China's Classical Jokes (with Comments)

One night, I was walking on the platform, but I couldn't help staring at a woman with long hair floating in the air. After a while, the woman suddenly stopped and stared at me. Yu:' am I not handsome?' But I saw Yi's eyes wide open and her mouth twitched. I sighed:' Am I too ugly?' I only see that Yi's eyes are getting bigger and bigger, and her mouth is getting bigger and bigger. I'm scared. I am a gentleman. I have never offended her, let alone met her. I almost wanted to turn and run away when I heard Iraq shout ... Ah ... choo! Yi rubbed his nose and drifted away. I'm already sweating.

I am cloth, I started with words, and I missed three years; After practicing martial arts, the tinker made arrows, drummed hundreds of officials, and kicked out with disorderly sticks; He studied medicine, entered the department of clinical medicine, studied hard for five years and made some achievements. He wrote a good prescription, ate it and died. I went to the underworld and waited for Emperor Yan to go to court for a long time, but I couldn't bear to part with it. When I asked him, the ghost soldier said that Wang laughed wildly at the file at his feet, and he was startled in the back hall and still didn't wake up. ...

Masterpiece reading

Che Yin is studying in Bao Ying, and Sun Kangying is studying in the snow. One day, Kang went to visit Yin. Without seeing him, he asked where to go. The doorman said, "Get out.

When I answered Bai Kang, I saw Kang standing idle in the court and asked, "Why don't you study?" Kang said, "I

Look, it doesn't look like a snowy day today. "-(Ming) master floating white series" Laughing Forest "

Sell cakes

Someone was selling cakes and his voice was hoarse. People asked them why and said, "I'm hungry." He asked, "If you are hungry, why don't you eat cake?"

Said, "It sucks." (All whispering) —— (Ming) Master Fu Bai's Series of Laughing Forests

I can talk.

Li Ji's wife is from Yan, coquettish and dissolute, and often has an affair with a teenager in the neighbor's house. When Li Ji heard about it, he came up with a way to catch him.

One morning, Li Ji pretended not to be in town, but he looked carefully in the yard. I saw the neighbor's boy quickly enter the back room of Li Ji's house and plug in the door. Ricky immediately jumped out of the car and knocked at the door. The wife was very scared in the house and asked the boy, "My husband is here. What should I do? " The teenager was anxious and asked, "Is there a window?" The wife said, "There are no windows." The boy asked again, "Is there a cave?" The wife said, "There is no cave either." The teenager said helplessly, "How can I get out?" At this time, the wife saw a cloth bag by the wall and said happily, "Great." The boy hurriedly got into the bag, let her put it on the floor in front of the bed, and told her, "If your husband asks, just say it's rice."

After packing, the wife quickly turned and opened the door to let Ricky in. Li Ji looked indoors again and found no adulterer. He came to the bed slowly and saw that the bag was full, and it felt particularly heavy to lift it. He asked his wife, "What is this?" The wife was so flustered that she forgot the instructions of the teenager and hesitated for a long time without telling her the reason.

When Ricky saw that his wife looked suspicious, he continued to ask more sharply. The boy in the bag was afraid of the exposure and could not help but answer: "I am Michaelis." When Li Ji heard this, he caught the adulterer and the adulterer on the spot and killed them. Friendly reminder: cheaters quit! ]-Ming Luzhuo's Sad Son Hou Yu

Long mouth.

Once, drunk as a fiddler, I threw up all over the floor when I passed by the door of a CPPCC member's house. The janitor of Lujia came over and scolded, "How dare you get drunk and spit at my door!" " Yugong raised a pair of drunken eyes, squinted contemptuously at the doorman and said, "It was your door that didn't cover the right place and actually pointed at my mouth!" " The doorman thought the drunken man's speech was very interesting, so he retorted with a smile, "My door has been built for a long time. Was it built in front of your mouth today? "

The foolish old man pointed to his mouth and said, "I've been talking for years!" " -Master Ming Fu Bai Zhai's Elegant Joke

Fools eat wine.

There was a man whose family was poor, and he couldn't afford to drink or drink well. However, he loves to pretend to love face. Every time he goes out, he eats two distiller's grains cakes, feeling a little drunk, as if he had just drunk wine.

One day, he met an old friend on the road. Seeing that he was a little drunk, his friend asked, "Did you just drink wine this morning?" He answered truthfully, "No, I only ate two bad cakes."

He went home and told his wife about it. His wife gave him advice and said, "If someone asks you again in the future, you can say that you have drunk, or you can put on a show." He nodded in agreement.

I met that friend the next day, and he said he had drunk. The friend suspected that he had lied and asked, "Is it hot or cold?" He replied, "It's baked." Hearing this, my friend smiled and said, "You still ate the cake." When he got home, he told his wife about it, and she scolded him and said, "How can I say anything about baking wine?" ? Said it was a hot drink in the future. "He said remember.

The third time I met that friend, before his friend could speak, he boasted, "My wine is so hot today." The friend asked, "How much did you eat?" He held out two fingers and said, "Two." -Ming Fu Bai Zhai master "Laughing Forest"

Lie to the rice.

A man was so hungry on the road that he came to a restaurant to steal a meal. He said to his master, "I can mend the needle nose, but I have to eat something to work." The master was very happy, so he gave him a meal and found out all the broken needles and noses. When the man finished eating, the master asked him to mend them. The man said, "Bring the broken needle nose, too." -Pan Ming Youlong's "Laughing Zen Record"

Adapt well

A man is on the road outside, and it is very late. He wants to spend the night in a nearby temple, but he is worried that the monk will not agree. He went up to the gatekeeper monk and said, "I have an inexhaustible object that I want to give to Baosi." Hearing this, the monk not only readily agreed to let him in, but also showed special respect to him.

The next morning, the monk came to say hello and asked, "What is the inexhaustible object that the benefactor said?" The man pointed to a bundle of broken bamboo curtains he put in front of the Buddha statue and said, "If you use it as a lantern stick, will it be inexhaustible?" -Pan Ming Youlong's "Laughing Zen Record"

Take the net as the quilt

A fisherman and his wife were so poor that they didn't even have a quilt at home. In the cold winter, they had to use fishing nets to keep out the cold. In the middle of the night, they put their fingers out of the net and felt extremely cold. The couple secretly rejoiced and said, "How can those who don't have quilts live on such a cold winter night?" -Feng Ming magnum "Laughing House"

Three people in a trance

Three people sleep in a bed. In the middle of the night, a person felt particularly itchy on his leg. In a trance, he scratched the second man's leg, but he still felt the pain, so he scratched harder until he caught the bleeding. The second man touched his leg with his hand and felt wet. He thought it was the third person who wet the bed, so he quickly woke him up and urged him to get up and pee outside. The third man got up bleary-eyed and stood outside to pee. Next door is a restaurant, and the sound of pressing wine has been dripping. He thought he hadn't finished urinating, but he stood until dawn. -Feng Ming magnum "Laughing House"

Strong father and son

There are two people, father and son, both of whom are strong-willed and unwilling to let anyone down. One day, the father gave a banquet at home and asked his son to go to the market in the city to buy some meat. When my son was leaving the city gate with the meat he bought, a man crossed the street. Because of the narrow passage, both of them refused to give way and didn't want to lose face, so they stood there face to face with their eyes open.

When the father saw that his son had gone for a long time and had not come back, he went out to look for him and found his son deadlocked with the man. The father suddenly became angry and said to his son, "You take the meat home to have dinner with the guests first, and I will stay here and oppose him." -Feng Ming magnum "Guang Xiao Fu"