I just finished watching a ghost movie, give me something funny to calm me down.

1. Sign up to be an urban management officer!

Examiner: What academic qualifications?

Candidate: Didn’t graduate from elementary school.

Examiner: Have you ever had a fight?

Candidate: It’s commonplace.

Examiner: Do you have a criminal record?

Candidate: Just came out.

Examiner: What about physical fitness?

Candidate: It’s okay. You can knock over the vendor’s tricycle with one kick.

Examiner: Do you dare to take other people’s things?

Candidate: This is my strength, just like taking my own things.

Examiner: Do you dare to hit me?

Candidate: Xiaocai, my father made me disabled.

Examiner: You passed the exam. What our urban management department needs is talents like you!

Examiner: One more question, what should I do if something goes wrong?

Candidate: Just say I am a temporary worker.

Examiner: I will go to work tonight

2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided due to crowding. .

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt confused and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

Car The Master snickered!

The woman felt angry and replied: "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly: "Can you cure it?"

The whole car People are laughing!

The bus driver stopped and leaned on the steering wheel laughing!

Two things:

The bus was overcrowded and there was a woman standing at the door.

A GG squeezed in from behind the car and wanted to get out of the car. He said to the woman: "Make way and get out of the car."

The woman did not move.

GG stepped on her when he squeezed past.

The woman turned out to be very powerful. She kept scolding: "You're crazy! You're crazy!" She was so loud that the whole car was watching.

GG remained silent. When he got off the car, he couldn't bear it any longer. He turned around and said to the woman: "You're the repeater!"

There were a few funny children behind, who kept talking. Act out the scene just now,

A said: "You are crazy, you!..." B said: "You are a repeater, you..."

Everyone in the car Laughing loudly~!

Later, a little girl also wanted to get out of the car. She squeezed past and said timidly: "I~I~I want to go on, I am not crazy~!"

Everyone in the car Laughing again~!

The woman did not speak, but a word came from the side: "Are you out of battery?"

The whole car burst into laughter~!

A request for leave from the son of the underworld boss

Hello, Mr. Wang. I want to ask for leave. I didn’t want to at first, but my father was cut off from collecting protection money yesterday. I can’t find anyone today. , so he asked me to make up the number.

Teacher Wang, please rest assured that I will not be hacked with a knife. Although I am only in the second grade, I had a fight with Xiaoqiang from the next class last year. He was in the fifth grade at that time. In the end, I beat him and dragged him to the hospital, where he needed eight stitches and stayed in the hospital for a week. At that time, I still showed mercy. My father said that you must be ruthless when making trouble with others, so I followed my father's gentle teachings and sent Xiaoqiang to the hospital. So please don't worry, teacher, I won't embarrass you.

By the way, Teacher Wang, if someone bullies you, tell me my name. My name is in this area, and anyone who listens to it will respect me. If they still don't respect me, tell me my father's name and see who dares to touch you.

Teacher Wang, I will rush back to school immediately after I finish helping my father. If the principal comes and finds that I am not here, don’t tell him. Because yesterday my dad was chopped down by that bastard of a principal.

Teacher Wang, please don’t worry, I will keep your words in mind, [one step at a time, one knife at a time, a scar at a time]. ] I will show no mercy.

If I don’t come back within two hours, please ask Teacher Wang to call the hospital and send a few notes. Teacher Wang, please believe me, I will return triumphantly.

I must help my father say this. I believe you will also advocate justice for my father. A family of six depends on my father collecting protection money to live. Now that someone is making trouble, it’s time for me to show my face. , Besides, if I don’t kill the principal, that bastard will think that my family is easy to bully. This will cut off my family’s source of income. I will go...

4. On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt calm all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "Isn't it a shame for an adult to go out without taking anything with him? --"

On Tuesday, I carried a broken wallet , containing 1 cent. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. --"

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet. There were 100 counterfeit bills inside. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "It is illegal to hide large-denomination money privately. Please go to the relevant department and hand it in. --"

Thursday , I took an envelope with a stack of expired Straits Talent Newspaper in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and looked at it. The newspaper had been replaced by the latest Straits Talent News. I took a note with me: "This is the era of consultation. Only by updating information in a timely manner can we seize opportunities and win success." ! -- "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. When I arrived at the terminal, I still had my phone with an extra note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company. --"

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was missing and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my trousers: "I hate you the most when it comes to robberies. You have no technical skills at all! Confiscate the crime tools! --"

On Sunday, I I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people and I couldn’t squeeze in. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. Here's my 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want to go, please don't mess with us."

5. A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's restroom. After entering, he found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was a urinal in the women's restroom. No one. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When I was opening the door, I met a girl coming in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room

6. One day on the bus. There were too many people, it was extremely hot, and it was extremely stuffy. I don’t know who farted, and now the environment was even worse. My friend really can’t stand it, and he doesn’t know