100 jokes

1 Is it funny? It’s so strange not to have you by my side, how about you stay with me for the rest of your life?

2 I don’t want short-term tenderness, I only want your companionship for the rest of my life

3 Just because you are so beautiful that I can’t confess that I love you

4 My cat is very naughty, can you help me take care of it...

5 I want to sleep The last thing I saw before was you...

6 Please be the treasure in my hand

7 I wonder if loving you is a considerate reason?

8 I want to grow old with you

9 I think I will still love you as much as I do now

10 Being with you is just I don't want to give anyone a chance! !

11 I think I will accompany you to the market every day in the future..

12 Since you appeared, I realized that it is so beautiful to have someone in love..

13 In my once confused heart, it was you who led me out of loneliness

14 My love for you will not change until the end of the world

15 For you, no matter the weather is good or bad Even without it, it doesn’t change

16 Think about the joy of watching the sun rise and set with me

17 I am willing to spend ten million years waiting for your smile like the warm sunshine of early spring. .

18 Only you understand my world

19 Hidden you deeply in my heart

20 I know that love must be free to be happy, but I I would rather stay by your side, accompany you, and walk with you

21 I don’t know when it started, but I have learned to rely on you

22 Only you know my emotions, and only you can Bring me emotions

23 If we don’t love enough in this life, we will be able to live long in the next life....

24 Because I know I can’t live without you, I will cherish it more....

25 The earth is still spinning, the world is still fickle, and I will love you forever

26 Every night with you, I will no longer be too lonely and deserted

27 I just need a harbor where I can rest...

28 I miss you every day...

29 People will always grow old, hope When the time comes, you will still be by my side

30 Regardless of the ends of the world, as long as you need me, I will "fly" back to you

31 You make my life sentimental There is love and tears...

32 I can't write love letters, I can only write "heart"...

33 If you are cold, I will Hold you in my arms; if you hate, I will wipe away your tears... If you love me, I will broadcast it to the whole world; if you leave me, I will bear it silently...

34..My love opens for you, like white lightning piercing the sky; my love runs for you, like red blood filling the body....

35 No matter in this life or in this life No matter in the next life...all I want is you...

36 Although I cannot satisfy your greatest material life...but I can give you my heart to satisfy you...

36 p>

37 I love you with the passion of my old sorrows and the loyalty of childhood...

38 Your words have been locked in my memory. Then you will keep the key for me forever. Bar

39 No clothing is more suitable than your love; no decoration is more charming than your love;

40 A very short poem about my love for you Prose sublimated into a long life

41 To you, I have surrendered unconditionally, just sign a love contract

42 In this life...if...I can't have you, I will...hate myself so much

43 After drinking the wine of love you brewed, if I didn’t refill it, I would rather be thirsty for the rest of my life

44 I swear...fifty years later...I will still

I love you just like I do now...

45 Your name is written in my heart... Let me love you forever!!!!!

46 Without your love...the goal of living will be difficult to achieve!

47 I would rather not be free for you

48 I will love you forever in this life

49 I am ready to halve my rights and double my obligations...

50 I will only hold your hand in this life... because you are enough in this life...

51 Only after getting to know you do I realize that there is a mood called attachment, and a feeling called ****.

52 It turns out that waiting can be so beautiful, because I love you.

53 I don’t believe in eternal love, because I will only love you more and more day by day.

54 Since I fell in love with you... I have only known the sweetness of love...

55 Apart from loving you...I can't think of any reason to continue living...

Little Pig said: "My mother calls me Little Piggy." , it sounds nice too! "

The puppy said: "My mother calls me little dog, it sounds nice too!"

The chicken said: "You guys talk, I'm leaving first! "

The little rabbit said: "I was raised by the rabbit mother!"

The little pig said: "I was raised by the pig mother! Said: "I am the son of a hen!"

The puppy said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

The rogue said: "People call me rogue, which sounds nice. ! "

The warrior said: "People call me warrior, and it sounds good!"

The master said: "People call me master, and it sounds good! >The swordsman said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

General Li Zongren said: I am a kind person!

General Fu Zuoyi said: I am a righteous person!

General Zuo Quan said: I have the power!

General Huo Qubing said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

The door of Lao Zhang’s house is made of willow. Lao Zhang said: The door of my house is made of wood.

The door of Lao Li’s house is made of plastic. Lao Li said: The door of my house is made of plastic. It’s a plastic door

The door of Lao Wang’s house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: The door of my house is a brick door

The door of Lao Liu’s house is made of steel. Lao Liu said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

Students from the Normal College said: I am from the "Normal College"

Students from the Railway College said: I am from the "Railway College"

From the Vocational College The student said: I am from a "vocational college"

The student from the technical college said: You guys chat, I'll leave first

It's raining. There are many fools in the mental hospital holding towels and soap in the rain. You were taking a shower in the bathroom, and you were the only one watching on the window sill. Someone asked curiously: What are you doing? You said those fools are very stupid, I will wait until the water is hot before going there

In a mental hospital, a patient was writing a letter. The nurse saw it and asked him curiously.

Nurse: Who do you want to write to?

Patient: Write to myself!

Nurse: So what do you write?

Patient: You are mentally ill! I haven't received it yet. How do I know?

A big mouse walked into a flower shop and was chased by a small cat. The big mouse found that there was no way to escape, so he picked up a bouquet of roses and prepared to resist. When the little cat saw it, he immediately lowered his head and said shyly: You are so bad, you are still young!

I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: "The penalty for wetting the bed once is three yuan, the penalty for wetting the bed twice is five yuan, and the fine for three times is seven yuan."

You suddenly stood up and said, "How much is the monthly subscription?" "What a smart child.

A bad wolf came out to look for food. He heard a woman teaching the child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! As a result, the wolf waited all night and said: He Damn! These old ladies don’t keep their word.

Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was? Rouwanzi said shyly: I hate it, you won’t recognize me if I take off my clothes!

6 Our general manager’s surname is Zhou. One time he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said: " Premier Zhou..."

17 When I was in college, I heard a girl ordering: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour shredded potatoes, without the potatoes!

18 In the second year of high school, our Chinese language The teacher is an old teacher who has just been transferred to Beijing from Nanchang. His accent is very strong. His son is admitted to the Department of Architecture of Tsinghua University. This is the purpose of coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son. , when we talk about his son, we always say, "My son is from the Department of Architecture at Tsinghua University." .

If the moths get to the frogs and toads, wouldn’t they become snacks?

19 During lunch, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: “Go, cut the carrots into cubes! "

20 Yesterday, a colleague asked me. How to write the festival section? I answered: Add a festival section under the prefix "草" and remove the prefix "草"! The whole team burst into laughter! I also I didn’t react for a moment~~~~~~~!

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me which year I graduated.

I originally wanted to say 2000. As a result, he said excitedly: "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What was even more shocking was that the examiner actually said, "A student of Confucius." "

22 After more than 10 minutes of class, my deskmate raised his hand and said: Teacher, I want to go to the toilet.

The English teacher said very unhappily: How old are you? Toilet?

22 I have a classmate who has been reviewing for the computer level 3 exam. One day while playing football, another classmate dribbled the ball to the bottom line. I just heard him

yell: Enter. ! Enter! (pass)

23 I remember one time when I went to buy a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost?

Stupefied

24 The physics teacher talked about waves: "This is a thick spring. I push it from both ends to see if it becomes dense (constipated)?" "

25 I heard from my classmates,

Once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

She said to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three fresh dishes or spicy ones?

Then the classmate was stunned and said: I’m afraid I can’t stand the spicy ones.

26 Senior sister from university, majoring in educational psychology. She was late... walked into the classroom. She glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor got angry and called her senior

Answered the question on the blackboard. The senior sister hesitated for a long time. He said: "lt;Sexuality and sexual theorygt;, this is too difficult to explain." The whole class jumped on their feet.

(Note. The professor’s original title: lt;On rationality and sensibility>)

27 A male classmate who was very close to me fell to the ground. To show my concern, I asked, "Does your butt hurt from the fall?" As a result, I accidentally said "Yes" Your butt fell to death." Sweat~~~ The brother stood up, patted his butt, farted, and said, "He's not dead, he's still breathing

!" I fainted

28 I was drinking with the leader and others, raised my glass and shouted loudly: "Let us die together!" My head was too hot at the time...

29 Once, our newspaper photographer interviewed A certain female star came back and talked about how he got to know her at the meeting.

The boss looked at the pile of photos on the table and joked: I think you have become his official photographer. But the boss's southern Mandarin was unclear.

He didn't know how to pronounce "Yu" as "日". From then on, this poor photojournalist was called a "daily photographer" by us. When he worked overtime, of course he became a "night photographer".

30 Boss, do you have any toilet paper cards?

31 One of our colleagues is on a business trip, and the dealer treats us to dinner. If you need to urinate during the meal, the dealer said that there is a restroom opposite. If you go there, if you tell the door, we are dining opposite and it will be free. In order to save two cents, our colleague walked straight ahead

and confidently said to the person in charge of the toilet: "I'm here to eat!"

32 I work in the logistics department. During the New Year, a customer called me to check when the pre-holiday goods would arrive. Because I was so confused during the holidays, I couldn’t figure out the contents of the order, so I asked casually: What are you doing? ?

33 I have a friend who has just watched "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" and is very interested in the "dog-beating stick method" and often makes jokes with others.

One day, he did it again as usual. He kicked someone else and shouted: "Kick the dog!" Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked him again and shouted: "Kick the dog!"

34 When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays

I wanted to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant

Because I was still a child and it was my first time to work, so I was very nervous. Nervous

I originally wanted to ask the manager if he needed any part-time workers, but I thought it would be more subtle to ask if he needed any manpower.

The result was: "Manager, do you need any help here?" ? "

I almost found a hole to get in at that time

35 Once I went to the market to buy vegetables and prepare for a dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan. He gave it all All the change

was given to the hawker, but he was still short of a dime, so he said to the hawker -

"I gave you all my hair, so there is no more hair."

The hawker was silent for a long time, and then replied -

"I don’t want your hair anymore."

36 The manager usually said to the smokers during meetings: All smokers should be pinched. Die!!

37 I remember when KFC launched Liuxiang to spread its wings, because I didn’t read the advertisement and listened to what others said, I always thought that Liu Xiang endorsed

KFC. When I arrived at Ken, I told the waiter directly that I wanted Liu Xiang to spread his wings. . .

After the 38 KFC Sudan Red incident, I went to KFC

The waiter asked, what would you like?

I didn’t even think about it: a pair of Sudanese red ones

The waiter immediately looked like he was choked

39 I went with a few colleagues after get off work a few days ago I was having dinner in a small shop. There were quite a lot of people in the shop at that time. A fat waiter was very busy. A colleague shouted: "Waiter~~" and the girl ran away. Come over: "What kind of bill do you guys want to settle?"

We all paid at that time. When we go to this restaurant to eat in the future, we will call "waiter to check out" when ordering, and then when we are leaving

Shout "Order!!"

40 I met a colleague in the bathroom at noon. Suddenly I didn't know what words to use to say hello, so I asked by mistake: "Have you eaten?

" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. My colleague replied: "Eat, where are you?" I'm dizzy~~~~~

41 My colleague wanted to ask about RMB and Japanese yen. The exchange rate, he started talking about, how to exchange the orangutan with the Japanese yen.

42 The guys in the dormitory were watching "Prison Break", and there was a scene where a man took out a razor blade from his mouth to kill people. The boss suddenly said: "I'm a K, hide your mouth." I can still talk in the blade, I’m convinced..."

43 One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side.

My brother didn't move for a long time, and my mother got anxious and looked like this

She looked like this:

"Did you hear me?! I asked you to move the table two kilometers to the side."

p>

=_=!!!

44 After the union chairman gave an impassioned speech, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let us do our work this year

Gotta be better than next year! Everyone fell down.

45 Our teacher is very good. One day he said this: "Take out the homework, let's check the answers, put a cross on the correct ones, and then write the correct answers on them.

………”

46 I called a friend I hadn’t contacted for a long time and learned that he was applying for “suspension with salary”

47 There are so many beauties in the country that it attracts countless heroes to shoot big eagles. . . . . . .

48 I went to the cinema to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean 3". There was a trailer for "Transformers" before the movie started. When I saw the leader of the Decepticons

I couldn't think of "Megatron". "Oh my god", I couldn't remember that his team was called "Decepticons", because I was so excited, so I exclaimed for a moment, "It's so handsome, it's Nan Decepticon!"

The terrible thing is that it was suddenly extremely quiet at that time without any movie sound effects. Numerous people stared at me and burst into laughter...it was so embarrassing!

49 Dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was so depressed that he drank a lot of beer and then stood up with a red face

Shout

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I guess I wanted to say that brothers are not for betrayal

At that time, there were more than a dozen people at our table all lying down

There were three people in the family. Call robber, kitchen knife, trouble

One day, trouble disappeared. The robber came to the police station with a kitchen knife and said to the police: "Hello, I am a robber. I brought a kitchen knife to come to trouble."

Hee Hee and Ha Ha are good friends, very good friends.

One day, Ha Ha passed away. Hee Hee was very sad. He walked to Ha Ha’s grave and said: "Ha Ha , you are dead."

One day, an elephant was walking in the forest and accidentally touched an ant nest covered in ants. It shook off the ants, but there was only one left. On the elephant's neck, the ants on the ground shouted to the ants above: strangle it... strangle it...

The three mice were bragging. One said: "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." The other said: "I love walking down the street twice a day, otherwise I can't sleep well." The third mouse said: "Oh my God. It’s late, go home and hug the cat to sleep.”

The couple was fighting for a child, and the wife said confidently: “If the child comes out of my belly, of course it belongs to me!” The husband said: “That’s a joke! Eight ways. Can the money taken out of the cash machine belong to the one who inserts the card?

The Chinese zodiac signs are also very popular among Westerners Interesting topic, everyone wants to find out what animal they belong to. Unfortunately, "genus" and "belonging to" are often confused.

One day he said excitedly to the secretary girl: " You belong to the pig. ”

In Chinese, “female” or “male” is used to describe the gender of animals. This was too difficult for Hemingway, because in English, male can be used to describe both humans and animals. Or female.

One night Hemingway was walking with her pet dog on the street. When she saw me, she proudly introduced to me, "This is my female dog." ”

Hard hat

In addition to driving a car, Hemingway usually likes to ride a motorcycle, saying it is convenient. I said there are too many cars on the road, so be careful. He answered: It doesn’t matter, I I know how to wear a condom. What he originally meant was "helmet".

Quantifier

The quantifier in Chinese also gave Hemingway a big headache.

Once he advertised himself as a "hero" and asked him what he meant? He said: "A good-looking man means a thin, tall and good-looking man." He explained that "a good-looking man" naturally means long and straight, and "good-looking man" should of course be a good-looking man.

Another time he told me that he saw "a picture of a puppy" on the highway. I immediately corrected that it should be a puppy, but he retorted with a serious expression that it was definitely a puppy, because the puppy had been run over by the car, and the crushed puppy naturally turned into a puppy, just like Just like a piece of paper or a photo.

In addition, Hemingway plausibly defended things like "a pair of trousers" because trousers have two legs, and two legs are a pair, so it is correct. They even argue with Chinese people everywhere, insisting that it should be "a set of butts" to be logical, which sounds very funny.

Various kinds of "juice"

Once, I tested Hemingway's idiom ability: "Wring out all the ___ juice".

The result is:

"Wring out the ink", "Wring out the milk", "Wring out the juice", "Wring out the soup".

Ha! "You are really racking your brains and you haven't figured out 'racking your brains'

A mother said to a little girl: "If someone sexually harasses you, touch the top and say "no", and touch the bottom. Say "Stop!"

The next day, the little girl was sexually harassed and came back crying to her mother. After hearing what the little girl said, her mother said angrily: "Did you reject that person?"

The little girl looked at her mother with innocent eyes, nodded and said, "That person touched him up and down, so I said "No~stop"!!"

Ge Liang He is a man who is proficient in eight kinds of skills, one of which is ventriloquism. But on this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing things with Liu Bei in the tent. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid that Liu Bei would hear him, so he was embarrassed. He had an idea and said: "My lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I imitate the woodpecker call and call it to you?" Liu Bei nodded.

Zhuge Liang imitated a woodpecker and called twice, taking the opportunity to fart. Then he asked: "How is it, my lord? Do I learn the same thing?" Liu Bei said: "You can learn it again. You farted so loudly just now that I didn't hear it."

p>

It was the first time for a primary school student to participate in the school's recitation competition. He was very nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweaty. It was finally her turn.

The primary school student gritted his teeth and walked to the center of the stage in a few steps: "Teachers and classmates, the title of my recitation is: The red leaves are crazy (maple)..."~~·#￥* *......

When I was still a primary school student, I was particularly envious when I saw my classmates who were asked by the teacher to read their compositions. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read them once. The opportunity finally came.

"So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!"

The primary school student suddenly stood up and said: ""My Teacher". Teacher, I am so much like you. My mother...": (

This time it was a poorly trained host of a song and dance troupe.

During a performance, I rushed on stage without preparing properly. .

The performance continued

It was her turn to announce: "Friends in the audience, please listen to Duzi's flute playing..." (Note: "Duzi" means an insult in Northeastern dialect)

The audience was in awe·#￥-

My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender.

My sister saw it when she came home during the Chinese New Year, and said happily to my mother: "Hey! Mom, these are really green onions..."

My mother and I both I laughed.

There is a neighbor I call "Auntie" who rides a bicycle to work every day.

When I met her at the door early in the morning, I smiled and said politely: "Go up." Girl, Taipan..."

Bah!... I wanted to bite my tongue off.

A female classmate was feeling pity for herself one day, and suddenly turned to the person behind her and said, "Isn't my chest hair beautiful?"

She was startled, and then said, "Oh, I I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce. "

Everyone stand up! Play the national flag and raise the national anthem...

I took my son to feed the ducks. He was spreading breadcrumbs to the ducks while chasing the ducks around, and I was chasing him with his apples (he didn't like to eat them, so I could only give him a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running, and I kept calling him: "Come here and have a bite of the apple before chasing the duck!" I kept repeating this sentence, and I finally shouted loudly: "Come here and have a bite of the duck..." and then He braked the brakes very smartly.

I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it was mentioned that the author turned around a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the mountain. One of my female classmates was also very emotional when she read it aloud. Read: Turning around this mountain, I was shocked to see a rag hanging on the mountain. . .

The whole class was shocked.

There is also a sentence taken from a novel by a Russian writer: The houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich).

As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: The houses here belong to gentlemen. As soon as he finished speaking, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do all these old ladies live?

Zhuge Liang is a man who is proficient in eight kinds of skills, one of which is ventriloquism. But on this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing things with Liu Bei in the tent. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid that Liu Bei would hear him, so he was embarrassed. He had an idea and said: "My lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I imitate the woodpecker call and call it to you?" Liu Bei nodded.

Zhuge Liang imitated the woodpecker and called twice, taking the opportunity to fart. Then he asked: "How is it, my lord? Do I learn the same thing?" Liu Bei said: "You can learn it again. You farted so loudly just now that I didn't hear it."

p>

Electrical Appliances holds a joke-telling contest, stipulating that each appliance must tell a joke and make every audience laugh, otherwise they will be arrested and sent to Aruba.

The first person to appear was the washing machine. As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.

The smartest computer came next. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say again: "It's so cold~~~"

So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous lamp. Desk Lamp finished telling the joke very confidently, and everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.

The rice cooker said again: "It's so cold~~~"

Just when the lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned his head He said to the refrigerator sitting behind him: "I've had enough. Just smile and don't open your mouth so wide. It's very cold!"

Electrical appliances held a joke telling contest and stipulated that each appliance must Tell a joke and make everyone in the audience laugh, or you'll be arrested and taken to Aruba.

The first person to appear was the washing machine. As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.

The smartest computer came next. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say again: "It's so cold~~~"

So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous lamp. Desk Lamp finished telling the joke very confidently, and everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.

The rice cooker said again: "It's so cold~~~"

Just when the lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned his head He said to the refrigerator sitting behind him: "I've had enough. Just smile and don't open your mouth so wide. It's very cold!"

Electrical appliances held a joke telling contest and stipulated that each appliance must Tell a joke and make everyone in the audience laugh, or you'll be arrested and taken to Aruba.

The first person to appear was the washing machine. As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.

The smartest computer came next. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say again: "It's so cold~~~"

So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous lamp. Desk Lamp finished telling the joke very confidently, and everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.

The rice cooker said again: "It's so cold~~~"

Just when the lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned his head Said to the refrigerator sitting behind him: "I've had enough. Just smile and don't open your mouth so wide. It's cold!"

Ugly Child

A woman Holding a child in his arms and getting on the bus. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said: "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!"

The angry woman walked to the last row, sat down, and said to a man next to her: "This driver just insulted me!"

The man replied: "Hurry up and settle the score with him, and I will hold this ugly monkey for you!..."

Talk Bad Mandarin Jokes

1. The fish seller kept shouting at the top of his lungs: "Fish, fish." A date seller next to him was not to be outdone, and immediately shouted: "Oops ( Jujube, jujube. "Fish." "Fish." The fish seller felt something was wrong. The two quarreled.

2. The director of a township enterprise is about to visit Kobe, Japan. He cannot even speak Mandarin and usually only speaks dialects. So he asked his subordinates to find a translator. The subordinates came back and reported: "None of the Japanese translators can understand the factory director's dialect." The factory director said: "This is easy to handle. We will bring a teacher from this town and ask him to translate our dialect into Mandarin first." The subordinate said: "It's not possible yet. When we get to Japan, we have to hire someone to translate the Japanese dialect into Mandarin." 'Putonghua' is translated into Kobe's dialect. "

3. A foreigner with a strong dialect got lost in the city. When he saw a gentle lady approaching, he went up to him and asked: " Rabbit (comrade), give me a kiss..." Before she could finish her words, the lady's face turned red with anger.

4. A southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing and asked the waitress: "How much does it cost to sleep for one night (a bowl of dumplings)?" When the waiter heard this, his expression changed drastically and he said sharply: " Rogue!" When the southerners heard this, they said: "It's only six cents, cheap, come one night (bowl)"

5. A pair of farmer brothers and sisters used a cart to pull wheat to the market to sell. A southerner came to their brother and sister and asked, "Brother, how do you sell your little sister (wheat)?" The eldest brother was so angry that veins popped out on his forehead.

6. Uncle Niu was shouting: "We are selling mooncakes, four yuan for ten." Many people gathered around to buy the "cheap" mooncakes. When they paid, they realized that the old man's mooncakes were Four for ten bucks.

7. The elderly in the nursing home held a party on the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival. The host, Mrs. Wang, said: "Everyone, the performance has begun (started). Please be quiet."

8 A northerner asked where the "cable car" was in a park in Guangzhou. He searched for it according to the answer and found the "men's toilet".

9. In the early morning of the first day after a couple got married, the family got up and washed their faces. The bride respectfully said to her mother-in-law: "Mother-in-law, please die (wash) first."

After saying that, the bride said to the groom again: "My mother-in-law is dead, will you die?" "After a pause, he said: "My mother-in-law and you are both dead, and I will die in the end. "After hearing this, the mother-in-law turned pale and couldn't say a word. The bride said again: "Mother-in-law, why aren't you dead yet? "

10. An old lady in Putian was selling sugar cane on the roadside. A bus stopped and a foreigner in the car came to the old lady's stall to buy sugar cane. She had just weighed the sugar cane and had not paid yet. , the car started. The old lady urged: "Hurry up, give me your money, and I will marry you." "The outsider was so frightened that he didn't even take the sugar cane and quickly got into the car.

11. A country girl came to the supermarket, and the waiter greeted her enthusiastically: "Miss, what do you want?" "The girl said: "I want your life (noodles), pig grandson (bamboo shoots). "

12. Chunhua met a friend who was taking her son shopping. She hurriedly stepped forward to say hello and praised: "This little wolf boy (boy) is so cute. "

13. A rural primary school was in class. The teacher walked into the classroom: "Stand (on) class. "The students said in unison: "It's better to die of old age (teacher)!" The teacher said: "Students who vomit blood, it's better to die early (Part 1)!"

14. Two country girls came back from the city. The sky was dark. It was late, and I saw a truck approaching, so I waved to the truck. The driver stuck his head out, and a girl said: "Comrade, can we be your wife (car)?" "The driver said angrily: "Who wants you to be my wife? "The other girl quickly said: "It doesn't matter, we are very close." The driver was so angry that he drove away, thinking: "Who will kiss you?" "

15. The village chief said at the village meeting: "Rabbits and shrimps, pickles are too expensive. Instead of pickles, I want pig's trotters." "Translating his dialect into Mandarin is: Comrades and fellow villagers, we are in a meeting now, don't talk, be careful.

When my friend and I first moved, there was no TV at home, and the two of us were very bored. We pretended there was a TV on the table, and then the two of us pretended to have a remote control in our hands and could change the channel. This bastard kept changing the channel. I told him, but he didn't listen, and then we started fighting.

The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiao Ming?

Teacher: Xiao Ming

Teacher: Xiao Ming! What’s wrong with you? Do you know the answer?

Xiao Ming:

Three little rabbits poop

The first one is long.

The second one is round.

The third one is actually triangular.

Q. Answer: I squeeze it with my hands.