What are some jokes that amuse girls?

1, I like to meet my relatives in the New Year. "Are you married?" "Oh, my daughter is two and a half years old. Come, let me show you the photos! " "Oh, what about the income?" "Not so good this year, less than 5 million ~" "Well, did you buy a house?" "Ready to buy the fourth set!" Then my relatives patted me on the shoulder and said to my mother next to me, "My condition is much more stable than last year. I also bit people during the Spring Festival last year! "

I quarreled with a friend before. A friend is a particularly proud person who ignores anyone after a quarrel. Suddenly sent me a message in the middle of the night: "The sum of the first item plus the last item multiplied by the number of items divided by two." I asked, "What are you doing?" He said, "Make peace."

This is a strange creature. Sometimes she gets angry for no reason. Actually, she just wants to do it. If you don't coax her, she will really get angry, but if you coax her, she will really think you are wrong. ...

My son failed in the middle school entrance examination and was scolded by his wife.

I went to comfort my son: "You must study hard and surpass your father in the future."

The son paused, and then said weakly, "I can't guarantee anything else." But I'm sure I'll find a better wife than you in the future. "

I got a phone call saying that my leader asked me to fight 50,000 yuan for emergency. I said, pay right away! After a sleep, I called again and asked why I haven't paid yet.

I said I was in a hurry to go out and forgot to bring my money. I only brought two cards, the one with money has been degaussed, and the other card has no money. 500 yuan is required to reissue the card. Can I have a replacement card for 500 yuan first?

He listened to the silence for a long time, and finally said, why should our peers be embarrassed?

6. On the way, I met my father who bought lottery tickets and asked him, "Dad, what are you going to do if you win the grand prize?" As a result, my dad gave me a look: "Why do you care so much? It's none of your business. "

7. It's foggy these two days. If you want to go to work by bike, ask your mother: Mom, where did I put my mask? My mother: Haha! I finally realized that I was ugly. Remember to hide my shame?

8. My colleagues and I went to the canteen. Seeing that my colleague's food is obviously more than mine, and the money is the same, I went to my aunt who cooked rice. Originally, I was going to quarrel, but menstruation drowned out in one sentence: "I think you are so thin, you certainly don't eat as much as her, so I will give you less."

9. In the bank, a bald and wretched man said to his sister at the window, "Sister, lend me 10 thousand yuan to play." Sister said helplessly: "Brother, take money and take money. Don't misunderstand me. "

10, waiting for the bus with my girlfriend, suddenly found that neither of us had any change. So, I gave my girlfriend fifty dollars to exchange. After waiting, I finally got it back. I saw that she bought snacks from 48 yuan, and there were only two left, just enough for the bus.