The script of Guo Da and Cai Ming's sketch "Robot Anecdote"

I haven't found a girlfriend after being single for so many years. I found that none of them were perfect, so I was finished in the crowd and simply ordered a robot as my wife. He has no shortcomings. She has to do whatever you ask him to do. It's comfortable, and I did it according to Mao Amin's example. Gee, you look like Cai Ming. No wonder you gave me a 20% discount. Oh, it's over. She bullied me every day when we worked together. This time, he went home with me. I tell you, I don't care if you look like Cai Ming, but your temper can't be like him. Otherwise, it is really spending money to buy an opponent.

Happy Spring Festival and auspicious Year of the Rat. I am lucky to be able to help you, hehehe.

Not bad, not bad. Small mouth is sweet. This money is well spent. What's your name?

Fool.

Huh? Stupid? What is your name! Let me change your name. I think you look like Cai Ming. I'll call you cauliflower. I said cauliflower, from now on I am your husband and you are my wife. Come here, let me kiss you. Sorry, you have to turn your back on others.

Before the husband's program entered, all robots were judo seven stages.

God, I'd better get into the program quickly, or I'll have to spend the Spring Festival in the hospital. What are the personality types here?

The strong woman type is felt by Wu Zetian, and the hedonic type is that you earn money and I help you spend it, that is, you can buy whatever you like. ..

No, no, no, I don't want someone like me. Hehe, don't you have a China model suitable for us ordinary people?

Career-oriented, family-oriented, attractive, passionate, gentle and virtuous.

Stop. ! ! I'll take it. I like it mild.

You're back. You worked hard. Hehe ~ I'm really sorry I didn't meet you at the door.

Give me a cigarette, haha ~ comfortable ~ ~, this leg. Cai Ming, Cai Ming, you also have today, this leg jumps! I'm over it. Okay, okay, get up, get up, and be serious.

I'll get you some tea and I'll cook for you. Cauliflower has given you trouble.

Oh, no, no, no, we China men are not used to this.

You will get used to it.

It's enough that we don't kneel to our wives.

I'll do your laundry.

I wash it myself.

I'll tickle you

I shaved myself.

You're welcome.

Oh, my waist can't stand it here. Where is this remote control?

Are you looking for something again?

I didn't find it.

Can I help you find it?

I'll find it myself.

Please sit down.

Me, oh, stop! The couple are always polite. Who can stand it? I think you should do something for me. Just help me clean the house.

Please select a clean type.

Clean type.

God, the house where people lived at that time was a pigsty.

How can this be a pigsty?

Oh, it's so dirty. Wash your hands.

What? What bothers me most is washing hands.

There are hundreds of workers in that public place. You pinch me and touch me. I have no bacteria on me. Some people have the flu, some people have hepatitis, some people have diarrhea, and some people have typhoid fever.

Then I'd better wash. Why did you just say let me wash it? Why don't you wash it?

I am easy to deal with. When I go to bed at night, I boil a pot of boiling water, remove my head and arms, and splash it with a small fire all night. The next morning, you took me out of the pot and put a famous book on it.

I stew you in the pot where I sleep? I can't sleep here.

It doesn't matter if you can't sleep. You don't have to stew my head. Put my head next to your pillow and I'll tell you a story. I am especially good at telling ghost stories, a pair of embroidered shoes, blue skeletons and green corpses.

Ah! Stop. Oh, I'm afraid to stay inside. You can't make me feel comfortable

Please choose the understanding type.

Oh, you told me before. What pains me most is that no one understands me.

I understand you. Are you doing a sketch with a man named Cai Ming?

Yes, we have a good relationship.

Really? In fact, you hate her in your heart. He took all the funny lines away, and she screamed and danced on the stage. Ah ah!

Long live understanding. Sit down.

To tell the truth, when we were acting, he came down and failed. I comforted her and said, "In fact, you acted very well." In fact, I thought to myself

So you didn't screw up, did you? be

Yes, if he plays with fire, I will tell him.

Don't forget to worry about it. These audiences are uneducated, so don't laugh.

Yes, that's what I want. How do you know everything?

I am very considerate.

You can't tell anyone. If you do this, I will be ashamed to meet anyone. I have to slap myself with my mouth.

What?

I have to slap my big mouth.

Stop. Oh, my God, how did you hit you?

You said you wanted to smoke it yourself, and I smoked it for you thoughtfully, so you weren't happy. You humans are so hypocritical.

We humans have advantages and disadvantages, but we know pain. We know that feeling, and we will suffer, unlike you robots, which are ruthless. God, even if it doesn't work, what kind of robot is this? Get back!

The remote control is broken, and now it is in a state of logical confusion.

What do you want?

Hee hee hee! I want you to be played by me.

What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? Do you want me to be played by you?

Well, if you don't carry me, let's dance.

I carry my back. Cauliflower, where do you want to go during the Spring Festival?

I want you to be played by me on the Great Wall.

Great Wall! Zhao Zhongxiang, is Comrade Zhao Zhongxiang there? I will give you a present.