Urgent for homophonic Chinese characters jokes or joke poems

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens. The tenant rented his field, but he had to be given a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about renting the land for the next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of land." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.

As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his tune and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?"

Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so quickly!"

The landlord replied, "That sentence just now was' nonsense', and now it is said by accident."

Ears are here.

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to hang up, he said to the master, "buy me two bamboo poles."

Inquired that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", and quickly agreed, ran to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You are a clever man.

You should know it! "

The shopkeeper, a clever man, immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and presented a pair of pig ears.

Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver. Of course this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped it up and stuffed it into his pocket. Go back to the county government and report to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" "

The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" "

Have a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go there by plane. Afraid that the manager wouldn't agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "Take it when you have the chance, or don't take it." The manager received the telegram and thought it was an "opportunity" to close the deal. He immediately called back: "Seize the opportunity."

The salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified to fly. The salesman took out his manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.

Geographical name correlation

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."

The headmaster is angry.

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said, "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Not an official! "

Rural conference

At a meeting in the village, the village chief said, "Rabbit, shrimp, don't burn melons, pickles are too expensive." Comrades and villagers, don't talk. The meeting is over now. The host said: "Sausage paste melon for pickles." (Now, the head of the township will speak. The township head said, "Rabbit, shrimp, today's meal.

Classic-five boys smoking

Five boys were taught to talk about smoking one by one by the snitch teacher:

The first boy truthfully admitted being beaten; Back to the dormitory, said:

Dude: I want it all, so don't admit it when you want it.

[Scene 1]

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy A: No. ..

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

Boy A naturally stretched out two fingers and took it. ...........

[Scene 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy b: no.

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

Boy B is holding French fries carefully because he heard about A.

Teacher: Don't you want some ketchup?

B accidentally got too much, and immediately played it with two fingers-

Teacher: No? The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Call your parents ...............

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: no.

Teacher: No? All right, French fries.

Because of the first two examples, the boy C carefully finished the French fries with sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

Boy C picked up French fries and put them on his ear. ..................

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: No. ..

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate the French fries with trepidation and put them in his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy was so busy that he took French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stomping on them. ......................

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy just took the French fries,

The teacher said: Don't invite me to dinner.

The boy was so busy that he handed the chips in his hand and then took out a lighter. ................

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy has sweated his palms and bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster!

Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth.

The boy took the French fries out of his pocket: it's safe, it's still there, the fire hasn't lit yet …

[Scene 7]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Teacher: You really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries.

Boy: It's natural to take away the French fries and eat them clean.

Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy: [Get carried away] Greater China. . . . .

Scene n:

Teacher: French fries, please!

Boy: No thanks.

lip print

The headmaster of the home school faces a problem, and the older female students in the school begin to wear lipstick. When they apply lipstick in the bathroom, they will print their lips on the mirror and leave lip prints. He thought of a way to stop the problem before it got out of control. So he called all the girls wearing lipstick and asked them to meet in the bathroom at 2 pm. When the girls arrived at the bathroom at 2 o'clock, they found the headmaster and supervisor already waiting there. The headmaster explained the problem to them and asked the supervisor to clean the bathroom mirror every night. He thinks the girls don't understand the seriousness of the problem, so he wants them to see for themselves how difficult it is to clean the mirror. Then the supervisor began to demonstrate. The warden took out a long-handled brush from the box, dipped it in some water in the nearest toilet, and then went to the mirror to start scrubbing.

After that, no one left lip prints on the mirror.