How should parents pay attention to their children's mental health?

Last weekend, five-year-old Yang Yang and his mother played with building blocks in the living room. Yang Yang is building a tall tower with building blocks. When her mother saw that it was almost time to cook, she reminded Yang Yang, "Yang Yang, mom is going to cook. After a while, you can build your own building blocks, so that you can read for a while and play with you after mom cooks.

Yang Yang had a good time. Hearing what his mother said, he immediately shouted, "No, my mother wants to play with me." "Mom is going to cook, aren't you going to eat?" "That won't do either!" Yang Yang said, and began to cry. Mom was angry, too. "Didn't I tell you to play with you after dinner? Why don't you understand? " Cry, cry, you cry, you cry hard! Mom said that and left angrily. Yang Yang just sat on the floor and burst into tears. Mom just can't figure it out. Why can't this child understand what adults say? Why do you cry more and more?

Expert analysis:

Yang Yang doesn't understand her mother? Yang Yang certainly understood what his mother said, "I'll cook." But then her mother saw that Yang Yang insisted on playing with her and cried. Her mother said, "You cried, you cried badly!" Yang Yang didn't understand this sentence, because Yang Yang sat on the ground and burst into tears after her mother finished.

I remember hearing an example of a primary school principal: when the bell rang, three first-grade boys ran back to the classroom sweating, "Report!" Three children stood at the door of the class and shouted at the teacher. "Ah! Come back, play for a while, don't hurry back! " After hearing this, the three boys turned and ran outside. "Come back!" The teacher is in distress situation. Later, the headmaster helped the teacher analyze: it was not a joke made by three boys, but that the teacher didn't understand the characteristics of the first-grade children. This teacher used to teach senior students, and even students who said "satire" could hear it. When teaching junior students again, because the child's language understanding ability is not mature enough to understand the irony said by the teacher, he made such a joke.

Yang Yang's mother made a similar mistake and didn't understand the age characteristics of her children. Children of this age can't understand rhetoric, so they should use positive encouragement to strengthen their correct behavior, not negative education.

Preschool and early school-age children need their parents' role models and positive guidance. Children's behavior is mainly imitation learning. If they want their children to do what they want, they should show them first. Children usually have no direct response to some language instructions. Parents must supplement body language, such as gestures and movements, so that children can understand what parents mean.

At the same time, children's understanding ability is poor, and the transfer of attention needs a process, so children should be given some time to think. In view of children's problems, when making demands on children, we should consider their psychological characteristics. There are some tips and strategies that can make children automatically transfer behavior as you ask. Here are some ways to help parents solve similar problems in Yang Yang.

Give your child some "psychological preparation" in advance.

Before playing games with children, you can tell them the time schedule first, so that they can be psychologically prepared. For example, my mother said to Yang Yang in advance, "It's four o'clock now, so we can build blocks for a while. At half past four, my mother cooks. You should read a book or play by yourself for a while. After dinner, my mother can play with you for an hour. " Although children don't have a sense of time yet, they will probably know how time is arranged, so they will be more fully prepared and easier to accept when they need to change their activities.

Imitate children's "bad behavior"

After the age of three, children have begun to judge which behaviors are right and which behaviors are wrong, that is, they have some simple judgment ability. When children are having fun, they refuse to end the game or let their mother leave, and their emotions will show some signs. Parents can imitate these performances. When children see adults doing such behavior, they will soon realize their behavior problems and adjust their emotions. If the child is about to cry, the mother pretends to cry, "I don't want to do it, I still want to play!" " "Pretend to cry. Children usually smile through tears. The tension between parents and children will also be eased.

To end the game, you must "announce in advance"

Tell your child the time schedule before the game, and you will forget it, because the child's memory is kept for a short time. In the process of playing, we should constantly remind children to "declare in advance" to prevent them from "changing their minds" because they forget. For example, "honey, after playing for more than ten minutes, mom went to cook, so we can only finish building this building with you." Didn't we just agree? " Remind your child of his promise, and remind him to keep it.

The child has separation anxiety, what should parents do?

Sarah sat on the sofa, clutching a teddy bear. Her nails were obviously pulled out and she was bleeding again.

Meanwhile, her mother called back to the company. She must explain why she was late, which seems to be the countless times. It is not clear how long the boss will understand this bad situation. After all, it is usually not a problem for an 8-year-old child to go to the third grade. The third day should be rain or shine for children.

But this is not the case with Sarah.

When Sarah was about to arrive at school, she began to panic. Today, mom almost dragged her in. On the way, Sarah grabbed the door frame. When her mother and teacher tried to pull her away, her nails were torn off.

This is not the first time.

To make matters worse, this situation feels terrible. No mother would want to hurt her daughter. Sarah's mother feels like a devil every morning. She wants to know if other parents have the same problem. Does it have a name?

What is separation anxiety?

Some people call it "refusal to learn", some people call it "school avoidance", and some people call it "separation anxiety".

Parents described it as a nightmare.

Separation anxiety is normal for all children. Think of it as a survival instinct. Humans, especially helpless humans, need to be attached to their parents, who can give them closeness, warmth, care and protection. The consciousness of this inevitable relationship is inherent in human beings and originated from the most primitive part of our brain. With the growth of babies and the development of their brains, their relationship with "dependent people" will gradually become more complicated. So parents are also called dependent figures. Babies and young children entrust their deepest fears to the physiological consciousness that parents can make these fears disappear. They think that parents are like a force field. This is completely normal to some extent.

When did ordinary separation anxiety become a problem?

Let's look at separation from a typical development perspective, and then we can compare this perspective with Sarah's experience.

As parents, we know that we can pass on young babies to strangers in the room, and children will take it for granted. However, by 9 months, the baby began to eat enough. When a 9-month-old baby sees a strange face, he will cry and reach out to his mother or father in panic.

What happened?

At the age of 9 months, most babies will begin to realize the difference between the familiar faces of their parents and strangers. Human development experts call this phenomenon "stranger anxiety". This is one of the milestones of attachment system in children's development. The child's brain has formed the psychological representation of parents and can distinguish parents from others. This is a wonderful, practical and protective evolution.

In fact, it is this cognitive ability that urges one-year-old children to explore the world by themselves. Yes, they are more mobile at this age, but they also feel safe, knowing that their parents will come to their rescue when they need it. With experienced and trustworthy parents, they feel safe enough to explore the unknown. That's why we should pay close attention to them, because they seem fearless, so they may cause all kinds of troubles.

However, in the second year of life, these wild explorations will come to an end, and what we see is the infamous "terrible two-year-old". Children begin to cling to their parents, become demanding and often refuse to play by themselves. This development achievement paradoxically symbolizes the progress of evolution. Children of this age are now able to realize that there is a separated and potentially dangerous world, so they need protection. This is a normal process to ensure your own safety.

As children grow up and the brain continues to develop, we will see the tension between the desire for self-reliance and the fear of separation growing. Remember, some degree of separation anxiety is normal and expected. Children aged three or four are afraid to sleep by themselves at night, and children aged five are afraid of their parents going out. When they hand them over to the nanny, what we see is that the children are more and more aware of external risks and their normal reactions. Especially when children start school, we will see this situation. This kind of anxiety is common in preschool education, kindergarten and grade one.

However, some children simply can't stand separation. They can't sleep by themselves, play games with other children or go to school. They regard these separated situations as life-threatening events. Their internal fight or flight response was triggered. However, this reaction is not caused by real or imminent danger, but by all separation situations. It seems that their anxiety thermostat is out of order.

We all know what the fight-or-flight response is. When we feel threatened, we will experience a state of high vigilance and panic. We must endure the feeling of death. Our heart rate and breathing rate will increase. We may even feel trembling and dizzy. In short, we will feel an adrenaline rush, which will prepare us to escape from danger.

Separation anxiety disorder is a childhood disease. Almost every time a child is separated from his parents, he feels as if his life is in danger. This is a real but unnecessary panic. When they are separated from their parents, little can calm these children down. Their thoughts and feelings will inevitably turn to their parents' worries about being hurt. In their minds, this separation will end in the worst loss. They are deeply afraid that they will be alone in panic. Only the existence of parents will reassure them.

When children like Sarah are sent to school, they will experience physical symptoms of panic and be overwhelmed by the fear of losing their parents. They are often troubled by the idea that unfortunate things will happen to their parents. Children with mild separation anxiety tend to calm down once they enter the classroom. For such children, the crisis only appears at the moment of separation. For other children, nothing can ease their mood except being reunited with their parents. Children with separation anxiety often resist, have a tendency to lose their temper and vent their emotions everywhere. In the world they see from their own perspective, this kind of destruction far exceeds the danger of being without parents for a few hours.

How common is separation anxiety disorder?

Separation anxiety disorder is rare, only 4% of children will suffer from it. However, it constitutes nearly half of all anxiety cases, referred for treatment. Separation anxiety has a very negative impact on children and parents. For children, separation anxiety will not only make them full of fear, but also cause academic retrogression, isolation from classmates and increase the fear of the next separation. On the other hand, for parents, separation anxiety will also involve unemployment, lack of sleep, and less time spent with friends and partners, which will definitely lead to despair.

Separation anxiety is often passed down from generation to generation, and it is also related to other anxiety or depression in adolescence and adulthood. In addition, many parents show excessive protection, control or anxiety in the process of separation, thus unconsciously aggravating separation anxiety. This is not to say that parents cause separation anxiety, but that caring and responsible parents may not know their anxiety, but in fact they are strengthening their children's anxiety.

How to deal with separation anxiety disorder

The good news is that separation anxiety will have an immediate response to the right intervention.

Here are some basic guidelines:

1. Seek professional help as soon as possible. Like most behavioral disorders, the earlier you intervene, the less troublesome behavior will be strengthened. For example, school phobia may become more stubborn over time if there are no countermeasures.

2. Seek a comprehensive psychological evaluation. Separation anxiety disorder may be related to other psychological or genetic problems, so it is very important to seek a thorough evaluation to detect depression, anxiety and potential family disharmony for the overall treatment.

3. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most effective method to treat separation anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy allows parents and children to learn new coping methods when they are separated, and also allows them to look at separation from a more positive perspective. It can also help children develop self-reliance and self-confidence, so that children can gradually face the situation of separation, so that children can finally tolerate separation more comfortably.

4. Coordinate with others in children's life. Coordination with teachers and nannies is very important. Similarly, coordinating with grandparents and other trusted adults involved in separation will make everyone aware of this and provide everyone with a consistent way to calm down their children.

5. Drugs sometimes help. In some cases, anti-anxiety drugs can prevent children from panic and make cognitive and behavioral skills easier to learn. As we all know, excessive anxiety is not conducive to learning new behaviors.

The worst case of separation anxiety (as we have seen in Sarah) may be unbearable for parents and children, but it is also easy to treat. Through continuous, diligent and cautious methods, Sarah's nails will recover, and soon she can step into school with confidence.

How do parents really grasp their children's hearts?

Some teenagers are at home, but their hearts are not at home. If you continue, you will probably run away from home even if you are not at home. This is a sign that parents have not grasped their children's hearts step by step. At present, some boys and girls run away from home and many regrettable things have happened. It can be seen that it is of great significance for parents to really grasp their children's hearts. So, how can parents catch their children's hearts? Only listen, understand and communicate.

(1) Listen. Parents often listen to their children, which is a link to grasp their hearts. To this end, parents should use smiling faces instead of bitter gourd faces. Learn to praise children in life and express angry emotions in a humorous way. If there is a problem with a child, you must first know the "truth." If there is a deviation in the way of loving children, parents should try to adjust themselves. One way is to actively listen, talk less and do more, and let children speak their minds. If children can tell their shortcomings and negative emotions, not only will their shortcomings be corrected by more than half, but their hearts will be easily caught.

(2) understanding. Children need the understanding of their parents in all aspects. When children suffer many setbacks in their studies, they are eager to find comfort from their parents and family to relieve their depression. Chatting with parents and children here can not only let children's emotions vent normally, satisfy their curiosity, but also help to grasp their hearts. Parents and family members' understanding of children can also make children feel normal and make fewer mistakes, so that many mistakes that should not be made will not be made.

(3) communication. Parents should communicate with their children often to make them feel that "home" is very important to them. If there is no good communication bridge between parents and children, it will lead to "losing the child's heart", while children feel that their parents don't know themselves at all. Here, the distance between parents and children will become more and more distant, and "home" will become less and less important to children. As a result, not only can the child's heart be caught, but also the child will run away from home.

Parents should pay attention to grasping their children's hearts, but don't tie them down. When children grow up in the "weaning period of youth", the psychological umbilical cord between parents and children should be completely cut off, so that children can grow up fully and healthily.

The quality of parents' sleep will seriously affect their children's health.

According to a report on the website of Japan RecordJapan on September 29th, a recent survey by the Japan Sleep Improvement Committee found that poor sleep quality of parents can seriously lead to symptoms such as lack of sleep, love to sleep late and overeating.

The Japanese Sleep Improvement Committee defines people who have poor sleep quality or don't pay attention to sleep as "recessive insomniacs", and conducted an online survey on 209 parents of primary school students with recessive insomnia (hereinafter referred to as the former) and 2 10 parents who can fall asleep quickly (hereinafter referred to as the latter).

The results showed that the former accounted for 4 1.6%, while the latter was only 19%. Among the children who love to sleep late, the proportion of the former is 16.7%, while the latter is only 7. 1%.

In addition, among children who overeat, the proportion of the former is 19. 1%, and the latter is11.9%; Among children with obesity tendency, the proportion of the former is 20.6%, and the latter is 12.9%.

The Japan Sleep Improvement Committee said: "The reason for children's lack of sleep is probably related to their parents staying up late, and so is childhood obesity. Therefore, parents are urged to improve their sleep quality first. "

Teach parents how to adjust their diet for obese children.

The treatment of childhood obesity is different from that of adults. Because it is in the stage of physical development, any radical treatment will have a negative impact on the healthy development of children.

In addition, children don't cooperate with doctors like adults, which brings certain difficulties to the implementation of the treatment plan. Therefore, close cooperation between parents is particularly important. Let's teach parents how to adjust their diet for obese children.

As far as dietotherapy is concerned, parents must be involved and asked to master some relevant knowledge, such as not allowing children to be partial to food and overeating, and not giving them high-calorie diets such as high sugar and high fat.

It's also difficult to treat children on a diet and starve them. Therefore, before diet control, it is necessary to tell children patiently and in detail the dangers of obesity, the truth of dieting and the treatment plan in order to obtain their cooperation, which plays a key role in the smooth progress of treatment.

To treat children with diet, we must first master the nutritional characteristics of sick children, so as to make diet recipes for children of all ages and stages of disease, but the general principle should be to limit energy intake.

At the same time, it is necessary to ensure the needs of growth and development, so that their food is diversified and rich in vitamins, and no irritating condiments are given. Food should be cooked by steaming, boiling or cold salad to reduce the intake of digestible carbohydrates (such as sucrose) and avoid sweets such as candy, sweet cakes and biscuits.

Try to eat less bread and potatoes, eat less high-fat foods, especially fat, and appropriately increase protein's diet, such as bean products and lean meat. However, when it comes to losing weight, it's not that you can't eat any sugar and sugary food.

It is very important that childhood obesity is in the developmental stage. In order to avoid extreme calorie restriction, school-age children can increase by 5 ~ 6 cm every year. As long as their weight is maintained at the present situation, their obesity will be improved after one year.

Extreme dietary restrictions will cause psychological depression to children and sometimes cause resistance to treatment. In short, as long as the diet of obese children is reasonably adjusted, the good effect of losing weight can be achieved without affecting the growth and development of children.

Sex education should first pay attention to parents and teachers.

In the sexual knowledge questionnaire, the accuracy of parents and teachers is lower than that of primary school students, and students mainly rely on their peers to obtain sexual knowledge. Recently, the results of a questionnaire survey on primary school students' sexual knowledge jointly conducted by the Shinan District Education and Sports Bureau of Qingdao and the Shinan District Family Planning Association can not help but surprise people.

Sexual sweating is kidney deficiency. Coitus interruptus is bad for men. Healthy sex in winter focuses on grasping the proportion. Seven things can help women prevent breast hyperplasia. How to treat "strange diseases" during menstruation? Eat raw chestnut in winter to tonify kidney and strengthen tendons.

It is understood that Shinan District distributed more than 2,300 questionnaires on sexual knowledge in six primary schools in the whole district, including 500 questionnaires for parents, 300 questionnaires for teachers and 1.500 questionnaires for pupils in grades 5 and 6. The results show that the accuracy of primary school students is close to 50%, while the accuracy of parents and teachers is less than 40%. According to Professor Yu Ruilong from the Southern Family Planning Association, the difficulty of the two questionnaires is similar, but I didn't expect the accuracy of the questionnaire for parents and teachers to be so low. For example, when answering the question "What is sexual intercourse", many answers choose "hug".

Faced with the lack of parents' knowledge, how do primary school students acquire it? According to the survey topics, 40% of the seven ways for primary school students to obtain reproductive knowledge of men and women are from peers of the same size, and the other ways are from surfing the Internet and reading books, but rarely from parents and teachers. Many students mentioned that they were "unable" or "afraid" to communicate sexual knowledge with their parents and teachers, and some even said that their parents and teachers knew nothing about sexual knowledge.

In this questionnaire survey, more than 50 parents refused to answer questions, and some parents even wrote "nonsense" directly on the paper. In this regard, Liu Xinhua, president of Shinan Family Planning Association, believes that it is no problem for children to receive sex education. The key is the society's view on this issue. Strengthening sex education for parents and teachers is fundamental, so that they can change their ideas.