successfully established my own small family, strictly abiding by monogamy, and well maintaining social harmony and stability and family stability and unity. Although I also quietly look at beautiful women from time to time in places like Shapingba and Jie Fangbei, sometimes I even have the impulse to rush up and kiss them, but I basically don't let my yellow-faced woman know. People who have not experienced this kind of experience can't understand the ups and downs of this process. Because of this, I have developed superhuman lying ability and indomitable hope, and my eyesight is better than that in school 120 times.

Fourth, what needs to be confessed to you is that over the years, I have secretly loved Liu Ju many times, and I have also met You Xianqiang's daughter-in-law. Although Deng also gave a warm introduction to his wife, I also considered his wife because of loneliness. You really don't know, I was forced-/kloc-I talked about love 23 times in 0/4 years, the longest was three days, and the shortest was only 59 seconds! You want to ask me why I can keep my confidence after so many blows? I'll confess, because I'm easily kicked by women who are uglier than pigs now: because they either think I'm not handsome because I'm naked or because I'm too short and unpretentious! It was not until I broke up other people's families and formed my own family that I finally understood an irrefutable truth: it is not a failure to find any one. In the past 14 years, although the road of this work is tortuous, the future is still very bright. The fact that I have failed again and again and finally succeeded in the war proves that I have made my due contribution and set an outstanding example for social stability, especially for building a harmonious socialist society, knocking down other people's homes and holding high the banner of maintaining extramarital affairs!

Fifth, the social status has improved rapidly and the degree of respect has made a qualitative leap. Back when I first left school, I was so humble that I had to be called big brother, big sister, uncle and aunt, grandparents or boss Zhang and boss Li. Most people ask themselves to scream! With the growth of age, especially the crazy growth of beer belly and the overnight layoffs of my hair, my social status and respect have improved rapidly. Now people keep asking me to call me big brother, teacher, uncle and father, especially on the afternoon of September 29th, 2008, my respect has made a qualitative leap, and some even asked me to call me grandpa. Just today, my self-confidence was expanded again, because just before I ran to report, I saw a beautiful girl with graceful demeanor and graceful appearance. My young mind thought, how beautiful the girl in my hometown is, if only she could talk to me. Then she came up to me with a smile and kissed her lips gently: "Boss, how can I get to the train station?" I thought it was enough for her to let me call me brother to make her respect me. The best she can do is call me uncle. Hehe, I didn't expect her to call me boss, which made me deeply feel the kindness of my hometown and the great respect of my hometown people!

Six, unremittingly do a good job in the construction of spiritual civilization, health and etiquette, and achieve new results. After leaving school, I first carried out a thorough reform of sanitary ware and abandoned the extremely unsanitary dormitory public urinal (that thing is so unsanitary and stinks, it is difficult for students on duty every day to pour it into the toilet. When it comes to male students, I still don't understand how female students used it in those years. After continuous reform, I have now used toilets that are in line with the world, and the hardware facilities have also improved. Especially after marriage, through the implementation of specific measures such as taking the advice of the masses (daughters), asking for instructions from superiors (wives), not washing feet and not sleeping, the unsanitary phenomenon of not washing feet for ten and a half months and not taking a bath for two months at school, and uncivilized behaviors such as swearing at the exit were put an end to. The degree of civilization has completely reached the requirements of the Guide to Civilized Behavior of China Citizens' Outbound Tourism, which has had a positive impact on improving China's international status and social image.

Seven, adhere to honesty and self-discipline, strict with themselves, and always maintain the true colors of the working people. In the past fourteen years, I have been strict with myself, insisting on paying all my wages, not setting up a small treasury, working hard, not striving for merit, fame, greed or occupation. /kloc-for 0/4 years, no matter whether it is windy or rainy, I have insisted on walking to and from work (the level of car allocation is not up to standard, and I can't afford to buy a car), and I have to pay for my own mobile phone (people don't give newspapers), which has put an end to the invasion of bourgeois ideas. I didn't pursue the capitalist lifestyle like students like Zhang San, Li Si and Wang Mazi. I wanted to use a car to pick up and drop off the toilet, which kept the true colors of the working people.

Eight, of course, while seeing the achievements, I also clearly see many problems and shortcomings, which can be summarized as follows: First, the lack of pioneering spirit has led to the lack of sustainable development of the height, which still stays at the height of 14 years ago and has a tendency to shrink further; Second, the lack of organizational leadership leads to the demotion of power after marriage, from the previous decision of one person to the decision of the daughter-in-law, to the second-in-command, and further to the third-in-command after the birth of the child; Third, Scientific Outlook on Development has not been resolutely implemented, sustainable development has not been considered, and over-exploitation in some areas has led to the reduction of vegetation overhead and the danger of desertification; Fourth, the lack of sufficient spirit of reform and innovation, especially in the reform of personnel system, indecision in the appointment of wives, scruples about hard work and up-and-down relations, lead to the goal of younger and more knowledgeable wives can not be achieved. The existence of all these problems is directly related to my neglect of political and professional studies, the change of world outlook and the words of teachers. I will seriously correct it in my future work and life.

Nine, my speech is over, thank you for listening to me here for a long time! thank you