A joke about seeking mental illness

[Above] Psychopaths also make jokes.

1)

A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh. That is serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird.

(2)

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient, if I cut off one of your ears. What will happen to you?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm. This is normal.

The doctor asked again, if I cut off your other ear again. What will happen to you?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor is getting nervous. I do not see any at all. ?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

There are two psychopaths. Escape from the hospital.

Two people run and run. Climb a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree.

Go on, go on.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey-why don't you come down?

The man above answered him: no-good-ah-

I'm not familiar with it.

(4)

There is an old lady in a mental hospital.

Wear black clothes every day. Take a black umbrella.

Squatting in front of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: treat her. You must start by getting to know her.

So doctors also wear black clothes. Take a black umbrella. Squat over there with her.

The two men were silent for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-

Are you a mushroom, too

(5)

When a mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, the dean called the patients in the hospital for a meeting. At the meeting, the dean said, "This afternoon, a very important leader is coming to visit, and everyone is going to meet him at the door. When welcoming, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready, we can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, no one will eat steamed buns, remember? " The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he walked into the gate, the welcoming patient was already standing at the door. At this time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded and welcomed, and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders smiled and applauded with everyone and entered the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and the applause stopped completely, very neatly. Only this leader is still smiling and clapping, and the dean is very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed bread?" ! ! ! “***xiaohua286***

(6)

Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and went back to the ward. Q B: "Look at this little book I recently finished."

What did you say?/Sorry? "

B looked at it and replied, "Not bad. However, there are just a few more roles. "

Then the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" " "

(7)

The doctor in the mental hospital wants to talk to a mental patient who is about to leave the hospital to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered.

Reply.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital? ***zhuoyuejoyo***

Patient: smash all the windows in your hospital with stones.

When the doctor heard this, he found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue the treatment. A few months later, the doctor felt that the patient seemed ready to leave the hospital and decided to talk to him again.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: Get a job.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Making money.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Save money.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Marry a wife.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: The bridal chamber.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her clothes.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her pants.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take off her underwear.

Doctor: Then what?

Patient: Take out the rubber band in your underwear, make a slingshot and find some stones to smash all the windows in your hospital.

(8)

Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one will take him to the hospital at once."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no, Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning. He insisted that he was my toilet. " "Quick, send him here quickly!" A gentleman was silent for a moment: "So … I don't have a toilet?"

(9)

In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see it was an empty fish tank? "

( 10)

There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live.

One day, the dean was there, and in order to see the patient's recovery, he thought of a way. Just say to these patients, you

Everyone came, drew a door on the wall and said, "Today, whoever opens this door can go home."

Hearing this, the psychopaths swarmed around the door of the painting. The dean was very disappointed, and then he found one.

A patient was still sitting in his original position, feeling ok, so he went forward and asked, "Why didn't you open the door?"

He looked at what the dean said and made the dean laugh and cry.

The patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here."

( 1 1)

Patients in psychiatric departments in hospitals usually have a worship complex for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor. ...

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid the deterioration of his condition)

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you. ...

In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. )

Female patient: Dr. Lan, you mean you don't love me anymore?

Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm … hmm … hmm …

Patient: Never mind ... I love Dr. Chen. ...