Mother tells jokes to her daughter.

Daughters like to listen to stories, especially jokes. Besides telling my daughter the jokes I read in books, I prefer telling my daughter some jokes I heard in my hometown when I was a child.

1.

When I was young, I went to primary school in the countryside. There is a private teacher in the village, an old man named Chen Shoubin, who likes to tell us jokes. He asked us to sit up straight when writing, otherwise our eyes would be nearsighted and we would make jokes, so he preached. ...

Once upon a time, there was a nearsighted person who couldn't see clearly without wearing nearsighted glasses. Once, he bought a bottle of sesame oil and wanted to hang it on the wall. When he saw a black nail on the wall of his adobe house, he went over and hung up the oil bottle. Who knows that as soon as he let go, the oil bottle fell to the ground and broke with a bang. It turns out that the black thing is not a nail, but a fly. The fly flew and the oil bottle broke. This man is very angry.

The next day, he saw a black spot on the wall. He thought to himself, "I must kill that hateful fly because it cost me a bottle of sesame oil." So, he gently walked over and patted the black spot with his hand, only to hear the man shout, "Oh, my hand hurts!" " "This black spot is really a nail! Poor man, it is sad and ridiculous to get himself into trouble because of myopia.

I still remember that teacher Chen told another spoof joke about myopia.

2.

Once upon a time, there was a child who was short-sighted and naughty. On his way home from school one day, he suddenly wanted to shit, so he ran to the roadside field and saw a grave. He naughty climbed to the grave and squatted there to shit.

I managed to pull out a stool, but it giggled down the slope. The child is nearsighted and cannot see clearly. He thought it was a little black rabbit and quickly covered it with his hand. As a result ... ah! It stinks, and he cursed, "Which son of a bitch took this shit!" " "

Teacher Chen likes telling jokes. He also told a joke about baldness.

3.

Once upon a time, there was a man who had little hair on his head and hated the word "baldness" the most. One day, it was very hot. He is sitting under a big tree in the pond to enjoy the cool. He is thirsty. He picked up a bottle of water, cocked his neck and drank it into the bottle. At this time, water flows into his mouth from the bottle mouth, making a "chug chug" sound. The man was very angry and thought, "Even your bottle said I was bald, so I won't throw you into the pond." As soon as he got angry, he threw the bottle half full of water into the pond. Unexpectedly, after the bottle entered the water, the water was poured into the bottle and made a "chug chug" sound, which made the man even more angry. At this time, the bottle was full of water, and finally sank to the bottom with a long "no-chug-". Thinking that the bottle begged for mercy, the man said to the bottle in the pond, "I don't want you."

4.

Teacher Chen also told a fool's joke.

Once upon a time, there was a child who didn't like studying and didn't go to school. He hangs around all day. One day, his mother said to him, "Son, you are not young either. Go out and learn more and be smart. "

So the fool went out. On the way, he saw a white rabbit running out of the field. He chased after him, but it was about to catch up. Unexpectedly, the white rabbit got into a hole in the ground and couldn't get out. The fool crouched at the mouth of the cave and waited. Finally, He naughty took out a piece of white paper and stuck it in the hole, trying to suffocate the white rabbit. The rabbit hid in the hole for a long time, thinking that the fool had left, and rushed out. Who knows that the rabbit made a hole in the white paper, and the white paper was worn by the little white rabbit and escaped. When the fool reacted to chase, the rabbit ran to a new grave and disappeared.

At this time, the fool saw a group of people in white clothes and white towels crying beside the new grave. He went up to people and asked, "Have you ever seen a rabbit with a circle of white paper around its neck?" Sad people were in a bad mood, thinking that fools called them rabbits with a circle of white paper around their necks, so they surrounded them and beat the fools up.

The fool ran home crying and told his mother what had just happened. Her mother said, "If someone dies at home and is in a bad mood, if you still ask them that, of course they will hit you. You should say that people can't come back from the dead. I feel sorry for your loss. "

The next day, the fool went out and saw a group of people banging, wearing red clothes and carrying sedan chairs. The fool didn't know it was a happy event, thinking that someone had died, he went over and said, "You can't come back from the dead. I feel sorry for your loss. " Hearing such unlucky words, people beat him up again.

The fool went home crying and told his mother what had just happened. Her mother said, "At this time, you should say congratulations and good luck!" "

On the third day, the fool went out and saw a fire ahead. A family is on fire. Everyone is busy carrying water to put out the fire. The fool said, "Congratulations and good luck!" " "The master was very angry and thought he was gloating and beat him up.

The fool went home crying and told his mother what had just happened. Her mother said, "People are on fire. You should bring a basin of water to help put out the fire. People will thank you and won't hit you. "

On the fourth day, the fool went out early. When he went to the fair, he saw the blacksmith's blacksmith's shop on fire. He couldn't help saying that he picked up a basin of water and put out the blacksmith's fire. The blacksmith was furious and beat the fool black and blue.

The fool went home crying and told his mother what had just happened. Her mother said, "You have to help me hammer two hammers. People will thank you and won't hit you. "

The fifth day, the fool went out. On the way, I saw two children fighting. He walked over and each of them hammered two hammers. Two children were beaten by a stranger for no reason, and they were very angry. The two children stopped fighting and together they knocked the fool to the ground.

The fool went home crying and told his mother what had just happened. Her mother said, "You should say stop fighting and just separate them."

On the sixth day, the fool went out again. On the way, he saw two cows touching his head. He went over and said, "Stop fighting and leave quickly." The cow doesn't understand him at all. The fool went to separate the cow, and the cow beat him black with its horns. He went home crying.

How will the fool's mother teach him this time?

There is also a story about a fool, which was also told by Teacher Chen.

5.

Once upon a time, there was a man with a very poor memory. One winter, it had just snowed, and his wife asked him to go to the market to buy radishes. Afraid of forgetting, he muttered, "Buy radish, buy radish ..." When he met a big pit on the road, he struggled across the pit and uttered a "yo yo". He walked on through the pit, but he forgot what his wife asked him to buy in the market. He thought about it carefully. He just said "Hey Yo" and thought he was here to buy "Hey Yo". I kept muttering, "buy hey hey, buy hey hey."

However, when it comes to the market, no one sells "Hey Yo" from south to north. I'm worried. I saw a man shoveling snow with a shovel in the street, and his mouth made a sound of "hey, hey, hey", so I went forward to buy "hey, hey". The snow shovel was worried that there was no place to pile snow, so he sold him a bag of snow.

The man walked home with a bag of snow on his back. On the way, he was tired and rested in front of a ruined temple. Unexpectedly, he fell asleep unconsciously. When he woke up, the sun turned the snow in his bag into a pool of water. The man shouted angrily, "Who stole mine and peed in my bag?"

After these five stories are finished, which joke makes your mouth rise? If you are happy, please order a red love. Your encouragement is my motivation to continue coding.