What if I meet a tiger?

Hunters and tigers

A hunter met a tiger while hunting. He pretended to be calm and stared at the tiger with terrible eyes. Suddenly, the tiger folded his hands and knelt down. So the hunter proudly said, "You know it's amazing!" Later, the tiger faint tunnel: after praying, ready to eat.

Two tigers

A long time ago, there were a pair of tigers. They love each other. The male tiger has a pair of ears, and the female tiger has a beautiful tail. But god didn't let them be together. God told them that if they really want to be together, they must pay a certain price for love. The two tigers agreed without hesitation. Since then, the male tiger and the female tiger have lost their ears and beautiful tails respectively. ...

After a long time, a composer heard the love story of these two tigers and was very moved. So, there is the following famous song: "Two tigers, two tigers. Run, run. One has no ears and the other has no tail. Very strange, very strange. "

Touch the tiger *

Kindergarten teacher: What is this picture?

Children: It's a tiger!

Kindergarten teacher: Do you know why tigers can't be touched?

Child A: Yes, because tigers bite!

Child b: no, no.

Kindergarten teacher: Then why do you think?

Child b: because mom says that people who touch tigers are hooligans.

The tigress still needs to be raised.

A man loves keeping pets. There are many pets at home, but his wife is fierce and strongly opposes his hobby. One day, his wife flew into a rage and got rid of all the pets. The man cried to his friend, and the friend asked sympathetically, "Will you never keep a pet again?" The man replied helplessly, "No, the tigress has to be raised."

Tiger buys meat

One day, the tiger went to the hotel and asked the waiter, "Hello, do you have any meat?" The waiter replied, "Sorry,no." The tiger said, "this can be had." The waiter replied, "This is really not available." The next day, the tiger walked into the hotel again and asked, "Hello, do you have any meat?" The waiter replied, "Are you bored? ! If you ask such ridiculous questions again, I'll smash your teeth with a hammer! " But the tiger said quietly, "Do you have a hammer?" The waiter replied: "No" The tiger was completely relieved: "Is there any meat?" Attendant: "..."

The tiger asked the owner of the vegetable market, "Boss, do you have 80 meat bones?" The boss said, "No." The next day, the tiger came again and asked, "Boss, do you have 80 bones?" The boss said, "No, not that much." On the third day, the tiger came again and asked this question. The boss said, "What a coincidence! There are just 80 bones today! " The tiger said, "Great, give me one! " "

The tigers were walking in the street when a leopard came along. Tiger mother said to tiger father, "Look, rich people just dress differently!" " "

Find some jokes about tigers.

There is a man and a woman crossing the bridge. A tiger glared at the bridge, and the woman took off her clothes after a little thinking. The man also learned to undress, but was tackled by the tiger. Men don't understand? The tiger said, do you think you have a stick to beat Song Wu? After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! I was overjoyed to see you again suddenly: yo-ho, and honey trap? !

What do you do when you meet a tiger while playing in the forest with your girlfriend?

I think the most important thing at this time is to calm down. Because no matter who loses between lovers, it is a very painful thing to watch. I will try to escape from the tiger with my girlfriend. . I believe that if we both get involved in this matter, our feelings will be better.

Jokes and urgent requests about tigers, thank you.

Not suitable for children ~ ~ Once upon a time, there was a mountain. There is a hunter who hunts for a living. One day, he went hunting in the mountains. He saw a tigress, so he prepared a bow and arrow Just as he was going hunting, the tigress beat him to it. The hunter was angry and hated, but he could do nothing, so he had to go home and think about countermeasures before making plans!

When I get home and lie in bed, I will think about what happened today. I'm really dead. What the fuck is this? A handsome guy like me was given a gift by the tiger. If others know how I will live and marry in the future, my defilement will not be retaliated. But what should I do? The tiger is too strong to beat it. After thinking about it, the only way to overcome it is to practice your physical strength. So I started practicing at once.

I practiced for about a month. I thought it was almost enough, so I started to go up the mountain to find a tiger to fight. I think I will kill the tiger to pieces no matter what. I'm glad to think of this. But finding such a big mountain is not easy. He remembered that there was a cave near where I went up the mountain last time. This may be the tiger's home. So I went to the mouth of the cave and went in. When the tiger saw his old lover coming, he grinned and sent him to the door. Now the hunter is even more angry. You're fucking screwed. Can also save * * *. You want to take advantage of it for a long time. I can't help it I'll go down the mountain for exercise again. I will fight with you tomorrow. I can't believe I can't beat you! ! ! ! !

The next day, the hunter took all his usual hunting tools and prepared for a vigorous battle. This time, he went straight into the cave. After two rounds of fighting, he was raped by a tiger. At this time, the hunter is not as impulsive as before, and he is much calmer. He thinks winning or losing is a common occurrence in military affairs, so he is used to it. Just as he was about to go down the mountain, the tiger threw him a sentence: Did you go hunting in the mountain or did you come?

Jokes about tigers

I saw a passage: there are four real hardware reasons for what girls call inappropriateness: 1. Economic conditions are not enough to provide living security; 2. Personal ability and potential are insufficient, and there is no sense of security. 3. the appearance really can't be taken out; 4. IQ, EQ or quality are low and difficult to get along with.

The joke of two tigers.

Once upon a time, there were two tigers. They are brother and sister, but they are in love. Their love is earth-shattering

The other tigers in the family couldn't stand it, so they were punished for cutting off their limbs, but they persisted together, which was really touching.

So someone wrote a song for them, which was handed down from generation to generation:

Two tigers and two tigers, run, run.

One has no ears, the other has no eyes. Very strange, very strange.

Tigers don't eat China's jokes

Hunters and tigers

A hunter met a tiger while hunting. He pretended to be calm and stared at the tiger with terrible eyes. Suddenly, the tiger folded his hands and knelt down. So the hunter proudly said, "You know it's amazing!" Later, the tiger faint tunnel: after praying, ready to eat.

Two tigers

A long time ago, there were a pair of tigers. They love each other. The male tiger has a pair of ears, and the female tiger has a beautiful tail. But god didn't let them be together. God told them that if they really want to be together, they must pay a certain price for love. The two tigers agreed without hesitation. Since then, the male tiger and the female tiger have lost their ears and beautiful tails respectively. ...

After a long time, a composer heard the love story of these two tigers and was very moved. So, there is the following famous song: "Two tigers, two tigers. Run, run. One has no ears and the other has no tail. Very strange, very strange. "

Touch the tiger *

Kindergarten teacher: What is this picture?

Children: It's a tiger!

Kindergarten teacher: Do you know why tigers can't be touched?

Child A: Yes, because tigers bite!

Child b: no, no.

Kindergarten teacher: Then why do you think?

Child b: because mom says that people who touch tigers are hooligans.

The tigress still needs to be raised.

A man loves keeping pets. There are many pets at home, but his wife is fierce and strongly opposes his hobby. One day, his wife flew into a rage and got rid of all the pets. The man cried to his friend, and the friend asked sympathetically, "Will you never keep a pet again?" The man replied helplessly, "No, the tigress has to be raised."

Tiger buys meat

One day, the tiger went to the hotel and asked the waiter, "Hello, do you have any meat?" The waiter replied, "Sorry,no." The tiger said, "this can be had." The waiter replied, "This is really not available." The next day, the tiger walked into the hotel again and asked, "Hello, do you have any meat?" The waiter replied, "Are you bored? ! If you ask such ridiculous questions again, I'll smash your teeth with a hammer! " But the tiger said quietly, "Do you have a hammer?" The waiter replied: "No" The tiger was completely relieved: "Is there any meat?" Attendant: "..."

The tiger asked the owner of the vegetable market, "Boss, do you have 80 meat bones?" The boss said, "No." The next day, the tiger came again and asked, "Boss, do you have 80 bones?" The boss said, "No, not that much." On the third day, the tiger came again and asked this question. The boss said, "What a coincidence! There are just 80 bones today! " The tiger said, "Great, give me one! " "

The tigers were walking in the street when a leopard came along. Tiger mother said to tiger father, "Look, rich people just dress differently!" " "

Once upon a time, a pig married a tiger, and the tiger died the next day. Do you know what happened?

When I was in high school, there were many mosquitoes in my dormitory. One day, a classmate was bitten and sprayed mosquitoes with styling hair gel in the middle of the night ... In the morning, he found that mosquitoes were all fixed with glue, which was different from the fixed goblin in The Journey to the West. Since then, they have embarked on a road of no return. Every night, they deliberately put some mosquitoes into their accounts to play with, and then put some into them when they are repaired. Later, at night, the curtains were not pulled at all, and mosquitoes flew around his curtains, afraid to go in. I guess I was scared to see the bodies of thousands of my compatriots …

Jokes about tigers

One of the tiger jokes, embarrassing * * *

Tigers are complacent and take a bath every day, but there are too many abnormal bathhouses in Tsinghua, so tigers go outside to take a bath.

One night, it was bath time again, and the tiger came to the off-campus bathhouse. It was a warm spring, soft and slippery, and it was refreshing.

While putting on soap, a buddy next to him began to be obscene and looked at the tiger motionless. That look was so strange that the tiger couldn't help blushing. So the tiger shouted, "What are you looking at?"

The buddy said awkwardly, "Oh, I'm sorry, can you give me back * * * after you wash it?"

The tiger looked intently and found that the towel on his hand was wiping his body with soap. It is yellow or green, a bit like cloth, and looks like a triangle. Oh, my God, it's like a * * *!

The emotional tiger grabbed others to take a bath. No wonder people stare at him like this!

Author: Luo

The tiger's second joke is that the sky is smart and the spirit is smart.

Tiger does finance in the company, and the company has strict requirements, and the establishment of product codes has strict regulations. For example, the code of bagged cement is 100 and the model code is A 100, then the code of A100 100200, 100300, and so on.

One day, a new person came to the subordinate unit. This gentleman doesn't know the rules and writes reports at random. Report to the tiger's hand, completely don't understand, please new people to inquire about:

"Excuse me, why didn't you build this 10052 1 52 1 in accordance with the regulations? And this 100450, 100888? What happened to the last three? "

The newcomer replied, "Just fill in a number ..."

The tiger asked gloomily, "How is this 100700 right again?"

The newcomer answered frankly, "I arrived casually."

The tiger left helplessly, muttering, "What kind of people are full of random numbers?" Yao 00700, Yao 00700, I am still very smart! This work is really, should not be done every day, it has no effect! "

Author: Luo

The third tiger joke, news broadcast

There was an overseas Chinese who went abroad as a child and returned to China when he was old. No matter what happens, he feels fresh. One day, the man proudly said, "I insist on reading the People's Daily and watching the news broadcast every day. It's so beautiful that I never get bored. "

The tiger frowned and said, "You wrap up the Great Hall of the People and watch the proceedings of those grandchildren every day. If you can't see them for two days, you have to cry. "

Author: Luo

Tiger's fourth joke is far away.

There are many chores in the company, so several consultants are invited to make suggestions and make decisions.

One of the consultants, who is particularly lazy, has to put off the things entrusted to him for at least ten days and a half months. Colleagues complained one after another, and the tiger said angrily, "Come on, you can know his style by looking at his mobile phone number." The last four numbers, 1 157, can be seen at a glance, and the results are still far away! "

Author: Luo

Tiger joke five, hi, Madeleine.

Emoko works hard, has no hobbies after work, and chatting at noon is despised.

One day several brothers talked about computer games, and the tiger suddenly became interested: "I play computer games, too!" " "

Several colleagues were extremely contemptuous: "You?" Can such a sophisticated person play games?

So the tiger began a deep memory: it was a cold winter, probably 1999, and the tiger came to his workshop with a Lenovo brand machine. Lenovo gave away a lot of software, including many games, and one of them deeply attracted the tiger. What kind of game is that?

To put it simply, it tells the story of a little girl who sent her mother to the hospital when she was ill. First, I went to my neighbor's house. After some conversation, the neighbor promised to take her mother to the hospital, but she was short of money, so she went door to door to collect money and ask for help. ...

I believe that by this time, everyone has seen that this is not a game, but obviously an intelligence development software for preschool children! But our Tiger Brother doesn't think so. He began to sing the theme song of the game affectionately: "Hi, Madeleine, Hi, Madeleine ..."

This is the only game that tigers can play.

A colleague interrupted the deep memory of the tiger: "Hey, I said, the tiger-"

"Huh?"

"Never say that you can play games, ok?"

......

Humorous jokes/two-part allegorical sayings/tigers in paintings

The tiger in the painting-looks fierce; Scare people,

Tiger yawns: What a big breath

The tiger hides in the hole: the prestige is not obvious.

Tiger walk: walk alone without company.