What's the biggest lie you've ever told during an interview?

If you find that your friend is socially anxious, write "cheerful, optimistic and easy to get along with" in your recent spring recruitment resume.

Before going out, repeatedly perform the warm greeting words "hello hello, wow, I'm so happy, I've wanted to join your company for a long time" in front of the mirror.

At that moment, please do not disturb him or expose him.

Because he is practicing the essential skill of every mature social fear - pretending to be cheerful.

Two days ago, an entry called "Make E for I" suddenly rose to the top of the hot search list, and the number of reads soared to 200 million.

When you click on it, you will see that it is full of bitter tears from people who fear society.

I and E are a personality classification in the MBTI psychological test. You can roughly understand it as I is an introverted social phobic and E is an extroverted social nerd.

I people who are not sociable prefer to be quiet and alone in their hearts, but life does not allow them to do so.

There are always moments when one must push oneself.

Even if you are already praying in your heart that an asteroid will come and destroy the earth right now, and at the same time destroy all human social activities.

On the surface, he is still a sunny and cheerful big E. His only specialty in self-brainwashing is smiling. 01Everyone who pretends to be cheerful is probably half a movie queen

I There are countless moments when people have no choice but to pretend to be cheerful.

And you never know how much acting skills a person pretending to be skilled in diplomacy has used up.

UP leader @雷qu_ on a whim some time ago, held a challenge to invite strangers to sing karaoke together.

The original meaning is to observe what a group of introverts will do together. I imagine the scene will be suffocating and a little funny.

His imagination was not wrong. This event was full of suffocating and funny atmosphere from the beginning:

Because there were 36 people who registered for the event, only 9 people attended.

When everyone walked into the box, they subconsciously bowed slightly and said hello, as seriously as if they were applying for a job.

After they sat down, they didn’t know what to say. There was no topic to talk about, and they could only show each other awkward adult business smiles.

I finally imitated the British and talked about the weather: "It's so hot today."

I was so nervous that I completely forgot that the temperature that day was only 18℃, and the cool spring breeze blew Whoosh.

During this period, there were two Northeast I people. It was probably the call of their blood that made them unable to bear the dead atmosphere in the ktv.

Both picked up the microphone and said they wanted to warm up the scene for everyone.

Their socially fearful characters made them instinctively push each other away, and finally sang in humility.

If you still don’t understand what “doing E for I” means, then this is a typical example.

When a group of I people are extremely silent, there will always be the first I person who cannot bear the embarrassment to try to break the deadlock and liven up the atmosphere.

For other I people, these two Northeastern I people transformed into E people.

Even if I am so embarrassed that I unconsciously clasp my hands and legs, I still have to finish singing the warm-up folk song.

After watching this video, I couldn’t help but start thinking whether people in the Northeast would have a more difficult life overall than people in other regions.

Because their fellow Northeasterner Li Xueqin also seems to often fall into the dilemma of "doing E for I".

She and Mao Buyi co-hosted the heart-to-heart talk show "Mao Xue Wang". Both of them are socially anxious, but Li Xueqin is always the one responsible for finding topics and breaking the ice.

One of the guests on the show was Long Danni. Long Danni’s chat was fast-paced, and by the second half of the show, the topic seemed to be running out.

At this time, Li Xueqin looked a little tired. It felt like she was relying solely on her Northeastern instinct to unconsciously find a topic to continue the conversation and not let Long Danni's words fall to the ground.

To be honest, when I was watching this program, I was worried that Li Xueqin would fall asleep from exhaustion.

People who are afraid of society have also imagined an ideal life:

Staying in their own small homes, chatting and going out with close friends and family only when they want to Go out.

And all social activities that you are not interested in can be turned down with "Oh, sorry, I have something to do".

via@dingdingcat But as soon as you enter the society, you will find that this illusion is so fragile that it can be easily shattered as long as the recruitment requirements include the words "good at communication".

I also need to work, so I can only lie to HR with a smile, "I have a gentle personality and am good at dealing with colleagues and communicating with them in a timely manner."

Then when you need to communicate with unfamiliar colleagues, try to be online rather than offline.

When communicating online, you can still use "hahahahaha" to pretend to be cheerful, but offline you can only act hard and pray that Deng Chao will be possessed.

As long as people live offline, they cannot avoid socializing. Even if you wear a T-shirt and big pants and go out for a walk on the weekend, there is still the possibility of meeting someone you know.

When the two met on a narrow road, I could only force a smile, but I still mobilized all my body movements and tried hard to say hello.

After the fight, I had to reflect with a guilty conscience: "Did I perform well just now? Didn't anyone see that I actually didn't want to say hello?"

via @雪杰儿 realizes I When people need acting so much in their lives, they can instantly understand why people are afraid that Tony Leung will become the best actor.

There are too many moments in life when you need to pretend, and you will get better at it. 02 Every time I end pretending to be cheerful, I want to dig a hole in the ground for myself

If pretending to be cheerful is described as a disaster, the harm it brings to people in society will undoubtedly be progressive.

When people first realize that they need to enter social mode, they feel panic, embarrassment and helplessness.

Just as Mao Buyi described when he was resting backstage on a show, if he encountered other artists giving gifts to everyone, he would enter a state of war preparedness when he heard movement in the lounge next door.

Start to picture the other person walking into your room in your mind, and think about how many "thank you" you want to say and how many bows you want to make.

Countless ordinary workers will also experience similar experiences when colleagues hand out snacks and specialties. They quietly use their peripheral vision to observe where the colleague distributes and when it is their turn.

The reason why I observe with my peripheral vision is because I am afraid that if I pay too much attention, it will appear as if I really want that specialty or snack.

The most difficult thing about this step is to know that your colleagues are handing out specialties, but you still have to ask questions and pretend to be surprised when you receive the specialties:

"Wow, what is this! Thank you Thank you!"

He tried his best to put on a cheerful and ignorant smile, praying that his response would be polite and enthusiastic.

After the embarrassment is over, the torture of social disaster is not over yet.

For introverts, what is more painful than pretending to be cheerful is the "traumatic stress disorder" afterward:

After every minute of pretending to be cheerful, Everyone will fall into regret, self-blame and irritability for at least 10 minutes.

And you need to be alone for at least ten hours to heal the awkwardness and uneasiness deep in your heart.

Reader @哅兓 submitted an article saying that she once went to Universal Studios with her good friends. They were very tired after walking in the park for a day, but the two of them still wanted to wait until dark to watch the light show.

The two found a bench to rest. They never expected that their friend fell asleep on the bench because he was too tired.

As a result, every park staff and some tourists who passed by saw them and kindly walked up to them and asked if they needed help, because they were worried that the friends sprawled on the benches were feeling unwell and fainting.

She has now forgotten how many people she laughed with and explained that her friend was sleeping that evening, and she also forgot the specific wording. Later, because she was worried about waking up her friends, when she saw someone walking towards her, she took the initiative to greet him and pretended to be a social cow. She said in as funny a tone as possible: "Don't worry, she is just sleeping."

But she still clearly remembers that when she watched the light show later, she looked like she was down, and she didn’t even raise her phone to take photos and check in.

I kept asking myself why I pretended to be a funny girl at that time, why I was so uneasy when others noticed me, and so on.

After returning home, I did nothing at home and lay down for two days over the weekend before I felt that I had regained some social vitality.

A cruel fact that will torture introverts for a long time is that no matter how many times you pretend to be cheerful, you will still feel more or less irritable and conflicted afterwards.

Because for I people, social interaction is basically a pure process of consuming energy, and I can often only gain energy from solitude and my inner world.

Pretending to be cheerful countless times may help you practice speaking in various situations more fluently, making it harder for people to spot flaws.

Deep down, I still don’t like those occasions.

However, the cruel fact is that only children can use introversion and social fear as an excuse to avoid unfavorable situations such as visiting relatives and meeting new friends.

As for adults, there are always various reasons that force them to smile and pretend to be cheerful. 03 Adults’ Socially Unrelated Preferences

There is a concept in psychology called “those who are good at shallow social interaction”.

It talks about a group of people who can only cope with superficial interpersonal relationships, but are not good at handling deeper social interactions.

When getting along with colleagues, you can joke with each other during work breaks and seem to be having fun, but you cannot really make friends with colleagues who get along well.

On the train, you can chat with enthusiastic strangers all over the world for a quarter of an hour, but when you were sitting next to your classmates in college, you didn’t dare to start a conversation.

Looking at it from another perspective, isn’t this just a moment of pretending to be cheerful among socially fearful adults?

They are just mechanically using their acquired social skills to achieve a certain goal.

Sometimes the purpose is to take care of others. For example, when you go out to eat, you need to shout to the waiter to order the food in a noisy restaurant.

If you are alone, I will most likely sit quietly waiting for the waiter to pass by, and then call the other person.

But if it is a dinner party with a more introverted friend, many introverts will eventually choose to "do E for I" and shout to the waiter from a distance in a high pitched voice.

Protect yourself to look mature, steady, and at ease, so as not to embarrass your friends.

Sometimes the purpose is for a group atmosphere.

Song Zuer, who has always been considered to have a lively personality, revealed on the show that she is not really a social cow.

She just had extreme social anxiety and couldn't bear the awkward atmosphere, so she finally chose to use her most unbearable appearance as a talking point and a starting joke to give everyone something to talk about.

Just like a comedian showing off his ugliness on stage, in exchange for a seemingly harmonious atmosphere.

More often, the purpose of pretending to be cheerful is completely forced by life.

Sometimes you need to go out to study at work, you need to be gregarious and friendly when building a team, you need to battle wits with agents when renting and buying a house, and you need to ask questions when selling things...

There are countless social situations in life, and in most situations, people will prefer a person who is comfortable with things and treats others proactively and enthusiastically.

Over time, cheerfulness has nothing to do with personality and preferences, but has become a social etiquette.

Pretending to be cheerful has become a required course for I people.

In fact, many I people can also realize that their pretending to be cheerful is a bit clumsy.

Experienced HR can tell at a glance which people are fake social nerds and real social fearful people; in daily interactions, most people can also feel whether the other person is really talkative and happy, or gentle. cater.

But this is all innocuous.

Being an enthusiastic candidate during the interview can make the other party feel sincerity and politeness, at least in terms of social etiquette.

And by acting as a chatter who strives to find topics in daily interactions, you can at least avoid the bad consequences of being considered disgusted by the other party.

In a sense, pretending to be cheerful is a way for people to respond to the outside world.

Social communication is an ability just like typing speed, video editing, and calligraphy.

And it just so happens that there are always some people who are not familiar with this ability and therefore cannot cope with thousands of ever-changing social situations easily and without burden.

So I learned to pretend to be cheerful and have the ability to be loved and recognized.

Perhaps as experience becomes richer, everyone who suffers from pretending to be cheerful will eventually reconcile with it.

I still pretend when socializing, and I still feel a little irritable afterwards.

But gradually I tend not to think that it is my fault, but only regard it as the secret to getting along well with the world.

After all, the older you get and the more experience you have, the more you will find that there are many things worse than this.

Pretending to be cheerful is nothing, society is forcing everyone to pretend to be grandsons.