Laugh at the humorous joke that you will hit me if you don’t want to die.

Laughing at the humorous joke that you will beat me until you die

1. Company commander, the Japanese have been here. ?

?Ah! What did you find?

?There is an AV photo here. ?

?Really? The company commander took the photo and touched it, it was wet. ?Mar's. Just used. Not far yet. Chase!?

2. In today’s society, more and more people are afraid of borrowing money.

I asked them, why did you refuse?

A said: Borrow 10,000 yuan from me, and I will give him 1,000 yuan and tell him that he does not have to pay it back. .

B said: Didn’t I just get married? Your sister-in-law has no money to take care of my brother. Her pocket is cleaner than her face, and only these clothes are left to cover her shame.

Ding said: What's the use of talking so much? If you want to borrow money from me, I'll just tell you that I won't lend money to my wife.

3. Lao Li’s prostate is very heavy, and he has frequent urination and urgent urination, especially incomplete urination. Every time I come back from the bathroom, my shiny leather shoes are stained with urine spots. This also became a joke in the unit.

Recently, every time Lao Li comes back from the bathroom, the urine spots on his leather shoes are gone. When everyone asked, he said that his prostate had healed. Privately he said he had a new approach. What solution? He just didn't say anything.

Yesterday, Lao Li drank too much, and before anyone could ask what the solution was, he told him what to do. He said: You know, wet clothes will stop dripping if you wring them out. My solution is to twist it after peeing?

4. Xiao Ming: Dad, didn’t you say that if I get a certificate in the final exam, you would give me 200 yuan?

Dad : Yes, dad has not regretted it. Take out your certificate and take a look.

Xiao Ming: That’s right, Dad. I think what you are doing is wasteful and is not conducive to my developing a good habit of thrift.

Dad: Good boy, so sensible. So you don’t want your bonus?

Xiao Ming: In order to prevent you from wasting it and to help me develop a good habit of diligence and thrift as soon as possible, considering that the number of certificates in the class is limited, I will give it to others.

5. Who snores?

Husband: Wife, did you snore while sleeping last night?

Wife: Nonsense! I never snore while sleeping. Too snoring.

Husband: But I met my next-door neighbor this morning. He said that my snoring made him sleepless all night.

Wife: He is talking about you snoring!

Husband: But, I was not at home all night last night!

6. Someone I bought a bag of food with a shelf life marked on it. This person asked the waiter: It only has a shelf life but no production date. Is this shelf life still useful?

The waiter said: It doesn’t matter, you Once you decide to buy this thing, we will print the production date on it for you!

7. Three women are chatting. A: My husband went on a business trip to city X last month. He just got off the train and lost everything except people. It took me a month of work to earn enough to pay for my trip back. B: I went out to buy groceries the day before yesterday. In the corridor, a strange girl hugged me from behind and called me mom. As a result, I lost a thousand yuan. C: My husband went to the cinema yesterday to watch "囧囧". When he came back, he found that four gold teeth in his mouth had been stolen. @七叶一楷花

8. What’s new in Xiaokong? A deflated ball? If you don’t understand this word, ask your dad what kind of ball it is, a basketball?

Now watching The ball player said angrily: "Son, remember, the ball here is football, Chinese football, that one is gone." . . ?

9. A farmer who just entered the city got lost, so he asked a handsome guy for directions? Comrade, please. . .

?

?How do you know I am gay? . . ?The handsome guy was all kinds of nervous and blushing. . .

?In our countryside! We are all gay!?

?Really?The handsome guy couldn’t believe what the farmer said:?Hey, it seems that the countryside is still open!?

10. On the first night of the wedding, the groom shyly asked the bride: "Baby, let's not be like ordinary couples, let's do something new!"

The bride blushed after hearing this , replied shyly: "It's all my husband's decision tonight." ?

The groom was very happy after hearing this. He hugged the quilt and went to sleep in the living room.

The bride. . .

11. The teacher assigned a composition to write "My Dad". Xiaogang wrote: My father is very thick and self-motivated. ?

The teacher came to him and said: ?You wrote the words "morality and self-improvement" wrong. ?

Xiaogang said: "Teacher, I wrote it correctly." My dad was a truck driver, and he often overloaded the truck to get a good paycheck. It turns out that my father is a heavy smoker. My mother and I tried to persuade him to quit smoking, but he failed. However, in order to drive a truck, he forced himself to quit smoking, so he decided not to smoke. ?

12. What are the minimum standards for sitting at the same table with you? First, copy the test papers for me, and secondly, get good grades!

Is there anyone chasing you now? Yes, she While she was playing games on her mobile phone, I snatched her iPhone 5!

13. The high school dormitory was stolen. The school leaders held a meeting to study clues about the theft. The principal asked everyone to speak freely:

The class The head teacher stood up and said slowly: Regarding this thief, according to my estimation, he is either a tall man or a short man.

The grade teacher also stood up and said: I think there should be one more thing, this thief is not fat. He is just a thin man

The director of the Political and Education Department also said: I have been researching for a long time and found a very important clue. This thief is either a man or a woman

The principal finally said: Everyone Very good, we found a lot of clues, which will be of great help to us in solving the case. Let me add one more point, it can be said with certainty that this thief is not inside the school but outside the school.

14. Patient: I don’t want to take those messy medicines anymore, and the effects are not obvious. ?

Doctor: It doesn’t matter. It seems that the problem is not here. I think you lack exercise, so I will prescribe a list of fitness equipment for you. ?

15. A flight attendant bent down to pour water for a man, and the man kept looking at the flight attendant’s chest. The stewardess pointed to the airplane pattern on her chest and asked: "Does the airplane look good?"

The man replied: "Yes, it looks good." But the airport is prettier!?

?

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16. A woman is complaining to a best friend.

A: I am really fed up with my husband, he has no emotion at all.

B: Why is he so moodless?

A: Let me tell you a little thing? I often ask him: If time could come back, would you still choose me? I've asked this question hundreds of times, but he always says the same four words.

B: ?I must choose you?.

A: It would be great if it were just these four words.

B: ?I will never choose you?.

A: I would recognize these four words.

Already: That is?

A: There is no if?

17. Xiao Ming’s father always likes to brag. Today he boasted to Xiao Ming again: “Your dad, I know everything. If you have any questions, just ask me.” ?

Xiao Ming said in surprise: "Dad is really amazing." ?Xiao Ming is so proud to die. At this time, Xiao Ming asked: Dad, how was the pyramid formed? ?

Xiao Ming’s father suddenly panicked. But in order not to be exposed, I had to make up a reason: This, this, the pyramid is actually the stool that Pangu pulled when he opened the sky, and it was hardened by wind and rain. ?After talking, Xiao Ming’s father was still afraid of being exposed.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Ming actually said: "I know, it turns out that the Yellow River was urinated by Pangu." ?

18. A pair of high school students were dating in the park. Female: Do you want to know what kissing feels like?

Male: According to my analysis, kissing is two mouths overcoming air resistance to work through friction. When the friction speed is high enough, they will turn into four pieces of sausage.

Female: Go rub your physics book!

19. An honest friend picked up a child on the street. He didn’t know what to do, so he stopped him and asked:? Are you embarrassed? ?

As a result, everyone yelled: "You are the one who is embarrassed, your whole family is embarrassed, and you are still showing off." ?The one who was even more angry went up and beat him up.

20. My wife doesn’t know how to cook. One day, she wanted to cook something by herself, so she called her husband and asked her what to eat. When her husband heard this, she happily said, “Let’s be jealous.” Take the cabbage. Then happily wait for get off work.

After get off work, my husband walked to the yard and saw his wife walking back and forth with a bottle of vinegar in her hand. A rope was tied to the vinegar, and a cabbage was tied to the other end of the rope. The husband looked at it and asked What are you doing.

My wife was sweating profusely and said, "Don't you want to be jealous and eat the cabbage? But if you are jealous, you can't eat the cabbage. I have to come out with the vinegar to eat the cabbage. You are really good at eating. I This is my first time cooking and you want me to cook such a tiring dish.

My husband is petrified. . .

21. There is a young couple who are very affectionate at ordinary times. Once they fight, they communicate with each other by writing poems.

Once they got into a fight over trivial family matters, and their poems were It’s written like this during the day:

Female:

Life is so confusing

I spend the whole day just for my husband

I can’t go out to the hall

I can get out of the kitchen

I can use it as a bed at night

I’ll let you in all the time

Now I’m hurt

I’m determined to leave

Male:

Life is so boring

Working for my wife every day is hard

Responsibility is on my shoulders

Being quilted again at night

Sleeping with you all the time

Now it’s not going well

Determined not to plow the ground

At night, the couple couldn't sleep, and then they got up and wrote to each other:

Girl:

Life is so sunny

Missing him all day long

Willing to go to the hall

Make noodle soup for you

I will be your bed tonight

Always waiting for you

Now I feel itchy

Don’t let the land go to waste

Male:

Life is so interesting

I want to love my wife every day

Although the work is hard

Responsibility must be paid

Tonight I will be treated as a slave

You can sleep however you want

But now I am happy

I must plow the ground

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