Can anyone tell me some homophonic jokes? (urgent)

Joke about pronunciation and homophony: There was a meeting in the village. Due to the homophony, the village chief said: "Rabbits and shrimps, don't want melons, pickles are too expensive." (Comrades, fellow villagers, don't want pickles.) Speech, the meeting is now open.) The host said: "Pickles, pickles, sausages and melons." (Now let's ask the township chief to speak.) The township chief said: "Rabbits, shrimps, the dog has eaten today's rice, everyone is a big bastard. "(Comrades and villagers, today's meal is enough, let's all use big bowls.) Once, two scholars went to visit Ouyang Xiu, a great writer in the Song Dynasty. On the way, they happened to be in the same boat as Ouyang Xiu, but they didn't know Ouyang Xiu. These two scholars also knew a thing or two about poetry, but they considered themselves experts. At this time, a white goose suddenly jumped into the water. The two couldn't help but get excited about poetry. One chanted: "A goose on the shore", and the other followed: "Plop and jump into the river." Both of them muttered words, but they couldn't recite the following verses and couldn't form a poem. Seeing their anxious look, Ouyang Xiu helped chant a sentence: "White hair floats on the green water, and red palms stir the clear waves." The two scholars were extremely surprised to see Ouyang Xiu uttering such a good poem, but then they thought about it, Something feels wrong. One of them shouted at Ouyang Xiu: "You are not thin-skinned. Is this poem yours?" Ouyang Xiu smiled and said: "This poem is indeed not mine. It was written by King Luo Bin, one of the four heroes of the early Tang Dynasty, when he was a child." The two listened. Then he burst into laughter and said, "I'm telling you, even with your appearance, you can also read poetry." Ouyang Xiu laughed but didn't answer. Soon, the three people got off the boat. When the two scholars saw a pile of ashes on the shore, they wanted to show off their poetic talents. One chanted: "Looking from a distance, it's a pile of ashes," and the other said, "Looking close, it's a pile of ashes." Due to lack of talent, the two couldn't continue. I saw Ouyang Xiu chanting calmly on the side: "A strong wind blew up, and snow flew all over the sky." After hearing this, the two of them were shocked. They knew that what Ouyang Xiu was reciting was a good poem, but they did not want to be inferior. One of them said in a pretentious manner: "It's not a good sentence, it's just so-so." The other said: "It's connected, but it's just a little reluctant." They continued to walk forward, and after a while they saw a dead tree by the roadside. Tree, one scholar chanted: "A dead tree by the roadside," another chanted: "Two big branches." The two wanted to chant again, but they couldn't think of words, so they had to chant over and over again. These two sentences made my eyes roll upward. Ouyang Xiu couldn't see it, and added two more sentences to them: "Moss is the leaves in spring, and snow is the flowers in winter." After hearing this, the two still refused to admit defeat and continued to compete with Ouyang Xiu. The two chanted again: "The two of them boarded the boat together to visit Ouyang Xiu.

Ouyang Xiu laughed secretly after hearing this, and immediately chanted: "Xiu already knows you, but you still don't know Xiu (shame)" Zhi Xiaotu said: "My mother calls me Xiaotutu, it sounds good!" ” > >> Xiaozhu said: “My mother calls me Xiaozhuzhu, which sounds nice! ” > >> The puppy said: “My mother calls me puppy, which sounds nice too! ” > >> Chicken said: “You guys chat, I’m leaving first!” ” > >> > >> The little rabbit said: “I am the son of a rabbit mother!” ” > >> Piggy said: “I am the son of a pig’s mother!” ” > >> The chicken said: “I am the son of a chicken!” ” > >> The puppy said: “You guys chat, I’m leaving first!” ” > >> > >> Sparring partner No. 0 said: “Outsiders call me Lingpai, which sounds nice! ” > >> Sparring Trainer No. 1 said: “It’s nice for outsiders to call me a sparring partner! ” > >> Sparring Trainer No. 2 said: “It’s nice for outsiders to call me the second sparring partner! ” > >> Sparring partner No. 3 said: “You guys chat, we’re leaving first!” ” > >> > >> The cat said to me: “I am your grandma’s cat, that sounds great!” ” > >> The dog said to me: “I am your grandma’s dog, which sounds nice too!” ” > >> The fish said to me: “I am your grandma’s fish, and it sounds nice too!” " > >> Xiong said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first! " > >> > >> The vagabond said: "People call me vagabond, which sounds nice! ” > >> The samurai said: “People call me warrior, which sounds nice! ” > >> The master said: “People call me Gao Ren, which sounds nice! ” > >> The swordsman said: “You guys chat, I’m leaving first!” ” > >> > >> Zhang Liangying said: “The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Ying” > >> He Jie said: “The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Jie” > >> Zhou Bichang said “ Fans who admire me all say: My idol is called Chang" > >> Li Yuchun said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first! ” > >> > >> > >> The advanced mathematics teacher said: I teach advanced mathematics this semester. > >> The college physics teacher said: I teach big physics this semester. > >> The analog electronics teacher said: I teach analog electronics this semester. , > >> The socioeconomic teacher said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first. > >> > >> The one from Peking University said: I’m from Peking University > >> The one from Tianjin University said: I’m from Tianjin University. The person from Shanghai University said: I am a university student. > >> The person from Xiamen University said: Let’s talk, I’ll leave first! > >> > >> General Li Zongren said: I am a kind person > >> General Fu Zuoyi said! : I am a righteous person! > >> General Zuo Quan said: I am a powerful person! > >> General Huo Qubing said: Let’s talk, I’ll leave first! > >> > >> The door of Lao Zhang’s house is made of willow wood. Made, Lao Zhang said: The door of my house is made of wood > >> The door of Lao Li’s house is made of plastic, Lao Li said: The door of my house is made of plastic > >> The door of Lao Wang’s house is made of brick, Lao Wang said : The door of my house is made of brick > >> The door of Lao Liu's house is made of steel. Lao Liu said: You guys talk, I'm leaving first! > >> > >> Bai Yu said: My name is Bai Yu.

> >> The green jade said: My name is Biyu. > >> Red Jade said: My name is Hongyu. > >> Apricot-colored jade said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first! > >> > >> Students from the Normal College say: I am from the “Normal College” > >> Students from the Railway College say: I am from the “Railway College” > >> Students from the Vocational College say: I am from the “Vocational College” >> >> A student from a technical college said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first. Agreed

10480| Comments (9)