Yang Lei's joke about litchi.

1, the bowl fell off, and it was a big scar.

2. When I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, and I replied: three poles (half past three)!

Once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much is 47 kilograms?

4. The first thing I used to say when I went back to the dormitory was, "Did anyone call me ..."

When I was in high school, my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I ordered a few dishes, but I still want to add something. I was going to say scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I don't know what happened, but what I blurted out turned out to be-tomatoes fried with tomatoes. The boss thought for a long time. ...

6. Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured the soup and used up all the tissues. Cousin shouted "Hurry up, hurry up, go to the toilet paper".

7. When something at the same table falls to the ground, bend down to pick it up and occasionally step on it with your feet. Unexpectedly, I stepped on his hand, and he was furious: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "

8, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!

Creepy! ! ! ! !

9, the exam score is very low, I complain in distress: my score is too cheap!

10, tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

1 1. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XX and said, XX, stand on the wall for me!

12, once a foreign teacher gave a lecture in a big classroom to show Mandarin. I wanted to give him a face and praise him for speaking standard Mandarin, but exporting became your standard.

13, and MM in front of the booth selling soybean milk fried dough sticks, I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste", and MM smiled.

14, once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

15, there were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: boss, a pepper without seasoning.

The waiter also loudly repeated: 1 1 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! !

16, I: That's our physics teacher.

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry.

17. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

18, once, everyone was evaluating the back of a beautiful woman in front. I meant to say "her legs are thick", but I said "her soil is brittle" ...

19, before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and clean up all the dishes in the washing machine."

20. Sit in a restaurant, just make a phone call, and the network management will serve.

2 1, one day my MM went out shopping!

Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky!

Then a word popped out of her mouth: "This black frog barks like a green crow.

I feel dizzy.

22. In high school, the national flag was raised every Monday, and then someone spoke, mainly about some daily behavior norms. Once, I was honored to give a speech and accidentally read "Don't make noise in the theater" as "Don't make noise in the brothel". At that time, all the teachers and students were present, and there were many school leaders. I am so cold.

23. I want to say that Qq can't be opened. It is said that QQ can't be opened.

24, junior high school once read the text, it was XXX wandering in the corridor, I read XXX in the corridor lewd ... the teacher blushed.

25. In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a China Everbright Bank near the school, which has just opened, so there is still a red cloth hanging on the signboard ... But the cloth is hung on Chinese characters, which blocks the words ... I read it as "China Everbright Bank" ... The students laughed so hard that I couldn't hold my head for several years!

26. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

27. Once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?"

He replied, "Don't take your name!"

28, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

29. When reading the text in junior high school, the soldiers' joy of victory was beyond words: "We only worked hard to get a monument for everyone! (commemorative coin) "

30. Just returned to Chengdu, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up for dinner. As soon as I got on the bus, I shouted, Oh, I'm starving. Actually, I want to say that I am hungry. )

3 1. I tried to express that "customers are God" but said "customers are heaven", and my friends laughed at me ~ ~ ~

32. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

33. I am discussing life with a friend. As a result, he said that he now wants to buy a piece of land in the country to raise chickens or something. Life is so boring! ! I said ... why bother, but living in the country is also quite leisure, all kinds of pigs, raising land ...

34. Go to the class for a physical examination in high school. When I took my blood pressure, my classmates found that it was actually a male classmate in junior high school. I seem to have done an internship there. That MM's sleeve will never pull up. When I was in a hurry, I said to the boy, Why don't I take off my pants? The boy's face turned red at once That MM may have frozen to death.

35. I am in a hurry. I tried to tell the truth, but the result was that "elephants are really white" and I was laughed at.

36. If you don't listen, drag your ass and beat your pants ...

37. Our classmates went to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. We asked him which row he was sitting in.

He said, "Go and sit at the other end of the portrait row!

38. In the Internet cafe, I was thinking about getting off the plane. I wanted to pay the bill and shouted, "Boss, stop (grab) the plane!"

anxious ...

39, junior high school art evening, answering session,

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." Please raise your hand when I finish. "

Then I began to look at the topic and said, "Now ..."

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, so why are you grabbing it? "

The audience burst into laughter.

40. When I got up in the morning, my mother asked my brother, "Did you wash your face?" My brother heard "what time is it", my brother said "8 o'clock", and my mother heard "wiping my face" and then said "wiping my face is washing my face". By this time, I was already laughing.

4 1, the bean skin of Wuhan Laotongcheng is delicious.

When I went to eat, the cashier said "a bowl of land"!

42.Xi An's name is rice. The students came back from Xi 'an, entered the restaurant and shouted, "Boss, a bowl of rice!" " The boss is cold!

43. The master gave me a roast chicken.

44. Once, my classmate stuttered, and I was anxious: straighten your tongue before you speak! !

45. Once my friend and classmate said he was really charming, but my friend corrected him, and then my friend spoke loudly. Should I splash? !

46 junior high school self-study early, the Chinese class representative wrote "Silent reading 15 lesson text" on the blackboard. When the deskmate came, he read "Black Dog Read Lesson 15" while looking at the blackboard.

47. A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child, saying that among birds, I usually don't eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but I often eat seafood.

On my way to school, I once saw an old man sweeping the steps. Because I often see him sweeping the floor, I also know that he volunteered. I'm really touched. I want to have a family talk with the old man when I go up. I wanted to ask how old she was, but it turned out to be: "How old are you?" When' tis once spoken, the sweat ...

49. When I was still at school, I went to eat in Sashido. When ordering, I ordered a "skin painting".

50. The political teacher talked about the inevitability of things in class. Speaking of human beings, give us an example, just one sentence: for example, people become apes!

5 1, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of white powder ~!"

It's cold ~ ~ ~

52. When I was at school, one day a phone call came for me, and my classmate answered it, handed it to me and said, "Fuck you."

When I answered the phone, I casually said "a man and a woman". Everyone laughed wildly, and I was laughed for four years.

53. In junior high school, we hit a man and pushed him to the ground. He said: a scholar can be humiliated, but not killed!

One of my classmates once made a mistake. The teacher asked questions. He said: "People always make mistakes, just like eating sesame seeds and losing sesame cakes ..."

Why hasn't the old man's junk come yet?

56. When playing CS, I shoot your foot as "I shoot your foot".

More than 57 years ago, my mother said a super classic sentence that I will never forget! Because she doesn't like to take bags when she goes to the street, and she has many trivial things to take, such as keys, wallets, mobile phones, paper towels and so on. So she felt it and wanted to say, "One day I will customize a pair of pants with multiple pockets." She said, "One day I will customize a pocket with many pants!" " As soon as I heard * $% @ * ~ ................................................................................................................................................................

58. I went to buy litchi to eat that day. I wanted to ask the fruit seller, "How much is your lychee a catty?" But the answer I got was "How much is your lychee a catty?" Because the litchi here is very cheap, and the vendors are red-eyed when they bargain. I am very angry about this question. "#% # # Are you afraid it's a little precious? Go away if you don't buy it! " Knowing that I was indefensible, I walked away bitterly and fainted myself.

59. A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair coolly: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!"

Boss: "... do you want rice noodles or onions?"

One of my classmates, physical education class, likes to put his foot in his mouth and play basketball one day. Another student accidentally hit the basketball on his head.

He suddenly shouted, don't hit my ball with your head! ! !