Good-looking and funny humorous jokes

1. I went to the ugly girl contest yesterday. 1 The host blew me off as soon as I came on stage. He said, "Sorry, we don't welcome professional players."

2. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but there is a beautiful woman riding a battery car in front of me, and when I want to take a look, I find that my battery car can't outrun others. The perfume all the way made me burst into tears.

After a winter vacation, I have fallen, and I don't know what is the most comfortable posture to sleep on my desk!

4. Advertisements always say that I often use my brain and drink more walnuts ... I just want to know, I often use my hands, what should I drink?

My girlfriend is a vegetable, but I still won't give up on her. I silently accompany her every day and cheer for her.

6. I went to the Internet cafe yesterday, but I didn't remember what key I pressed wrong, prompting "illegal operation". I thought I broke the law, and I didn't dare to talk to anyone these two days.

7. Life is so tired that you need to stop and have a rest ~ But when you stop, others are still running … so remember to trip him up with your feet.

8. My buddy said to me happily: Brother! No one dares to bully us in the future! I said: what! Talk about it? I got the psychiatric certificate!

9. I happened to find three twos after my phone name in my friend's mobile phone address book. I asked him why there were three 2s after my name. He smiled and said, "Say the important things three times."

10. I fished all day yesterday and caught a very small fish. Feeling humiliated, I bought two fish at the vegetable market and went home. The family had a good time and praised them, saying that wild fish was really better than the fish they bought!

1 1. I fell in love with the rich second generation, and her mother threw me a check: "Give you five million and keep my son." Me: But we are true love. She hesitated: "How to prove it?" Me: "Add another five million!"

12. Today, in the street, a backpacker asked me for directions and called me "Uncle". She actually called me uncle, and I was very unhappy and replied, "Sister-in-law, what can I do for you?"

13. Today, I told the male ticket on WeChat: My stomach is too big, like three months, I want to lose weight! The idiot replied, honey, don't move. I'm afraid you will feel tired.

14. Is there anyone in the circle of friends who has no object? I want to introduce ... a kind of dog food that makes you cry.

15. I can't stand that little girl who was born like a white rabbit. I think we are all good people, just like idiots. Every time I see such a girl, I want to kill her and make her realize that society is sinister and people are unpredictable.

16. My ex-girlfriend called and sold me insurance. I said the company bought it for me, and I don't need it. She still recommended me an accident insurance, and then said, "This can cover even lightning strikes. Think about it. You've taken many vows before. Think about it. "

17. The first time I brought my girlfriend home, she asked me what the wifi password was, and I said "your birthday". She blushed and asked me, "Lunar calendar or solar calendar?" "Pinyin."

18. Manager: You should treat every customer as your first lover, so your success rate in business negotiation will be greatly increased, understand? Employee A: But first love often ends in failure! Employee B: What if I have never been in love at all? Employee C: I really can't do such a fancy thing!

19. On the bus, a beautiful woman standing next to me asked me if I couldn't get somewhere. I said, beauty, you are sitting backwards! The beauty stayed for three seconds and suddenly rushed to the driver's seat and said, master, you are driving backwards.

20. Today, I found a thick layer of dust on the treadmill at home. I felt that I couldn't go on like this and had to move, so I wiped the dust.