Jokes. Who has it? . . . .

1. It's almost Valentine's Day. Last night, I was shopping downstairs. The boss asked me, "Does Mr. Wang buy flowers?"

"Why buy flowers?"

"Buy flowers for my girlfriend."

"Oh, can I buy some flowers for my girlfriend?"

Then the boss silently took the flowers back. ...

2. Mencius was playful when he was young, but he was smart and had a strong learning ability.

It turned out that his family lived near the cemetery, and he often imitated undertaker to play the trumpet.

Meng Mu was worried that he would neglect his studies, so he moved his family to a city near the slaughterhouse. Mencius soon learned to kill pigs and sheep.

Meng Mu had to move his family to school, and soon ... Mencius learned to play Dota.

An FBI agent complained to the personnel department, claiming that he was maliciously retaliated by his boss.

When asked about retaliatory measures, the agent said, "My boss sent me to China to find two informants."

The investigator said, "It's not too much."

The agent said angrily, "But the only clue he gave me was the names of those two people: Jianguo and Haitao."

Today, I told my father that I was going to attend a wedding. Dad said, "What a coincidence, I'm going to the wedding, too."

Out of curiosity, I asked my father, "Where are you going to attend?"

Dad: "XXX Hotel."

Actually, it's the same place I went to? ! When we take out the wedding invitation and open it, Nima! The groom is my father's classmate and the bride is my classmate.

5. Answer: "If there is a serious car accident and there is only one breath left, will you take the opportunity to call your mother or wife before you die?" B: "I have to delete the photos and messages in it first."

The UFO is getting closer and closer, and the crowd is in a commotion.

"Boss, go down and say hello to them!" The aliens in the flying saucer said in succession.

"Wait, look again." Obviously, the leader was very cautious and took out his telescope to continue observation.

"Return immediately!" The leader gave the order.

"Why? ! "Other aliens are puzzled.

"There is an old lady fell down. Go back immediately! "

7. I want to change my iPhone and talk to a female classmate once. Me: "I want to buy apples."

She: "OK, buy something sweet."

Me: "Sweet? Not to eat, but to use. "

She: "Ah? Apple is not a cucumber, how to use it? "

8. At midnight, the host fell asleep. Under the auspices of the brain, various organs hold meetings. First of all, I said to myself, "I want to retire. My master lacks exercise and my brain is full of fat, which makes me suffer from high blood pressure and myocardial infarction ... "

Before the words were finished, my stomach spoke enthusiastically: "I also asked to retire. My grandfather eats and drinks with public funds every day. The pangolin of foreign wine and national wine has long made me can't stand it, and it is the late stage of gastric cancer ... "

Then a faint voice came from below: "I also asked to retire ..."

The brain asks loudly, "Who is it? Please stand up and talk! "

"If I can still stand up, then I don't have to retire.

9, a new MM salesman, beautiful, but just graduated from college for half a year, young and inexperienced.

Today, I took her to visit a client. When exchanging business cards with customers, customers said: This printed business card is so ugly.

MM, who has been silent, did not hesitate to insert a sentence: Have you printed your head on your business card? ……

10, friend: "Is there a hotel in the Expo Park?"

Me: "No!"

Friend: "Look, the Philippine Pavilion!" "

1 1. A person forgot to bring money when eating, so he left the bill on the counter and went out. The cashier took the bill and shouted, your bill, sir! The man smiled and replied, here is your bill.

12, a friend went to see Chinese medicine, and the doctor told him to go to bed at eleven o'clock every night. After a week, I didn't get rid of my symptoms, so I went back for a follow-up visit. Chinese medicine feels the pulse and says in a positive color, let's stay up late and come back at eleven o'clock later. My friends were shocked and lamented that Chinese medicine was really profound. The doctor added, "You didn't go to bed until after 12: 14 last night." The friend asked weakly, "Is the energy number so accurate?" "Doctor: I added to your worry.

Alas, Chinese medicine can't be used in Weibo.