The leader asked me to perform a cross talk or sketch program. Please give me some advice?

I am in the same situation as you. I found some double. I prefer the last one.

I want to be bad

Hey, Xiao Wang, you are recognized as a great man in our company!

What do you mean? Why do you say I'm a good person? Am I a good person?

A: Of course you are a good person. It is recognized by everyone.

B: Don't say that I am a good person in the future, but that I am in a hurry with you!

A: Say you are a good man. Why are you in such a hurry to be with me?

B: forget it, it's not. I went on a blind date some time ago and had a good chat. Later, I said something I shouldn't have said and ruined the good thing.

What did you say?/Sorry?

I said I was considered a great person by the company.

A: That's a good word.

B: What kind words? This sentence is unlucky!

A: What's the matter?

As the girl said, a great man is a loser in nine cases out of ten. How can you find a loser when looking for someone? !

A: What logic is this?

Don't worry about logic. Since the girl doesn't like it, I have to change it. I'm not a good person, and I'm going to be bad. It seems that it really makes sense that men are not bad and women don't love them.

How did you get bad?

B: First, I shaved my head. As we all know, the bad guys on TV are generally bald. Baldness makes me look tougher.

And second?

B: Secondly, I have tattoos, Zuo Qinglong, You Baihu, and an old cow at my waist. In order to let people see my tattoo, I decided not to wear a shirt in the future. I go shirtless every day.

A: It's ok to be shirtless in summer. What about winter?

B: Winter? Whether it is summer or winter, I will be desperate to get worse!

A: OK, don't die!

B: I don't think just changing the appearance is enough. I think it is necessary to further improve the language level. Civilized language is soft and weak, and swearing is enough!

A: But no swearing?

I can't, but I can learn. In order to learn to curse, I intend to imitate an ancient man.

A: Who is it?

B: Pu Songling. I set up a tea stall in the street, and drinking tea is free, but on one condition.

A: What conditions?

You must teach me a dirty word.

A: Just throw it away.

It hasn't been a month. Look at me again. I am bald, tattooed, foul-mouthed, walking sideways, with my eyes tilted and my mouth tilted. When I see my family, I will hide.

A: Can you not hide? What a rascal!

B: People don't understand me, but even my dad doesn't understand me, so he wants to kick me out and say that there is no son like me.

A: With your virtue, can an old man not be angry?

B: I don't care about his old man. One day he will understand his son's good intentions.

You don't behave well in school. You should keep looking for someone.

B: Yes, not the day before yesterday, but someone introduced me to another object. I left with a cigarette in my mouth and sunglasses on, thinking, great, keeping it is success!

I am very confident.

I went to the appointed coffee shop and looked at it. Hey, that girl was waiting there with a magazine. I casually sat opposite the girl and opened my mouth to say, girl, you are very handsome. Do you want to play with your brother?

A: You really learned this dirty word.

The girl stood up and left without saying a word.

A: It's strange not to leave.

B: I looked anxious and hurried to catch up and said, girl, you see clearly, I am not a good person!

A: Everyone can see that.

The girl started running, but I was chasing her. I ran after her and shouted, I'm not a good person. What did you say you were running?

Look at this.

B: Run, run, girls don't run.

I changed my mind.

Oh, a policeman in front of me is staring at me.

The soldier's strange ambition "Cure a Cold"

B: Here we are! Let me introduce myself. I am a famous doctor here. Why am I so famous? Because I am different from other doctors, I think most of my patients. Who will come to see me?

Patient, get in and climb out. (Wait for the audience to finish laughing) Oh, no, climb in and come out. Let's start seeing a doctor. Call one in. (Look at the list). one

No.,surnamed Bai, cataract. Number two, surnamed Wei, has stomach bleeding. Number three, surnamed Niu, cowhide moss. Come on, you three, go in first.

Doctor, I ... I ... ...

B: What's your date?

A: I'm fourth.

B: The next batch.

Next ... Hey, why do you think I'm so unlucky? No matter what I do, it's the next batch. A while ago, our unit promoted a cadre, and I came to be the "next batch". under

I retired after a batch. Let me introduce myself. My last name is Shan, single word. I put the word "good" in one hundred surnames, the country of this country and Switzerland. My name is Shan Guo Rui, and I have been there for the past two days.

I don't feel well. I may have caught a cold. Come to see a famous doctor. It is said that this doctor is particularly responsible for his patients. It's time to call my number next time. coming ...

B: Next ... (A snuggles on B's shoulder, B takes a step, A follows) You look ill.

You can't come here unless you are ill.

B: Next, breathe with one mouth.

A: (Look around) Who means breathing with one mouth?

B: What uneducated parents have such an ugly name! ?

A: There's only one breath left. Look at that.

You haven't promised ... you haven't promised me to get off work yet!

Hey, what about me, doctor?

Oh, here's another one. What's your date?

A: No.4, you said my next batch. ...

You only breathe with one mouth!

My name is Sam Guo Rui! Take a closer look!

Oh, yes, Sam Guo Rui.

A: What look! Mountain Guo Rui thinks this is one-sided breathing.

Mountain Guo Rui! Is it uncomfortable there?

I just have a cough and asthma.

Not yet. A mouthful of asthma.

A: Doctor, I heard that the conditions here are particularly good. (glance left and right) Why is there nothing?

B: A mouthful of asthma. (A: Shan Guo Rui. ) Oh, yes, Sam Guo Rui. What do you think is wrong with you?

I think so ... you don't have to guess. I think I have a cold.

You are very clever! You say a cold is a cold, so what else should I do? You are looking for a famous doctor now. Anyone who comes to see my famous doctor should check it again.

Doctor, check it.

B: Don't move. Open your mouth. (1) A little higher. (Pitch up) (Repeat twice) A little higher.

A: Doctor, you are not a hospital, but a conservatory of music.

What nonsense!

I can sing so high!

Who told you to sing high? I told you to keep your chin up a little. I can't see.

A: Be more specific.

B: Come on.

A: Ah ~ ~

No wonder your voice is so ugly! There's a little bit on it. This ceiling is a little moldy.

A: Doctor, it is true that you are not a conservatory of music here. You are an interior decorator.

B: You said it twice!

A: Then why do you think I have a ceiling?

B: The person who comes here to see a doctor is called the ceiling. A: Maxillary, doctor. ) Oh, yes, the palate. When I was a doctor, I didn't know it was called maxilla. But I heard it was the ceiling. ) I'm afraid I said the maxilla.

You don't understand, I know what your cultural level is!

A: No matter how low my education is, I won't leave here.

Come on, come on, stick out your tongue. There's moss on it! Does it usually leak?

Oh, it usually rains heavily outside, so it rains lightly here. I thought, is my head a colander?

B: (touching a nail head) It should be closed!

A: (throw it away) It has been closed for a long time, and the air leakage has long died.

You show everyone how green it is here.

A: This tongue coating. B: Oh, yes, tongue coating. How did I hear that he is the whole house!

B: I mean long tongue coating.

A: Is the tongue coating called fur? (b: Right, right, tongue coating. ) Remember to call it tongue coating.

B: Tongue coating, tongue coating, whatever you say, ok! Tongue coating! This person is very annoying. Should I see a doctor or should you see a doctor? I have one sentence, and he has a hundred! This man is in poor health. You are eloquent.

That's good. You are a pyramid scheme. Is it? Stop seeing the doctor! Pay!

A: Ah. (coming back from a walk) Doctor, what's wrong with me?

I'll tell you as soon as you pay.

A: Ah. (coming back from a walk) Doctor, how much do I have to pay?

Oh, don't pay too much! A: Thank you, doctor. (Turning to leave) Pay first 1000!

A: (Almost fell) It took 1000 yuan to know what happened to me!

B: What's wrong with a thousand dollars? What's wrong with a thousand? A thousand won't be enough.

Isn't a thousand dollars enough? !

B: In that case, I think it may be infected. How old are you? A: Forty-one. ) What is it? A: It's a cow. ) it looks like it at first glance! His face is blue, his eyes are dull and his pupils are dilated.

(Pinch your nose) Shout, (A: Moo-) Push! (A: Moo-) How about eating grass recently?

A: It's not good to eat grass recently. I only eat half a bundle of grass a day.

I suspect that you have mad cow disease.

A: I suspect you are a veterinarian. Who is the vet? ) You vet! I didn't eat mad beef at all. How can you get mad cow disease?

B: OK, OK, OK. I've said it again and again. I am a doctor who is most considerate of patients. If you don't want to check, you don't have to. But don't blame me for your madness in the future!

You're angry, too.

B: Stand still and check it again. A: check it again Please, many patients just don't cooperate with the doctor. (Rubbing nails on the shoulder) Does it hurt here? No, doctor. Think carefully before you answer, this is

Seeing a doctor is not buying food! Does it hurt here? A: No pain. ) no way? It should hurt here! (Squeezing nails and temples) Does it hurt here? Yes, doctor. ) It shouldn't be here.

It hurts! This question is very complicated! Bend down. (Holding the nails on his back) Does it hurt here?

Doctor, do you think it should hurt or not? B: What! ) I said it hurts, you said it shouldn't hurt, I said it doesn't hurt, and you said it should.

Tell me the truth. Does it hurt?

A: It didn't hurt at first, but you pinched me.

B: Pay!

A: Ah. (coming back from a walk) Doctor, when can I pay again?

B: You didn't pay a penny after seeing a doctor!

A: I have a word about paying money.

B: Of course there is. Don't misunderstand me. I am a famous doctor, and I am responsible for you. I'm not responsible for you to find another doctor. It's called rejection. Unite the diseases you may get.

All the rules have been eliminated, so what remains is not just a cold!

A: I have a cold, but I haven't ruled out my money yet!

This man is full of money. Hey, what is the most important thing in your life? What is the most important thing? ) One thousand dollars can't buy the word "health".

A: The body.

B: Who is most responsible for your health in this world? Who is responsible for me? ) the doctor is the most responsible.

A: Doctor.

B: What did you earn so much money for all your life?

Why do you earn so much money?

B: Just to see a doctor!

You see ... I've been making money for him all my life! Did you get a look at him?

B: What do you mean? If you earn for me, you earn for yourself.

A: Doctor, I beg you, please pay attention. My family will sell iron and bring you a plaque. Six feet high, six feet wide, square, four big letters hanging at your door, iron reincarnation, okay?

Okay？

Hehe ... We must wait. Who is near-re-embodiment?

A: Tito is a good doctor who is almost reincarnated. They say you can see clearly. ...

No, I remember it was Yugoslav, right? ..... It's Hua Tuo!

A: You are much better than Hua Tuo!

What do you mean?

A: Just give me some cold medicine.

B: Come on, such people are rare. (takes out a piece of paper) He is so stingy and doesn't take care of our businessmen! (Give a) Take the medicine according to this list!

You gave me a prescription so quickly.

B: What else is open here? It's all photocopied.

A: (reading the newspaper, grinning and beating his chest)

B: This is obviously mad cow disease! Did you get a look at him?

Doctor, you are really a great doctor! B: That's right. ) I have a cold. You prescribed me more than 500 kinds of medicine.

B: Of course.

A: Other doctors talk about movies. Tell me about Kim! I don't think I can eat it alive. I'm going to mobilize the whole family to eat, and my children and grandchildren will eat until the 28 th century

I can't believe I can't finish it!

B: Good! This is called Yu Gong taking medicine!

I understand, doctor. Why do you think there is a pressure cooker in it for me? Do you think I should steam or sit in it?

B: Why don't you have any social common sense? Pressure cookers are used for cooking!

A: Cooking We have a lot of cooking pots at home.

Your cold is no ordinary cold. Then why do I catch a cold? ) You have an imported cold.

Did I get mad cow disease again?

B: What! You've been sick since your mouth. You have a viral cold. I'm afraid you'll infect the rest of the family, so you must use what you eat alone in the future. By the way, I'll write you another bill

Unique bowls and chopsticks. (written on paper)

A: (Stop) No, I'll just eat what's in the pot.

B: A little saving is just a little.

Doctor, how do you drive? Eighteen baskets of penicillin. I don't think you can stop me!

B: Don't do it all at once. Wait until it's ready.

A: Cell phone?

What if you take the wrong medicine? Call me right away. It is not too late.

But how can you drive a motorcycle for me?

B: how can I get such a big pile of things back? Don't rely on motorcycles! You are not bad!

A: What's the matter?

B: Of the three people who came in front, I drove his Santana alone!

A: Oh, dear!

& lt Who is110 >

Odd numbers:110101010.

Bing: I am 1 10, and I am 1 10.

Odd: Well, is this like 1 10?

Ice: I want to be 1 10.

Odd numbers: 1 10 Attention, stand at attention, look to the right, look ahead, comrades, there is a knife robbery in a skyscraper, and the situation is extremely critical. Call the police immediately. (yes! (Motorcycle, siren) Where is your siren, and where is your whole police dog barking?

Soldier: Can a police dog bark?

Odd numbers: Zhang Xiaohu (arrived) ordered cover, Li Xiaobao (arrived) ordered meeting, and Private (arrived) ordered you to go to 23rd floor to catch the murderer and call the police.

Bing: Where is the elevator?

Odd: The elevator is dead. Run upstairs!

Soldier: Power failure?

Odd number: Power failure!

Bing: What about the 23rd floor? Chief.

Odd: There are more than one hundred floors!

Bing: Hey, I'm going up.

Odd: Use those two hooves, too. Let's go

Bing: Which building was designed? It is the twenty-third floor. I would be more comfortable if there was no second one in front of him. Sir, I have arrived at the 23rd floor. Where is the murderer?

Attention, soldier. The murderer has fled to the first floor now. I order you to go to the first floor immediately and catch the murderer.

Bing: This murderer is much smarter than me.

Pi Nuo: He can't just sit there and wait for you to catch him.

Soldier: OK, I'm going down!

Weird: What do you think? Are you 1 10? You're about to cry. Look! Where is the disco? here，

Bing: sir, I have climbed to the first floor with tape.

Qi: Attention, soldier. The killer ran to the 23rd floor again. I order you to go to the 23rd floor at once.

Bing: I can't do it.

Odd: Why not?

Bing: My physical strength is far worse than that of the murderer.

Odd: You can't do 1 10 without this physical strength!

Bing: I'm glad I didn't meet him.

Pinocchio: Are you going to see him?

Bing: He killed me.

Odd number; He came up and said he was 1 10.

Soldiers; You are changing jobs.

Odd: You still can't do it!

Bing: That's not true.

Odd number: 1 10 Note that a child on Wuyi Road fell into the sewer, and the situation was extremely critical. Call the police immediately. (groaning, calling the police) I was afraid you would bite! Zhang Xiaohu (arrived) ordered you to cover, Li Xiaobao (arrived) ordered you to meet, and the soldiers (arrived) ordered you to jump into the well.

Sir, I can't swim.

Odd: Put on a diving hat, a diving suit, a scanner in your left hand and a telegraph in your right, and jump into the well to catch people.

Odd number: Did you make money?

Bing: I wish I had money.

Attention, soldier.

Bing: What's the matter?

Odd number: There is a snake swimming towards you at the top left. )

Bing: I'm afraid of snakes!

Odd number: it doesn't matter if you are afraid.

Bing: You told him to leave!

Odd: Attention, soldier, there is another unknown object approaching you behind you. (Ah) Eyes as big as light bulbs (Ah) Beard as thick as steel wire (Ah). We can see it clearly.

Bing: Not a monster!

Strange: It's a giant water rat.

Bing: Oh, help! Someone died. Call 1 10.

Odd: You are 1 10, and your name is 1 10?

Bing: You scared me out of my mind!

Odd: Hey hey, can you do it 1 10?

Bing: You can change something else!

Odd numbers: Note that 1 10. Now a madman has escaped from a mental hospital. When he sees a man, he goes after a woman. If the situation is critical, he will call the police immediately. Zhang Xiaohu (to) command as a cover, Li Xiaobao (to) command you to meet, private. ...

Bing: Yes, I heard it this time.

Weird: What did you hear?

Bing: In this 1 10, there are only three of us working.

Odd numbers: 1 10, 24 hours without rest, taking turns to be on duty, and you caught up with this class again.

Bing: Anyway, you are hurting me alone.

Odd number: ....

Bing: Boss, how do you dominate me this time?

Pinocchio: Soldier, I order you to attract the attention of a psychopath.

Soldier: Report to the officer.

Weird: Huh?

Bing: I don't think I can attract him like this.

Odd number: Soldiers will make up immediately.

Odd: (How to change) Put on a fake headgear (Ah), put on lipstick, put on a necklace, put on a skirt, put on high heels, and call the police!

Bing: report to the chief, according to your instructions, the neuropathy has been scared away by me.

Pi Nuo: Why did you scare him away?

Bing: He said a word as he ran.

Weird: What did you say?

Bing: He said, I look much sicker than him.

Qi: Ha, you cured the mental derangement.

Soldiers; This is a false nerve.

1 10 attention, there is a new situation. A young woman in apartment 5 was taking a bath, but unfortunately she was poisoned and fell in the bathhouse.

Bing: Chief, I'll go!

Weird: This? How can you be so sure?

Bing: It's my business if I don't want it anyway. Only these three people are suitable for you.

Odd number: The soldier ordered you to take this young woman out at once.

Bing: I can't hold it any longer.

Weird: Huh?

Bing: I am a man and she is a woman. This person usually takes a naked bath.

Odd numbers: 1 10 You are not allowed to entertain foolish ideas when performing tasks? Saving lives is very important. Come on.

Soldier: Report to the officer.

Weird: Huh?

Bing: This task is too arduous. I suggest the director take it himself.

Qi: Yes, gnome male-",he took me in. We both experience life in 1 10, and neither task can be completed well.

Bing: We are not made of this material.

Odd numbers: Finally, we keep the phone number 1 10.

Bing: Well, it's my specialty.

Odd: You see how to raise it!

Bing: My mouth is quick.

Odd numbers: DuDu-Hello (Hello), Hello (Hello) 1 10.

Ice: Yes, this is 1 10. what can I do for you?

Odd number: I'm fine.

Bing: Nothing. What's your name 1 10?

Odd numbers: DuDu, hello 1 10?

Bing: Yes, I am 1 10.

Odd numbers: 1 10, (Hey) What do you want?

Bing: I'm fine. We're all fine.

Odd: Call 1 10 more than a dozen times a day. It is said that this is subject to administrative detention. DuDu-Hello (hello), hello (hello), the zoo?

Bing: Oh, yes, I'm a tiger.

Strange: the tiger spoke.

Bing: I'll bite you to death if you come.

Odd: Do tigers eat people?

Bing: I am 1 10!

Odd numbers: Hey, I'm looking for 1 10.

Bing: What do you want 1 10 to do?

Let me ask you the telephone number of the zoo.

Ice: You hit 1 14 mercaptan.

Odd numbers: Oh, 1 14 is busy.

Bing: If you call me, I still have to dial 1 14.

Odd: DuDu-Hello (Hello) Hello (Hello), what's your number? 1 1?

Bing: No one who understands called today.

Odd number: no, I'm old. I forgot something when I picked up the phone.

Bing: Don't worry, I can hear you. Are you an old lady?

Weird: I'm an old woman.

Bing: Don't worry, we have 1 10.

Odd numbers: I'm looking for 1 10.

Bing: What do you want 1 10 to do?

Odd numbers: I'm looking for 1 10 ... What have I forgotten?

Bing: What a good memory.

Odd number: Oh, it's on my lips. I can't say it. What happened?

Bing: You didn't lose any money, did you?

Strange: I can't lose money. (Oh) My old lady can lose her life, but I can't lose money. (Alas) Last time I went out, I lost a nickel in my pocket. I chased it for more than half a mile along the road, but I stopped chasing it later. (Oh) I picked up two dollars. Hey hey hey.

Soldiers; (Hmm) Have you eaten?

Weird: I haven't eaten all day.

Bing: Why don't you go back for dinner?

Odd: I can't get into the house.

Soldier: Did you get the key to open the door?

Strange: I left my key at the head of the room. Oh, I remember. 1 10. I just left my key in my room.

Bing: Oh, I see.

Odd number: 1 10, can you help me open the door and take out the key?

Bing: We'll be there soon.

Odd number: Thank you very much.

Bing: Of course!

Odd number: Let me thank you in English.

Bing: The old lady can speak English, too!

Odd number; (Cantonese) I'm really sorry!

Bing: What English is this? Let's go!

Odd numbers: Zhang Xiaohu (arrived) gave the order to cover, and Li Xiaobao (arrived) gave the order to meet. ...

Bing: They are two long-term helpers. They didn't do these two things, I did them alone.

Odd number: the soldier-(arrives) orders you to jump off the building.

Bing: I won't jump.

Odd: Tie a rope around your waist, fly down from the air, open the window and open the door.

Bing: Is the rope strong?

Odd: (Soldiers tie ropes) What about your bundle of pigs! This is? A spider spirit flew down from the sky.

Odd: Not afraid of 10,000, just in case.

Bing: I jumped!

Odd: You jump!

Bing: What floor is this?

Odd number: 27th floor.

Bing: Ouch!

Weird: I'm scared by this touch. 27th floor

Bing: Don't push me.

Odd number: not too high! Not as high as jumping 50 stories.

Bing: I'm not afraid. It suddenly occurred to me that Dong Cunrui gave his life to blow up the bunker.

Odd number: OK.

Bing: Think of Liu Hulan's death under the enemy's hay cutter.

Odd number: No.

Bing: I think of Ouyang Hai who risked his life to scare horses.

Odd: I smiled again.

Bing: Think about Park Chigo.

Weird: Huh? Why do you think of traitors?

Bing: I get angry when I think of him.

Odd: Why are you angry?

Bing: How could he defect?

Weird: You just don't defect.

Bing: I won't.

Pinocchio: No, why are you crying?

Bing: Don't stop me!

Qi: Shua, I finally jumped!

Soldier: I dropped my shoes.

Strange: You are scared to take off your shoes.

Soldiers; Zhang Xiaohu and Li Xiaobao jumped.

Odd number: the real 1 10 soldier fell.

Soldiers; I entered the house through the window and opened the door. The old lady was very excited when she entered the house.

(The old lady shakes Qizhi's hand back and forth)

Qi: Nothing, that's what we should do. You treat me like a frying spoon, don't you?

Bing: Thank you 1 19.

Odd numbers: Haha, we put out the fire at11 19.

Bing: I have a bad memory.

Odd number: Oh, I have a bad memory.

Bing: What are you doing here?

Odd number: We are opening the door for you and taking out the key.

Soldier: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, you opened the door.

Odd number: The children were fired.

Bing: What floor do you drive?

Odd number: sixteenth floor?

Bing: I live on the first floor.

Pinocchio: Fuck you.