The latest Soviet joke

1 You can eat melons, cucumbers, watermelons and pumpkins, but what melons can't you eat?

Answer: fool

There are six steamed buns in two pots, and each of the six children is given 1, but there is still 1 in the pot. Why? Answer:

The last child was carrying a washbasin.

Can you turn ice into water as soon as possible? Answer:

Remove two points from the word "ice" and it becomes "water".

In winter, the baby is afraid of the cold and refuses to take off his hat when he enters the house. But he saw a man take off his hat obediently. Who is that man? Answer:

barber

Lao Wang has to shave forty or fifty times a day and still has a beard on his face. What is the reason? Answer:

Lao Wang is a barber.

There is a word that everyone will mispronounce when they see it. What's this word? Answer:

This is the word "wrong"

7 Xiaohua is at home, who is the most like him? Answer:

oneself

What's the use of egg shells? Answer:

Used to wrap egg whites and yolks.

Is there anything you don't have to work hard for? Answer:

yawn

10 You can do it, I can do it, everyone can do it; One person can do it, but two people can't. What is this for? Answer:

have a dream

1 1 What everyone must do seriously every day? Answer:

sleep

12 people who are always afraid of taking a bath answer:

clay figurine

13 Xiaoming got a model student without studying. Why is the answer:

Xiaoming is a deaf-mute student.

14 what car is stuck? Answer:

windmill

15 which month has 28 days? Answer:

There are 28 days in every month.

16 Do you know what's wrong with sleeping in class? Answer:

Not as comfortable as bed.

17 What can't I drink? Answer:

tincture of iodine

18 which eggs can't be broken, boiled or eaten? Answer:

Got a zero in the exam "0"

19 Knocking on things without effort? Answer:

doze off

It takes six hours from Beijing to Shanghai by train. After three hours of exercise, where should the train be? Answer:

On the track

2 1 When does the clock stop running? Answer:

The clock won't go.

You can't buy any books in the bookstore. Answer:

posthumous papers

What is the narrowest road? Answer:

Enemies are bound to meet head-on on a narrow road-one can't avoid one's own enemies (though he wants to).

What can't I eat? Answer:

"east-west" direction

A man fell from a plane, why didn't he die? Answer:

The plane stopped on the ground.

What are the flowers that bloom all year round? Answer:

plastic flower

What English letters do people like to listen to best? Answer:

laser record

Who is sick and never sees a doctor? Answer:

blind person

Xiao Ming knows the answer to the test paper, why does he often look at his classmates? Answer:

Xiaoming is a teacher.

Why not smash the eggs with a hammer? Answer:

Of course the hammer won't break.

Who can easily knock down the champion of 3 1? Answer:

Simple bulldozer

What is unknown, you don't know and I know? Answer:

The sole is broken.

A man was walking on the beach, but there were no footprints behind him. Why? Answer:

He is walking backwards.

A truck driver knocked down a motorcyclist. The truck driver was seriously injured, but the motorcyclist was fine. Why? Answer:

The truck driver didn't drive.

What is the first thing everyone should do when they wake up in the morning? Answer:

open one's eyes

Can you write the scarlet letter with a blue pen? Answer:

Why is it difficult to write the word "red"

When the car turns right, which tire does not turn? Answer:

spare tire

What is the difference between Confucius and Mencius? Answer:

Confucius' son is on the left, and Mencius' son is on the top.

Why does Xiao Wang have to learn a text from Grade One to Grade Three? Answer:

It's not bad to learn a lesson every two days from grade one to grade three!

How many eggs can a person eat on an empty stomach at most? Answer:

One. Because I ate one, I was not on an empty stomach.

4 1 What did Columbus do immediately after he set foot on the New World? Answer:

Step on the other foot

When the caterpillar came home, he said a word to his father, who fainted on the spot. What did the caterpillar say? Answer:

The caterpillar said, "I want to buy shoes."

The plane fell from the sky. Why is no one hurt? Answer:

They are all dead.

What is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Answer:

This is a flat character.

What is the smallest island in the world? Answer:

A safety island on the road

Put a chicken and a goose in the refrigerator at the same time. Why is the chicken dead and the goose not dead? Answer:

penguin

Four people are playing mahjong in a small room (no one else is watching). At this time, the police came and all four people ran away, but the police arrived at the room and arrested another person. Why? Answer:

Four people were playing mahjong in the room, and the police caught him.

Who is the 480,000 BM? Answer:

zoo director

What can solve all the mysteries? Answer:

answer

What kind of person will appear after death? Answer:

The characters in the movie

5 1 Who is the person who likes to pry into other people's affairs? Answer:

journalist

Who said the farthest? Answer:

caller

What has the same production date and expiration date? Answer:

daily paper

Mimi spent the whole night on history textbooks last night, but the next day her mother scolded her for not studying hard. Why? Answer:

She used a history textbook as a pillow when she slept.

Can you cover the sky with leaves? Answer:

Cover your eyes with leaves.

A cow, go north 10 m, go west 10 m, go south 10 m, turn right and ask where the cow's tail faces. Answer:

Chaodi

Why do blacks like to eat white chocolate? Wenwen answered:

Afraid of biting your hand

58 Divide 8 in half. What is this? Answer:

What is the worst thing for people who stutter? Answer:

Make an international long distance call

What makes people laugh and cry? Answer:

surgical mask

6 1 What if I lose my ID card? Answer:

pick up

A man is walking on a wooden bridge. A tiger came in front of him and a bear came behind him. How did this man get there? Answer:

Faint

There are two prisoners in the prison. One night, all the prisoners escaped, but the next day, the guards opened the prison door and found another prisoner inside? Answer:

The escaped prisoner's name is Du.

Xiaoming's mother has three sons. The oldest son is Daming, the second is Er Ming, and what's the name of the third son? Answer:

Xiaoming, of course.

Why did the cat run away when it saw the mouse? Answer:

Run to catch mice

What does an elephant's left ear look like? Answer:

auris dextra

What if 67 stitches fall into the sea? Answer:

Buy another one.

There is a man walking on the beach, but he can't see his footprints when he looks back. Why? Answer:

Because he walked backwards.

It takes an hour for a migratory bird to fly from south to north, but it takes two and a half hours to fly from north to south. Why? Answer:

Isn't two and a half hours an hour?

Who cheats others and cheats himself? Answer:

deceiver

7 1 Mr. Li went to the 16 floor for business, but he only took the elevator to the 14 floor and then took the stairs. Why? Answer:

Mr. Li is too short to press the elevator button on floor 16.

A child and an adult are walking in the dark. The child is the son of an adult, but the adult is not the father of the child. Why? Answer:

Because they are mother and son.

Which word is common all over the world? Answer:

Arabic numerals

There is a big and thick book in front of a person, but he can't cross it if he wants to. Do you know why? Answer:

Because the book is in the corner.

What is the secret of 75 people's longevity? Answer:

Keep breathing, don't die.

When did you see the biggest moon? Answer:

When landing on the moon

Who only works one day a year? Answer:

the Santa Claus

What is better to turn a blind eye? Answer:

shoot

Why does a newborn child only have one left eye? Answer:

People only have one left eye.

Which tooth was last lost? Answer:

false tooth

8 1 There is a fire in the room, and Xiao Ming can't open the door. How did he get out later? Answer:

Push the door open.

Light light blue is not sick, but her mouth keeps opening and closing all night? Answer:

She eats melon seeds.

What is the best way to cheat? Answer:

magician

Do you have a two-sided box? Answer:

Yes! Internal and external training.

If iron is left outdoors, it will rust. What about gold? Answer:

Will be stolen

Throw stones at eggs, why didn't the eggs break? Answer:

How to break eggs when throwing stones with your left hand?

How many words are there in Xinhua Dictionary? Answer:

four

What's the difference between Superman and Batman? Answer:

One pair of underwear wears inside and the other wears outside.

Who has the worst heart? Answer:

Gastroenteritis patients.

The guest sent a basket of strawberries, and Beibei clamored for strawberries. But mom said there were no strawberries at home. Why?

What the guest gave me was only a painting.

Grandpa I've never met. What kind of grandfather is he? Answer:

god

A father and son went hunting. They each got a wild duck, but there were only three in all. Why? Answer:

Three grandparents and grandchildren

A patient went to the hospital for a health check-up. Why did the doctor say "leave me alone"? What happened to the patient? Answer:

squint

What is green if you don't eat it, red if you eat it and black if you spit it out? Answer:

watermelon

Why does the sun get up earlier than people every day? Answer:

Because: people sleep later than the sun!

A wolf went into the sheepfold and wanted to eat sheep, but why didn't he eat sheep? Answer:

Because: there are no sheep in the sheepfold!

Some sell, some don't buy, and there are many sales every day. Answer:

doorsill

What ship is the safest? Answer:

A boat is parked on the beach.

There is a flock of sheep on the hillside, and a flock of sheep is coming. How many sheep are there? Answer:

Still a group!

100 What should I do first to turn my dream into reality? Answer:

Get up.

What is the biggest regret of a giant panda in his life? Answer:

No color photos

102 It's raining, and everyone is in a hurry to go home. Only one person walks slowly (he doesn't have an umbrella). Someone asked him why he didn't hurry home, and he said something that made the man faint. What did he say? Answer:

"What's the hurry? It doesn't rain ahead! "

103 The boss never cooks, but he cooks the same dishes every day. What is this dish? Answer:

"fire squid"

104 What is the most embarrassing thing for a scholar? Answer:

When I wanted to buy books, I suddenly found that there was no money in my bag.

105 My brother bought 3 bags of rice and my brother bought 2 bags of rice. When they got home, they put rice in 1 big bag. How many bags of rice do they have now? Answer:

1 bag of rice

Xiao Ming's grade 106. Why is he crying? Answer:

weep

107 Xiao Wang is a good soldier. While on duty, he clearly saw an enemy touching him quietly. Why did he turn a blind eye? Answer:

He aimed at the enemy ~

108 Why did Tong Tong and Zhuang Zhuang insist that Zhuang Zhuang grew up drinking goat's milk when they first met? Answer:

Strong is a sheep.

109 something. When it rises, it will fall and rise at the same time. What is this? Answer:

seesaw

1 10 Everything starts from scratch. Answer:

haircut

1 1 1 There is a rooster laying eggs on the roof. Do you think the eggs will fall from the left or the right? Answer:

Cocks can't lay eggs.

What is the thing that Hercules can never lift? Answer:

He (she) himself

1 13 Why does the frog jump higher than the tree? Answer:

Trees can't jump.

1 14 who is a half-hearted person? Answer:

A person with many hearts, because that person has three hearts.

1 15 80 cm long red crab and 30 cm long black crab race. Who will win? Answer:

Black crab. Because the red crab is ripe.

Marshal 1 16 is one level higher than the general. When will the marshal and the general be equal? Answer:

play Chinese chess

What won't get wet when it falls into the water? Answer:

Shadow.

1 18 Xiao Wang is a driver. One day, he had an accident while driving. When the police arrived, he found a dead man in the car. Xiao Wang did say that it was none of his business. Why? Answer:

Xiao Wang drives a hearse.

1 19 What animal stays up all night? Answer:

Panda, its eyes are black with boils.

120 One pig sells 200 yuan, but why can two pigs sell tens of thousands of RMB? Answer:

Because pigs with two heads are really rare.

A man, a boat, a dog, a rabbit and a cabbage are carrying three things to the other side of the river. Which two should they send first? Answer:

Send dogs and cabbage first.

122 who likes to be told to get out?

People in prison

123 What is the cleanest way to mop the floor? Answer:

Exercise hard.

Why do 124 people like climbing mountains? Answer:

Because people are monkeys.

125 how did the elephant's long nose grow? Answer:

At birth.

126 A ship can carry up to 50 people, and now it has taken 49 people. Another man came, but the ship sank. Why? Answer:

Because it is a submarine.

There is a candle and a kerosene lamp on the desk of 127. Which should I order first? Answer:

match

128 The elephant in the zoo died. Why are the guards crying their eyes out? Answer:

Because he thought of digging such a big hole, he might be exhausted.

129 Why are there fewer monkeys now? Answer:

They've all become people.

130 Xiaoming keeps talking all day. Why is he silent today? Answer:

Because he lost his voice.

13 1 Why do new socks have two holes? Answer:

How else to wear it?

132 Xiaodong sleeps in class, but the teacher doesn't talk about him. Why? Answer:

The teacher didn't see it

133 why did a big green horse fall into the rice bowl and drown? Answer:

Cricket nickname.

134 what thief can be executed immediately after being caught? Answer:

cuttlefish

135 A caterpillar (eight feet) walked on a pile of cow dung and found that there were only six footprints on the ground. Why? Answer:

Cow dung stinks, and my feet hold my nose.

136 why do geese fly south? Answer:

If you think you are walking too slowly, fly.

137 there is a bridge that can only bear 70 kilograms. A person weighs 65 kilograms. He wants to cross the bridge with two balls weighing 2.6 kilograms each. He took them off the bridge without borrowing anything. How did he get there? Answer:

Throw one ball, and then throw it when the other ball is about to fall.

138 Dad usually washes the dishes for dinner, but why didn't Dad wash the dishes after dinner today? Answer:

I had dinner in a restaurant today.

139 There is a caterpillar crossing the river, and there is no bridge ahead. How did it get there?

Turn into a butterfly and fly over.

140 What animal did you kill but it bled? Answer:

mosquito

141July 7, 7: 07: 07, when the moon is in the sky, what happens when a rusty embroidery needle is thrown into the bait sea in Yunnan? Answer:

Sink to the bottom of the sea

142 What happened to the plaster? Answer:

Very nerve-racking

143 wonderful relationship on the slope, there are two people pushing a cart. A man walked up to him and asked the man in front, "Is that your son in the back?" The man said, "Yes!" He asked the man behind him again, "Is that your father in front?" He said, "No!" Excuse me, what is the relationship? Answer:

Mother-child relationship

144 What did you break that made everyone applaud? Answer:

world record

145 a person fell into the sea, why didn't his hair get wet? Answer:

Because he is bald.

146 what do people want? Answer:

Gross.

147 There are ten birds in the forest. Xiao Ming shot and killed one, but the other nine didn't fly away. Why? Answer:

ostrich

148 What is the biggest shadow you can see every day? Answer:

Night, the shadow of the earth

149 If the building blocks fall down, they should be rebuilt. What if the house falls down? Answer:

Run for your life

150 why do bears sleep so long when they hibernate? Answer:

Because no one dares to wake it up.

15 1 has a circular hole with a diameter of only 1 cm, but an object with a volume of 100 cubic meter can pass through this hole smoothly. What is this? Answer:

The answer is water. Have you just arrived?

152 Xiaoming jumped down from the sixth floor. Why isn't he hurt? Answer:

He turned and jumped into the room.

/kloc-class 0/53, the teacher asked the students: "What is the earth without humans and animals?" The nickname was quickly answered correctly. Do you know what his answer is? Answer:

earth

154 where is the angora rabbit hair rich? Answer:

Angora rabbit

155 Why do goldfish always look silly? Answer:

There is water in its head.

156 An old man wants to cross the bridge. The wolf is in front and the tiger is behind. what should he do ？ Answer:

stop

157 What is the relationship between your grandfather's son, father, mother, aunt, aunt's uncle and uncle? Answer:

Relatives!

158 A rectangular box has 8 corners and 8 sides. How many corners and sides are left when this rectangular box is cut from the top? Answer:

There are eight corners and eight sides!

159 Dongdong, a freshman, has never studied a foreign language. Why can he write a foreign language? Answer:

He writes Arabic numerals.

160 Is it a black chicken or a white chicken? Answer:

Black chicken Because black chickens can lay white eggs, and white chickens can't lay black eggs!

Why did the teacher know that his father was left-handed as soon as he saw Bao Xiao? Answer:

Because he has five marks on his right face.

162 You killed an animal, why did you shed your own blood? Answer:

Because I killed a mosquito that was sucking blood.

163 You can take some things with your left hand, but not with your right. What is this thing? Answer:

My right hand

164 Mantis invited centipedes and geckos to their homes. When cooking, she found that soy sauce was not hungry. The centipede volunteered to go out and buy it, but we haven't seen each other for a long time. What happened? Answer:

After opening the door, I found the centipede still sitting at the door wearing shoes.

165 Who doesn't wash their hair anymore? Answer:

Buddhist monk

A dog competes with a frog. Usually frogs swim very fast. Why did the dog win the game? Answer:

Because the rules of the game at that time were that dogs were allowed to plan and breaststroke was not allowed!

167 Xiao Wei has a duck egg hidden in his schoolbag. Why doesn't he take it out and cook for his mother? Answer:

That's the "big duck egg" on the test paper.

168 people died. Why do you close your eyes? Answer:

Because opening your eyes will scare people to death!

169 why does the mafia like to wear white gloves? Answer:

Because the hands are too dark.

170 There are several words in the national anthem:

two

17 1 1 month 1 day A natural black marble was thrown into the Pacific Ocean. What will happen? Answer:

Marble sank into the Pacific Ocean.

172 There are five little ants. Every little ant said there was 1 little ant behind it. Why? Answer:

There is a little ant lying.

173 What cattle don't eat grass? Answer:

snail

The teacher 174 said, "We have 106 bones in our body", but Xiao Ming said, "He has 107 bones in his body". Why? Answer:

Because Xiaoming accidentally ate a fish bone.

175 What book has no author and no one can understand it? Answer:

Of course it's a gobbledygook!

176 which day of the year does a person sleep the longest? Answer:

The last day of the year, because he crossed into the second year.

177 There are "Qi" monkeys on the tree and "Yi" monkeys underground. How many monkeys are there? Answer:

Two monkeys.

178 where is the bitter place? Answer:

pharmacy

179 there are two prisoners in a cell, one of whom will be locked up for a year for stealing, and the other is a robber and murderer for only two weeks. Why? Answer:

Robbers and murderers were dragged out and shot.

180 how can I put my left hand in my right trouser pocket and my right hand in my left trouser pocket at the same time? Answer:

Wear pants back and forth.

Five chickens laid five eggs in five days. /kloc-how many chickens does it take to get 100 eggs in 0/00 days? Answer:

Only five chickens are still needed.

182 What is getting bigger and bigger? Answer:

hole

183 What is the net made of? Answer:

Composed of holes.

184 What if I haven't finished my homework? Answer:

Ask the teacher, the homework is left by the teacher. .

185 ceremony The priest presided over various ceremonies, but he couldn't do one. Excuse me, what's the answer:

Your own funeral.

Examination 186 In a closely monitored examination, two students handed in identical papers. After the examiner found out, he didn't think they cheated. What is the reason? Answer:

They all handed in blank papers.

187 drew a circle with a diameter of 10 meter on the grazing grassland, and there was a cow with a stake in the center. The cow is tied by a rope five meters long. Can cows eat grass outside the pen unless the rope is cut and untied? Answer:

Yes, because the title doesn't say that the cow is tied to a stake.

188 Do you know why fish only live in water and not on land? Answer:

There are cats on land.

189 has two coins, which are fifty-five cents, and one is not fifty cents. Which two coins are those? Answer:

That's fifty-five cents. Fifty cents is certainly not five cents!

190 Do you know that porridge is more expensive or baked wheat cake is more expensive? Answer:

Porridge. If something is rare, its price is high-the rarer the better.

19 1 When is the best time to pick apples?

When the apple is ripe.

There was a man with five yuan in his pocket. What's left in his pocket after he lost five yuan? Answer:

A hole

193 What fish's belly floats on the water? Answer:

Dead fish

194 Xiaoming is 12 years old this year. Why does he only have three birthdays? Answer:

Birthday is February 29th.

195 why does someone hit tofu with his head? Answer:

Because tofu won't hit you on the head.

196 Xiaoming eats a master every day. Is he a monster? Answer:

Eat master kong!

197 Xiao Wang has been brushing his mouth all morning. Why do people still say that he has bad breath?

Because Xiao Wang loves swearing, others say he has bad breath.

198 Xiaoli threw an egg more than 2 meters, but it didn't break. Why? Answer:

Because the egg had not landed when it was thrown more than 2 meters away.

199 Two people went to Lu Jian and slept in a tent at night. Soon one of them woke up and woke up the other. Please look at the stars in the sky. what do you think? Answer:

The tent was stolen.

200 a long stick (don't break it), so how can it be shortened? Answer:

Compare it with a longer stick, it will be shorter.

20 1 why do you see lightning first and then hear thunder? Answer:

Because the eyes are in front.

What road do 202 people fear most? Answer:

Road to Ruin

Who dares to run amok on the emperor? Answer:

barber

What official, who doesn't pay, wants to give money to others, but also smiles? Answer:

Groom officer

205. How much soil is there in a dug pit 6 meters long, 7 meters wide and 8 meters high? Answer:

It has been dug, so there is no soil!

Which village is the largest in China? Answer:

Shijiazhuang

Where can a horse without legs go? Answer:

Xiangcheshang

How did the president of the United States enter the palace? Answer:

Went in through the gate.

209 A number is 13 when the first number is removed, and 40 when the last number is removed. What's the number, please Answer:

Forty three

2 10 We all know that putting an elephant in the refrigerator is divided into three steps: 1 Open the refrigerator door; 2 put the elephant in; Close the refrigerator door. Then, would you please put the giraffe in the refrigerator for a few steps? Answer:

Step 4: 1 Open the refrigerator door; 2 take out the elephant; 3 put the giraffe in; Close the refrigerator door.

2 1 1 One day, Lao Zhang went to the market to buy chicken. After a long walk, he bought 10 roosters and 10 hens. On the way home, I didn't know what I was thinking. I rushed to the market and bought 5 cocks and 5 hens. Why? Answer:

Hey, Xiaomi

2 12 what kind of nails are the most terrible? Answer:

A thorn in the side is a thorn in the flesh.

Jack runs fastest. Why did his boss criticize him? Answer:

run away

2 14 what's the difference between the poor and the rich? Answer:

bathroom

2 15 Xiao fen said to Xiao Fang, "The day after tomorrow, that is, the day after tomorrow, is my birthday. Please come to my birthday party. " When should Xiao Fang keep the appointment? Answer:

I have an appointment tomorrow.

2 16 A person thinks that the earth is standing. Why? Answer:

He was drunk.

Once upon a time, there were three people, one named Luo Guo, one shook his head and the other was lame. One day, the three of them crossed a bridge, but Luo Guo was not allowed to shake his head and limp. You can help them find a way for them to cross. Answer:

Luo Guo released a cricket first, then Luo Guo said cricket, shook his head and said, "Where is it?" Where is it? "Finally, the lame man said," what about this? What about this? "

2 18 Who likes to rain every day Answer:

Umbrella manufacturer

2 19 which bridge can't be driven or walked? Answer:

Zhenbanqiao

Some people say that eating fish can avoid myopia. Why? Answer:

Have you ever seen a cat with glasses?

22 1 a pair of shoes 16 yuan. How much is a shoe? Answer:

Not for sale.

What animal does a pug look like most when its tail is removed? What should I do before going to bed? Answer:

Pug, close your eyes.

Xiaohua's grandfather has seven sons, and each son has a sister. How many children does Xiaohua's grandfather have? Answer:

Eight, the youngest daughter.

A bill from 5 yuan and a bill from 50 yuan fell to the ground. Which one will you pick up when you see them? Answer:

Pick them both up.

Why didn't General 225 go out of town to fight? Answer:

Play chess.

Who has the biggest head power in the world? Answer:

athletic

What is the most satisfying thing for you? Answer:

socks

There is a lovely panda in the zoo. Why are people afraid to accept it?

Wet?Paint?

Frogs and dogs compete for swimming. Why did the dog win? Answer:

Because they take part in the dog rowing competition.

What is the top of 230 days? Answer:

It's "one"

23 1 The cow milks every day, and it still has milk. Why is the answer like this:

Feed the grass

What dog is wet? Answer:

Reservoir Dogs.

What is the best way to draw water with a sieve? Answer:

Ice bottle.

Two mouths are land, three mouths are taste. What is a word of four and five? Answer:

Tian and Wu

Xiao Ming came home from school and said to his mother, "There is a place at home where I want to sit. You can't sit." Do you know where this place is? Answer:

On mom's knee.

One person, only1200 million people in China. What is this thing? Answer:

12 Zodiac

The tortoise dreamed that he had won a 100-yuan prize, and his dream came true when he woke up. What should he do next? Answer:

Get some sleep.

A businessman went bankrupt and half his friends didn't know him. Why? Answer:

Because half my friends didn't know he was broke.

The elephant has the longest nose in the zoo, so who is the second longest? Answer:

calf elephant

240 strongest lock, what are you most afraid of? Answer:

key