Looking for a classic joke? (Those who don’t laugh after watching it don’t count)

A man climbed the wall and left the school, but was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why don't you leave through the school gate? The answer is: Metersbonwe does not take the usual path. The principal asked again: How can you climb over such a high wall? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible. The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to the shoes and said: Xtep, it feels like flying. On the second day, he entered the school through the main entrance. The principal asked: Why didn't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Semir clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, keep things simple and love Dengbao clothing. The principal said I'm going to give you a serious offense. He said: Why? The principal said, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory! Life Chapter 1: I had guests at home, my mother was cooking in the kitchen, and I helped her. My mother asked me to take out the pot lid from the cabinet, and I blurted out: I want the pot lid. what? I'm playing with toys, and the rice monster is banging the pot lid, you can use my photons first." My mother immediately gave me an F1. 2: One day last summer, I came home from morning exercise and saw a few fried eggs on the dining table. My mom said it was my dad who did it, and I immediately said, "No way, my dad is not even level 30, how could he handle that egg pan?" ” 3: I once went shopping with my classmates in my dormitory. The lollipops that were popular at that time were 12 yuan each. They were going to buy them, but I tried my best to stop them. The reason was: “You are level 30, so you can take it if you buy it.” Don’t move, just don’t buy it~” (They didn’t take risks), but no one bought it, which probably made the candy seller mad to death~ 4: A few years ago, I went shopping with my mother to buy clothes, because it was the weekend. There were so many people on the street. When I entered the shopping mall, there were even more people. It was so crowded that I kept saying, "Give way, give way." Then it became too crowded, so I said to my mother, "This informant is too crowded." Too much and it gets stuck. Let's change the line~" My mother immediately said: "Only the first line sells things. If there are no other lines, just make do with it." I'm crazy F7~ My lovely mother~ Haha 5: My class A girl went to visit the place where Emperor Qin went to seek immortality. After she came back, she bought a set of various weapons made of wood. I went to her dormitory and saw them, so I introduced them to others: "This is a level 10 sword, and that is a big sword." It's a level 15 gun. You're so rubbish. How can you buy these things? I won’t pick up any of this rubbish. Wait until I help you buy an Odin." "As a result, they don’t let me see those weapons anymore~~Whenever they see me going to her dormitory, they use something to block me~~~ 6: I used to be in Xingxing The elf puppet is Bing Lei, and now he plays priest in Maria. My family lives in the family building of the hospital. I often see people with trauma bleeding a lot. I used to feel nothing when playing Ice and Thunder, but now when I play Priest and see a bleeding person, my first reaction is: team up with him, I will increase his health ~ 7: After breakfast in the morning, my mother gave me an egg to eat, and I He said angrily, "I'm so high-level and I still eat eggs. Isn't this costing my life?" ! It’s time to eat popsicles! "After hearing this, my mother scolded me for having something wrong. - School Chapter 1: Because I fucked the Bull Demon King all night yesterday, I stumbled when I went to school. I finally got to school, and I was even late. The teacher was at the teacher's door. Waiting to catch me~~ As soon as I arrived at the door of the classroom, I saw a person with two legs on his head (probably because the teacher didn't sleep well at night and his hair was sticking up). I thought: Why did the Bull Demon King escape? 1 looked at me and yelled, Bull Demon King, don’t be crazy, I didn’t fuck your hometown last night! The teacher 2 didn’t say anything and took me to the office! When I got to the office, I saw a female teacher holding it in her hand. I was fanning there with a fan, and I shouted excitedly, "Teacher, you are so lucky. Where did you get the feather fan? Yesterday I brushed it all night and it didn't come out~ The teacher couldn't do anything. He said I was hopeless and he didn't care about me." . Then let me go to class. 3W `'O D b3i+O#j1Q 3: This was a biology class. My legs were sore from standing just now, so I fell asleep on the table. The teacher saw me Go to sleep. Wake me up and ask me questions: "What is the green liquid?" I said: "Oh. It's easy. It's the one that got rid of me. Then I was punished by the teacher and stood for 1 period. Depressed~~ 4: In this physical education class, I stood in front of me for 1 period, and I was tired and thirsty. . Next, the teacher said it was time to test the 1000-meter run. I was the first one. The teacher asked me, "Are you ready?"

As a result, the teacher punished me by missing one class. Depressed~~~ 5: It was finally time to eat. I was so hungry that I almost fainted. My deskmate said, "Eat slowly. I haven't eaten in my previous life. No wonder I'm so skinny." I said angrily, "Alright?" It's not all because of you grabbing me, otherwise I would have been promoted earlier and I wouldn't have grown so young. My deskmate was stunned ``` 6: When I got home from school, my mother asked me what I did in school today, and I answered Said: "Upgrade! 6@8N8@2F,]"i 7: A beautiful English teacher MM came to the school~ The MM said: "Although I have obtained a level 8 certificate (English), I don't have much teaching experience. Please give me some advice~" "Only level 8~a novice. "A student said. "Ah~ that's not the case. "MM said: "Level 8 can transfer the magician's forehead..." 8: In the basketball game, Sakuragi wanted to take a free throw. "No. 10, your ball, fast shot" the referee urged. Sakuragi thought: With this. You can look cool in front of Haruko~. He put his hand into his pocket~~ and suddenly looked stunned: "Where is my hit potion? ! ";n!{3P3V.r,}4~$a 9: There are too many homeworks~ get out of class is over, and everyone is rushing to catch up on homework. Mr. A thought: After school is over, go and fill up the shadow clone. It will be faster to use the clone to write homework. Hehe~~ 10: One day, Mr. A missed 20 shots in a row. So he hit the ball hard towards the basket and hit it with lightning speed. Returning to Mr. A’s face, Mr. A said painfully: “How can this thing still hurt and counterattack? ! "7h3E;b [$x 11: Long-distance running relay race: 3000 meters. "I will definitely surpass you today! "Just you?" Do you know what I ate growing up? ""What? "Imported speed pills." "Go~ I have a team member today called Xiake~" 12: During lunch, my mother saw her son eating sweet potatoes non-stop. "Son, why do you eat so many sweet potatoes?" "I'm going to do the standing long jump in the afternoon." "What does it matter?" "You can double jump." (Eating too many sweet potatoes will make you fart, haha~)&U8l*E!G/^&X-\ 13: In physical education class, the teacher taught everyone how to throw javelin. "It's not just javelin, it's simple~" a student shouted "This classmate, do you know how to do it? Let me give you an example. "The teacher decided to give this ignorant boy a showdown. The student threw the javelin 30 meters away in a standard posture. The teacher was stunned and said: "Xiaomin, when did you learn to throw the javelin? "Haha, I already knew how to shoot a lightning gun!" " 14: In the Internet cafe. "Ah, I'm almost late for school, let's go quickly." "You go first." "Why? "w"Nonsense, open a space-time portal for me when you get to school~" The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the poop of the gibbon. The gibbon gently and carefully cleaned it and they fell in love. Others asked how they got together? The chimpanzee Said with emotion: Ape dung! It’s all ape dung! 2. I said: “You are a pig. "You said: "It's weird that I'm a pig! "From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you couldn't help but yelled at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " 3. When you wake up tomorrow, there will be a mosquito lying on your pillow, and a suicide note next to you. It says: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so thick-skinned that I can't live here. World! Lord, forgive him! I committed suicide.

4. One day, a mother and son had lunch together. The son asked the mother fly: Why do we eat poop every day? The mother fly said angrily: Don’t say such disgusting words while eating, eat it while it’s hot!! 5. A college student was killed by an enemy After catching him, the enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! A college student replied to his enemy and was electrocuted to death. He said: I am from TV University! 6. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: I hate it, you won’t recognize her when she takes off her clothes! 7. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a whole day and make my feet itch; C: I don’t feel safe on the streets only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, go back Crazy Joke 1: After the prostitute was caught, the police heard the strongest explanation. Our unit organized a trip to Qianshan. I was washing my hands by the pond at the foot of the mountain. At this time, a frog jumped over and started to bite me. He said: "AC2: 1 win over Inter Milan" and then jumped away. Everyone was taking pictures at the time and didn't notice in the commotion. I was very strange at the time and didn't know why the frog could talk. It seemed that he was talking about football scores and Serie A that night. It happened to be Milan's derby match. Several colleagues and I watched it in a hotel at the foot of the mountain. I was dumbfounded because the score was: AC Milan defeated Inter Milan 2:1. The next morning I went there to look for the frog again, and it said to me again: "3T, 135." I was really convinced at this time, so I spent 100 yuan to buy 50 bets. As a result, I watched it on TV at night. When I actually won, I won 50,000 yuan in one fell swoop. I decided at that time that I must catch that frog, and then I would be rich in the future. Then I did not go back with the unit, but kept waiting by the pond. Finally, I waited, and it only showed its head in the water and said After reading a few numbers, I knew this was the number of Shuangseqiu. I didn't dare to buy more because I was afraid that if I won too much, I would be suspicious, so I only bought 5 bets. After tax, I almost went crazy holding the check of 20 million. Don't forget the well digger, so I decided to repay the favor. There was only a frog, so I looked for it all night. Finally, with my kindness, the frog finally agreed to my request and followed me back to the city. It said that it had never seen a human bath, so I spent money to buy the most luxurious bathing center in the area, and then I took it with me when I rested. Coming to a massage room, I put it on the bed and said, "Thanks to you I am where I am today, and I will satisfy any of your requests no matter what." "Kiss me." said the frog, and I thought it was no big deal, So I kissed it gently on its forehead. Unexpectedly, the frog suddenly turned into a very beautiful 16-year-old girl in front of me. She said she had been bewitched and thanked me for saving her. She would be with me in the future. Live together. "Dear policemen, what I said is true. That's how the girl on the bed came to be. Don't arrest me." 3 There are no holes. The US health agency requires hospitals across the country to post an anti-smoking advertisement to participate in the competition. Soon, an advertisement was posted in the waiting room of a San Francisco hospital: "To keep the carpet free of holes, and to keep your lungs free - don't smoke." 4 Doing the Same Thing When Dad Goes to Work At that time, the three-year-old son suddenly complained to his mother and said: "Mom, when you were not here yesterday, daddy brought the maid upstairs..." The mother stopped her son and said no more. When dinner was served in the evening, the mother gently said to her son: "Baby, don't you have a story to tell daddy? You can tell it now." Then the son slowly narrated: "Yesterday, daddy brought the maid upstairs. , do the same thing you and Uncle Wang did when you were on a business trip with dad..." 5 Death Shows Us On this day, the teacher yelled at the noisy class as usual: "Don't make a noise. ! Everybody please be quiet!" No one in the class paid attention to him, and the teacher shook his head and left in anger, preparing to complain to the principal. When the principal and the teacher returned to the classroom angrily and were about to start scolding, they unexpectedly found their classmates calmly holding on. "What's wrong? How come everyone has become so good?" The teacher secretly rejoiced in disbelief, "Did something happen?" There was total silence. "Come on! Monitor, tell me!" The monitor stood up in embarrassment, lowered his head and murmured: "Old, teacher, tell me, say: 'If one day you enter the classroom and find that the whole class is quiet... you Just show us.

’” 6 Illegal Life A: “Last holiday, my girlfriend and I went to the mountains for a vacation, and someone died. " B: "Ah! You were in a car accident...did you hit someone? "A: "No... I made a little life out of it with my girlfriend. "7 Bird's nest (cold joke) Mrs. Yanzi is chatting with her neighbor... Mrs. Yanzi: My husband was drunk yesterday... The whole nest was vomited... Neighbor: It's really... so disgusting!! Mrs. Yanzi: There's something even more disgusting. Behind... Neighbor: What~~ Mrs. Yanzi: Early this morning... two people came to my house... and said they wanted to eat bird's nests when they went back. 8 Women who have lost their memory are willing to go to a middle-aged woman. She went to the hospital to see a doctor, and when the doctor asked her her age, she said she was over twenty years old. After hearing this, the doctor wrote on the diagnosis: "She has lost her speech and memory. " 9 New License Plate Mr. Tang and his wife just bought a car and rushed to get a new license plate. The two decided to name their baby daughter Mengdi. When they got the license plate and drove home, everyone they saw always pointed to the license plate. The two were puzzled and asked a friend for help. The friend looked at the license plate and asked: "You never go online, right?" It turns out that the English abbreviation of Mr. Tang's daughter is: TMD