After four years of marriage, my wife lost her temper over a trivial matter and always quarreled with me. How to deal with it?

Hello, I feel your confusion and troubles from your story. Your life is full of troubles caused by poor communication.

? First, the problem analysis

1. Daughter-in-law always quarrels with you, which shows two points: First, she cares about her relationship with you; Second, some of her internal needs have not been met. Fighting is the way she chooses to communicate with you. Judging from your information, the communication between you two is invalid.

2. "After four years of marriage, I have always had problems, and I lost my temper for a little thing." Marriage is an important moment in life for both parties. Your role and identity changed, and then the birth of a child enriched your family life and increased your identity. Before marriage, the girl is the daughter-in-law, the parents' daughter increases the wife's identity, and after the child is born, the daughter-in-law increases the mother's identity. Each identity has its own social significance and assumes its own responsibilities in the family, and you are also given various identities.

3. If you can't switch between identities skillfully, you will be entangled, and there will be many unsatisfied needs, which will lead to emotional fluctuations, such as "losing your temper for a little thing". When emotions accumulate to a certain extent, there will be quarrels, and the emotions of two people have rolled together.

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Second, learn to listen, tolerate and understand.

Quarrel is often easily controlled by emotions, which vent their emotions and drown out their real needs. So quarreling is not the first choice to solve the problem. Listening is the basis of effective communication.

Listening includes not only listening to the other person, but also listening to yourself, listening to the information conveyed by the other person's language, tone and body movements, and correctly understanding the expressed content. If you are not sure, you should check the information in time and try to express yourself in a language that the other party can understand. Only by accurately understanding each other's feelings and needs can we further acquire each other's needs and resolve contradictions.

Home is a place to talk about love. When you interact with your daughter-in-law with love, understanding and tolerance, and her love needs are met, your home will be much warmer. I suggest you read the book Non-violent Communication, which is easy to understand.

Third, information.

There is a skeleton in the cupboard. I hope the subject can solve the problem as soon as possible and be happy every day!