How to deal with a quarrel between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

What is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law like in the new rural areas? Young daughters-in-law are knowledgeable and educated, and their financial independence gives them more autonomy. Therefore, some mothers-in-law lamented: It is difficult to be a mother-in-law now! Under the same roof, there is no obstacle that cannot be overcome. There are two women that a man loves most in his life: one is the mother who gave birth to him, and the other is the person he marries home as his wife. For a mother-in-law, if she loves her son, she must love her daughter-in-law; similarly, if a daughter-in-law loves her husband, she must love her mother-in-law. A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a win-win situation, so why not? Liu Jinqiang: As the saying goes, "three women, one drama". In rural areas, once a son marries a daughter-in-law, there are more than two women in the family - mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Because women have so much free time, many troubles arise. Domestic affairs are like national affairs, and excessive democracy will only cause chaos. If a man is not good at housework, a woman will do her part. Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may become the head of the inner family, but two tigers cannot be accommodated in one mountain. If a man is not good at mediating at all or shows weakness, he will often have a strong mother and a strong daughter-in-law. When encountering conflicts, he would just shrink back and let his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law complete the "peak showdown". The consequences can be imagined. Many researchers on marriage issues believe that after adulthood, husband and wife should be the core of the family. On the premise of fully respecting other family members, core members should have greater decision-making power. From this point of view, the role played by men is extraordinary, and he must not become an accomplice in the tense relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. So, when dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, how to prevent the conflicting parties from feeling unbearable due to tension? Based on personal experience, I think that when a man deals with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he only needs to let his wife use both cold and hot methods. To be cold means to take a cold-looking attitude towards your mother-in-law's private life and think calmly. First of all, we should not interfere with the life that our mother-in-law is accustomed to. For example, we shouldn’t complain because our mother-in-law is enjoying all the glory but doesn’t do anything to help us in dire straits. It’s just a little bit of her old age that she gained from years of hard work. Why are we jealous? We don’t want to be depressed and unhappy just because our mother-in-law comes to our door and is picky about us. That’s the mouth of an elder. If she doesn’t talk about you, who will talk about you? If, whenever we encounter a conflict with our mother-in-law, we calm down first and think about the above points, I think the conflict should be half solved. Hot means caring for your mother-in-law as hot as summer, and conveying this passion and enthusiasm directly to your mother-in-law's heart. For example, if your mother-in-law is sick, even if it is just a minor illness such as a headache or fever, you should first serve her boiled water, then ask her for help, and prescribe the right medicine; if it is her mother-in-law's birthday or there is a happy event at home, you should first prepare a satisfying meal for your mother-in-law. When you see your mother-in-law caring about your grandson, humbly accept her teachings and "take the essence and discard the dross." In short, many inexplicable things often happen between women. In fact, there is no irreconcilable conflict between them. The key is how to deal with it. This is how I live between two women who love me deeply and I love them deeply. Although a little trivial, it adds a lot of fun to ordinary days. Again, we are men, and men should tolerate all this. Distance makes the "evil" mother-in-law and "barbaric" daughter-in-law beautiful Hongchen: On the night of the Lunar New Year's Eve, it should be a festive moment when thousands of families are enjoying themselves with lights, but in a certain rural area, there is a family named Yu. The daughter-in-law, Xiaofang, was holding a bottle of pesticide in her hand, crying and making trouble, and was pulled by five or six people, forcing her to pour it into her mouth. The other party's mother-in-law, her lips turned blue, yelled at her daughter-in-law for being playful, and the whites of her eyes rolled up in anger. A heart attack suddenly occurred, and another group of villagers rushed to the hospital... And the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, who have always had a tense relationship, this time the trigger was nothing more than the mother-in-law scolding her in front of her daughter-in-law. The son who went out to work was not polite enough, and Xiaofang thought that her mother-in-law had "insinuated" her. The situation developed to the end: the mother-in-law ordered her son to divorce. At this critical juncture of "life and death", after several rounds of consultations with the family, Xiaofang left her older son to her mother-in-law, and took her younger son, who was less than 2 years old, on her way to work. As the saying goes: "Distance creates beauty." Once in a new environment, Xiaofang not only took good care of her husband's food and daily life, but also missed her "eldest" son who was thousands of miles away whenever she had free time, and made long distance calls every now and then to ask about him. After asking, over and over again, after several contacts with the mother-in-law answering the phone on her behalf, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law gradually took on a "spring" atmosphere. In particular, I heard that the eldest son was admitted to the hospital because of acute pneumonia, and the mother-in-law, who felt sorry for her grandson, stayed awake for three days and four nights.

Xiaofang spoke to the receiver for the first time, her voice choked up: "Mom, you should always take care of your health, don't get sick from exhaustion. When we make money, we will be filial to you." Her mother-in-law, who is always known for her toughness, The voice was also particularly kind: "Fang, as long as you two are safe and sound outside, money or not is no big deal." This is not the incompatible "evil" mother-in-law and "barbarian" daughter-in-law relationship! The changes during this period were simply because Xiaofang went south to work with her husband. The distance created a huge "beauty" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! In this way, unknowingly, the relationship between Xiaofang and her mother-in-law has undergone fundamental changes. Not only was there no repeat of the Spring Festival "shows" in previous years, but as soon as Xiaofang touched the pot, her mother-in-law said with a smile: "I'm just here for a few days, let's have a good rest." Xiaofang motioned to her husband to take out a wad of money and hand it to her. Mother-in-law, who would have thought that mother-in-law pushed back again: "I am not too old now to need so much money. This is your hard-earned money, keep it and put it to use in the future!" All of this is because, When the daughter-in-law goes out to "work", space and time melt away all the unpleasantness that happened between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Let me tell you, this is a new model of dealing with the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. "If you think well, the elders should respect the younger ones." Zhao Zhiyan: I don't know since when, there is a popular saying in rural areas, "If you think well, the elders should respect the younger ones." It means that if a mother-in-law wants to have peace in the family, she must "respect" her daughter-in-law. Maybe The first person to speak like this was out of resentment and deliberately "killed" his current wives. However, this seemingly unreasonable statement does make sense if you think about it carefully, especially the subtle word "respect". In the new era, daughters-in-law are all women armed with new ideas. They are not willing to serve their mothers-in-law with caution and trembling, and they do not want to be such a mother-in-law in the future. Therefore, mothers-in-law who catch up with this generation are "poor". How about themselves? It feels uncomfortable for a mother-in-law who is easy to "make it" to be "revolutionized" by her daughter-in-law. However, life must go on, and some enlightened mothers-in-law began to change. Knowledge lies in the word "respect". My aunt is a typical example of a successful mother-in-law. In the rural areas of the north, my uncle’s family was living a good life. The family's main income comes from several nectarine greenhouses. In a good year, it is not a problem to earn more than 100,000 yuan. The eldest cousin went to college and never came back; after the second cousin got married, my aunt proposed to separate the family. To sum up, my aunt has fulfilled the word "respect", that is, respecting her children, making them completely independent from the economy to domestic and foreign affairs, and truly being the master of the family. Some mothers-in-law are unwilling to separate the family and are worried about being laughed at by outsiders. In fact, they are more concerned about the issue of economic power. A daughter-in-law who has no financial power will naturally not regard this home as her own. A conflict for power is inevitable and understandable. Who wants to be financially controlled by others? In fact, such a mother-in-law fails to respect her daughter-in-law. There is also a kind of mother-in-law who "treats her daughter-in-law as a daughter." However, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is still not ideal. Why, it’s still the word “respect”. Everything has its "measure", and going too far is not enough. The mother-in-law who "treats her daughter-in-law as a daughter" has a good intention, but after all, the daughter-in-law is not a daughter. As the saying goes, "mother and daughter never have an overnight feud", but it is difficult to do this between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so there are some things that can only be said to the daughter but not to her daughter. Tell your wife. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are overly intimate and like to nag about everything. Many relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law don't even get past the "honeymoon" before they break down. Women are very thoughtful and may hurt their feelings if they are not sure what they say. To respect your daughter-in-law, you must give her and yourself space. This is also true when ancient couples talked about "respecting each other as guests" when getting along. In short, if you want your daughter-in-law to respect her mother-in-law, you must first respect your daughter-in-law. Those mothers-in-law who like to nag, those mothers-in-law who are paternalistic, had better change! How to deal with a big quarrel between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law 2 Case analysis: This is a very lively family. Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, and husband live together. As the saying goes: "Three women, one drama", here two women are also having a great time fighting. The mother-in-law has a short temper, but the daughter-in-law can't stand it, and they have conflicts every day; the husband has a good temper, and when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law quarrel, he doesn't say anything, he just laughs. When his wife complains about her mother-in-law to him, he listens; when his mother-in-law complains about his daughter-in-law, he also listens. This kind of family is a microcosm of the thousands of traditional families in urban and rural China. The threads of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are constantly being cut and kept in chaos. 1. It is difficult for the mother-in-law to adapt quickly to the three roles. For men, the role before marriage is: the lover of his beloved girlfriend outside, and the filial son beside his mother at home. For a newlywed lady, she is not only a wife who can act coquettishly to her husband, but also a docile daughter-in-law of her mother-in-law. This is a big challenge.

What about mother-in-law? Perhaps for the first time, she felt that the position of the authoritative woman in the family was shaken, and she watched helplessly as her son was influenced by a "foreign woman". The reason why the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is complicated is rooted in this role conflict. It is difficult to deal with the pressure of these three parties at the same time. 2. Competition and threats of "love" "Motherly love" and "love" are originally two different kinds of love, but as wives and mothers who are both women, they often confuse this issue. For them, this conflict is not a difference in the nature of love, but a problem of the "object of love" being robbed. This leads to the eternal question of "Wife and mother fell into the river at the same time, which one should be saved first?" There is no solution to the problem. 3. Differences in concepts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. After marrying a daughter-in-law, many mothers-in-law think that their status in the family has been upgraded. From now on, someone should take care of the hard work at home, and the big and small things in the family should also be taken care of. The elders have the final say. But today, when the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has basically become an equal interpersonal relationship, modern women rarely retain the idea of ??"authority". Two people from different times, different lifestyles and concepts do not understand each other. When women live together, problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will inevitably arise. 4. Poor communication between the three parties. Disputes between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not necessarily caused by "big events". Different lifestyles, different living habits, different cultural backgrounds, and different family backgrounds have different consequences. Different opinions and approaches may arise on the same thing. If there is poor communication, trivial matters may trigger big conflicts. For those "wars" that arise inexplicably at home, men must both "settle" and "pacify" them. An easy task.