Joke: ... Anyway, the pig must have been lost. ...

1. It is said that when a daughter finds a boyfriend, her parents will feel sad that their hard-earned cabbage has been arched by pigs.

But since my brother found a girlfriend, he didn't even come back to live at home. Every day his mother-in-law cooks good food for him, and he is full of happiness.

Mother looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle and said, "I wonder if the cabbage is arched." Anyway, the pig that has been raised for more than 20 years must have been lost. "

2. Quarrel with my wife and ignore me. . . So I want my 4-year-old son to coax his mother. As a result, this little guy said directly: "You dare not go, you let me go!" What if she hits me! "I ... . .

One day when I was not very busy, a buddy asked me to write an invitation for me. After writing for a long time, I feel a little wrong, but even if I look at it, I can't see anything wrong.

At this time, my brother's daughter-in-law came to have a look and said, "Can the groom's name be changed? We are impossible. "

The peddler asked us to buy his tomatoes. Beauty: Do you want 5 1 kg tomatoes from 4 yuan? It is delicious. I planted it myself!

Me: 2.5 yuan, do you want to sell it? Beauty: I can't even get in two and a half dollars, at least three dollars.

Grow it yourself?

5. I went to play hot water with my classmates at school, and the hot water bottle squeaked on the way back to the dormitory.

I said, "It's not good to blow it up."

This guy whooshed the thermos out. Bang, it really blew up.

The buddy said with a lingering fear, "Fortunately, I threw it quickly and didn't blow me up."

6. I got a call saying that my leader asked me to fight 50 thousand yuan for emergency. I said, pay right away!

After a sleep, I called again and asked why I haven't paid yet.

I said I was in a hurry to go out and forgot to bring my money. I only brought two cards, the one with money has been degaussed, and the other card has no money. 500 yuan is required to reissue the card. Can I have a replacement card for 500 yuan first?

He listened to the silence for a long time, and finally said, why should our peers be embarrassed?

7. Zhang San felt that he was not his own since he was a child.

Once he was playing outside and accidentally fell into a cesspit. Her mother saw it and said, "Let's not have this baby!" " ! Go back and eat another one. "

When she grew up, she had a high fever. Her mother touched his forehead with her hand and immediately retracted her hand and said, "It's so hot!" "

His father immediately opened his mouth and said, "Look at your mother!" "Is this a kiss?

8. My three-year-old son came back from kindergarten and said angrily to me, "Dad, the teacher is not good at all. He is always fierce and doesn't film me sleeping at noon. "

Me: "A teacher can't take care of so many people like a mother. You should be obedient. "

Son: "Let the teacher and mother change. My mother accompanies me in kindergarten every day, and the teacher sleeps with my father at home. "

I'm a little excited to think about it.

9. My daughter-in-law accidentally broke my mother's favorite vase while cleaning. I knew it would fall out. My daughter-in-law panicked and picked up the pieces. I was afraid that she would be cut, so I went to help pick up the smallest one. After picking it up, my daughter-in-law took out 200 yuan and told me that when my mother-in-law asked, you would say that you accidentally broke it. After all, it's yours, and she won't do anything to you. . .

10. I made an agreement with my daughter-in-law for the sake of family harmony. Tell her family that I usually cook. Tell her family that she usually cooks. One day my mother-in-law came to live in my house, and I volunteered to cook a meal. As a result, her mother-in-law said, "Daughter! Still have to cook in the future. Mom is distressed to see you cook. It hurts even more to see you eat this kind of meal every day! " Me. . .